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where is my passion?

Thursday, December 11, 2014

i was on instagram yesterday and came across a post about someone (@graciesjourney) being passionate about working out and losing weight. that hit me hard. i have been thinking about it since.

i'm still struggling with the interested vs. committed idea. i'm committed to working out. i get up every morning at 4 and put in 30-60 minutes. it's not a struggle anymore. it's really nice, i love it! i can't say i'm passionate about it, but i can say i'm heading in that direction.

eating healthy has been a struggle since thanksgiving. i know i stressed myself out. i worried about every little calorie. i tracked everything! but i gained 3 lbs. did i forget to track something? am i tracking incorrectly? it's got me so freaked out now. i've come to enjoy tracking, but it's not working. for some reason. i think i'm going to take a break from tracking til after the holidays, or at least christmas, and then evaluate where i am. i'm good one day, screw up and then i throw in the towel. this is not good. i'll just work on being mindful of what i'm eating.

so where is my passion? why am i not passionate about healthy living? it's very important to me. but i mess up so easily. i cave in to treats and junk food. how do i become passionate about it?

then i got to thinking about what i'm passionate about. i used to be passionate about music, but then i couldn't afford to buy it. i was passionate about photography, but couldn't afford a new camera, film, etc. i was passionate about some tv shows, but they ended and i just don't have time to sit and watch tv. i guess that's a good thing. so there is nothing i'm passionate about?

this is just disturbing. there are two things i should be passionate about: a healthy lifestyle and money. i know i used to be passionate about being healthy. that was before i gained 100 pounds. i need to renew that passion. i feel i should be passionate about money so i'm able to get out of debt and have financial freedom.

where to start...

i know i need to focus on hobbies and different activities that will keep my mind off the debt and pounds to lose and what i should eat. but everything costs money and idk. i have no idea how to do anything and i tend to be a quitter. i have never actually finished a project. my current hobby is spending time on pinterest pinning hobbies i'd like to attempt. *sigh*

i guess i can add find my passion to my new year's goals.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WANTSRECOVERY 12/15/2014 4:09PM

    FYI - you stuck to spinning the wheel 100 days in a row.

You have tracked a whack load of fitness minutes.

Give yourself some credit. Cheer yourself on for the things you are accomplishing. If you see the great stuff you are doing right now, maybe you will ignite your passion because it won't be hiding behind the negative beliefs.

You rock.

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JUST_BRENDA 12/12/2014 7:05AM

    Sometimes it's just a chore with meaningful reward!

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KALANTHA 12/11/2014 6:02PM

    My suggestion would be to think about why you want to lose weight. Make a list of as many reasons as you can dream up -- even if they're silly reasons. Then, review that list every day, even several times a day, to keep your goals in front of you. That may help with your motivation.

Good luck!

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RAWCOOKIE 12/11/2014 5:57PM

    Yes, it's hard to feel enthusiasm or passion for anything when you're struggling.
I find that my energies are spread very thin over a wide range of activities that come under 'busy'. I don't know about you, but I also get over-tired - and it's only when I get a day or two off that I start to get in touch with how I really feel. I've also been blogging recently about trying to get 'committed' to saving money.

I think HONEYBEESBLISS's suggesting to try noticing what you enjoy is helpful - I found that writing down at least five good things in a journal at bedtime was a good way to find this out - like 'today I enjoyed............ travelling on the top deck of the bus and seeing all the Xmas lights' 'today I managed to finalise arrangements for a person I support to go into respite care for a few days' 'this evening I cooked myself a really great vegetable curry'; 'today I put 1 in my savings jar', 'today, my colleague said she really liked my new haircut'. I found that when I made myself do this for a week or so, a pattern emerged - and I was regularly saying 'I went for a lovely walk along the coast path today' - and realised that making time to go for walks along the coast path was something I needed to prioritise.

PS getting up at 4am sounds very harsh!

Comment edited on: 12/11/2014 5:58:01 PM

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JAXMOMMY 12/11/2014 5:03PM

    I think the advice the others have given so far is good. I too don't know if I am commited. I too am commited to exercise, but not the healthy food choices. I am struggling just like you with the food! I keep telling myself that you can't exercise away a bad diet, but it won't sink in!! I have no idea why either! I like what someone else said here about finding what you enjoy and go from there! We can do this.... We can do it together!

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HONEYBEESBLISS 12/11/2014 3:38PM

    This still sounds like an internal dialogue issue to me. Even the issue with tracking and having gained...you have to tell yourself that your body is going to fluctuate and every little gain may not be real if you are doing your best. Sometimes I do everything right and see things like that too but I've learned to let it be and I have to give good self talk a lot but it helps the more you do it.

Instead of trying to be passionate maybe just try seeing what you enjoy, just notice. Do you enjoy feeling your muscles move, to you enjoy the endorphins you get when you workout. Do you enjoy a content feeling after doing some form of exercise. Do you enjoy a food that just so happens to be healthy. Really think about it as you eat it or do it and really enjoy the moment. Just try to find even the smallest thing that you enjoy.
Awareness goes a long way with stuff like this, but don't focus on the bad or lack of enjoyment, focus more on the good things by looking for them and really making sure you note them/feel them even very small things.

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RACH-AG01 12/11/2014 3:33PM

    I've been consumed by the thought that I lack passion and focus right now. It's like drifting day to day just existing. Get up, go to work, come home, make dinner, get daughter in bed, repeat daily. Come New Year's I will need inspiration...

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GINGKO711 12/11/2014 3:33PM

    Mindful eating is a good way to go for the holidays. No sense beating yourself up over stuff that's already happened, and a few pounds only takes a few extra weeks to burn off. When you're going to spend the rest of your life trying to stay fit and healthy, a few pounds around the holidays is manageable.


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I need to be committed

Sunday, December 07, 2014

I feel like I'm climbing a hill and I just keep sliding backwards. I know what I need to do to lose weight but I just keep sabotaging myself. I feel as though I have no self-control. I have been doing a lot of thinking about interested vs committed as far as weight loss. For some reason I just can't get fully committed. Am I afraid to fail? I mess up once and let that ruin my whole week. Then I spend the next week trying to fix those mistakes only to make more the following day. Why do I keep doing this to myself and how do I stop?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUGIRL06 12/7/2014 8:53PM

    I feel the same way! I can't figure out how to make it stick either

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KALANTHA 12/7/2014 6:02PM

    Think about why you want to lose weight and get healthy. Perhaps that will help you with the motivation you need to stay on track.

emoticon emoticon

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HONEYBEESBLISS 12/7/2014 12:58PM

    Hmmm It sounds to me like it might be a bit of a self talk/internal dialogue issue. What do you tell yourself when you decide to do what you do and what do you tell yourself if you feel like you made a bad or poor choice. It might not be as much a commitment issue as a going into autopilot and not pausing to think/work through things as they come.
And don't play catch up just keep going like it never happened. Forgive yourself and just move on. Dwelling on it can cause it to repeat.

Comment edited on: 12/7/2014 12:59:55 PM

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JUST_BRENDA 12/7/2014 11:51AM

    Oh boy... did I write this???
When you find out the answer, I'd love to know!
emoticon emoticon

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december goals

Monday, December 01, 2014

november went ok, but i'm never going to survive the holiday's if i don't become more focused and stay on track.

in december i'm going to focus on eating healthy whenever i can. which is basically monday thru thursday.

i'm giving up soda. i'm doing pretty well with it right now, mostly i just drink it out of habit. if i can reduce those few times i can finally get past this addiction.

i'm in the middle of piyo, so i'll just keep doing that for my workout. getting some great results.

pretty simple. i want to keep things as stress-free as possible so i won't lose focus.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BEACHCALSIX 12/4/2014 4:43PM

    Lots of luck! emoticon

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GINGKO711 12/1/2014 5:35PM

    Simple is best in most cases. Good luck!

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DOILIEQUEEN 12/1/2014 5:18PM


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BARCELONAME 12/1/2014 5:12PM

  emoticon GOOD LUCK

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WORKTHEGOAL 12/1/2014 5:11PM

    This is going to be a very tough month but as long as you're making the effort you will succeed in your goals or at least reduce the damage, either way you will be a winner.

Enjoy the season and be good to yourself.


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ROBBIEY 12/1/2014 5:04PM

  Good Luck!!!

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i effing want this!

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

i can do this

i have the ability to do this

i have the willpower to make good choices

i don't need soda

i don't need junk food

i am stronger than the snooze button

i am healthy enough to work out for 60 minutes

i am responsible for my own choices

i can change

i am no longer taking my health for granted

i am lucky to be able to move and choose what activities i want to do

i will lose this weight and get healthy

no one else can do this for me

i am strong

i am beautiful

i am awesome

i can make smart choices

i won't let my choices ruin my day

i will be honest

i will no longer use my body as a trash can

i will live my life to the fullest

i will love myself

i choose to be healthy

no more excuses!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WORKTHEGOAL 11/29/2014 1:19PM

    This is a great affirmation, especially the last one, but be kind to yourself too.

ht Watchers who Spark emoticon

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JENSTRESS 11/12/2014 9:22AM

    EXACTLY! You can do this! I can too! Heck, if I can you can! you need to read this every morning. Me too! Thanks!

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KRISTA987 11/11/2014 10:24PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LESLEE33 11/11/2014 5:08PM

    emoticon Those are some great affirmations! emoticon

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LIMOM2TWINS 11/11/2014 4:25PM

    Love this - my favorite because it hits home for me - is "I am stronger then the snooze button" It made me laugh emoticon emoticon

emoticon Limom2twins emoticon

Comment edited on: 11/11/2014 4:25:32 PM

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HONEYBEESBLISS 11/11/2014 4:21PM

    emoticon emoticon

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a couple a-ha moments

Monday, November 10, 2014

realized a couple things last week:

1. i use the coaching thing on the spark ap and read the tip every morning. last week there was one about working to your full potential. i realize i don't do this with my workouts. i don't push myself as much as i should. i don't workout to my full strength and capacity. why? insecure about fat flopping around. scared to get hurt. there are probably a million reasons, but in the end they are all excuses. thinking about this i have been paying attention to what i'm doing while working out and wondering if i can do more. so i try harder. i've surprised myself with what i'm capable of. i don't know why i keep holding myself back.

2. the second thing i learned is a big one. i realized that i try to live my life around my plan rather than working my plan into my life. i often find myself thinking, i just won't hang out with people/go out to dinner/socialize/etc until after i lose all the weight. then i end up going out and totally screwing up all my hard work. i need to learn to make a plan that fits into my lifestyle, not fitting my lifestyle into a plan. i know that's what got me all screwed up over the summer. in the spring i was barely socializing so i could focus on eating right and staying on plan. as soon as social events started happening i couldn't stay on track. that's not good. i need to make it a lifestyle rather than trying to live a lifestyle that isn't mine. i like to go out with friends and have a couple beers. but i need to limit how many i have to how many i still have room for in my day. if any. i just kept telling myself i can make it to sept 14th i'll be fine. life will slow down and i can focus again. life didn't slow down. my weekends are still full. it won't slow down again til after the holidays and january birthdays. i can't keep living the way i am. i have to figure out how to socialize properly. my plan looked good on paper, but in reality it's not possible.

i've been trying to figure out how to fix this. i guess i'll get to practice with the holidays. i have two weeks left until the holiday craziness begins. i have a birthday party on saturday to attend. my goal for this week is to come up with a plan for the party that will help me stay on track and not mess everything up.

today's coaching tip got me thinking as well: how badly do i want to change?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MSBEKANATOR 11/10/2014 4:33PM

    "i need to make it a lifestyle rather than trying to live a lifestyle that isn't mine."

Great truth right there!!!

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ADARKARA 11/10/2014 3:29PM

    you have to be willing to change. but it's much easier to live your plan, with the acceptance that you need to enjoy life too. because if you wait to live it until you're done losing, then you haven't learned what you need to learn to keep it off. Right?

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HONEYBEESBLISS 11/10/2014 2:45PM

    WOW You know what those two realizations are HUGE! I know in my own life that those two things changed things for me.

It is important to keep safety in mind when working out and pushing yourself, but at the same time we are more capable than we think too and I've started testing the waters here and there to see if I can do a harder thing now etc. Yesterday I tried a Jack knife situp!!! And ended up doing 10 in a row! LOL the last time I had attempted one was several months ago and I couldn't do it then but a lot of time has passed since and I was curious, so it was nice to see that I could do it albeit they are very hard!!! HAHA Anyway it's actually really fun to try something harder and be able to do something even one step up from where you were makes you feel really good! And the more you do that the more confident you get! It is a really good way to build self-efficacy!

And the realization of working your plan into your life not your life around a plan is huge too!!! The more experience you have doing that the stronger your self-efficacy will be in that area too and before long you will be confident in your ability to live at a healthy weight no matter what is going on! There are so many things to try out and that you can do. But the biggest help is to pre-plan and think ahead as much as possible. It helps to go into a high risk situation with an idea of what you are going to do. Also I see it as success to come out from a high risk situation and be in maintenance, sometimes it's okay to swap enjoying life for a non-loss day and if it's not causing surplus then you've won at living a healthy life long term! Sure maybe it will take a few days longer by having some of those days sprinkled here and there but really you will still reach your goal and you'll have enjoyed life in the process. For me especially I have to not feel that my life is "on hold" for my weight goal. It's where the saying "persistence not perfection" really rings true. Moderation is long term!

You can totally do this! And you'll find what works for you! This is where the quote "There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure."- Colin Powell, fits the bill!

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WIFE49 11/10/2014 2:36PM

    I love the coaching section on my Spark People app.

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