EVRLNGFOO   31,737
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4 weeks to go (short term goal)

Monday, July 28, 2014

i joined weight watchers 5 months ago. i got a deal on a 6 month membership. it's been a great experience. i've learned a lot about myself. mostly that i can't do it alone. sp is not enough for me. i need more real life support. since joining ww i have lost 30 lbs. i never had those kind of results with sp alone. i know that i need the accountability of facing someone in real life. i need to know that someone besides me will see if i gain a pound. i made dh do the program with me and that helped a lot. i need to decide if i'm going to continue with ww. do i want to spend the money monthly? the best part of sp is that it's free. that's why i joined to begin with. i had no idea everything available to me for free.

i have decided to put the program and myself to the test and really see what i can accomplish in the next 4 weeks. plus dh's bday is in 4 weeks. i want to look awesome at his party.

here's my plan. i have 13 lbs to go to get to onderland. that's not a lot! that's so close! but can i accomplish it in 4 weeks? can i lose at least 3 lbs a week? i have big losses followed by small losses. i lost 5 lbs last week, can i do it again? last week i focused on eating well and staying on plan after many weeks of not doing so well. i had a few slip ups. there was a day of 5 slices of pizza, the day i couldn't get enough salt and then friday. we'll just leave it at friday. but i still lost! a lot! what would happen if i stayed on plan, worked out, avoided alcohol and artificial sugars for 4 weeks? could i cleanse my body enough to see a 12 lb loss in 4 weeks? well, i'm willing to try.

i came up with this plan yesterday and was too excited to sleep last night. that didn't really help the good night's sleep to aid in weight loss. haha. i just kept imagining my life being in onderland again. i kept imagining my life at my goal weight. i couldn't think of anything else and the excitement was just too much!

short term goal: 199 lb in 4 weeks (august 23)

daily goals:
no soda
no alcohol
eat whole foods
limit sugar
workout

tonight i'll think of my long term goal and lose some more sleep.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WANNABE592 7/29/2014 7:44PM

    Best wishes..........three pounds a week is a lot, but your attitude is great! Keep your eye on the prize!!

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PINKPANTHERS 7/28/2014 11:10PM

    That's awesome! So glad you are doing well! You can do it! emoticon emoticon emoticon Stay focused and your goal will be here before you know it!

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FUNZ81 7/28/2014 9:57PM

    I'm glad you found a program that works for you. I know you will find continuing success! emoticon emoticon

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ROCKPORT9 7/28/2014 8:11PM

    Doing great!

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BIGPAWSUP 7/28/2014 7:12PM

    Glad you have found something that works for you.

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PJARTZ1 7/28/2014 2:44PM

  Well done!
Wishing you much luck with your plan, it looks like you found a good support system. emoticon

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BERGBA7 7/28/2014 2:43PM

    emoticon emoticon

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overwhelmed (an a-ha moment)

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

last weekend was supposed to be wonderful. it was the first weekend in i don't even know how long i didn't have anything planned. so i planned on getting caught up on housework. you name, it needs to be cleaned. i wanted to get a book shelf out of dd's room and into ours and put more toys in her room and less in the livingroom (we have a small house). pretty easy. i can clean the house in a day and still get food prep done in a weekend. well, i used to be able to, that is.

since dd was born i have not been able to keep up on housework. i get what needs to get done. laundry, bathrooms, etc. but the not-so-important things get shoved to the back burner and basically forgotten about. there's a lot of clutter now. every once in a while i go through a pile and sort it. but it never goes away, it shrinks and grows. it's a constant source of my stress. one of many. i was going to do something about it over the weekend.

saturday dh had a golf tournament in the morning. i was going to do her room while he was away and before naptime. she was a grump. she couldn't play by herself and be entertained by anything but me. well, scratch the room idea. by the time dh got home and her nap was over all motivation was gone. there's always tomorrow...

sunday i tackled her room early. i got laundry going, i was going to get this done! she "helped me" put things away and sort through her closet. we got quite a bit done. then i looked at one pile of stuff and thought, i'm tired, i can't do this anymore.

this was a scary thought. what the heck is wrong with me? a million diseases and illnesses ran through my mind, of course. i just figured, i don't have the energy. i'm a lazy slob who can't keep her house work up. better than a scary disease, right?

monday i was working on bills. what i was going to pay and how. then it hit me. i'm overwhelmed. i'm so stressed and there is so much that needs to be done that i just can't handle it anymore. even the smallest tasks seem huge. i give up when the idea of doing something becomes too much.

is this the answer to my working out issues? does the idea of getting up at 4, putting on workout clothes, putting a dvd in the player and then actually doing the activity make me want to burrow under the covers? sometimes my meal plan seems too much when i have to take it from paper to reality. my lack of motivation is starting to become clear.

it seems if something isn't part of my daily routine (shower) and may take me a bit longer (shaving my legs) i just don't want to do it.

so how do i fix it? well, not much i can do about money right now. just keep chipping away at the pile of debt. but i can get my house cleaned and get it to a manageable state once again.

yesterday i went home and cleaned one counter of the kitchen. i cleaned the area where clutter gathers but also where i do all my prep work. i threw away receipts i no longer need, grocery lists that were of no use any longer, piled up recipes and moved them to another location to be filed. i scrubbed the counter and cleaned the fruit bowl. it's all nice and sparkly now. tonight i'll clean the other kitchen counters. it may take me weeks to clean the house at this rate, but i feel this is more doable and less all consuming. i usually make a list of everything i need to do cause i love crossing things off as i do them. but right now it's just too much.

i really hope this recent discovery takes a load off and helps me get on track with my fitness and keeps me going with my healthy cooking. too often picking up pizza seems so much easier than making dinner.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ENTIRELYBEVERLY 7/24/2014 2:19PM

    I so know how you feel! I'm there also! Good for you for picking just one thing to do at a time! I'm using a timer for when I'm on the computer (or else I'll be here all day). I set the timer for 30 minutes, then when it goes off I make myself get up and do something else. It works really well WHEN I DO IT!!!

We'll get there!!

HUGS!
Beverly

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RENLLY 7/24/2014 1:32PM

    I find when I am overwhelmed that breaking everything done into small, manageable pieces works.

So start with one thing - like scheduling to do 30 min of homework at a certain time of day. Or 15 min of housework. etc

Sometimes I find it is just getting started that is hard, and once I am going on a task, I might even do it longer than 15 or 30 min.

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KITT52 7/24/2014 8:57AM

    emoticon

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FUNZ81 7/24/2014 12:15AM

    I think you are on the right track. At least it worked for me when I had young children. I would say, "Okay, What spot is bothering me the most?" That is what I would focus on. I must say I never "caught up" in those days, but kept things going during those hectic years. I always felt time spent with my children was more important than a spotless house. I have never regretted that decision. Also know that things ease up somewhat when your children reach school age. Hang in there, You are doing great! emoticon

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PINKPANTHERS 7/23/2014 11:07PM

    It is hard when you are overwhelmed to find the energy or focus to take those first steps. Great job realizing where you are at, and learning to take baby steps and worry about one small thing at a time. Much more manageable that way and not nearly so overwhelming! emoticon emoticon

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PATTYCAKE17 7/23/2014 7:41PM

    emoticon I think you've finally worked out a plan that works for you!! do one thing and finish it without looking at everything else that needs to be done. I think you've got a do-able plan for yourself. Just watch the success accumulate instead of the clutter! emoticon emoticon

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BIGPAWSUP 7/23/2014 6:41PM

    One step at a time. I know how you feel but you can chip away at this and get to a point where you can manage.


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FRAUJENSEN 7/23/2014 5:36PM

    I'm a mom to 3 teens and a full-time teacher, so life can get really hectic and stressful around here. I started doing my house cleaning & chores one spot at a time. I've tried doing it in 15 minute chunks, too, and that worked pretty well. Mainly I just choose the spot that's stressing me the most and clean that one spot. It doesn't seem like much, but it really makes a difference having that one nice, clean spot to look at. Some spots get overlooked for a long time, but I've learned to let some things go. :)

Good job discovering that you're overwhelmed. I hope you can take a step back and figure out other ways to feel less overwhelmed. It's a good feeling to figure it out.
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GGARZA2013 7/23/2014 5:03PM

    I used to feel that way when I started my program. I didn't even want to log my food because it took time. Then, one day, I got very sick. It scared me enough to want to put more effort into my journey. Now, what use to be too hard or too much is nothing. I feel that I constantly have to challenge myself. I love it! It took time and dedication and a strong support group, but I got it done. I still have days, weeks even, when I fall back to my old ways but I don't give up. I think you can do anything you put your mind to, as long as you think it's worth it. Your health is worth it.

Good luck on your journey. emoticon emoticon

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ROCKPORT9 7/23/2014 4:52PM

    Isn't it nice to look at that pretty, clean counter?! Now, maybe a short 10 minute walk with dd. Start small. Hugs, Laurel

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where did my willpower and motivation go?

Friday, July 18, 2014

i'm struggling, floundering, being lazy...whatever you want to call it, it's my current life.

in 16 weeks i lost 25 pounds. 31 days ago (according to my spark feed) i was one lb away from hitting 50 pounds gone. i'm still 1 pound away. i keep losing and gaining the same freaking pound! why?!?!!?! why can't i lose that last pound! am i experiencing a platue? i'm planning all my meals, i'm drinking all my water, i'm eating tons of fruits and veggies.

am i? yes, just look at my calendar! but then look at my tracker and see the reality. look, i did awesome those two days. but the third day the tracker is half full or blank. i went off track. i am still in the fear of tracking mode where i don't track it if it's bad. the reason why tracking is such a powerful tool. look at my activity log. i haven't been actively active in a month.

i feel as though i've lost my motivation. i feel like my willpower has gone out the window. i have one bad day and i let it turn into days. weeks. i have to change this before it's too late. i feels like it is too late. i keep having these thoughts of, why bother? it's not worth it. but it is! being healthy is worth it! it's worth it for myself and my family.

lets look at that weight tracker again. june 14th i weighed in at 216. i've been bouncing around 216 and 217 since then. that's maintaining, that's not failure. i've been going to one bbq/birthday party/grad party after another since at least memorial day. i started that whirlwind out with the best of intentions and then they got the best of me. i tracked, i was honest. but then one saturday slip up followed by a wednesday slip up had me throwing in the towel and promising to do better next week. then the same thing would happen next week. this is my problem. right here. i let in processed foods, sugar, alcohol and lack of focus. so i just need to fix that. really, it's a small problem, i'm just letting it feel huge and unbearable.

phew, i feel better now. getting things down on paper (or monitor & keyboard) always helps me feel better.

ok, lets see what i've done well with over the last month. water. i'm on day 154 of drinking a gallon of water daily. that's amazing! i could probably use more on these 100 degree days, but that's not a concern at the moment.

fruit and veggie intake has been good. i could use more though. i'm sure that's true for dang near everyone.

i've done well with meal planning, i just need to be better about snacking/grazing.

working out. i am still struggling with getting up in the morning to workout. i wasn't too concerned about it when i was walking at lunch. but lately it's been too hot and right now it's way too smoky to even attempt a walk. so i need to focus on getting up. really, there's no excuse. it's 4 am, no one else is awake to bother me. i have nothing else to do that early in the morning. the best part, i can get it out of the way for the day and don't have to try to fit it in somewhere else. i just need to do it!

i need to get my eating back under control. i was doing real well eating whole foods and not snacking on processed junk. lately i've had difficulty turning down offers of bad food and stopping myself from grabbing something i shouldn't be eating. chips and crackers have slowly made their way back into my house. this needs to stop.

here's what i'm gong to work on:

*working out at 4 am
*eliminating sugar
*eliminating processed food
*tracking every. single. bite.

i know what i need to do to succeed. i definitely need to step it up. if i want this, i have to work for it. it won't happen on its own.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GGARZA2013 7/23/2014 5:08PM

    I think the best thing you could have done for yourself is catch yourself before you completely quit. It is never too late. Many of us have gone through the same thing. I am currently going through it. Your post has inspired me to take a look at what went wrong.

See, even when you fall, you can inspire others.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SILVER_WOLF1221 7/20/2014 10:01AM

    I love how you looked at both the positive and the negatives. That's an awesome way to go about things! You got this! Keep going and you'll bust it of that plateau!

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NELLJONES 7/19/2014 7:45AM

    You can safely track every bite because no one but you sees your tracker. It's your own private tool.

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PINKPANTHERS 7/18/2014 11:09PM

    You have done awesome taking the big picture, and looking at the good and bad. You have a plan of focus places and YOU CAN DO THIS! Don't give up, the feeling when you cross the 50 lbs and leave it in your rear view mirror will be worth it! One step, one minute at a time! emoticon emoticon

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BIGPAWSUP 7/18/2014 7:58PM

    We've all been there/done that. You can get back on track and you will hit 50 pounds lost!

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2BDYNAMIC 7/18/2014 2:41PM

    I have been here (or there) where you are ............. And finally I concluded ........... "I am doing all I know to do .............. yada yada ................ and set myself free from the whirlwhind of STRESS over the matter! ........... Recently read an article by Kate Hudson (the actress) & she sAid after the birth of her 2nd son, she kept fretting over getting that weight off ......... and checking out her tummy ............. then one day she said, "I am done with stressing over this!" .............. she said the weight began to come off but she stopped fussing ................... Sometimes we are the same way: "When is the water in the pot going to boil?" ............ and when we watch pot .............. water takes forever to boil .............. You will get there; you are not crazy or unusual .......... emoticon

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ROCKPORT9 7/18/2014 2:22PM

    Way to grab and shake yourself....looking at the negative and positive. I need to do that.

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POSITIVEHOPE 7/18/2014 2:16PM

    I experienced the same exact thing. I really was afraid there was something wrong with me. I looked and looked for some emotional or mental problem to work on so I could get things going again.
Strangely, it was none of the above. I was just too darn successful at achieving my goals. My initial goals were all about running away from the things that I hated about myself and my life when I was 50 lbs. heavier. I ran as fast as I could and actually left some of them in dust. See my recent blogs about new goals for details. Finally, I realized I didn't have real measurable goals to run toward. What would be exceptional about losing 54 lbs? 64 lbs?
I had to be honest with my new goals.
I want to achieve a healthier BMI.
I want to be more fit and move more freely.
I want to learn to eat foods that have been placed on my restriction list without gaining weight.
I want to have more breathing room between my goal weight and being overweight.
I want to be more comfortable with my appearance.
All of these goals are things to work towards and not things to run from. I hope you find what works for you and no, you are not crazy, either.


Comment edited on: 7/18/2014 2:18:20 PM

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WIFE48 7/18/2014 2:11PM

    emoticon emoticon

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time to get it done! summer challenge day 13

Wednesday, July 02, 2014

one of my goals for my summer challenge is to get into a workout routine and exercise on a regular basis. saturday i got up and put jillian in the dvd and killed it. i was going to repeat this sunday. but i woke up late, had stuff to do, blah blah. monday i was going to get up at 4 and do it. my alarm went off and i thought about how sore i was and pushed snooze. i know working out would help the soreness. i know if i got up i'd be less tired. but i tell myself these things and go back to sleep.

where is my willpower? obviously still in dreamland. i used to be awesome at working out at 4 am. i know i can be again, i just have to get started! i'm never going to lose the weight or get fit if i don't up my workouts. i have been sitting at 49 lbs gone for weeks now. i just keep hovering. i gained 2 lbs in the past couple weeks. not surprising. TOM and way too much fun in june caught up with me. i know i will lose those couple pounds. my calendar for june was packed, so far i've written nothing down for july. it's so refreshing. i am on vacation next week and dd's bday is next week. the holiday weekend is looming. but i have no real plans. it feels amazing! i know i will lose weight in july. but imagine how much i could lose if would work out?!

so here's what i'm going to do. i'm going to promise every one of you reading this that i will get up at 4 am tomorrow and work out. i will also update my status with that. then hopefully i remember the promise when the alarm goes off at 4. haha.

my challenge has been going well. i've been tracking everything. i have eaten so well this week. i am still struggling with the one drink thing. but i have been abstaining from drinking, so that's a good thing. i guess 3 beers one day is better than 1 or 2 (or more) every night.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PINKPANTHERS 7/2/2014 9:38PM

    Good for you! I am awed by people who can get up early and workout, go you!

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ROCKPORT9 7/2/2014 5:16PM

    I wish you well on starting your exercise habit again!

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taking my life back. summer challenge day 6

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

i went golfing this weekend. i haven't been golfing in over 2 years, since before dd was born. i have avoided it because, you know, it's expensive and i don't have time. in reality i have avoided this and many other activities because my fat roll might show when i swing the club or other things that may make the hem of my shirt raise a bit.
dh asked if i wanted to do a golf tournament that his work was involved with. i said yes without giving myself time to really think about it. it was a month away and i had time to lose a few more pounds. as the time got closer i lost weight, but my tummy gut still didn't want to shrink. rather than stress and ruin my day i found the longest shirt i own and decided to wear that. i "practiced" in the mirror to see how much damage would be done. luckily not much so i was able to calm down a bit.
i got to the golf course on saturday feeling a bit insecure about things. then i realized, this is fun. i've always enjoyed golfing. just have fun and don't worry about it. a few holes in we took a bathroom break and while sitting in there i realized i'm having fun, i'm not worrying about my fat hanging out or if it even was. people aren't watching me, they're watching my ball. i realized then that i had gained so much confidence. i have finally taken my life back.

how many times in the last few years have i opted out of something because i've been too insecure about my size and my appearance? how many times have i sat on the sidelines watching my friends have fun? probably more times than i want to think about.

i tend to walk around with one hand on the hem of my shirt, holding it down to keep my fat from showing. i don't have to do that so much anymore now that my clothes are getting bigger. i realized that walking like that was killing my back. i had lower back pain and my back was often stiff. i was making things worse for myself just because i was so insecure.

looking back i realized i was wearing layers and hiding behind walls to hide who i was. i was in a very dark place. getting invited to a wedding brought on a depression and anxiety of having to dress up and get out of my comfort zone of jeans, t-shirts and oversized sweatshirts. i'd have to by nice clothes and end up looking like a clown. i would hide and hope no one saw me rather than celebrate the good times with my friends and loved ones. i don't buy clothes because i don't look good in anything. in every pic of me over the last few years i'm basically wearing the same thing. i really put myself in a dark, lonely place.

escaping that trap has been liberating. i don't want to buy clothes, i still have a ton of xl clothes at home that i'm waiting to fit into properly. my work clothes are plus size because of my gut, but every week they fit better and better. but for the first time in a long time i'm looking forward to buying clothes. i'm looking forward to my old clothes fitting again. i'm looking forward to wearing something besides a t-shirt. i'm looking forward to feeling feminine again.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WANTSRECOVERY 6/26/2014 6:10PM

    Good for you! Taking our lives back is hard, but you are doing it one step at a time. Way to go!!!

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FUNZ81 6/25/2014 11:26PM

    So glad you are coming out of your shell and letting your true self shine through. I bet DH is glad to see you enjoying yourself again. Keep on shining!!

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PINKPANTHERS 6/25/2014 10:30PM

    Wow, I could have written this. So many times I have passed on an activity because I was afraid I would get weird looks, or someone would talk behind my back. You are inspiring, and so brave! Good for you and I am proud of you! emoticon emoticon

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WANNABE592 6/25/2014 5:23PM

    Been there............sad that we let our size/shape and what we THINK others think affect us !! Keep up the good mental work........yeah you!!


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ROCKPORT9 6/25/2014 3:41PM

    I am glad you enjoyed playing golf! Time to enjoy life!

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CASHER52 6/25/2014 3:36PM

    emoticon I almost cried for you and me and all the other people who have felt this way. Everyone deserves to enjoy life!


Have fun emoticon

Carol

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