Friday, June 19, 2009
wednesday i was on my way to school and got into a car accident. my car was totalled but i survived with some serious battle scars all over my arms and face and a big ol seatbelt tattoo across my body. most of the bruises came from the airbag itself, and i went to the doc yesterday and got xrays and those came out fine, so no broken bones or fractures.
i'm highly doped up right now on vicodin and flexeril(sp?) and now that i'm out a car it's going to be really hard to keep up with going to the gym.
i can borrow the boyfriends car for now but until he gets his insurance renewed i'm not taking it anywhere unless i absolutely have to go there. which means school 4 days a week, and that's it.
if anyone lives in the DFW area and has a cheap reliable car they want to get rid of, let me know. i've got maybe one or two options open atm and neither of them are great.
i walked around the block yesterday and today just to get some sort of exercise, but if i try doing anything with my upper body that requires lifting or straining, even on vicodin it hurts bad, so im not sure what i can do as far as exercise goes for the next week at least until this pain goes away.
on the upside of things when i went to the doc yesterday i was forced to look at my weight on the scale, and i have lost 5 lbs in just under two weeks... i think that's good! i think... well it's something.
eyes getting heavy now, gonna go pass out and feel worthless again. update soon.
Monday, June 15, 2009
so wow, it's already been two weeks since i posted in here. it feels like just a few days. my life has been hectic. but! i have managed to make it to the gym almost every day i was supposed to, i am still in pain most of the time but i'm getting used to it. :)
my birthday is in 15 days and i'm taking my vacation on the 25th so i won't be updating for a few days if not the whole week then.
the boy and i are going down to san antonio for the weekend to catch up with family and friends and possibly have lake floating plans for july 4th.
my first summer semester is almost done, and it has been hard. but after next summer semester i just have 1 more year of feasibly easy classes to go and i'm done with an associates'! i've been talking to a lot of people, and have a LOT more to talk to about a job in the career field i am going to school for, and it might happen a lot sooner than i thought.
i've been fighting a credit collection agency because they told me i had a certain amount of time to pay off a small bill(around $500) before it went to my credit report and two weeks before they told me the due date was, i get a notice from my credit monitoring service and guess what? it's on there! so i've been on the phone with them trying to get in touch with someone that will listen up to two times a day, and it is so frustrating. i had just paid off everything on my credit report and my score was going up and bam. bad credit before they even gave me a chance. so yea, i'm not happy with them.
registration for fall semester started today and i had to actually drive to several banks to figure out how much money i could spend for tuition and books since my financial aid STILL hasn't gone through yet, 5 months later. this whole time, every time i've asked the school i just transferred to in january, what else i had to do, they kept telling me everything was fine. i kept telling them are you sure? because online it says that it's not processing because i don't have a high school transcript with you guys, or i don't have a college transfer transcript with you, or my fafsa is wrong, or whatever problems i've been having, and each time they've been telling me noo nooo, online just has to catch up with our computers, you're fine, don't worry! and now they tell me even though they have almost 40 hours of college under my name, i STILL have to provide them with a high school transcript. so NOW when i really NEED the money, i have more hoops to jump through.
i haven't weighed myself yet because i'm scared to find out i haven't lost anything. it FEELS like i have, but i've been putting off stepping on the scale to find out for sure. i'm also trying to psyche myself up by saying that i'll gain muscle before i lose fat so that could be a reason why i haven't lost anything, if and when i do step on the scale at the gym and find out.
i've been trying to do some spring cleaning around the house but i've filled up my schedule so much that by the time i get off work on friday and have nothing to do, i definitely don't want to clean. i think i'm going to do that on part of my vacation.
also, i haven't had any caffeine in two or three days now(maybe more?) and although i've had some minor headaches every once in a while it's definitely not as bad as when i'd stop it altogether and fiend for it.
and finally, the boy is mildly hyphochondriacal(sp, whatever) and has convinced himself that he has high cholesterol so he has actually, believe it or not, been trying to eat healthier.... and i had nothing to do with it! so this morning he made breakfast with fruit and wheat toast and juice.... it was a nice surprise!
now i have to get back to some chores around the house, but don't think i've been ignoring my diet! i am still going!
Monday, June 01, 2009
i was actually more hurried than i thought i'd be, due to errands and a minor car issue, but managed to make it there with about an hour to spare. not as long as i'd liked, but still good enough time i figured.
as soon as i walked into the gym, i got the fear. the fear of seeing all these beautiful people around me, the fear that i didn't belong, the fear that everyone was staring at me thinking "oh look, how cute, a little noob to working out. wonder which machine she'll pick first."
as much as i didn't want to make it look like i was an idiot at what to do first, i still stuttered and stared at all the grand machines on the first floor. the top floor is dedicated to cardio so i didn't have to worry about that. i slowly walked around the bottom floor, trying to pick one body part that i could start with. should i go for the arms? they do wiggle when i lift and move them... the legs? i'm so embarrassed of those that i haven't worn anything less than jeans in over a year now... the abs? i'll be feeling that in the morning for sure.
i chose the arms, mainly because there were huge muscly men on the abs machines and sleek and sexy women hogging the machines that i figured looked like leg workouts.
i got settled in one that looked fairly simple, just pull this levy down over your chest and it works your biceps and triceps at the same time. easy enough. i tried to remember what weight i used to put these on, and figured "well, i can lift about 40 lbs at work easily enough, so we'll start with 30 and work my way up."
apparently when i lift 40 or more lbs at work, i use my back or my stomach to shift the weight, because let me tell you, trying to pull down 30 lbs of pure weight with just my arms was not happening.
okay, that's okay, i'll go with 25, i'm sure it will make a huge difference.
..... nothing. i think my butt might have lifted up slightly just from trying to pull that sucker down so hard.
15 minutes later, i can finally manage a measly 10 lb weight. that's the smallest one they have. the weight/pulley system that they have where you stick the small bar in the weights, yea it doesn't even go that small. that's basically just lifting your own body weight at that point.
but! i did 20 reps, rested for 15 seconds, and 20 more reps.
i called it a day because i had to be at school in 30 minutes and still jump in the shower before that. my arms, they are in pain. but i like it. a lot. and i'm going to do more tomorrow.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
i did this today:
omg. it was SO hard. i'm so glad it was only 10 minutes, i felt like i was going to have a heart attack when i started doing the hops. i had to take it down a bit when she was going for height, i think my knees are in horrible shape and the first one i tried hurt a lot, so i went back to hopping and it wasn't as bad.
but yay! my first cardio session! i hope in a few months it'll be TONS easier and i can look back on this and laugh about how hard it was the first time :D
Friday, May 29, 2009
^^^this is me today.^^^
lbumID=596413&imageID=483947 this is a picture from halloween of 2005. not even 4 years ago. i used to work out a lot. i used to only drink socially on the weekends. i used to have plenty of friends. my calendar used to be full of fun things.
i i have doubled in size. i have become severely depressed because of it. i drink beer almost every day, and it doesn't even get me drunk anymore, i just get really tired and go to bed after 5 or 6. i don't find it disgusting anymore to start drinking before noon. i haven't been to a doctor in almost two years because i don't like hearing bad news. my boyfriend loves me and tells me so constantly, but i know that he wishes i wasn't the way i am. he is younger than me, and doesn't know how to be supportive when i need him the most. he can eat anything you put in front of him, and is an excellent cook, so when he makes food, we eat a lot of really unhealthy delicious things together.
i was waiting for my boyfriend or friends to sign up at the gym i've been paying for and never going to, so i could go with them, but my friends signed up for a newer place with a cheaper intro rate, and my boyfriend works too much and the opposite hours of me for us to go at the same time.
i do a lot of driving back and forth to work and school is in the opposite direction. work is 6 days a week and school is now 4 days a week, so i'm sitting in the car with a whole lot to think about, a whole lot of the time.
i recently had friends visit from out of town, that hadn't seen me in a year. they sat me down and gave me a pep talk on everything going on with my weight and drinking. it felt like an intervention. that was a week ago, and i've had two beers since then. every time i think about it, it makes me sad. i constantly have people telling me how tired i look. i don't get enough sleep, but i think i'm aging quicker because of the added weight and drinking. when i have to park far away from my building at school and walk, i huff and puff so much just from slow walking you'd think i'd just ran a mile in 6 minutes.
with my 29th birthday fast approaching, i've decided things need to change. i will be 30 soon, and i can't live like this anymore. i'm not used to it, and it's not good for me or anyone around me. i'm probably liquefying my liver or kidneys, and my feet and back hurt constantly because of this added weight. my boobs are grossly ginormous. omg. planets orbit around them, they're so huge. i avoid the mirror so much that when i actually do see a picture of myself from someone else's camera or a reflection in a window, i don't even recognize myself anymore. i'm not that fat! i don't think of myself as being that way, anyway..
the only person that can make this change is myself. i found this website from a discussion board on amazon, and decided to give it a shot. i cancelled my weightwatchers account because i never use it. this seems much easier to digest.
so... if anyone is reading this.. wish me luck! i start at the gym 4 days a week on monday, and today i drank 4 32 oz mugs of water. i'm going to go find cardio somewhere before the day is over.
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