Monday, October 11, 2010
So I've been sitting here bored out of my mind (holidays are SLOW), avoiding doing documentation work (as always...GODS it's tedious, we hatez it we does), feeling crummy 'cause this month Mother Nature has decided to get me back for the past several *easy* months (or possibly it's just my body's way of kicking my sorry arse 'cause I didn't make it to the gym all weekend), wishing I had something interesting to blog about and coming up empty...
While my food was heating up I decided to check e-mail on my phone. What do I find waiting for me? A note from my son telling me they've pulled out the Hail Mary pass, and have a reprieve for a month.
At that moment, I didn't care that I was at work and anybody could have come up...the tears just happened. It's hard to describe how tied up in knots I've been over their situation this week - I panicked yesterday when nobody answered their phone and my daughter's cell phone was disconnected. Happily it occurred to me after a few minutes that with any luck DANCINGRAVEYNS might be with the crew and I texted her, and burst into tears when she texted they were at Grandma's, and they were just visiting (no, power was still on, just visiting). So THIS news? Yep, it undid me. Yeah, I'm sure the hormones aren't helping, but still...I love my kids and I love their dad (remember, I stay friends with exes - just 'cause I'm not married to him doesn't mean I don't CARE) and I HATE not being able to do anything to help.
So apparently the universe was listening to all your prayers and good thoughts, and decided to cut them a break. Here's hoping it's enough - the boys (dad included) all still need jobs or it'll just be staving disaster off for a month and we'll be right back here again. So if you wouldn't mind keeping those prayers and good thoughts coming...if it worked once, it can work again, right? I know they're doing their part (that being busting their butts putting in applications all over creation) - it's only a matter of time and SOMETHING has to turn up.
Saturday, October 09, 2010
It felt weird going as a "civilian" - but I gave back the last of my borrowed garb a few months ago, and haven't picked up anything new just yet (I figure we'll wait on that kind of expense until we've gotten a little further along on the weight loss).
I will have you know I wasn't even tempted by the funnel cakes! That's a major victory right there. We ate lunch before we headed out, and only picked up some extra water for me and a Pepsi for my mate. Though I'll admit...I was sorely tempted by the puppets (I am SUCH a puppet geek). My mate has their card in his wallet now, so I suspect there may be more puppets in my future (he got me the gryphon I'd been lusting after for Yule 2 years ago). :D
The only intentional "person" photo - this is Kenny Klein, a pagan musician we know from the festival we attended in July - the fact that he was at the Ohio Ren Faire this weekend and next weekend was one of the main reasons we decided to go (next weekend we'll be out of town).
We just caught the very end of his set, and then ended up hanging out with him at the Pub for the next hour or so just talking. It was definitely worth the drive!
Other things seen around the Faire!
Yes, she's dancing with a glass of beer (meade? Ale? something alcoholic) on her head. Yes, I'm impressed. And Mr. Goodboyfriend Handbook, when I pointed out that someday I'll be able to do that too, commented that I've got a lot more to shimmy than those dancers did (with a big ol' grin on his face). I think I'll keep him. :D
So yeah, we had a lovely day at the faire. Followed by a lovely evening listening to our favorite band's new album (which was streaming just yesterday and today online for those who'd donated to the project - the album comes out on 1/11/11, and from what we heard tonight it is AWESOME). Gods I SO wish I didn't have to go to work tonight. *sigh*
Saturday, October 09, 2010
Help out our choirmaster! Post a blog in which you talk about a song that has particular meaning to you during your journey toward living a healthier life. Do its lyrics give you strength? Does the music pump you up? Does it remind you of a happy, healthy time in your life? Listen to that song at least once this week to motivate you to start the new term off right. (20 points)
I've been stewing on this all week. What song really epitomzes my journey, symbolizes what drives me, where I'm going...can I narrow it down?
Not so much. Remember - I grew up in a "musical comedy" (we'd break into song at random moments whenever something reminded us of a lyric) and there is a sound-track to my life pretty much at all times. So, there's *always* a new significant song popping up. However, there are a couple that have been exceptionally significant, even if they aren't on my usual play-list. Well not all of them anyway.
Let me tell you a story.
Long long ago (okay, about 5 years or so) there was this beautiful princess who'd fallen in love and married a man who had lots of "issues" - she was his anchor and his savior and made everything in his life better. For 10 years she'd held him through panic attacks, supported him through financial set-backs, and encouraged him to follow his dreams. Eventually he felt healthy enough to start embracing life more, and she became the "stealth wife" - always the one at home holding down the fort while he was out moving and shaking and gathering groupies. Now, the princess knew she wasn't wired for "just one" early on, and they were polyamorous from the very beginning, but slowly over time she found herself more and more hemmed in, closed off, and eventually captured and shut up in the tower - not allowed to be with anyone except her prince or those he found for himself (who - to a woman - feigned bisexuality just long enough to break her heart). Eventually she found she'd been locked into monogamy with him, and HE didn't want her anymore - he'd found a new princess who was his sun and moon and was only keeping the old princess around as a "walking paycheck" - BUT he kept telling her it would get better, she needed to be patient, and since she wasn't as young as she used to be (note - the new princess was literally half his age when they met), where else could she go? Who would love a run down, dumpy, overweight pack-horse like her? So, she waited, and wished, and became more and more broken...until one day she realized that no matter what she did (including losing over 60 pounds) she'd never get his love back, and it was time to take care of HER. She started going out and having fun with friends, went and walked a half marathon with her sister, and started rebuilding her shattered self-esteem. It was slow going, and she had to be VERY careful (because the Prince turned into a dragon at the least hint of her being interested in anyone else or being less dependent on him for her self-worth).
Eventually she'd grown enough of a backbone to start seriously making a plan of escape - she talked to a friend and his wife who had financial backgrounds and they helped her think about what she could realistically do to protect the children in her life and still flee her confinement. But the idea of being alone terrified her, and kept her from moving forward.
Meanwhile, she'd made a friend online with whom she became pretty close - she called him on his birthday (he worked at night like she did), and that began a "4am phone call" tradition (that continues to this day). After a few months, it turned out this nice young man was coming to her city to see his favorite band play - she wasn't able to escape the tower early enough to actually go to the concert, but she met him afterwards (even though she had to go to work that night). That first face-to-face moment was pretty amazing - imagine a long-haired hunk in a leather jacket standing in a church with sunshine beaming down on him - can you hear the angel choir? The princess could...and when he took her hand (and didn't let go) and started introducing her to his friends, she thought she'd died and gone to heaven (remember, she'd been hidden at home as the "stealth wife" for so long, she was used to having people be ashamed to be seen with her...and this guy seemed THRILLED). They went to dinner where they talked about their lives, and then they went downtown to sit on Fountain Square (on the pedestal of the fountain - the rest was dismantled for repair), surrounded by Christmas decorations, with Jim Carrey and The Grinch playing on the new "big screen" ("How cool, Cincinnati gives it's homeless people a big screen!"), and eventually the first kiss happened and it was like the universe held it's breath. And then it was time to take him back to his car so he could drive back across the state and she could go to work...and as they stood by his car, he held her face in his hands (a gesture she'd always *dreamed* someone would do with her), kissed her, and held her like he didn't want to let go. And as she got into her car and turned it on...this song came on the radio:
And as the tears streamed down her face, she realized she wasn't going to be alone. That she COULD find love again, and that there were people who'd be THRILLED to have her in their life, and would cherish her the way she deserved. And she decided it was time to LIVE, and LOVE, and break out of that prison tower forever. And so she did. And is.
And that's where this journey began.
That said, she decided to find her inner bombshell again, and unleash the sexy firey woman who'd become so buried under responsibility and pain for so many years. She's taken a lot of strides in that direction (some of which her ex-girlfriend deserves credit for unleashing - dating someone who's a dancer with a degree in makeup and liked to play "dress up" before going out dancing did a LOT for learning to feel like "sex on wheels"), but it's still largely in process. So songs like this inspire her to dig deeper and let her inner "Glamazon" shine forth:
(warning - sexy videos ahead, NOT the un-censored versions though, so SP shouldn't get too antsy)
Watch out world.
Euphrates is getting her sexy back.
(FWIW, I still hear the "angel choir" on a regular basis - I mean, who wouldn't? *grins*)
My miracle, and the best birthday present the Universe ever gave me (the "first date" detailed above happened 2 days after my birthday).
Friday, October 08, 2010
I have to make a phone call that I dread today. I have to tell my ex-husband that my boss can't hire him ('cause he IS my ex-husband), and my boss's boss has better resumes for the other position open, so it's not looking good.
Which is going to devastate him - I know he's continued looking and has had a couple of interviews, but I know he was really hopeful that this might pan out. As it is...he's been out of work for nearly 2 years, and is facing foreclosure - and according to the e-mail I got from my older son today, they may need to move out as soon as next week due to the lack of funds to cover the power bill (my daughter makes just enough at her job to feed them, not enough to cover the outstanding bills). And I've got nothing to lend him that would help - we're relatively tight over here too (thanks to they money taken out of my check every 2 weeks to cover the bankruptcy I had to file after my divorce 3 years ago - getting close to it being done, but not there yet). I know they're all busting their butts looking for jobs, but in this economy in this state, it's just not going well. SO, it looks like my kids are going to be homeless soon, and it's tearing me up that I'm not able to do anything about it.
I know my ex-spice (2nd husband and wife, the ones that just had the baby) have said that the RHPO3 have an open invitation to stay with them if need be, which might be an option for my daughter (who will need to stay on this side of town for her job). I also know the rest will probably go stay with their grandmother (their dad's mom) on the other side of town. No clue what will happen to the dog or their stuff (but I know the bank will change the locks eventually, so they'll need to get as much out as they can as soon as they can). WE don't have the space - we don't even have a proper couch that anybody could sleep on, and then there are the cats and 2 of my kids' allergies...sigh. My mate mentioned his folks' could store stuff, but that's 4 hours away. We have friends that might be able to house one kid or another - like I said, I have some phone calls to make today.
I'm going to go to the gym and see if working out helps me get my thoughts straight and my emotions untangled. Normally it would...but I'm feeling guilty that I HAVE a gym membership right now (and food, and tickets to the Ren Faire, and have been talking about going dancing...my life is zipping happily along and my kids are about to be homeless). I know none of this is my fault and it's all TOTALLY out of my control - it's not that kind of guilt. But still, it's eating at me. (Happily I'm not eating IT - I suspect my response of wanting to take out my emotions at the gym is a good sign.)
Any prayers, good thoughts, etc. would be most appreciated.
Thursday, October 07, 2010
So for some reason I was up early last night (I mean, it was still Wednesday? WTF?), and since my mate was sleeping, once I'd gotten all caught up on Spark People and Facebook, I went poking around YouTube for Zumba videos. Why? Well, I had Zumba music stuck in my head (seriously...wish I had a clue what the name of the one song is, 'cause then I could find it, listen to it, and be DONE with it already!) and had been curious to see if I could find the video I know my instructor participated in as part of a contest to win a free trip to the Zumba conference in Mexico this December (which yes, I found but no, she's not actually doing ZUMBA in it - it's a cute commercial though).
Then I came across this.
Now there are some pretty awesome videos out there...but NONE can compare to this group's enthusiasm. (And the cutie leading it is adorable - reminds me of a friend of mine.)
SO, I thought I'd share my now favorite Zumba video EVAR!
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