Friday, July 23, 2010
Okay, so it's nothing major really, but I got up early today (even though we didn't get to bed until after 3pm) and did the 30 Day Shred with my buddy Jillian. I figured since I'd gone over on calories, starting the day out with a killer workout would do me good - AND jump start the metabolism. Not to mention jump start me back into working out. It was tough, I won't lie - I could tell I'd slacked off. I need to get my stamina back up. But I DID it!
Second shift asked about the "interview clothes" - good that they noticed. *nods* Although having filled out the company's online intake information...this really feels like a waste of time. I've said it before - everything I know I've learned on "home grown" applications that I don't believe will translate anywhere else, and there aren't that many "IBM shops" around. And I really do hate IT - why am I applying for jobs in this field? Is this really the direction I want to be taking? I'm debating cancelling...sigh. We'll see how I feel at 8am.
But hey - either way it got me moving, right? Can't beat that.
Meanwhile, those of us going to the LLC got a bit of a boost today (which we all needed after the schedule announcement yesterday) - they sent out an e-mail that we're all invited to the LLC "Family Fun Day" at Kings Island! $10 passes - TOTALLY can't beat that! Yeah, I was going to wait until I'd lost enough weight to ride *all* the rides, but really - I can't pass up $10 passes, and there are plenty of fun things for us to do. And hey, I've lost 15 lbs - I deserve a treat, right? Right!
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Did I mention I spent some time overnight uploading my resume to CareerBuilder and Monster.com?
Apparently somebody noticed. *blinkblink* I got a call, and have an appointment to come in for an interview tomorrow at 9am. Now, I suspect this is a "headhunter" agency, and I don't really expect anything to come of it. But it was JUST what the ego needed. Really. And seeing me come in to work in "interview clothes" tonight can't hurt as far as the "grapevine" is concerned. I've told them before I'm not bluffing. They should pay attention. *nods*
My mate was jonesing for Taco Bell, so I've had tasty food that's a bit more caloric than I probably should have indulged in, BUT it was tasty and considering how I wanted to eat my way through a Chinese restaurant, I think that's a win. And now, bed. And then figuring out what clothing I have that's appropriate for a job interview. THAT could be a challenge. Wish me luck - if nothing else, that it boosts my confidence that there IS something else out there for me. I need the positive reinforcment right now.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
We got word today that those of us going to the LLC (the new "processing company" that is splitting off from Fifth Third) are going to be working 12 hour shifts. They sent an e-mail with the shift options available, to get our feedback on our preferences (like we believe they'll listen - just like they listened to our preferences about whether we wanted to go to the LLC or stay with 5/3, right?).
*12 hour shifts - 3 on 4 off 4 on 3 off Sun Mon Tue – Sun Mon Tue Wed – Days (potentially 8am-8pm)
*12 hour shifts - 3 on 4 off 4 on 3 off Thur Fri Sat – Wed Thur Fri Sat – Days (potentially 8am-8pm)
*12 hour shifts - 3 on 4 off 4 on 3 off Sun Mon Tue – Sun Mon Tue Wed – Nights (potentially 8pm-8am)
*12 hour shifts - 3 on 4 off 4 on 3 off Thur Fri Sat – Wed Thur Fri Sat – Nights (potentially 8pm-8am)
*8 hour shifts – 5 days a week M-F Day (potentially 9:30 – 6pm)
*8 hour shifts – 5 days a week M-F Night (potentially 12am-8:30 am Prod Control only)
Since the system maintenance is on Sunday night/Monday morning (which is my primary "thing") - my only option will be the 3rd one (12 hours Sun, Mon, Tues/Sun, Mon, Tues, Wed) - the 8 hour option is out.
On the one hand, I'd be off the same days my mate is (well, except every other Wednesday night). But on the *other* hand - all I'll be able to do on the days I work is work and sleep - I won't see my mate at all, because I'll have to go RIGHT to bed if I'm going to be back at work by 8pm, and that's not his routine.
And if - as has been rumored - they shift the maintenance to Saturday night/Sunday morning? I am NOT working the entire weekend - no way, no how.
I think this may be the final nail, kids. Updating my resume, applying for jobs, looking at options, because this will have too great an impact on my home life, and it's not worth it to me. I've been trying to "hold my nose and think of England" for as long as possible - I mean, my paycheck and vacation time are pretty good after being here 15 years. But this? They may have just signed my resignation letter for me. I've informed my mate already, and we talked about looking at options. But I may be making this decision sooner than later.
All good thoughts, prayers, energy, or whatever you can muster towards me being able to figure out the wisest course of action are appreciated.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
The title above is one of my mantras - something I remind myself when the "insecurity brain hamsters" start gnawing on my brainstem. It's a highly useful truth to keep in mind as a polyamorous person (because my mate loves me for me, and when we've had others in our life he loved them for them - and he didn't have to pick one over the other, he got *both*) - but this week I ran headlong into a situation that reminded me that it's true in ALL arenas. Including fitness.
I'd been SO proud of myself for coming up with a morning routine that kept me doing my walks while we were at camp. And on Friday, when one of my mate's good friends from Vermont arrived, he was extremely supportive - he works in a ski/bike/fitness shop in Burlington, and offered any help I need in terms of getting a bike or good running shoes, and his enthusiasm at hearing my progress and goals really did my heart good. And trust me - dude is a fitness superstar (we were laughing at his tiny tent, saying "Well yeah, but he does enough yoga he CAN fold-spindle-mutilate his body to fit").
Saturday night though, I hit a serious emotional speedbump. During dinner, in the course of "getting to know you" talk between him and a few other folks, one of the girls in our encampment started talking about the fact she does yoga, and they all got to talking about upcoming races and things they have going on...and my spirit just plummeted. The little I had been doing just seemed so LAME compared to what they could do. One of the guys said he was thinking about doing a "Pagan Boot Camp" workshop every morning next year - running in the mornings. Which sounds amazing, except my immediate reaction was that I'd never be able to keep up with these people. They're doing a Warrior Dash in October and it sounds amazing, gruelling, and...way out of my league. www.warriordash.com/
And of course, this was a FEAST for my resident Brain Hamsters - who took that feeling of inadequacy and ran with it. I found myself mired in the swamp of "I'm so boring, I can't do anything interesting, why do I even try to talk to these people they don't really want me around, I'm just lame and ugly and fat and worthless and..."
Happily I learned a long time ago to ask for my mate's help when the evil beasties get started. So I tugged on his sleeve, and told him I was feeling inadequate...and he reassured me at least a dozen times over the course of that night that no, I'm not boring and that yes, I *should* be proud of myself, and that he loves me and thinks I'm totally awesome in every way and "Here, let me name a few...." (And reminded me that we wouldn't be "wakin' the neighbors" every night otherwise...*ahem*)
Still, it took me a while to shake it off. And I still find myself feeling a little raw when I think about it. But you know what? I'm starting the Couch to 5K thing next week, and in October I'm going to "Run Like Hell" www.cincyrunlikehell.com/
And who *knows* what I'll be capable of a year from now - I may leave all of *them* in the dust.
I don't need to prove anything to anybody but ME, and I'm not in competition with anybody else. This isn't about them. This is about being the healthiest most active person *I* can be. So maybe I'm not an fitness superstar in anybody else's world - I'm still a superstar to my mate, and I'm still doing more than I was doing before. That makes me a superstar in MY world, and that's all that matters.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
As tired as I was yesterday (thank all the gods for Korn and a kickass car stereo - only thing that got me home in one piece), you'd think we'd have headed directly to bed - but I didn't figure in my mate's zombie withdrawl. No really - he was having "auditory hallucinations" while we were at camp (like being *certain* he'd just heard someone - in the voice of the girl in the L4D2 video game - call out "Reloading!" from the poolhouse one night...of course that was also the night he doesn't remember having shown me the "SubGenius Cross" all lit up on the hill, pointing it out to me the next day and being supremely confused when I told him he'd shown it to me the night before...so yeah, that was REALLY good mead). LOL
So I did get somewhat caught up on the interwebz - at least the pile of e-mail anyway. Still hugely behind reading my various friends' lists, and haven't gotten my weekly LOLCat post up yet - but since my mate went ahead and posted The Announcement on his livejournal, I at least posted a link to that. :) SQUEE!
I feel hugely "under it" though - laundry is washed but not put away yet, we're fairly low on groceries (though I did pick up stuff for my lunches before I went to work Monday night, and made a nice big bowl of salad for the week), and we did NOT get nearly enough sleep - yeah, it was probably close to 8 hours, but after being up for 30 (yeah, we didn't get to bed until after 1pm), it wasn't enough. Groggy and sleepy and *foggy-brained* - that's me today.
Food-wise I'm golden - I've got my lunches, and yesterday Himself had a jones for tuna salad, so I experimented a bit and came up with a batch of pesto tuna salad with chopped up veggies in it that he really really liked. I made a bunch, so it's there for snacks or meals if I want it. I'm doing better on my water today - yesterday it was a STRUGGLE to get it all down. No idea why except that I wasn't out in the heat maybe - odd. So at least as far as that is concerned, I feel like I'm getting back on track.
Exercise? Not nearly there yet. First let me tell you about the strategy that worked so incredibly well at camp. (I'm just a little proud of myself on that score) Every morning when we woke up, I'd gather together our towels and personal-clean-up supplies and put them in a satchel along with our clean clothes for the day (just 'cause it's clothing optional doesn't mean I opt-out; heck, I don't even walk around our apartment without a robe on most of the time). :) We'd get our stuff together, and then walk down the hill to The Blue Lady (the cookhouse on site). I'd leave him there to re-caffeinate and get his brain working, don my "water belt", make sure my pedometer was on, and off I'd go on my "power walk". We'd discovered a trail back behind where we were camped that wandered through the woods - I decided early on that THAT was a better route that just walking around the site since it was shaded (not that I still didn't end up sunburned - ouch my poor back). The first morning I discovered a shrine back in the woods about half a mile in - a big ol' hollow stump with a statue of Ganesh and a Laughing Buddha. That became my focus - later that day I picked up some small bloodstones to use as offerings for the rest of the week. I'd stop at the shrine and place my offering, focusing on thankfullness and experiencing JOY. Then I'd walk a little farther (until it just "felt" like time to turn around), then walk back to the shrine and "share water" (offer some of the water from my water bottle, which I spilled onto the ground for the gods), and then headed back. The second day? I went about another tenth of a mile into the woods, and when I turned around I ran - RAN - back to the shrine, and felt like I could fly. One day I encountered a small toad on the way back - that was cool (I would never have seen him if I hadn't stepped too close and he moved). The GREEN was incredible - I'd forgotten how much I love being in the woods. When I was a kid we lived in a house that was set on 1/4 acre of woods, and I'd get up with the sun and go sit on the little bridge deep in the woods in the early morning and just breathe - that's my "happy place". I'd come back from my walk SO charged and empowered for the rest of the day - it was awesome. Then we'd shower together (there are open co-ed showers in the pool house - very cool and an amazing community feeling there), and head back to the cookhouse for "meal" (note - I had stuff for snacks and breakfast in our cooler, and usually had a high protein granola bar and a piece of fruit, and maybe a little cottage cheese until that ran out, before we left camp).
Our last day there - Sunday - I knew I wouldn't have a chance to actually power walk for cardio (let me tell you - the hills back in those woods were BRUTAL), but I wanted to share the shrine I'd found with my mate, and had one more stone left to place as offering. So after we got everything broken down and packed, he and I took a walk back there together. *happy sigh* I love that he appreciates the wonder of things the same way I do (oh how we'd point out stars to each other overnight - the milkyway is just brilliant out there) - he was thrilled I wanted to share that with him (even if it WAS a hike). :) That, however, was the last actual exercise I've gotten - we totally collapsed when we got to the hotel in Kent (and both slept about 12 hours or so), and then we had to check out and go meet his folks to tell THEM our news (SQUEE!), visit a few friends and tell THEM our news (more SQUEE!), and then get back to Cincinnati in time for me to go to work. (yuck) And as I said - I've been exhausted ever since. So no exercise in Kent, and none at home yesterday - and I don't feel bad about that. Except I'm *still* tired, and I'm not sure how today is going to work out, particularly since it's a bit rainy. We've still got unpacking to do, laundry to put away, and I've got LOLCats to post...so I think I'm going to focus on getting to bed at a decent hour, and then getting up early to re-acquaint myself with Jillian. Hopefully that will jolt me back into my routine.
Oh, the weigh in? I'm content - I weigh the same as I did last week. Considering how I COULD have packed on weight while on vacation? I'm totally good with that. I also think it's a little off - I felt kind of bloaty when I got up, and again, I know for a fact I didn't get near enough sleep. But I'm going to let it stand for now, focus on getting back into my routine this week, and we'll see what things look like next week.
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