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Day 2 - At Home with Sarah

Tuesday, March 06, 2012

Morning Report:
Well, yesterday we decided it would be best to stay home with Sarah since she wasn't keeping anything down and didn't want to take her to Grandma's if she was still getting sick. So this morning me and Elizabeth (Sarah's twin sister) headed into school to get my sub plans together and set up the room. So thankful for Elizabeth who set out all my textbooks for my students while I created the sub plans. I also love Mrs. Hagler (substitute). She got there early so I could tell her all that the kids would do today and gave her options on what to do with my kids who I have for an elective class.

After school was taken care of I headed home. Happy to say that Sarah is holding down a banana and feels a lot better than yesterday.

Today I am want to keep myself busy for when I am not busy and at home (bad combination) I tend to snack away on what ever I can find. To keep busy I hoping to do some school work with Sarah at home but also work on some projects around the house today. First and most importantly, figure out what we are having for dinner tonight and this week.

Now to catch up on Spark. :)

Afternoon Report:
Uggh, my stomach has come and went today. Not sure what is going on. My assistant principal told me to stay out as long as I needed since I have to go on a fieldtrip this Saturday with the bus ride lasting 2 hours. Praying I get over this stuff soon. I would prefer to go to work tomorrow.

Because I feel sick, I have stayed away from the food. Not a big fan of eating right now. Nothing sounds appetizing. Well, I take that back, Savannah Smiles (new GS cookie) just popped into my brain but I have a feeling it wouldn't do my stomach any good.

I was hoping that since I was home I would do some exercise but that didn't work out. Oh well, I am hoping tomorrow I feel better.

Evening Report:
Well, it all went down hill at dinner. I felt better. Was hungry and went into a binge. Started with dinner as I ate away on bread and pasta as I waited for the rest of dinner to cook. Then after dinner I couldn't get girl scout cookies out of my head. I did think to renounce it but I didn't want to. I really wanted to just eat the cookies and I did. I ate about half a box of thin mints. :( But did I stop there. Nope, I went on to eat the remaining sour and cream chips we had in the house. :(

I talked with my husband about it last night. He was upstairs as I ate away. Still looking to see what triggered the binge and why I didn't want to stop.

Day 3 is a new day.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

62NVON 3/6/2012 7:52AM

    Oh sweetie... you are having a tough week. I'm sorry you and Sarah haven't been feeling well.

Sometimes, despite all our best intentions, old behaviors rear their ugly heads. It happens to all of us. Your body was probably hungry from you being sick, and it was just craving carby stuff.

The important thing is that you owned it, and that you will not let it defeat you. You can't do anything about it now, so move forward. All you can control is the here and now.

Hang in there!

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Day 1 - Journey of a Binge Eater

Sunday, March 04, 2012

So what a day. I get up and get ready, come downstairs and find my 3 of our 4 family members claiming some form of sickness. Well, okay, no church for us and I proceed to eat breakfast and then catch up on sparkpeople. I am getting so motivated from sparkbuddies that I start thinking how I am going to change into sweats and start working on cleaning up our house and go for a walk.

Well, one of our daughters starts talking about church. She declares she wants to go and then her twin sister pipes up that she wants to go to. Begins a mad dash for 2 family members to get changed to get to church on time. Luckily we go to a laid back church for we all went casual today.

I was really thankful that we went. Today's sermon was titled God > Chains. As soon as I saw the title I thought about my food addiction. And yep the sermon was on those bondages we have to different things in life. Here are some things I walked away from today's sermon. P.S. everything in quotes is from the pastor.

1. "Jesus hates all bondages." - Luke4:16-19 and Luke 8:29-31 shows us that he hates them and just need to ask him to free us from them.

2. "Bring the bondage into the light." - Confess it to others. Ohh, how this one is so hard to do. My husband and I talk about what our bondages are but to tell people I know or even strangers I find very difficult. But what was I thinking about this morning before going to church, OA, Overeaters Annoynmous. I had looked into this before and found some meetings in my area but the fear of going and being known by maybe some of my parents or prior students scared me. I have decided though that this summer I really need to start going. Yes, I know it would be good to go now but our life is hectic with our daughters, jobs and church. Plus, I know I really need support in the summer when I am at home and can easily walk to the fridge/cabinet and get something to eat.

P.S. I want to start blogging again where I talk freely about my food addiction and emotions. In the past I think some folks thought I wanted a sympathy party but I just want to tell my thoughts and feelings. By voicing them out loud I feel it helps me face my fears and to keep pushing on.

3. "Renounce and bind." Now I will admit that I am still struggling at understand binding but here are the verses for it. Matthew 16:19 and Matthew 18:18. Renounce I totally get and we were all encouraged to renounce our bondages and the thoughts that keep us bound to it. For me I need to renonunce when the negative thoughts enter my brain about myself. Body image is the biggest negative but I also struggle with perfectionism. I need to renounce all negative thoughts I have in God's name. I have began my process of fighting the negative thoughts. Was it easy? Nope. Is it suppose to be? Nope. Did I fail? Yep, but not as bad as yesterday and the days before. Am I giving up? Nope.

To break our bondage we have to have "desire and determination". We have to want for ourselves, not for others. I have the desire but the determination comes and goes. I must stay determined. Some great verses on this was John 5:1-9 and John 8:36.

Lastly, "Get any outside help you need." Again, OA. I am thankful though I have my Overeaters group here on Spark as well as my great Spark buddies, for you all help to keep me going when times get tough. I love my church and there are counselors and classes they offer to help you break yourself from bondages. Definitely something I will think of doing later on.

Turns out that our sickest daughter was the one who wanted to go to church today. On the way to Grandma's house for lunch she vomits in my husband brand new car (have had for one day). Back to the house we go to clean up Sarah and the car. I stayed home with her. I began the process of cleaning our house and taking care of her. I was thinking I would go for a walk and try to do some planting in my garden. Both never happened but I did make progress in our kitchen and laundry. I did renouce my negative thoughts and even though I did overeat at dinner I am happy how the day has gone.

Tomorrow I will be home again with Sarah who has continued to vomit throughout the afternoon even though she has not had food since breakfast. Again, being home is my downfall and I have a lot of girl scout cookies in my house right now. I expect lots of renouncing tomorrow but I also plan to keep myself busy with more projects around the house tomorrow.

Even those cookies keep popping into my mind, I am headed to my chair to play some solitaire and drink my water. Thanks for listening. :)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FLORIDAGHOST 3/8/2012 6:09AM

    Good blog! I can relate in so many ways. One thing I find helps me, and I don't know why I do not start every single day out doing this, but maybe it's something else I need to learn, but prayer. Asking for God's help in casting out the fear of failure, the desire for food that is not healthy, and the weak spirit I always seem to have. Then I ask for His help in keeping me healthy for the day and only desiring healthy foods and HEALTHY PORTIONS for myself, to keep me happy with my own concerns and not be negative about someone else. (My world seems to be full of old, overweight, out of shape, deconditioned people that can't seem to get a grasp of what they are doing to themselves and don't seem to care.)

On the days that I do this, I seem to have exceptional days. I get in all my exercise, I eat right and have no guilt or regrets. I feel energized and going constantly.

Soy your blog has inspired me to do this on a daily basis. Thanks for the info, especially the Bible references and a suggestion; when you start your blogs that are you venting through writing, or not necessarily looking for pitty or help, state that up front. People understand you are not looking for anything, you are releasing some stress. All they need to say is, great job, or feel better soon, or I hope you're feeling better now, even, I can relate. You get encouragement but not help. You realize they know you don't need disertations, like this one, just a friendly pat on the back to know you are not alone. It works.

Have a great one! emoticon

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IMENUF 3/4/2012 9:09PM

    Thank you for sharing this! Awesome. Sorry for all the challenges with sick kiddos and such; hopefully that will pass quickly. Your thoughts and temptations sound so similar to mine! Thanks for sharing!


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LITTLEBO 3/4/2012 8:38PM

    I'm going to check back with you this summer about OA. I really get a lot of support there...... Hope everyone recovers soon in your house....


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Doughnuts

Thursday, January 19, 2012

So I am so proud of myself! Today I walked into our Literacy Coach's office and was amazed to find doughnuts. All kinds of doughnuts. As I talked with the coach another teacher walked in and ate 3 doughnuts in the short time I was there. I just ate the grapes I found on the table as I talked with our coach.

Later this evening I was driving home and I thought about those doughnuts. I remember walking in and seeing them and saying to myself stay away. Even though I watched the other teacher and the media center specialist eat, I realized I never craved it or felt out.

I find this to be a huge break through for me for I was able to resist the temptation and not be upset with my so called diet. Honestly, I do not look at me being on a diet. Instead I look at it this year as a journey to becoming healthy. I have truly moved into the thought of making a it a healthy lifestyle. I still treat myself with chocolate, cupcake, cookies and that but now I think ahead and see how they fit into my calories for the day. For example, we were sent home with two cupcakes from a birthday party. I was able to resist at the party but when in my house that is another story. I looked up the calories for the cupcake and saw it was exactly the same amount of calories I had left for the day. Hmm, eat the whole cupcake and have no glass or milk. Or eat half the cupcake, have a glass of milk and calories to spare. In the past, I would have so taken the first option and still have the glass of milk. Instead I went with half of a cupcake and let my husband eat the rest.

I am really enjoying the changes I am seeing in my mindset to becoming healthy this year. Good luck everyone as you work towards your goals. :)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LORIENABANANA 1/21/2012 1:12PM

    emoticon

What flavor were the cupcakes? If they were chocolate, I'm doubly impressed!!

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LITTLEBO 1/19/2012 10:58PM

    emoticon Here's to healthy!

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YELLA722 1/19/2012 8:54PM

    WAHOO!!!! AWESOME OUTLOOK!! Thanks for the spark goodie too! ;)

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WENDYWITKOSKI 1/19/2012 8:39PM

    emoticon

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LORILEEPAGE 1/19/2012 8:08PM

    That's awesome! I went to my daughter's today and she had a birthday cake there from her birthday. I hadn't been able to celebrate with her yet, and she offered me a piece (take as much as you want) while i was going to be babysitting for a few hours. I wanted some. I had never tried gluten free chocolate carrot cake before and it looked delicious. I cut a piece and said oh no, I shouldn't start or I'll eat more and more. But I ate it, enjoyed it and walked away from the cake and didn't have another bite. I didn't even eat all the moist yummy crumbs that littered the plate.

Good for us!

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LARSIL 1/19/2012 7:20PM

    emoticon
Good for you!

---L. emoticon

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My Day Off

Monday, January 16, 2012

So today I got up with my husband even though I could have slept longer with it being my day off. I thought if I got up early surely I would get some stuff done and get to my scrapbooking. I did get some stuff done just not all of it as planned.

The first mishap came when my daughters and I were making grape jelly. The jelly boiled over on the stove. Luckily not to much but enough to make it a no fun mess to clean up. I am glad I reacted quickly because we got the fan on and the sliding glass door open before the smoke detectors went off in the house.

Second incident of the day was when I went to CVS. Now, I can't complain going there fore I walked out with 2 Melatonins (helps you sleep), Nasal Strips and a Brita Pitcher for $14. To top it off I have a $10 rebate so I actually only spent $10. Ohh, and I have a $5 cash reward coming to me from CVS so actually now thinking about it, I got it for free. :) Unfortunately, I got to the Doctors office and realized that the clerk did not give me my receipt and would not be home until after 1pm. Back to this story in a minute.

At the doctors office it was good mixed with bad. The girls were getting checked to see if they still had a heart murmur. The doctor heard it both girls at their physicals but since they were sick we beleived it was nothing. Yep, nothing. :) Bad news, I had them check for lice. Yep, lice! :( We had learned that one of the girls in their girl scout troop had it and had treated them once for it. Turns out not good enough. The doctor told me about a treatment using mayo. I texted my husband to google mayo treatments and by the time we walked out he had it figured out.

As I listened to my husband rant and rave about the girls having confirmed lice I drove us to his moms as planned. She is watching the girls three days with them being out of school and me with a day off and then workdays. Talking with her some we decided to start the lice treatment. Yep, I lathered mayo into my daughters hair and covered it with a shower cap. They have to have it on for 8 hours and supposedly suffocates the little burgers.

I figure I should go to the dollar store and get some shower caps and more mayo for some more treatments, including my own. Head out to the car, get in and plop. My cell phone falls out of my coat pocket into the silo glass of water I got at my MIL's. Seriously, could things get worse! Back inside to put my phone in a bag of rice and call my husband at MIL's to not call my cell phone! Glad I did this because we were meeting for lunch.

Ok. Plans on where to meet. Now to go run those errands. Well only got the gas done again a few mishaps but life is still good.

No time for the dollar store so off to IKEA to meet hubby. Had a nice free lunch, found everything we needed, and got some free frozen yogurt. Very good trip to IKEA! Things are looking up.

Off to get my haircut. No, I am not cutting it because of the lice, I had been planning to get my haircut today. I had been growing it out long to donate to Love of Locks. Now I have a new short do and love it! Pictures to come later.

Off to the dollar store and found all that I needed. New brushes, mayo and shower caps (planning some more treatments the next few days) and some brownies. The last one is not for me. Nope, it is for my MIL who wanted to have brownies for family lunch. Does help though I got the Low Fat kind. :)

Got home, started unpacking the car of all its goodies, and then found out my rebate form needed the receipt. Uhoh, back to CVS I go. Thank goodness it is just across the street. The ladies took pity on me and went through the trash behind the register. After some digging they found my receipt! WooHoo! Day is really starting to look up.

Back home and now have begun the washing of every last plush toy, pillow, blanket, coats and that we own. I had hoped I was done with laundry when I left the house (did two loads before leaving) but such is not the case.

In between loads I hope to get my exercise in. Maybe my next day off will be relaxing today sure was not!

Ohh, but, I am happy to say that even through all the stress and announce that life has thrown my way. I have stayed on track with my food. :) Now that is a great day!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LITTLEBO 1/16/2012 8:25PM

    what is that old joke? something about my weekend tired me out so much I had to go back to work just to get some rest.....

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OURJITTERBUG 1/16/2012 6:48PM

    Wow, what a day! I remember my surprise when my poor daughter got lice on a mission trip to Honduras, and the nightmare that followed. I used Olive Oil, rather than the mayo, but it worked! I feel for you because you'll be "crawling" for the next year! :) You handled the day with grace, and still got your exercise in - yay you! And praise God the heart murmurs were nothing!

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BGARNIER 1/16/2012 4:04PM

    Wow! that's a day! and it's not even close to being over yet. Bravo for staying on track!

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ANDBEYOND 1/16/2012 3:52PM

    So it was a good day after all that!

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Calculating

Saturday, January 14, 2012

So last night when I put in all my calories I found my tracker showing I was over by 100 calories for the day. Of course I wasn't to happy about it but I had a break through. I didn't say screw it and throw in the towel. Instead I just shrugged my shoulders, owned it and moved on with my night.

This morning I listened to my body and stayed in bed till 10 am. With all the exercise I have done this week my body needed some rest and I made sure to give it to it. When I finally got up I ate my brunch keeping in mind with my calories. Again, I took a knew step in my journey by not being depressed about last night and moved on with a new day. :)

As I was getting ready to write in my overeaters group about how I blew it yesterday but life was still good, I thought I should check back and see if i put in the right portion size on my stromboli. Yep, you guessed it, I left it as a full one when I actually only ate half of it. :) So tickled! Instead of being over I am under! :)

I am so glad I didn't fall in to my old patterns when I didn't succeed with a goal. Today I am 12 days in of being on track with my calories and not binging. :)

I hope everyone is having a great Saturday. Off to do more laundry, a spark video, have a snack and start dinner.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LITTLEBO 1/14/2012 5:35PM

    I was going to say that 100 calories more or less on a given day wasn't bad.....but it ended up being less. :)

Twelve days, one day at a time is the way to go!!!!


emoticon

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WENDYWITKOSKI 1/14/2012 4:04PM

    You are doing great!!!

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ELJAMISON 1/14/2012 4:00PM

    Good for you for staying positive even when you thought you didn't meet your daily goal. We are bound to have set-backs and it is our outlook & attitude that make all the difference!

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