Monday, May 14, 2012
Well, I'm in Billings all but Friday this week for a conference. Conferences can be difficult because you sit there all day and do nothing, except snack on whatever you can. Also, the hotel buffets and eating out can pose a real challenge. That being said, there are also some positives of being at a conference. Generally the food they provide has healthy options, it's just a matter of making the choice to take them. The same really goes with eating out. I'm looking to make some good food choices as well as getting a walk in around the hotel or doing some workout moves in my hotel room.
I have not been doing good with food or exercise lately. I think it's because I have to go to North Carolina at the end of the month. I'm sooooo dreading the air travel and basically think to myself F*!k it, I'm not going to fit into that seat no matter what I do. Totally the wrong attitude to have but I get so frustrated with myself for putting myself through this every time I have to fly. Every year I say I'm going to lose weight so I fit on that stupid airplane seat and every year I get close to going and have gained weight.
I know this is no ones fault but my own. In this I definitely see my 'all or nothing' attitude. I know I can eat healthier food in moderate quantities and I can walk, get to the gym and do exercises at home. I just choose not to. I keep looking for a 'tipping point' that doesn't show up. Blah, blah, blah my same old story maybe I should just get off my behind and do it.
Monday, April 23, 2012
Well, my Ma will be here on Wednesday. She's taking the train over from Wisconsin and when I talked to her last night she was so excited I couldn't even bring her back to a normal level. I'm happy she's excited and I do think we'll have a good time. This is her 3rd time here and we have a lot of shopping and socializing planned. I still have to get some cleaning done and all that before she gets here so the next couple days are going to be hectic!
I already kinda got mad at her because she keeps taking these jabs at my weight. When I was home last time she pretty well cornered me and said I'm 'wasting my life' if I don't get weight loss surgery. This visit she's talking about all the salads we're going to eat and the walks we can take. It drives me crazy and makes me feel insecure around her. It never used to be like that. (It also kinda makes me want to rebel now that I think about it).
I kinda feel like well, when I was young she never did or said anything about my weight. (I was always bigger than the average bear). I was never enrolled in sports or any extracurriculars for that matter. We never cooked a healthy meal together, went grocery shopping, ate as a family or went on any 'physically active vacations'. So, now I feel like its up to me and she doesn't have a say. (I also think this is why incorporating healthy eating and physical activity is so out of the normal realm for me--but I'm getting there).
Yea, I get your concerned. Yea, I know you love me but lay off! My life, my body, my struggle. She compares it with her smoking. 'If I quit you can lose weight'. I pretty well told her when I was home no, in fact, quitting smoking is not like losing weight. You don't need to smoke to live. Every meal all the time I think about losing weight. Obsess even (which is likely part of my problem). I know she's trying to be helpful but I end up resenting it and I don't even want to eat a meal with her anymore. I haven't necessarily told her all this because I don't want to hurt her feelings as I know she has my best interest at heart. I'm just hoping while she's here everything goes smoothly.
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