Sunday, May 12, 2013
I cried and I cried at WalMart picking out her Mother's Day card. My mom was the cutest, sweetest, dorkiest, goofiest, most loveable mom. She is now just a shell. She looks the same, beautiful as always, but *she* isn't in there. I miss her, so much. She now belongs to Alzheimer's under our Heavenly Father takes her home.
Happy Mother's Day, Mom óż
Friday, May 10, 2013
Warning: This blog may border (be completely) on whining/complaining.
So, Saturday I had my step-daughter and my niece (ages 4 and 3) all day. I love those girls...they are a joy. But, they are the worst best friends ever. They beg to play with each other, then just bicker the whole time. (Not to mention, at that age...all children are loud.) I just happeend to have a NASTY migraine that day. Not fun! I was THRILLED when bed time rolled around.
Sunday, my sister called me just as I was covering up with my sheets for a nap after church and asked me to take her to the Emergency room. Ok. Got in my car, drove the 20 min to her house, dropped her off, and brought my niece back to my house (keep in mind I still had my step-daughter.) Got a call later from my dad (who was on his way home from their camper) saying that Ashley (sister) had been admitted to Intensive Care with a heart rate in the 30's. (normal is 60-90 ish, but her's tends to run a bit higher than that.)
I took her daughter to visit her that night, then maddie (niece) went home with Aunt Ali (my other sister.) Step daughter went back to mama's house and sweety and I went to bed nice and early Sunday night.
Monday morning, got to work and had an insanely busy morning (which does NOT happen to me often.) By 10 am Alison was calling me and telling me I HAD to get to her house and pick Maddie up. So, I called my boss, told her I was leaving and drove over to get her.
Turns out she (Maddie) had picked up a stomach bug and was puking all over Aunt Ali's house. Ali is not a mommy. She just doesn't have the maternal genes. She had no idea what to do. She also has Lupus, meaning that a stomach bug could put her in the hospital. So I took Maddie back to her house and took care of her. Maddie is scared of everything... one of those things is puking in a bucket or toilet. She panics. I had to just hold her and keep her calm while she puked all over me....all day. Poor girl was so sick. (Not to mention upset that she couldn't go to the hospital to see mommy!)
After a LONG day of that, I went home with Maddie in her grandparent's care. I woke up Monday night with such a terrible sore throat I couldn't swallow, head stuffed so bad, ears full of fluid. Ugh. Majorly sick. Didnt get much sleep. Maddie needed to be watched Tuesday so I had Ali bring her over to my house to enjoy some of the weather. I felt yucky, but had to watch Maddie. We (Me, Ali, Maddie) hung out outside for a few hours then Ali went to take Maddie home. Just as I was crawling in bed to take a nap, Ali called me and said she was turning the car around to bring Maddie back because she (Ali) felt sick.
*sigh* I got back out of bed. (Now the thing about that is... Ali lives a mile from Maddie's house...I live 20 minutes away.... so with Ali going home....she would have only had to drive an extra 2 minutes to drop Maddie off with her grandparents; But decided to bring her back to me, even though I was sick, for me to drive her the 20 minutes.) Ok, so I did that. Then had to run some errands for sister (who was just released from hospital.) Rough, sick, day. I had NO energy.
Called in sick to work Wednesday and spent the day in bed. Thursday, luckily I was off and was able to rest. Still feeling kinda yucky, but a bit better. It's just been a stressful week!
Friday, May 03, 2013
After much introspection, I realize how badly I need to work on my self-centeredness. It is not blatant, as it is in some people...but I think that makes it more "dangerous." I'm not even sure I can give any examples of it...but I know it's there. I don't even know how to explain the situation. I do have empathy for people, and I do care and have concern... but in the back of my mind Im always thinking that I'm worse off somehow. Completely self-centered.
Perhaps someone says they've had a headache all week.... I have empathy. I understand...but that selfish little voice (can we name him Satan, lol) always thinks "Well, I've had a headache everyday for 14 years.... what do you have to complain about?"
Someone feels bad that their parent got injured and will be layed-up for a few weeks. That selfish little voice.... " Well, my dad has been a half-notch above fully paralyzed since he was 21. Ony pure stubbornness and MANY drugs keep him "walking" everyday. And Psh, while we're on parents...my mom was diagnosed with Advanced Early Onset Alzheimers at age 50. So, boohoo your Dad broke his foot." How awful, eh?!?! Ugh!
Someone is upset because their sibling is over-weight and it's dangerous to their health. Cue the evil little voice... "well, my sister has severe Lupus...attacking her joints, neurological systems, and centering on her kidneys. Your sibling can lose the weight...she can't lose the Lupus." What is wrong with me?!
I am aware that while I am kind to people, and pray for people, and go out of my way to help people....I still have those nasty thoughts. It's disgusting. I pray for the Lord to help rid me of these thoughts. To see with His eyes and feel with His heart.
Yes, humans are selfish by nature... but that doesn't mean I have to like this state of being. Ick!
Monday, April 29, 2013
I need to take some updated pics. I haven't been exercising (due to a darn 2 month "sinus infection" that is now being called allergies, but that's a whole different story, lol.) I have been eating better than before, and lost a few pounds. I can't tell by looking in the mirror and haven't been good about taking measurements...so pictures will have to do to check on any progress.
Some days I can't stand looking in a mirror...and some days (despite my nasty self-esteem issue) I realize that many women would kill to have my body. (Don't take that as bragging. I'm not much of a braggart, but it is a huge step for me to acknowledge "truths" about my body.)
What am I talking about? I have no idea! Thus, the title of the blog. Perhaps I need to make some goals....because eat better and exercise more are sucky goals, lol. (Not sucky, but measurable goals prove to be far more effective.)
Ok, well, long term goal that isn't exactly measurable...learn to love my body. I've always had terrible self-esteem...no matter what size. Size 6/8 like now? Hate it. Size 0 two years ago, still wasn't happy. I just need to learn to accept and love what I have! Not completely sure how to go about that, but I'll try!
~ Go to seminary. I dont want to be a pastor/preacher...I just love the knowledge. Been doing very in-depth Bible studies over the past year and loving it! Love what it's doing for me, my life, and those around me.
~ It's actually hard to come up with long-term goals...because I love my life overall. I have such a happy life, I dont feel I need any "changes"..... lol.
Medium-ish Goals (man...my writing tonight is awful! I blame it on the fact that I'm in the last hour of a busy 12 hour day here at the clinic.)
~ Pay off credit cards! Hate this debt! I had a lot of help getting here thanks to the ex.... but I am working hard to pay them off and just printed up some new financial goals to help with this!
~Include at least one (definitely need more, but have to start somehwere..) serving of fruits or veggies with each meal. (Can this include frozen veggies? canned? why not? I'll look into it.)
~ Start running again. I've NEVER been a runner. I was a varsity gymnast, but could NEVER run. I WANT to enjoy running. I think the only way to get there...is to just DO it. A friend a few years ago wanted to do a 5k, but had never run before, so I promised to run with her. We did. I loved it and hated it all at once. (She kept running, and I didn't.)
~Get back into the swing of exercise. Ive never been much of a home exerciser...loved my gym membership, but finances caused me to break-up with my gym. So, I need to get back to my DVD's... Jillian Michaels kicks my butt. I have some spark DVDs, Pilates, etc. Just do it!! (No Nike afilliation.)
~Start stretching. I DON'T stretch. Like, ever. Well, I know I should. AND, my Little Lady is now in gymnastics classes. She knows I used to be a gymnast and constantly asks me to show her things. Stretching (with her even, sometimes!) would DEFINITELY help in that area! I miss gymnastics...so anything I can get back into...even at this icky age of turning 30 this year...would be awesome!
~Figure out more goals! lol
I will have to re-read this tomorrow, because honestly I don't recall much of what I wrote. My mind has checked out for the evening, lol.
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Is it sacrilegious to celebrate, honoring God and Jesus, today's holidays with their Pagan origins? I'm going to shorten what could be a VERY long and in-depth blog here, lol.
Let's say Easter, for example. Christians celebrate the death and resurrection of Christ. However some, people include the Easter bunny or colored eggs in their celebrations. The bunnies and eggs pre-date Christ to the Babylonian goddess of fertility.
So, are we somehow dishonoring God by participating in the Pagan aspects of it as well?
(We did NOT introduce Easter bunny, tooth fairy or santa to the kiddos... they have no place in our life. But, we do, for example, have easter egg hunts...)
I will give you my answer and why...but I'd like to know your input as well!
I think it is not dishonoring God, if our heart is in the right place. If at Easter time, Jesus and His resurrection are what is in the heart and what is being celebrated, then the traditions are just things you are doing... not out of honor or dishonor.... part of our culture. (Which is not to say that everything that is part of our culture is harmless.)
Ok, I'm rambling. I guess this somewhat has to do with a blog I posted a while back about yoga.
Get An Email Alert Each Time ERINLINDSAY83 Posts