Thursday, June 07, 2012
Okay, not the avoidance one probably thinks of when they see that title, but it was an avoidance nonetheless. An avoidance of the GOOD kind.
Yesterday was day #3 of my plan to "overcome binge eating." I already had 2 days binge free before Monday, but Monday was the day I started the new step work I mentioned in my last post.
I had a "good day" on days 1 and 2 (you assess the day and either put nothing on the bottom if you overate or binged, and good day if you didn't).
Yesterday, I was doing great, and then had a friend come over who I haven't seen in a while. I made a casserole for dinner that was OH so tasty (a creamy hamburger hotdish with cream of mushroom, creamed corn, and sliced olives...yeah, I love that stuff). She brought over dessert, which consisted of Breyers Carb Smart vanilla ice cream chocolate covered bars and orange push pops for Kaylee. Well, later on in the evening, I could tell I was planning to eat the leftovers of the casserole (actually just 1 serving, so not a large amount, but still) and then also to eat the rest of the bars (4 left in the box at 5 WW points for each).
Kaylee and I went to visit my DH at work, and I piped up before we left, saying that there were 4 left in the box, and 2 push pops missing in the other box, so I couldn't eat those without him knowing about it.
That part was taken care of.
But, I neglected to tell him about the leftover casserole.
So, I got home, and started getting myself busy with cleaning before Kaylee went to bed, to keep from eating, though I know I was still planning to eat it after she went to bed, maybe with watching an episode of Grey's Anatomy.
Then, I came across Kaylee's leftover spaghetti with meatballs, and then I thought "oh, I will have that too!! Yum!"
Then, before I could think about it more, I packed up that leftover meal in a storage container and put it in a fridge, out of sight.
I finished up cleaning, and by that time, I made the conscious decision to NOT eat this food. I decided I would be going to bed and reading a couple of chapters of "The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet's Nest" before turning the light off and falling asleep.
So, I brushed my teeth and put my pajamas on, turned the light off in the kitchen, wrote down "good day" in my journal, and after Kaylee went to bed, I did the same.
I avoided a binge.
A planned binge. It would have been a small one, but I know deep down if I ate those things, I would have said "F it!!" and ate something else too, like those bars, not caring if DH saw it or not.
I rarely am able to stop a binge if I am consciously planning it out.
This morning, I am so, so proud of myself. Sure, it's only day 3, but look at the progress I am making. I have resisted the urge to weigh in, though my pants and shorts already fit better (losing some water bloat, yay!).
Well, off to work on another good day :o}
Monday, June 04, 2012
I am not going to go into all the details until I feel...stronger about what I am doing, but basically have changed my goal from losing as much weight as I can, to work on arresting my binge eating.
It seems like the harder I try to lose weight, the more I end up binge eating.
So, I am choosing to make my overall health a priority.
The first part of this, is to only weigh myself once a week, on Mondays...before today, I weighed myself every day. Another is to journal everything that I eat. While this isn't too much of a change from what I already do, this delves deeper. This has me putting down what time I am eating, writing it down as I am sitting down to eat, putting comments aside if I need to (emotionally or whatnot), and then to put an asterisk next to what I feel is overeating or a binge. I am doing this for a couple of weeks before moving to the next "step" but...yeah, my plans for each day aren't going to change much at all, but my primary focus is now different.
This program says that I may not lose weight (or much) during this process, but that it is far more important to be free from my binge eating.
Yeah, so....I haven't binged in 2 full days now (on my third today), and I even went to the gym this evening to run, and they were having a Domino's Pizza night (at Planet Fitness). It's funny....it smelled good, but I had no desire at all to take a slice.
I'm still planning on blogging, and being healthy, I'm just...probably for the first time in over 10 years...not focusing on my weight. You know what? That feels liberating in itself.
Sunday, June 03, 2012
Yeah, I'm purchasing these two pics, but I guess I just wanted to post these for you all to see! And yes, I can see those 20 pounds, but that's good. Motivation!!!
Friday, June 01, 2012
Keeping myself accountable....
~ Got my food plan together for the day which includes breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner, small snack.
~ Drink 80 ounces of noncaffeinated fluids
~ Rest day from cardio (ran 3 miles yesterday)
~ Track food and activity
~ Take at least two 1-mile walks, strive for 2 (2 on my breaks with dog, 1 longer one with Kaylee this evening
~ Keep busy while DH works this evening. Have activities ready to do: Park with Kaylee, cleaning, reading books with Kaylee, etc.
~ Don't binge.
Here's to a happy and healthy day!
Thursday, May 31, 2012
First off, I took a bit of a hiatus from here, barely even lurking around except to pop up and chirp about the half marathon and 5K I ran with a lovely, lovely friend (TJDOESLIFE). Although I am not going to apologize for stepping away (I thought it was the right thing to do at the time), I will say I sorely miss each and every one of you.
So, I am back. With goals. I need goals. I am learning more and more about myself through counseling, making mistakes, etc. and I really do need goals. I need things written out. I need these goals to strive for. I NEED GOALS.
To keep this short (I wrote out a lovely blog about my goals, then the internet decided to not play nice with me):
~ Start weight today: 184.4. Final weight range end of June: 175-178
~ Track my meals/snacks a minimum of 5 days a week.
~ Plan my meals for each day.
~ Drink more fluids, at least 80 ounces a day, especially with hotter days
~ Get at least 7 but strive for 8 hours of sleep at night
~ Plan for evening snacks (problem time for binge eating).
~ Blog 2-3 times a week, and read blogs when time allows
~ Get outside as often as possible with my little girl!!!
Okay, so there it is. Not too much going on race-wise in June. I think there are a few informal runs with the runner's group, but nothing crazy. I have a few races in July which I am excited about.
Oh, and did I mention I am registered to run the Twin Cities Marathon on October 7 with TJ????? Yeah, yet another reason to lose any extra pounds....
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