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POA Day 21 AKA Setback following a Successful Day (long)

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

I had a great first half of my day yesterday. I was riding on the "high" of doing so well the day before when faced with temptations. By noon, though, I felt my attitude shifting into "I don't care" territory. By 3 p.m. I was in full "This day can SUCK it" swing. I even sent my DH an email saying just that. When he called, I said I couldn't pin my finger on why I was feeling this way, I just was. Was it medication? Was it the bipolar disorder? Was it just PMS? Or was it just that I was feeling a bit let down about my birthday because, though there was a fabulous outpouring of love online, in real life there really wasn't much of a recognition. No one on DH's side of the family (his brothers and dad, grandma) called. My mom handed me a $20. No card. Completely not like her. My dad later hinted that it was because they were broke. This hurt, because 1) I don't want money, especially if they're broke....I just want the hugs, and to see them. And a card. Call me a hoarder, but I love cards, and I keep every card I get, from birthdays, to Christmas, to special events like our marriage, anniversaries. And everyone knows this, but I got ONE card for my birthday, from my DH. 2) I know they're broke because they're gambling.

I didn't feel any of this on my birthday, it was only yesterday that I was feeling this. I know some of this is irrational, that it sounds pathetically selfish and ungrateful, but I need to own up to how I feel, no matter how bad it makes me look as a person.

Okay, moving on from that. I didn't go to Weight Watchers because during the afternoon we had a snowfall, followed by a warming up, followed by a freeze, so the roads were HORRIBLE. There were SO many accidents yesterday (well, also because people in ND/MN forget how to drive on ice/snow and don't slow down). I didn't want to risk an accident driving during rush hour on black ice slicked roads. Instead, DH made a frozen pizza for dinner. I had my 330-calorie serving, but I also was making the pork sirloin that was in the fridge and had to be cooked, along with mashed potatoes with the intention of putting it all in the fridge for dinner today (Wednesday). Instead, while I did put 75% of it in the fridge, I had a bit of it...which at this time was fine as I had the calories available.

So, I then went to the jewelry/bag party at a friend's house later in the evening. I took Kaylee with me as a way to get out right away (I know, passive-aggressive). Okay, turns out it was a bad idea all around. First, she made friends with my friend's 6-year-old daughter right away, and they went downstairs to play. I was worried about that because there were a lot of stairs to get down, and no one watching really (well, the husbands, but they were watching TV. I didn't have a lot of faith in them....). Kaylee isn't great on stairs yet, she can go up and down, but she goes too fast and falls.

Okay, one of the biggest reasons for me wanting to skip out quick is because I knew I wouldn't know anyone but for my friend except for her other friend, who is NOT my friend. She is a person who one day deleted me off her FB and gave me the cold shoulder. I have heard she has done this to a few other people who have made her s&*t list, but I don't know why I made that last, and that bugs me. I know not everyone likes me, but I don't recall anything I did or said to piss her off.

So, I tried to avoid her, but about an hour into the party, when people were visiting, she comes up to me and in her loud, brash voice in front of everyone in the big room, she said, "So, how'd you lose all the weight? Must have been pills, right?"


I said...trying to be calm because she said this in a very b*tchy voice so I know she wasn't being jokey about it...I said "No....I did it with watching what I eat and exercise. Yeah, I know...boring."

Then she said "No, you lost too much weight for it to be just that." And then she walked away.

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

There was an awkward silence in the room, and not one person commented because, of course, they didn't know who the h*ll I am so of course they do NOT know how I really lost the weight.

And our mutual friend said nothing.

I walked back to where I was ordering, finished up the order, and went to get my little girl to leave. But she didn't want to leave. She was in a room where there were TONS of toys and she was content to just stay. Any motion I made to leave, she threatened an ear-busting tantrum. I didn't have the stomach to bring a screaming child through that room filled with women who probably already think now that I am a pill-popping addict, and have them think now I am a bad mommy taking my little girl away from having fun....

So I went back up, and ended up eating some of the desserts that my friend had out that her mom had made. I don't know the names of the bars, but we will call them Fat on my Rump, Calorie Buster, and Gooey Mess of Emotions. They were small, but I had 4 of them.

Finally, I get Kaylee to get going as it really is getting close to her bedtime, and again I just wanted to go home. I had been watching the snotty ex-friend in the corner whispering to another person and sneaking looks at me. Sure, I could be just paranoid, but after the confrontation I just couldn't do anything but ignore, and feel horrible.

Someone was behind me in the driveway so they went out to get their car out of the way. I then started backing out (Kaylee by the way is screaming her head off because a) she is super tired and b) she seriously didn't want to leave). I then hear a crunch that was more than just snow.

I also saw that the person who moved their car had this look to their face emoticon

Turns out their driveway curves and I didn't realize it, and backed up over what I can only describe as plastic covering a bunch of electrical stuff. Yeah, it all cracked like an egg. Great.

So, I had her get my friend so I could let her know that yes, I suck once again. I told her if it cost anything out of their pocket to fix, to let me know and I would pay them back. I felt TERRIBLE.

I finally got back home, got Kaylee to bed, and just couldn't go to bed. I was too wound up. I made a bowl of ice cream (small bowl, but still), and a few small baking chocolates (like Hershey's kisses, but for baking). I put on Grey's Anatomy and lost myself in the show.

My DH came home and I vented, but of course all he focused on was the fact that I had backed up on that electrical stuff and gee, didn't I know that the driveway curved????


I went to bed at 11 p.m. thinking that going to the gym early in the morning wasn't going to happen, and I would make it my cardio rest day, no biggie.

Except my little girl got up at 5:45. And so I learned a lesson. Go to the gym. You won't get much more sleep if you stay home.

I am trying to shift my mood/attitude back over to positivity and that is why I am purging all of this crap into this blog. I need to let the bad energy/negativity out, and let the good energy/positive energy in.


Plan of Action for Today:

Nutrition: No ice cream. Stay in my ranges. Don't focus on food so much today.

Fitness: I plan to do some ST this evening.

Water/Fiber: The usual 80+ ounces plus I need to up my fiber more.
I need to read my 31 things I have learned blog. To remind myself that ONE day of crappy crap doesn't derail my journey.

P.S. I overheard that snarky ex-friend talking to the other people there about the wonderful diet she is on where she drinks a shake for breakfast and lunch, a bunch of fruits and veggies otherwise and how she has lost tons of weight. I am happy for her, but I just wish she hadn't attacked me the way she did before touting her own "diet."

Wow, this blog is seriously long. For anyone who read it, I thank you. I just felt I had to document everything so I could look back on this day and know that I overcame it.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TJDOESLIFE 11/16/2011 7:27PM

    Oh love, I'm so sorry to hear this. There is no excuse for this behavior. People need to remember to think before they speak. You are so much more than she is. She doesn't deserve your friendship and you dont need her approval (of course you know this). Keep your chin up and your head held strong, continue to be confident in who you are!!! All my love!!!!!

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    Screw her, and plan on running into her next year when she has regained 50 pounds, and you are in better shape than you are now. Let her think she has it figured out. We all know she doesn't..

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LOSING107 11/16/2011 3:05PM

    Happy Birthday (belated-sorry!)

How unbelievably rude of that woman to treat you that way. That is appalling!

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HOPEFULSWEIGH 11/16/2011 2:39PM

    Good job for keeping it all together!

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MICHSTATE 11/16/2011 12:14PM

    I think you did well considering the hellish day you had!!!! I hope today is much better!!!!! Hugs!!!!!!!:-)

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BETTERJULIA 11/16/2011 11:23AM

    That is so ridiculous! It is so heartbreaking that women act like that so competitive and hurtful - I'm disappointed in your friend or any of the other women for not saying "she said she did it this way then I believe her". It is good to acknowledge all of these feelings and I HATE how your hubby did that because MINE DOES THE SAME THING. Yesterday I got home and poured out my frustrations to Colin only to have him complain to me about the way I load the dishwasher 15 minutes later. emoticon I was so mad - definitely not what I need. I am also PMSing so it just makes things suck more. I'm proud of you for coming here, blogging it out, and focusing back on you. You can do this!

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SHERRYJVP 11/16/2011 11:08AM

    that woman is seriously Jealous of your healthy permanent success. She knows this obviously looking for a quick fix. Everyone in that room knows a jerk when they see one and probably felt bad for you..and that is awkward. YOU are the winner and you are already back on track!!!! You will soon see her plumping up again. Next time she is a jerk, smile and say thank you for noticing your success.

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ANMRUNNER 11/16/2011 9:53AM

    I hope today is a better day for you. Sounds like yesterday was just a snowball of a bad day. But it's in the past and today is a new day! You can do this! ((HUGS))

Oh--and I'm the same way about cards. I don't want money or gifts, just a card. I keep all our cards on the kitchen counter for like a week after whatever the holiday/occasion was. It just brightens you up looking at them!

Comment edited on: 11/16/2011 9:54:01 AM

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RUNNER4LIFE08 11/16/2011 9:39AM

    I'm sorry about your birthday. I can relate.... my family usually doesn't care and so you are left feeling like your online family cares more than your own blood. It's pathetic but it happens so much. I wonder why......

Anywho.... the ex-friend, what a piece of work she is! I actually feel a little sorry for her. She must have really low self esteem to be lashing out at you. You must have come off as confident and that threatened her. Ignore her attempts to derail you because you are better than that. You are working towards a healthy lifestyle. Be proud of everything you have accomplished!

I hope today is a better day for you!


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LAURIE-RN 11/16/2011 9:03AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

Sorry to hear, it sounds like a rough day all the way around. Today is a new day!


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LUVDOGZ 11/16/2011 8:54AM

    Big hugs!!! emoticon Good for you for venting, and putting that rough day behind you! People can be so dissapointing sometimes, sounds like she was majorly jealous!


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POA Day 20 AKA Success

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

I am a bit bummed as I typed out a blog yesterday that I was planning to post this morning, but then my computer shut down for updates and I lost it :o{ I spent half an hour typing that thing!!!!!!!

Basically, I had a fantastic birthday. I had to work 8-5. I ate light throughout the day so though I wasn't starving, I had plenty of wiggle room for the evening. I stayed busy throughout the day also, with of course working, but also cleaning the house (which was a mess given I was sick all weeend). I did 3 loads of laundry, and raked the lawn since it is supposed to snow today.

I walked the dog in the morning, and also walked the dog with DH before going out for dinner.

Dinner was at a favorite Mexican restaurant that gives you a free dinner for your birthday.

*okay, seriously Kaylee, do you NEED to sit on my shoulder while I'm trying to type?*

Ummm...Okay, so I had a fajita burrito (yum!!!) and the free chips and salsa. I had almost half of the burrito (DH ate the other half), and the chips I limited to a little over a handful. I had plenty of salsa though!

After that, we went home to watch an episode of Modern Family while we split a Cake for Two Oreo chocolate cake. I split mine in another half to set aside for Kaylee later. I also had 1/2 cup of low-fat French silk ice cream *super yum!*

Then, we went to go to my parents house to visit as they were watching Kaylee. When I walked in the door, I felt a bubble of laughter building up as the first thing I saw were a dozen freshly made chocolate cupcakes with chocolate icing. Turns out my little girl already had 3 (sugar high much?). I brought one home with her (to be thrown out once we got home. None of us needed that cupcake). I also tossed the last bit of cake that I had saved for Kaylee. I just didn't need that temptation.

The thing is? I didn't have a second's thought about actually eating those cupcakes at my mom's. To give her some credit, she didn't try to get me to eat them myself or send extras home for me or Corey. That's a step in the right direction!

So, my recap for yesterday, which I definitely feel was a success:

Nutrition: Approximately 1700-1800 calories, as it was hard to fully calculate Paradiso (they don't have nutrition values for their menu). Super happy about this!!!

Fitness: I walked twice (for 2 miles), and did a 55 minute spin class in the morning. Also lots of yard work and housework!

Water/Fiber: Done and Done!!!

Plan of Action for Today:

Nutrition: 1200-1550 calories, preferably on the lower end to counteract yesterday's going over a bit.

Fitness: Run for 3 miles, walk for 2 miles.

Water/Fiber: 80+ ounces of water plus 3 servings of Benefiber.

Other: Weigh-in at Weight Watchers for accountability. Jewelry party tonight, but planning to bring Kaylee, order quickly, and do NOT eat the desserts she has there.

My Weekly Weigh-In: Last week I was 173.4 pounds and today I weighed in at 172.2, with a loss of -1.2. I was down more yesterday, but I am super happy with this result. :o}

Miles: 91/250

Push-Ups: 45/100

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BETTERJULIA 11/16/2011 11:17AM

    Love it! Great job on trashing those sweets!

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TJDOESLIFE 11/15/2011 9:19PM

    Yeah for you love!!!!! Way to take back control and own it!!
You are such and inspiration!!! Glad you had an awesome birthday!

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    Nice. That is the way to do it. Happy Birthday!

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PINKBEANBOO 11/15/2011 1:33PM

    Way to go, Erin!

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MICHSTATE 11/15/2011 1:08PM

    Sounds like a great birthday and weigh-in!!!!:-)

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CRYSBROWN1 11/15/2011 12:20PM

    I'm glad that you enjoyed your birthday & you are SUPER disciplined to watch your calories, it sure was a SUCCESS.

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EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 11/15/2011 12:08PM

    wow - sounds like a super successful birthday to me!!! way to go!!

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RAINEMARIE214 11/15/2011 10:29AM

    So glad you had a fantastic birthday!!! Great job indulging, but not going over board!!!

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MINENA1 11/15/2011 8:54AM

    Glad you had a great birthday! emoticon

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POA Day 19 AKA I May Be 31, But Am Stronger Than I Was At 21...

Monday, November 14, 2011

Yay!!! I started feeling better yesterday afternoon, and I woke up seriously refreshed this morning, enough so that I hit the gym and put 24 miles in at spinning and feel awesome!!

I did still treat yesterday like a super rest day. I did some walking but that was about it. I did also turn around a temptation to eat a quickie dinner at McDonald's. I had it planned I would only have a hamburger and a small fry, but it didn't sit well knowing I would be eating out today for my birthday (at a local Mexican restaurant). So, instead we went through the drive-thru for DH and DD while I went ahead and made my pork stir-fry I had been planning to make and had that. I had a bit too much sodium yesterday and not enough water, so I am feeling a bit bloated this morning. I am hoping to be under 170 when I weigh in so I can get my reward of a book, but I am okay if I'm not. It will happen!!

So, for a recap:

Nutrition: In my ranges. I was MUCH hungrier than I have been the couple of days before, and I did end up eating ice cream as a snack last night.

Fitness: Just walking like planned.

Water: Not NEARLY enough. I have my bottles set aside for today so I will be sure to get my water in today.

Plan Of Action for Today:

Nutrition: Since I am eating at a Mexican restaurant, my plan of action is to eat mostly fruits and veggies for my snacks and meals today. My dinner will be moderate; I plan to put half in a to-go box right away, and I will eat chips and sauce, but only so many (not letting them refill the chips). My cake is an Oreo cake that is actually a slice (cake for two from SuperTarget) and my DH and I are going to split it.

Fitness: 1 hour of spinning (already done) and 2 walks with the dog today. ST (mostly already done).

Water/Fiber: Benefiber plus 80 ounces of water (at least!!!).

Miles 86/250

Push-Ups: 35/100

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MEADSBAY 11/14/2011 10:43PM

Happy birthday to you!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MIECHI7 11/14/2011 9:21AM

    emoticon emoticon
HaPpY BiRtHdAy!!!

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BETTERJULIA 11/14/2011 8:28AM

    Love it! Happy birthday and keep rocking and enjoying your day!!!

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31 Things I Have Learned On This Journey

Monday, November 14, 2011

Since I turn 31 today, I figured I should write up a blog that doesn't have a thing to do with Plan Of Action :o} Instead, this will be the 31 things I have learned on my journey:

1. This journey has been all about decisions/choices, and that I alone can make those choices.

2. One bad choice does not make for a bad result if I make more good choices than bad.

3. I can do anything I want to do, if I want it bad enough.

4. Red Lobster doesn't taste so good, if I have been eating healthier for a long time.

5. The more weight I lose, or the more muscle I put on my body and the more fat I lose, the more I love clothes, make-up, and just being girly-girly in general.

6. I appreciate the good things in life so much more now, i.e. family, friends, experiences, the clothes on my back, the food in my fridge.

7. I can run!!!!

8. I learned the more you surround yourself with inspirational people, friends, quotes, etc....the more motivated you are and less likely to make not so healthy choices.

9. I love taking my dog on walks now!

10. In fact, I love doing anything active now instead of sitting on my butt watching TV.

11. I am not perfect. Nor do I want to be.

12. I am actually sexy, in a geeky kind of way ;o}

13. Good, healthy, nutritious food can actually taste....good!

14. Blizzards are the devil.

15. There are no limits to my goals.

16. I am a super mom, but even super moms need days to unwind or take a mental health day.

17. That I am a bipolar, OCD, binge eating freak...but a lovable one at that.

18. That I have the best support system in my house!!!

19. I married the best guy in the world...for me.

20. I am loved, by so many friends and family, and I don't take that for granted anymore.

21. There is more to life than a number on the scale (still a learning in process, but I am almost there).

22. That I am an inspiration to some people, though that is something I don't think I'll ever be able to wrap my head around!

23. That I can never truly fail, as long as I keep trying.

24. I can conquer anything in life that hits me, bad or good, because I know how to deal with things now, instead of eating my eay through it.

25. I can eat what I want, as long as it is planned, I portion control it, and I exercise to offset the calories.

26. True friends are priceless.

27. I am powerful.

28. I am beautiful, inside and out.

29. I finally started to love myself AND like myself, instead of hating myself for what I do.

30. I am fun to be around, most of the time.

31. I am worth it.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RUNNER4LIFE08 11/14/2011 2:19PM

    emoticon Happy Birthday!!! emoticon

Great list of 31 and a wonderful time to reflect on things! Hope you are having an fantastic day!

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JMEPAYNE 11/14/2011 12:54PM

    happy birthday! awesome list!!

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EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 11/14/2011 12:49PM

    Great blog - Happy birthday! I hope your day is wonderful!

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SEARCHING4ME11 11/14/2011 11:47AM

    Such an encouraging blog! Happy Birthday!!!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LOOKINGTOBEFIT 11/14/2011 11:39AM

    Here's to you emoticon

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MICHSTATE 11/14/2011 8:27AM

    What a great blog!!!!!
I hope you have a VERY Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!

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SHINJU39 11/14/2011 8:08AM

    Absolutely AWESOME

Happy Birthday


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POA Day 18 AKA Enough Already....

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Wow, yesterday was sure a day of ups and downs. I'd feel better for a bit, but then get dizzy and nauseous for a while after that. I definitely felt worse, though, as the day went on. It was a pretty restful day, and I took a shower and put make-up on to feel better, which worked for a bit. My eating was bleh....I think I ended up eating about 1000 calories, and thankfully I only vomited once, so I was able to keep most of those calories down. It was the fever and lack of energy that was hardest. Well, and the nausea whenever I ate or drank anything.

For a recap:

Nutrition: Not that great because I was under on calories.

Fitness: Yeah, it was a rest day.

Water: Definitely could have been better. I just felt so icky with every drink of water, that it was hard to drink it.

I woke up today not feeling much better and still with a fever of about 100.5 degrees (not too bad), so it's going to be another day of rest I believe.

My Plan of Action today:

Nutrition: Try to get in at least 1200 calories. Whatever I can keep down and not have me feeling like crap.

Fitness: Maybe a walk or two to get some fresh air, but that will be it, especially with my dizziness.

Water: I will definitely try to get at least 60 ounces of water/liquids in.

I really need to be feeling better tomorrow. It would REALLY suck to be sick on my birthday.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CALLIKIA 11/13/2011 9:20AM

    Hope you get to feeling better! Just rest today and give your body the time it needs to fight off the rest of whatever it is... and Happy Birthday a little early. ;)

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SHINJU39 11/13/2011 8:39AM

    Get well soon


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