Thursday, February 24, 2011
Before and Afters (but without pictures, just facts):
1. Weight: 286/160
2. Waist- 44/32
3. Hips - 48/38
4. Thigh - 30/22.5
5. Calf - 20/14.5
6. Upper Arm - 18/12
7. Chest - 48I (yes, I)/36D
So, that means:
126 pounds lost.
53 inches lost.
I have run:
7 - 5K races
1 - 8K
1 - 10K
1 - Half Marathon
I am a warrior, and I will no longer tell myself ANY differently. I am unstoppable. Hear me RAWR!!!
Feeling so devilishly good right now, funny what perspective and newfound inspiration/motivation will do for the soul? Yeah, I am feeling mean again. In a GOOD way.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Well, my appointment went almost as expected.
They took my weight (of course I just HAD to wear my corduroy pants, sweater, and shoes) and it showed 166.6. Nice.
Took my blood pressure. 106/70. The usual.
Told the nurse the highlight of the symptoms (2x a month period, dizziness/lightheadedness).
Nurse practitioner comes in, asks a bunch of questions, basically mainly about my birth control pill that I take.
Then, comments on my weight loss, and how that affects things.
Then, asked me about my stressors. I thought about it. I mentioned my training for a marathon and the stress of getting in my long runs/running outside with icy patches. Didn't think that as much of a stressor, though. Told her that I have been stressed out about my weight and especially these last 6 weeks because of having to stay at 160 for 6 weeks for lifetime status. And how I can't seem to get my mindset back into losing weight mode. She comments that she wishes she could lose any weight.
She asks about family history. Asks about any thyroid testing done in the past. No family history, and yes I had testing done 1 year ago in December.
Gets me up on the table, listens to my chest. Makes comment, "I love listening to a runner's heartbeat. Nice and sloowwww." Yup, it sure is nice....
She asks about how my rate is when I exercise. I tell her it goes up normally.
So, in closing, she tells me it is most likely a combination of these factors:
1. Weight loss, especially "so much" in the last year.
2. Stress, and that I need to destress as much as I can.
3. Birth control pills. She thinks I may need more progesterone and prescribed me a new pill, which SUCKS because I just started a new package out of 3 that cost me $40!!!!
So, I am going to get the new prescription today after work and start it tomorrow. I can't do much about the whole weight loss thing. Can't gain it back, that's for sure.
About the stress. I know exactly what I need to do. I need to run. BADLY. I won't today (she asked me to take one more day of resting up after I told her about this last week of flu crap). But, I am SO at the gym tomorrow morning. I plan on running 3-5 miles depending on how I feel. After that? Some weight lifting and strength training. I need to PUMP SOME IRON, baby!!!
I just need to get it all out. I need to use this body in ways it is SUPPOSED to be used. I need those endorphins. I really do. They are my healthy wonderdrug. They do for me what smoking, gambling, and eating have done for me before. And they are GOOD for me, unlike the others.
So....besides that, the only things I know to do for my stress level are to...watch Grey's Anatomy, read a book (the new JD Robb book is out, so I am planning on buying that today)...take a bath? Maybe I will do that tonight, too. Hmmmm....
I will end this blog with a few quotes that are on my motivational collage poster thingy:
"Don't Waste Another Step."
"I need to feel proud of myself. That's my motivation to lose weight."
"You Were Born Ready"
"No Surgery, No Pills, and No Looking Back"
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Thanks for all the comments on my status this morning, Sparkfriends~!
I have made an appointment in an hour to see my primary. I do remember when they thought I had appendicitis and had me do a CT scan, they saw an ovarian cyst, but that was all. They mentioned it in passing, so I assumed it was pretty insignificant or at least not big enough to be worried. Also, it obviously hasn't ruptured (no sharp pains).
In the past 3 months, I have been feeling dizzy/lightheaded, but I have had problems in the past overall with that. I have done all kinds of testing and nothing has enlightened us really. They figured it was my ears, and I had vestibular rehabilitation, which seemed to help, but not sure how much because the dizziness/lightheadedness started up again. It never got really bad again, though (falling over) so I put it aside.
But, it has been getting worse. Somewhat orthostatic (I feel a rush to my head and dizzy when I stand up). My resting heart rate has been about 40 since losing the weight (first noticed about 8 months ago when doing vestibular rehab and the physical therapist asked me about it). He said "You must be a runner for your heart rate to be that low." I smiled and thanked him. He also said I must have never been a smoker. I told him I smoked a pack a day for 8 years actually...he was a bit stunned. It seems everyone is shocked when they find out I used to be a smoker. But, I hid it very well when I did.
My heart rate seems to be fine when I exercise. I wear an HRM when I run, and it goes up appropriately to around 150-160 when I am at peak. I think the highest I have ever seen it go is 169.
I am just wanting to get to the bottom of this. It is getting old, feeling dizzy, which gets me feeling nauseated, and also having this TOM twice a month really sucks when it lasts 7-8 days each time and has wicked cramping and PMS symptoms to go along with it. And it isn't light either. No mama. If I could get rid of my periods altogether, I would...and I did for 7 years when on the Depo Shot (stopped over 3 years ago).
Okay, rambling again. Blah. Oh, and over the past year I think I have had this happen a total of 6 months, it's just that these last 3 months it has happened in a row.
And I had scrambled eggs/egg whites, turkey bacon, reduced-fat cheese, and a slice of wheat toast for breakfast. I ate like a king, and now am sick to my stomach. Dangit.
I wanna run!!!! I wanna work out!!!! Gawd I am jonesing for a sweaty session at the gym like you won't believe. I haven't been without running/working out this long since I joined the gym 13 months ago. Ugh. I think that is affecting my mood, too. I haven't been able to sweat/scream/burn out my emotions. And so food comes back to comfort me.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
That is the title of my Sparkpage. I am being the best I can be.
And that is total hogwash. The day I typed that, I was...that day.
But since around October, I really haven't. I will go a few days of being spectacular and then...I fall off.
And that ends today. This isn't black and white, I can't be perfect, and that is why the title of my page is true, yet not true. I set a high standard for myself because I absolutely KNOW I can be better. But that high standard many times bites me in the ass.
I have ALWAYS believed that you get out of something what you put into it. That is purely common sense. So, when I step on the scale and I see a number I don't like? I know the reason for it. I don't think that once in the past 19 months have I stepped on the scale, saw the number, and truly felt that "oh bologna, that is WRONG!" I may have SAID it, but in my heart I knew what caused that number to pop up.
Sure, it may have been water retention from my TOM, but usually it was directly related to what I ate the day before, or during that week. Sure, I know that the scale needs to "catch up" to my efforts, but when I am consistent in my efforts, the scale shows it.
Here is a good example:
Last June, on my calendar there are happy faces on every day of the week but one, which has a so-so face meaning that I may have gone over a couple hundred calories, but not bad. That month, I lost 12.4 pounds, going from 193.8 to 181.4.
Fast forward to November, and the faces are mainly so-so or blatantly sad faces, and I had a net gain of 2.2 pounds that month.
I have been around 160 pounds since October 19. Sure, there were multiple birthdays, holidays, and whathaveyou and you know what? I got complacent.
Complacency is like the BIG BAD WORD used in most 12-step addiction programs. This is the word that is stressed to all the newbies, that you must NEVER become complacent because that begets a slow, yet steady, trip to slipping or fully relapsing.
When it comes to my addictions to gambling or smoking, I am not complacent. Then again, it is easier to forget about those addictions completely when you don't allow yourself to be around them. I avoid smokers when they are smoking. I never go into a casino. Simple enough.
But food? You can't avoid it. I can't avoid it. I note through my journey that when I haven't eaten out or had junky food for a period of time, say 2 weeks, that my "cravings" for them go away and I am wanting only the healthy food. Then I have something, and I go freaking crazy, like a junky needing their next fix.
I was sick, very sick, these past few days, and although I didn't feel I completely went nuts with food, I finally tracked everything I ate yesterday, and it was not fantastic. At the end of the night, I went out with my daughter and went through the DQ drive-thru and purchased a large cherry-dipped cone. In the past, I would have allowed myself a small cone (6 WW Points) because it was allowable in my points values. Nope, I got the above-mentioned cone dipped in cherry stuff (18 points). I didn't know the points values. If I had, I can tell you right now I would not have gotten it. Planning is so big for my success.
Having my head in the right place is also big for my success. I feel empty right now. Not emotionally, but mentally. You know what? Empty is not the word. My mental well being is so messed up right now because I have been stuffing my face with nasty food that is making my stomach feel HORRIBLE, and I haven't been to the gym since Thursday. I did the minimum needed for the B2W challenge but that was IT. I know that the last 3 days I couldn't work out at the gym. I don't need to be spreading this lovely thing.
But this morning, I could have gone. Sure, I still felt weak, but I could've gone. Instead, I slept in.
And I am done. I am done feeling like a failure. I am done feeling bad for myself. I am done making excuses.
I want to be the BEST I can be. And not half-ass it. Because that is what I have been doing the last many months. I have been half-assing it. And I know the day it happened to. Ahhh, revelation time.
The day after I ran the half marathon.
I burned myself out on running, and that race was so emotional for me, a pinnacle. The longest I had ever run. And the day after I ran it, I felt empty. Like I had nothing to run for anymore. Nothing really to work toward.
Is it about numbers? About a race? It is, and it shouldn't be. It is about me. About how I feel. How I view myself. If I want my body to look the way it SHOULD, then I need to start doing something about it.
I need to be a DOER. Not a watcher. I got that from Grey's Anatomy last night ;o}
Okay, enough rambling. I am not sure if this was remotely coherent at all, but I really don't ever edit what I type and just leave as is.
I am going to keep things simple to get myself back on the right track.
For nutrition, I am going to ingest 29 points (WW) which is about 1300 calories average. I am going to make sure this consists of healthy choices. My body needs it.
For fitness, I am going to run on my lunch hour. I don't know how many miles, but I will just run for the time I am allowed. I will work on strength training tonight when Kaylee is in bed or during my break, if my productivity allows it.
For water, I need to really get back on track drinking water. I will get in 80 ounces today as a starting point. I am not going to jump right back on drinking 150+ ounces when I haven't done that for 2 weeks.
I will get to bed no later than 9:30 tonight.
I will walk my dog once.
I will be mindful of the choices I make, each and every time. I am going to hold myself accountable.
Have a lovely hump day, everyone :o}
Monday, February 21, 2011
B2W Friday - Sunday Missions!
This Weekend, MAKE ME STRONG.
1. If you have not taken your before picture (if you are brave enough to take one) or you measured yourself or any of the other things you know you should do because you said you would... DO THEM.
Measurements are in the last template, but here are my before pictures taken tonight:
2. Add some nutrients to track daily. If you aren't getting enough of what you NEED in order to lose weight, then how can you lose weight? if you aren't getting what you NEED to go faster or get stronger, then how can you go faster or get stronger. It's math people! Let's be smart, not ignorant!
Tell us what new thing(s) you are tracking in your food tracker!
****I was tracking fiber, protein, carbs, fat, and calories. I am now adding calcium, potassium, and sodium.
3. MISSION ***PICK ONE***
This weekend- your MISSION is to:
1. Count how many sit-ups (or crunches) that you can do. You want to find out your MAX! This is your limit- the one you cannot break through. Find out! I double dog dare you!
****Since I am good with crunches, I went for sit-ups, I can do 25 full sit-ups right now.
2. find a new workout. If you have one that is working for you- do it THIS WEEKEND. If you don't have one- you can put together several of the sparkpeople workouts depending on what equipment you have. OR you can grab one out of a magazine, get recommendations from a friend, try a DVD you haven't started yet- but do a core workout THIS WEEKEND..... AND..... prove that you did it. Whether its a cameraphone pic of yourself or a professional photoshoot of your heart monitor, I don't care. Hell you can get a note from your trainer saying it was done for all I care. if you have no access to a camera - then write what you did and tell us about the experience.
***I don't have the proof this time, but I did planks, and side plank push-ups. These are not exactly a new workout, but are my nemesis and I want to overcome them.
4. have a multi-faceted plan. Pick the **ONE** that you usually AVOID and follow the corresponding instructions. We need to get uncomfortable in order to make a difference.
****B) Strength Training/Toning/Sculpting (pick up the free weights. You don't look stupid. Time to swallow your pride and use them. No more procrastinating- play around with them and at least TRY a workout. Cmon. be BRAVE!)
I worked on upper body ST with my 5-pound free weights. Didn't do too much, but got through a set of bicep curls, tricep extensions and kick backs, lateral raises, frontal raises, arnolds, the pop can thing, and various other ones!
5. Motivation Maintenance (fun stuff)
choose **ONE** of the following:
****CREATE A NEW (OR A FIRST) VISION COLLAGE. GRAB SCISSORS AND GLUESTICK AND THING **BIGG**
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