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All or Nothing: My Personality Assessment Inventory Report.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

When I took a 600+ question "test" for a psychiatrist who I never met for him to evaluate my mental health (during treatment for my gambling addiction), I was surprised to read the results, since it seemed like by his assessment, he knew me from the inside out. I am going to type it here, since maybe writing/reading at the same time will provide me more insight into my psyche: Oh, and the title of this report is "Personality Assessment Inventory Report"

P.S. This report is dated May 24, 2004.

"Health Status: Erin has some concerns about her physical health, and is prone to developing physical symptoms due to stress or emotional conflicts. Her degree of concern, although moderate, is unusually high for someone her age. She is not reporting physical symptoms of depression or anxiety. Erin's energy and activity levels are moderately high. She probably likes to stay active and busy. She is reporting no problem with alcohol or drugs.

Mood Status: Erin's mood at this time is sad, dissatisfied, and pessimistic. Her unhappiness is most likely situational, rather than persistent and longstanding. She is somewhat changeable in her moods, depending on her current circumstances. There are no indications she is irritable or resentful. She is unlikely to experience or express anger.

Mental Status: Erin is reporting some difficulties with attention and concentration, but not to the degree she struggles to stay focused on tasks and projects, or cannot make decisions and solve problems. She does not appear to be dwelling on some past painful event or events. There are no indications of confusion, perplexity, or difficulty distinguishing reality from fantasy. Erin is not entertaining unusual ideas or bizarre thoughts. She is not reporting serious suicidal thoughts or intentions. However, Erin tends to be black or white in her thinking, so she processes events in terms of opposites such as good/bad, favorable/unfavorable, success/failure and so on.

Interpersonal Style: Erin's interpersonal style is best characterized as introverted and passive. She is not socially oriented, and is unlikely to initiate social activities. She is probably seen by others as quiet, withdrawn, and perhaps, indifferent. Given she is not reporting excessive anxiety or mistrust, most likely her rather detached manner is temperamental, rather than due to a social phobia or her current circumstances. Erin probably has one or two people with whom she associates, is satisfied with these relationships, and avoids any conflict or controversy.

View of Self: Erin has a diffuse, but generally negative self-evaluation. That is, she lacks a clear sense of who she is and what her goals and intentions are. Although her self-concept is poorly established, self-criticism and self-doubt predominate. Erin is likely to feel incomplete, unfulfilled, and inadequate. There are also indications she is self-absorbed, usually being more concerned about meeting her needs before the needs of others. Erin struggles with impulse control. She probably has trouble delaying gratification, sustaining effort under adverse circumstances, and persistently solving problems. Her lack of self-control has had adverse consequences, maybe to the point she has gotten in trouble with the law.

View of the Environment: Erin is reporting an average level of stress. She perceives her environment as stable, predictable, and manageable. Although she probably has few social relationships, Erin believes the people she associates with are sufficiently available and supportive.

Treatment Consideration: Erin's test profile does not reveal serious psychological problems. Also, Erin acknowledges the need to make changes in her life, and believes she can benefit from seeking treatment. She has the capacity for a realistic self-appraisal, although she tends to take too negative a view of herself. In my opinion, the main area of focus of treatment for Erin is to help her establish a stronger sense of self-worth and self-control."

Okay...obviously not all of this is true today since I have changed quite a bit since that time in my life. I have matured, had a baby, etc. The key component is that at that time I had my world rocked. I had tumbled into a gambling addiction in a matter of a month and had gambled nearly my entire life away in 3 months. I nearly lost my marriage. And at that time, I would have been destroyed if I had lost that, for my DH is my world. Since that time, I went to treatment, still go to GA and open the meetings, paid my debt off with a second job until my DH asked me to go back to 1 job (for my sanity ;o}). I also since then quit smoking in 2006, and well...you know the story of my journey to get my health back on track starting the day my daughter was born on July 11, 2009.

These are the words that stick out that still apply for me today:
1. Erin's energy and activity levels are moderately high. She probably likes to stay active and busy. Funny...even then when I was completely sedentary and had no desire to work out....

2. She is somewhat changeable in her moods, depending on her current circumstances. Yeah, I can go from negative to positive in a split second, and that can also go the other way from positive to negative. Nowadays, however, it can be easier to be positive than negative.

3. Erin tends to be black or white in her thinking, so she processes events in terms of opposites such as good/bad, favorable/unfavorable, success/failure and so on. Yeah, I don't even need to expound on this. "success/failure" is my BIGGEST issue on this one.

4. Erin's interpersonal style is best characterized as introverted and passive. She is not socially oriented, and is unlikely to initiate social activities. I am still this way, but I have been going out of my comfort zone greatly with this, especially by being on here, and now planning on meeting up with a bunch of people from here in March. I am also cultivating relationships in my home life with a few friends in town, and I actually am reaching out to them more often. It has been hard sometimes because it's easier for me to just stay home and be a hermit, but I really do enjoy friendships and getting out, too!

5. Erin has a diffuse, but generally negative self-evaluation. That is, she lacks a clear sense of who she is and what her goals and intentions are. Although her self-concept is poorly established, self-criticism and self-doubt predominate. Erin is likely to feel incomplete, unfulfilled, and inadequate. ~ Again, I don't need to explain how this applies now. Obviously some of it still applies, mainly self-criticism and self-doubt.

6. There are also indications she is self-absorbed, usually being more concerned about meeting her needs before the needs of others. ~ Before this test in 2004, I didn't see this in myself, but I learned. I still struggle with this. There is a fine line between putting yourself first and becoming all about yourself. Especially now having a daughter....

7. Erin struggles with impulse control. She probably has trouble delaying gratification, sustaining effort under adverse circumstances, and persistently solving problems. ~ I almost laughed when reading this. This has been the root of so many problems I have brought on myself, from my addictions to gaining weight to spending money....

8. Erin acknowledges the need to make changes in her life, and believes she can benefit from seeking treatment. She has the capacity for a realistic self-appraisal, although she tends to take too negative a view of herself. In my opinion, the main area of focus of treatment for Erin is to help her establish a stronger sense of self-worth and self-control. ~ Hear, hear.

I need to keep this inventory out for me to read at my desk :o}

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RAVENSONG37 2/13/2011 8:59AM

    What an interesting experience. Thank you for sharing.

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ELLABELLE66 2/10/2011 12:57PM

    I second MEGSFITNESS - this makes me want to do it too! What a valuable tool to see where you were and where you are now.

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ROBYN168 2/10/2011 12:55PM

    We are very similar!!!!! Great idea to keep it handy.

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BILLALEX70 2/10/2011 12:54PM

    Thanks for sharing!

Maybe I need to take that quiz to see what's loose in my melon. emoticon

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MEGSFITNESS 2/10/2011 12:43PM

    This makes me want to go through a psych eval so I can learn things about myself too. This was very insightful.

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NUTRIGIRL08 2/10/2011 12:04PM

    It is nice to go back to re-evaluate to make sure we stay on track! You are doing an amazing job!!!

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THISISFORME924 2/10/2011 11:38AM

    That was very insightful... I see alot of myself in your evaluation. Thanks for putting this out there!


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Recap of yesterday/Goals for Today

Wednesday, February 09, 2011

I weighed in at WW at 158 in my clothes (and 157 at home nekky). Yay!!!!!!! So psyched. Dinner was delicious, but took a long time for the food, so by the time I picked up my daughter, went to Target, and got home, it was about 8:25, which is past Kaylee's bedtime. I still gave her a bath before bed because she really needed it, and she had a blast! I stayed up until 9:30 to watch a bit of the Biggest Loser, which I didn't finish because I did need to get to bed and I was on the verge of getting some ice cream.

Here is how I did.

1. Nutrition: Toasted Frog for supper (the restaurant) including fried cheesy pickles and sweet potato fries with chipotle aioili dip. Yeah, bad. I know, I know. Freggies otherwise. emoticon I ended up getting the open faced prime rib sandwich with the sweet potato fries and cheesy pickles. My sister got the Mako shark!!! Crazy! It was delicious, though. I had some macaroni salad when I got home, but it still fit in my day's nutrition.

2. Water: Probably 80 ounces, but will try to get more than that. emoticon Just barely got in 80 ounces.

3. Fitness: I already ran 4 miles this morning, which was the plan. No other fitness today! emoticon

4. Other: Weigh-in at 5 p.m., going out with my sistah!, need to go to Target for diapers/milk, clean, go to the gym to get my gym bag that I forgot on my way out this morning and pray no one stole my craptastic MP3 player...actually, they can have it. Thing shorts out on me all the time while running and drives. Me. Nuts. emoticon Had a fun night! Also gave my daughter the bath she wanted/needed last night.

My goals for Today:

1. Nutrition: PB oatmeal with a banana and milk for breakfast, soup for lunch, freggies for when I feel hungry in between, and whole-wheat pasta with sauce and veggies for dinner. Stay around 29 points, but no more than 35.

2. Water: 140+ ounces. Still bloated.

3. Fitness: Got to the gym and the treadmills were full, so 35 minutes on the elliptical plus a final mile run on the first TM to open up :o} Kind of a rest day-ish. I will do ST and core work this evening.

4. Other: Closing on the refinancing today, bringing Kaylee to grandma's, maybe go shopping for Cancun clothes? I need shorts, tank tops, footwear, and a swimsuit for sure! Now that the refinancing is going to be done, our money that we have been holding onto will FINALLY be freed up :o}

5. Go to bed by 9:00.

22 days until Cancun

3 days until my first official race of 2011 (Frozen Feat 10K on February 12)

39 days until the first day of spring (March 20, 2011)

37 days until I meet Becky, Paula, and a bunch of other SP friends for the Get Lucky 7K and her birthday weekend!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ROBYN168 2/10/2011 11:29AM

    Sounds like a great day!!!!

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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 2/9/2011 6:02PM

    You are AWESOME!!!!!!!!

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BUTTERFLYBLUE67 2/9/2011 10:27AM

    My favorite part of the blog is Cancun. Hope it's just a hubby and wife trip. I love it there it's so much fun. Congrats on your goals and running. Woohoooo

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NUTRIGIRL08 2/9/2011 9:43AM

    emoticon

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Pictures of new hair color/jacket

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

Since there is such high demand...well, a few people asked anyway, here are the pictures of my jacket/'do:







The picture with the tripod...I couldn't get it where it wasn't blurry and all, so I did a couple of close-ups. I actually did a trillion of them, but I either look like the joker or just goofy, so many went in the trash ;o}

P.S. Apologies to my hairdresser. I combed it out after running today and haven't washed it yet, so it's a bit flat right now and weird because I tried to also sleep on it. :o}

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AQUAPOWERS 2/9/2011 12:56PM

    Looking good Erin!!

emoticon

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RAINEMARIE214 2/9/2011 10:41AM

    I love the color! I need to go and get my highlights redone ASAP! Its been like 6 months!

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NUTRIGIRL08 2/9/2011 9:41AM

    Beautiful! emoticon

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CLIMBNRUN 2/8/2011 9:52PM

  Wow! Hot mama!!

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ROOT4HOME 2/8/2011 9:30PM

    Great hair color and jacket!!

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THEHONESTME 2/8/2011 9:25PM

    I love your hair -- you probably already saw my comment on your photo gallery, but I had to comment on this blog, too -- you make me laugh! Why is it so hard to take pictures of ourself? I'd take a trillion too just to get one "maybe". I don't like having my picture taken anyway, but to take one of myself -- even harder! LOL

Your blogs are always so down to earth and true -- you always bring a smile to my face!
Thanks, Erin!

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ONE*BUSY*MOM 2/8/2011 8:48PM

    emoticon

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BLARGNOOBMAN 2/8/2011 3:30PM

    Well then, I guess it's time for a blonde joke ;)

A blonde walks into a shoe store and starts looking at the shoes. The store owner walks over and asks, "Is there anything I can help you find?"

The blonde says "I'd like to buy some alligator shoes."

"Well, we have some in your size for $399"

"$399! That's WAY too high! I'll get some myself!" exclaims the blonde. She walks out, slamming the door. The store owner chuckles to himself and continues working.

A few hours later, the store owner closes up shop early to head home to work on some projects. As he is driving around a large lake, he sees to his surprise the same blonde in the lake up to her hips, poised with a shotgun in hand.

10 feet away from her, a huge 12 foot alligator slowly begins to swim towards her. Suddenly, the alligator strikes forward at the blonde. Without flinching, she shoots the alligator straight between the eyes, killing it instantly.

To the store owner's amazement, the blonde drags the huge alligator corpse onto the beach of the lake, flips him over, and screams "DANGIT! THIS ONE'S NOT WEARING SHOES EITHER!"

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SEATTLESIMS 2/8/2011 1:24PM

    great color on you! and the coat is super cute!

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BLEIGH711 2/8/2011 1:21PM

    Looking awesome!!! Love it!

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-POOKIE- 2/8/2011 1:15PM

    emoticon looks good!

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PINKBEANBOO 2/8/2011 12:50PM

    Yes! I like the lighter blonde on you rather than the poop. emoticon It says "I belong on the beach". emoticon

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MEGSFITNESS 2/8/2011 12:46PM

    OooOOoOhh... that blonde looks SO GOOD with your skin tone!! And there are nice (natural?) highlights that are peeking through too :)

That jacket is so flattering on your figure :) Good find!

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ROBYN168 2/8/2011 12:44PM

    It looks beautiful!!!! Love the jacket too.

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Recap of Yesterday/Goals for Today (2/8)

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

Yesterday was crazy hormonally. So many happy things happened yesterday including our final approval for our refinancing on our mortgage and the appointment for closing was made for tomorrow. If it goes according to plan (which it hasn't yet), the closing costs will be in the ballpark of what he initially told us and we will be happy. Or, they will state a figure over $1000 and we will walk out after all the work and time we put into it. Fingers crossed for the first to happen!

Second, I got a check in the mail that was basically a refund of a payment I had made on my student loan. I pay it online, so I don't have stubs or anything that say how many months I have left. Get this...IT'S PAID OFF!! Yahoo!!!!! Of course, I plan on going back to school soon, though it won't be this fall unfortunately...that's just too soon as we looked through our finances and everything going on.

I also got my hair done, and...MY GOD, she did it just the way I wanted it!!! My previous hairdresser always talked me into going a different direction, and the last time I went I was just so unhappy with the result mainly because I told her all-over one color of blonde, and she did like 5 different colors including DARK FREAKING BROWN underneath. She called it low-lighting. I called it poop.

So, I am as of now a blonde chicka with no poopy brown underneath! Oh, and no offense to brunettes...I think that color is amazing, but on me looks like poop. I like saying poop today, me thinks.

Hmm...what else....? Oh, the downside of yesterday. I ate an amazing about of veggies and a super amount of fruit. I had a couple of mini bagels with turkey on them and mayo. I had another 2 earlier with PB on it. Hello carbs! I swear, I absolutely HATE my period. It's like it defines what I eat. I had leftover Italian pasta for lunch. All of it. I stayed within my caloric range for the day, but only barely, and this was the day I was wanting to be on the lower end because of my weigh-in today. But, I basically ate what my body apparently wanted, and....my weight is like SUPER down today. Yeah, it may be because I ran 4 miles this morning, but still. I hesitate to write it down here especially since my last weigh-in for the Periwinkles is tomorrow morning and I am going to wait until then to put it down here.

Basically, it means I am fine for my WW weigh in today. Glad I had that 160 ounces of water! Seriously, though, I had that much water down by NOON!! Good thing, though, since I didn't have many opportunities in the evening to down a bunch of it.

Ummm...so today? I am optimistic for another happy day. My productivity at work today is amazing, even with writing this blog. My focus is DEAD ON. Of course, that is mainly because I am trying to NOT focus on my belly whimpering at me. My belly knows I am going out to The Toasted Frog for dinner with my sistah after the weigh-in (where we will be splitting sweet potato fries and fried cheesy pickles). Yes, bad for me, but so good for my tummy tonight.

Okay, okay, on to my goals yesterday (how I did):

1. Nutrition: PB Oatmeal with banana and skim milk for breakfast, fruits and veggies throughout the day, and protein otherwise. emoticon even though I did have a bit of a pasta lunch.

2. Water: 150 ounces at least since I had an immeasurable amount of sodium yesterday and I am on my period. Not a good combo for a weigh-in. emoticon I had 160 ounces of water...and feel much better this morning.

3. Fitness: 50 minutes of Spin and Sculpt followed by Abs class for 15 minutes (which I have already done today and kicked my butt). Will not walk dog today with wind chill of -27. emoticon and now my muscles are so, so, so angry. And me happy!

4. Various items on my to-do list: Tan, give my daughter her every-other-day bath, get my hair done at 6 p.m. (yes, I am definitely taking pics!), and wishing my beautiful husband a Happy Anniversary (it's our 8th, but we are celebrating Thursday instead). emoticon except for Kaylee's bath. I didn't get home until after she went to bed!

5. Go to bed by 9. Last night went to bed late because of the game and cleanup after! emoticon just barely since I got home at 8:30 and DH wanted to ooh and aah over my new blondeness!

My kick-A$$ goals for tomorrow:

1. Nutrition: Toasted Frog for supper (the restaurant) including fried cheesy pickles and sweet potato fries with chipotle aioili dip. Yeah, bad. I know, I know. Freggies otherwise.

2. Water: Probably 80 ounces, but will try to get more than that.

3. Fitness: I already ran 4 miles this morning, which was the plan. No other fitness today!

4. Other: Weigh-in at 5 p.m., going out with my sistah!, need to go to Target for diapers/milk, clean, go to the gym to get my gym bag that I forgot on my way out this morning and pray no one stole my craptastic MP3 player...actually, they can have it. Thing shorts out on me all the time while running and drives. Me. Nuts.

23 days until Cancun

4 days until my first official race of 2011 (Frozen Feat 10K on February 12)

40 days until the first day of spring (March 20, 2011)

38 days until I meet Becky, Paula, and a bunch of other SP friends for the Get Lucky 7K and her birthday weekend!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DUSTYGIRL25 2/8/2011 2:03PM

    Awesome! Love the haircolor! Looks like sunshine!
Good luck with the home loan and hope that works out for you.
Love the goals!
emoticon

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-POOKIE- 2/8/2011 1:16PM

    emoticon glad you had good day!!

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THEHONESTME 2/8/2011 12:31PM

    Sounds like a great day planned! ENJOY! 23 days????? WOW, it's going fast! Good luck at WW tonight and with tomorrow's FINAL BL weigh-in -- I can't wait to have it over with just so I can hide my scales til February 28th!

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MEGSFITNESS 2/8/2011 12:30PM

    Haha.. so glad your hair isn't looking poopy anymore =P Natural brunettes have a lot of depth to the color... If she picked the wrong one for your skin tone, I can imagine how horrid it might look. Your pics don't look bad though! I guess it's a good thing it was underneath--and it's an even BETTER thing that this stylist listened to you :)

Was hubby able to step in to give your daughter a bath or is she on day three? My niece goes to bed scrubby sometimes because my sister will work late, and she's pretty carefree about it but I usually end up glaring at her (long-term) boyfriend for not bathing the kid =P Of course, my niece is about 5 so there's a big difference.

Great run this morning!! Have fun at dinner tonight. I absolutely LOVE sweet potato fries :)

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ROBYN168 2/8/2011 12:09PM

    fingers crossed for your refi. appt. I hate it when they pull the old "it's going to be more than we thought".

Glad to hear you have the hair of your dreams....photo????

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PINKBEANBOO 2/8/2011 11:50AM

    Good luck with tomorrows appt and I want to see a picture of the new hair!

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Superbowl weekend Recap!!!

Monday, February 07, 2011

So, yesterday morning I posted a blog with some progress pics to motivate me to be "good" this weekend, and to put me in better spirits. Plus, I like to dress up! It definitely helped.

Saturday went much better than expected. The girls' night out was canceled because the main chick of the group had a sister-in-law's birthday to attend and forgot about that. I had us reschedule for February 26, because A) It's the same week as Cancun, so good to get all the drinking done that week and B) I don't have to weigh in that Tuesday, so I won't be stressing out, and can just have a fun time in moderation!

Also, the spaghetti feed benefit we went to was crazy packed from wall to wall, so we donated, looked at the silent auction items, and took off. Good thing because I really wasn't that hungry, and because I had Pop Tarts earlier (gasp, 200 cals/tart).

I didn't go out for the 7-mile run I was supposed to do on Saturday because I was really sore from weight lifting on Friday. My chest and butt hurt the most. I did regret going with the group, but knew I made the right choice. Unfortunately, all morning yesterday I was doing a great job of talking myself out of running the 7 miles. Here was my list of excuses: I can always do the 7 miles on Tuesday/swapping it out. I have my period and my cramps are a B$(%H today. I am still sore from weight lifting. I want to take a nap, too, when Kaylee takes her nap. I have to get ready for the Superbowl party. And the list goes on, and on.....

I actually did talk myself out of running until 10 minutes before Kaylee went down for her nap. Then, I got up, put my workout clothes on, and just said to myself that if the worst came to worst, then I would at least go on the elliptical for an hour. I went, and started running, shins hurting in the beginning, but loosening up later on into it. I actually got in 6.4 miles in the 60 minutes the TM lets you go before stopping. I restarted it and then figured I could maybe even get in 9 miles! But, at a total of 7.6 miles, my stomach was starting to hurt. *sigh* So, I went home, proud of myself for at least doing what I had originally set out to do, and 0.6 more than that!

So, here was the spread at my house for the party: My contributions of cocktail shrimp, a huge fruit bowl, and a veggie tray. My mom brings the following: smokies, chili, con queso, Italian pasta dish, ham and cheese macaroni salad, deviled eggs, Doritos and tortilla chips, and 7-layer bars and Special K bars.

I had 1-1/2 7-layer bars, 1 Special K bar, a bowl of chili, 2 deviled eggs, Doritos with con queso that I didn't finish, a spoonful of each cold pasta salad, 2 smokies, and otherwise I had my veggies, fruit, or shrimp. This morning, I felt surprisingly good! My weight was actually 2 pounds down from yesterday (which isn't a big yahoo since yesterday morning was 163 and today was 161). I am happy, though, that as long as I stay on track today and tomorrow, my weigh-in tomorrow should be just fine and I will only have 2 more weeks of maintaining before Lifetime status!

So, here are my GOALS for today:

1. Nutrition: PB Oatmeal with banana and skim milk for breakfast, fruits and veggies throughout the day, and protein otherwise.

2. Water: 150 ounces at least since I had an immeasurable amount of sodium yesterday and I am on my period. Not a good combo for a weigh-in.

3. Fitness: 50 minutes of Spin and Sculpt followed by Abs class for 15 minutes (which I have already done today and kicked my butt). Will not walk dog today with wind chill of -27.

4. Various items on my to-do list: Tan, give my daughter her every-other-day bath, get my hair done at 6 p.m. (yes, I am definitely taking pics!), and wishing my beautiful husband a Happy Anniversary (it's our 8th, but we are celebrating Thursday instead).

5. Go to bed by 9. Last night went to bed late because of the game and cleanup after!

Have a FABULOUS Monday, everyone!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NUTRIGIRL08 2/8/2011 11:33AM

    emoticon

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MEGSFITNESS 2/8/2011 10:48AM

    Woo Hoo!! You're awesome. Your mom brought a lot of tempting food @_@; I don't know if I'd have done as well as you have.

I just realized, though, just how far you've come. You've lost over 100 pounds! I had no clue! You just look so happy and fabulous and natural at the weight you're at right now that I'd never guess what a struggle it must have been to get there. No wonder you want Lifetime status for WW! You've earned it!!

Happy anniversary to you and to your hubby :) And Cancun is coming up!! Can't wait.

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DUSTYGIRL25 2/7/2011 1:53PM

    Good for you on everything. You exercised even though you almost talked yourself out of it.
You ate pretty darn healthy, even with all those tempting delicious foods available (wow, that's a tough one).
And you still kept the weight down.
Not to mention the best of all, time with friends and family!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon


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PRICANSTINA84 2/7/2011 10:57AM

    glad you at least made your 7 miles! i was bad last night, who knows how many wings i ate but was glad to see that the scale stayed the same as yesterday :-)

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