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ERINBEAR1876's Recent Blog Entries
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Friday, December 17, 2010
This may be typed in spurts. I am starting this at 2:32 p.m. Central time. Let's see how long this takes.
I did well for 75% of the day yesterday. I did throw out the brownie mix since I didn't want to toss the eggs and oil. That is huge for me, since I never would have done that in the past. I love to hang on to things I can possibly have a binge on later. I ate pretty healthy, though higher in sodium, by having homemade noodle soup with no chicken (didn't have any on hand). I had fruits (mainly bananas and oranges) and frosted mini wheats.
For dinner I planned on doing the same. But, later last evening, Kaylee really really really really was turning on her "I'm going to be TWO in half a year" attitude and behavior. She was mainly going after the dog, who is like 3 times her size. I try to keep them separated when she gets into this mode, and try to teach Kaylee that you are to PET and be kind to Jenny, but she just had it in for her last night. Grabbing and squeezing the tail, throwing things at her, going for the ears, the eyes, the mouth, stepping on her paws. And I love Jenny to death, but she just sits there and gets angry. She doesn't go in the other room on her own. So, I have to have Jenny be in a separate part of the house, or put her in the backyard (though not for long since it is colder here).
Anyway, my stress level shot through...BRB
Okay, back. Yeah, my stress level was through the roof last night. I kept my cool because I don't yell at her, but I try to redirect her to another task. At this age, this is what she responds to the most. That got so old, though. This was every minute during the evening. So, for supper I decided to get Subway. But, I didn't make a plan of action for Subway, like seeing how many points whatever was. Yeah, so I got the footlong Seafood Sensation (my favorite) and 3 White Chocolate Macadamia Nut cookies. Gawd, I feel embarrassed writing this down, especially after trying to take everyone's advice yesterday. But, there you have it. I cannot blind myself OR you all to what I did. I just need to own up to the fact that I had more than I needed to eat and not the healthiest options. I am proud that I didn't make/eat a batch of brownies, but that Subway excursion??? Not good points-wise. The cookies were 6 points a PIECE (total of 18 points). I figured I could stop at one, but they were so perfectly made, and fresh, and a bit doughy in the center (why I like it like that...I dunno, but the chocolate was melty). No, I ate all 3. And the sub? 22 points. Okay, so the cookies and sub alone put me over the top of my points, not to include the rest of the day.
Well, let's move on to a new day, shall we? This morning, I woke up feeling...weird. Not great, not bad, but weird. Couldn't put my finger on it. It wasn't my stomach,...kinda my head, like it was fuzzy. So, I got up at 5, went to the gym, and started running on the treadmill, feeling that I would run for an hour, and not focus on how fast I was running, how many miles I would get in. 30 minutes in, and I was DONE. Just DONE. I could barely breathe, my chest hurt, and I was getting a RAGING headache. I did get in 3 miles, though ;o}
So, went home, went to bed, but then Kaylee woke up. That's okay,...I was starting to feel better, though my chest still hurt (more musculoskeletal than anything, or maybe pleuritic). I still felt good until nap-time (11 a.m.). I woke up when she woke up, at 12:30, and felt GOD-AWFUL. My sinuses were filled to the brim, I c....BRB.
Okay, back. So, I started sneezing. Like 6 times a minute on average. So much mucus, and it is a greenish tinge. Great. I had this 2 years ago. I remember this. I felt...hot flashes, so took my temperature and it says 100.3. Noooooooo. I just....I'm too tired and stressed and have too much going on with Kaylee to have to deal with this now, too. I thought I was past being sick. It's like a vicious cycle is going on this house between Kaylee and I. She seems to be doing a lot better now, but very clingy (which I understand) and....angry.....sadistic ;o}
So, I had a Hershey's kisses attack, and had...BRB
Okay, she wanted Goldfish. I'm back. Yeah, I had 10 kisses, and threw the rest away. Danged Christmas stockings. Next year, they are SO going to be filled with crap that I hate, or just non-candy items.
I'm sorry, I just have the lowest tolerance for getting/being sick. I used to get sick all of the time when I was a smoker, having either bronchitis or pneumonia several times a year, sinus infections all of the time, etc., but I haven't really had much going on besides headaches and a burnout here and there. So, you all just basically get to hear my pity party/whining since I've no one else to talk to today.
I am proud of myself for running this morning, but not so proud of succumbing to not-so-great food choices.
Okay, she's pulling me away again, so I am just going to finish this up. I just wanted to let everyone know what I have been up to since blogging yesterday.
Take care all, and have a great weekend...
Erin
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Wow, usually I feel so gung-ho, especially lately. Dang, this is going to be a quickie blog because my daughter is on her way...
She started throwing up again at 11:30 last night. Damn me for thinking her little tummy could handle a tiny bit of pasta.
This time, she was up ALL.NIGHT. Literally. There wasn't 10 minutes that would go by before she would be wanting us to come get her out of the crib. I had given her Tylenol and water, but she just wanted us to be with her....
So, I am without sleep. Very crabby. And I started getting a wicked sore throat yesterday. This morning, I feel like my throat is the size of a grapefruit and nearly swollen shut.
Okay, my DH is gone ALL DAY TODAY. As in, from 7 a.m. until 8 p.m. because of a court deposition he is involved with today. And on Tuesday when Kaylee was sick he was gone the entire day nearly. Well, he came home for a couple of hours but then headed out to his friend's house. Then, tomorrow he is working both jobs so he will be gone from 7 a.m. until 1 a.m. I know that for the most part it is NOT his fault he is gone, this is just really bad timing.
My mom is also working nonstop as a nurse. So, that pretty much means it is just me and Kaylee, and there is no way I am taking her out of the house, which means I am house-bound today AND tomorrow (I am keeping her home tomorrow to just rest and also because there is a newborn in her daycare and I don't want him getting sick because of this).
I am going stir-crazy. Because of my throat, I didn't go to the gym to run this morning. I am hoping to go tomorrow morning if I am feeling better.
But, to cap this all off, when I am feeling this way, that is when I eat. Sure, my throat is swollen. But, that doesn't stop me from thinking about the fact that I have the ingredients in the house to bake a batch of brownies. Everything else in the house is FAIRLY healthy, with that exception. I am going to be making chicken noodle soup today....
But, yeah. I just can't shake the feeling that I am going to be making bad choices today and I really want to prevent that. And yes, a small voice in my head is thinking that hey...I can still go through the drive-thru with her! Ugh.
Please kick me in the butt, or something. Tell me what I need to hear. I know what I am supposed to be doing, but not always is it easy to hear my own advice..
Thank you, dear Sparkers. I adore each and every one of you!
Erin
P.S. Gotta admit, I cried a little when DH left....a bit of pity party tears.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Why do I want to continue busting my A$$ off at the gym? Why do I want to continue not pigging out on food until I feel like the Stay Puff marshmallow man? Here we go (some of this taken from previous blogs I have written):
1. This time last year I was 240 pounds, having lost 46 pounds already but having so far yet to go. Today, I am 160 +/- 1 pound and have lost a total of 126 pounds.
2. I could not walk more than 30 feet without being seriously short of breath, winded, and sweaty. Now, I have run 5K's, an 8K, and a half marathon, and am training for my first FULL marathon in May 2011.
3. I could not hold my 10-pound baby without my arms going numb within 10 minutes. I can now carry her for a heckuva long time if I need to, and she is 27 pounds now.
4. I was in a size 24. I am now in a size 8/10.
5. I was scared about how much weight I had to lose. Now I look back and know that every bit of this was WORTH IT.
6. I hated the idea of going to the gym. Now, I don't feel RIGHT if I miss a day at the gym. They're like my second family!
7. Food was more important than me. Now, food is my fuel, not my life.
8. I was reluctant to let go of my last "crutch" that I used to deal with stress - comfort/emotional eating. Before, I had other addictions that sufficed including smoking and gambling. I have not smoked since October 2, 2006. I have not gambled since February 26, 2004. Now, I run. I run. And I run. Nothing beats stress like a good run! (or a good spin).
9. The idea of wearing a dress with heels would make me laugh and cry. Out of shame, mostly. Now, I own 6 dresses and 5 pairs of heels with the want/need to have MORE MORE MORE because I absolutely LOVE to see how I look in them now.
10. I avoided being in social situations completely, especially family get-togethers. Now, I look forward to being in social situations, joining leagues, seeing my friends, coworkers, and especially family get-togethers since a lot of them haven't seen me since I was 280 pounds. The compliments and looks of shocks I get are worth it!I absolutely CAN do anything I set my mind to. If I fail, I tried. I can't ask myself to do more than that!
If I can lose 116 pounds in 1 year...
If I can get up out of bed 5 days a week at 5 a.m. to go to the gym...
If I can be a fantastic mother and a loving wife, and love every minute of it...
If I can go from huffing and puffing while walking 1 block to running over an hour straight at a 6.0 mph pace...
If I can go back to college at 31 years of age...
Then I can do anything I want to do, and be proud of myself for accomplishing these things
My Goals for 2011:
~ I will continue to weigh in at Weight Watchers every week without fail (unless I am contagious ;o}). I will now be watching for changes in my body rather than the changes on the scale. If I lose more weight, great! If I maintain at 160? Great! What matters is my health.
~ I will listen to my body and take care of it!!
~ I will run when my body allows me to. I will run a full marathon in May 2011.
~ I will continue to walk my dog twice a day when possible.
~ I will strength train 3 times a week, and focus on my core 4 days a week.
~ I will go spinning 2 days a week.
~ I will make time to come here and blog, catch up on my teammates and friends, and support others because I get so much support from everyone around me.
~ I will wear a bikini when my husband and I go down to Florida this summer. Who cares if I have stretch marks!?
~ I will get boudoir photographs of myself done when I am most comfortably ready to get them done. You bet I will.
~ I will wear shorts and a tank top every flipping day of the summer. Or I will at least try to.
~ I will wear a summery dress/maxi dress too :o}
~ I will be proud of myself, and look at myself in the mirror, and love what I see...who I see. 
Erin
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
   
~!~ Suck It! December 14, 2010 ~!~
From Yoovie's Blog ~~~
 What was one good habit that you picked up this year that has fallen by the wayside?
Taking my dog for a 1-mile walk every day. Since the cold weather and snow/ice has hit, I have dropped to 0 to 1 walks a day for her. Not good!
 Can you still do it this winter? If not, is there something similar that can be seasonally modified to fit winter?
Yes, I just need to take the time, stop thinking about the cold, put layers on (and a balaclava) and just get out there!
Can you do it today?
Yes, but it will actually have to wait until this evening when DH gets home, since I am home with my sick daughter and she is definitely not going outside!
DO IT TODAY!.
DONE!
Also... eat sensibly and just try to have a good day, ok?
OK
Monday, December 13, 2010
Wow, so the days I didn't food blog were days that I was not only too lazy to pick up the camera, but also days I just ended up not eating great. Food for thought for myself ;o}
My breakfast started out with an unpictured banana (before spinning at the gym at 5:30) and this delicious egg white with 1 egg yolk omelet (3 whites and 1 regular) and 1/8 cup of reduced-fat shredded cheddar cheese and 3 turkey bacon slices for a total point value of 5!
Next came my mid-morning snack of a Braeburn apple and grapes for a point total of 0:
Lunch time! Super hungry, so I had a Thomas Everything Bagel Thin with Philadelphia Cream Cheese with Chives and a can of tuna with mayo for a total of 8 points:
In between this meal and my taco dinner, I ate a small banana and 2 more small (and I mean tiny) apples with no pictures for those.
My taco dinner consisted of a bed of lettuce with NO taco shell (yay), tomatoes, 1/2 tablespoon of sour cream, 1/2 cup of shredded cheese, and 3 oz of taco meat with medium taco sauce for a total of 14 points:
My dessert, since I had 2 points left over, was 12 pieces of Cinnamon Teddy Grahams.
I drank 130 ounces of water, and feel pretty darned good considering the temptation I faced tonight! I did 55 minutes of spinning this morning and 35 minutes of strength training. I plan on running for 4 miles tomorrow, and I will hop on the elliptical if I have a lot of time left over before heading home. I will be sure to let you all know if I reach my 160-pound goal weight at WW (feels weird saying that since I seem to be able to hit 160 at home so often but just can't there....).
Have a great evening everyone!
Erin
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
I think we have all been there done that!
The life of the mother of a toddler. Oh. My. Goodness. You poor thing! And bless your heart for being sick on top of it all. 
