ERINBEAR1876   27,451
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You lost another PERSON???

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

SUGIRL06 recently wrote a blog about an instance where she told someone who had not known her before about her weight loss, and got the "deer in headlights" look. It made me think about a recent incident where I got that same thing, and thought I would share it...I remember feeling embarrassed, happy, proud, ashamed....many feelings all at once, and I'll tell you the reasons for each feeling after I share my story of last Tuesday:

I was stretching out after a run with the local runners group. There were 5 people there. One of the other women there is 13 weeks' pregnant and looks fantastic. We were talking about gaining weight during pregnancy, and another girl who I have run with many times (also another Erin) mentioned my weight loss, and they asked me how much I have lost so far. When I said "125 pounds since August 2009" they just stared at me. And stared. And then started talking about how I should be telling my story as motivation, and you could see how shocked they of them said "You lost another person? Oh my god!"

So, my feelings? First, I felt embarrassed. I like private. Like little awards and "hey, you done good" online. But, in person...I feel weird about attention and accolades, like I don't really deserve it. That I am a fraud in some way! It couldn't have been ME who lost the weight. Also, I think the fact that I failed so many times over the years at losing weight and just ended up gaining and gaining and gaining has me slightly nervous about now, even though deep inside I absolutely know I would never go back to where I was. Ever.

My second and third emotion was happiness and pride. Because I DID lose that weight. I did lose it. I didn't have to go on The Biggest Loser to go from 286 to the 160s. I didn't have to have the Lap-Band or other surgery. I did it with Weight Watchers, Sparkpeople, and working out like a mad man! And running. Having goals. I DID IT. No personal trainer (though I would have loved one, trust me). No chef or nutritionist. And it was simple. But, it wasn't easy. And I am proud of myself for becoming who I am today.

My fourth emotion? Shame. Yes, I do still have that feeling jump up here and there. Shame that I let myself go to that point that I reached 306 pounds during my pregnancy. Shame that I stuffed my face and binged to the point that I couldn't recognize myself in the mirror anymore. Shame that I had let so many people down.

That being said, this emotion never lasts long anymore, because although I did let myself go, that is no longer me. I am not that person anymore. I am so much more than that. I deserve so much more than that. I now treat myself and my body the way it SHOULD be treated, with respect, dignity, and the confidence to know that I will accomplish anything I set my mind to. That I am no longer the girl who would always start something, but NEVER finish.

I am a finisher now. And I am proud of that.

Have a great Tuesday, everyone!



  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 10/22/2010 11:51AM

    This blog is wonderful! I've only lost 50lbs and I have those same feelings when anyone says something about my weight loss. I really love the fact that you did yourself! I'm doing it without surgery or the Biggest Loser and I have every right to be proud of that, just as you do! Congrats on your weight loss!

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THEMRSH 10/20/2010 2:30PM

  I'm not sure how I came across this blog but it is so moving and hope you get a popular blog post award for it because it's that good! Just reading I can feel your feelings and it inspires me to work harder so that I can feel those same feelings soon. emoticon

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MOMJMGR 10/20/2010 1:56PM

    Loved your blog and the story of where you came from and who you are today. I can understand all of those emotions and you deserve to have each of them. You are truely amazing!!

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WILD22 10/20/2010 10:27AM

    You just have to remember what a great example you are to Kaylee to feel proud of yourself. What a great accomplishment!! The best part is that your daughter was too young to remember you as anything other than healthy. emoticon

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WOMANCHEF 10/20/2010 7:16AM

    You are an inspiration to all of us. I also need to lose a person and am struggling so it is good to hear of your success. Be proud of who you are and what you've accomplished.

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BLEIGH711 10/19/2010 10:11PM

    I'm glad you shared this. I can appreciate all of those emotions. Your hard work is an inspiration to me, you're loss is an awesome prize to look forward too.

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RUNDARCYRUN 10/19/2010 3:20PM

    Loved this blog. GREAT JOB! Great work on all you have accomplished. You did it, and you stuck with it!! WTG!

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GRAMMY441 10/19/2010 2:51PM

    I needed to read this blog today. I've been filled with regret today because I haven't taken care of myself and let myself get to this point.

Thank you.

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ELAOPET 10/19/2010 2:00PM

    I am humbled by this blog.
I share the exact same feelings, I could have written every word and sign it - because it's all there!
All the emotions are there.
This is so powerfull, a mirror of what most of us here feel.
I am still a work in progress and sometimes I am even scared what the end result will feel like, look like... But then I tell myself Girl! Whatever you look like, it'll be better then before and you will be a whole lot healthier! So I shut up when I start complaining about not knowing the woman in the morror. It's me. nice to meet me.
Great blog!
Congratulations and keep up the great work!
I am adding you as a friend, proud to do so and will check up on you more often!

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    I am so proud of you and you are a great motivation! I am currently at 279 and to know that someone is reaching a goal I hope to obtain makes all the difference!

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-POOKIE- 10/19/2010 1:35PM

    I have to agree with the same torn emotions.

I AM proud I lost 183lbs... I am sickened I got to that weight to begin with... its hard to accept praise sometimes.

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REJ7777 10/19/2010 1:04PM

    Have a great Tuesday yourself! emoticon

Yes, you DID do it! emoticon
And you're the one who will maintain those hard-earned achievements!

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IRISH_AGUIRRE 10/19/2010 12:57PM

  Thank you for sharing this awesome blog with us! I have known you just a short while, so hearing your whole story makes me even more impressed with you. You are an amazing person. Just hold onto the pride part of all of this - that is what is deserved.

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SHAWWB 10/19/2010 12:47PM

    What a great blog and you should be PROUD! You accomplished a major victory that many of us only dream of. You are an inspiration to those of us struggling. We can all do it, but you did. Congrats!!

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DRB13_1 10/19/2010 12:39PM

It is/was ALL you, baby, that did this!
And you are an inspiration to us all...
emoticon as well as a ray of hope!
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RAINEMARIE214 10/19/2010 11:49AM

    I am so proud of you! You really are an inspiration to so many people! You work so hard, you know how to succeed and you do finish what you start!!

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MEGSFITNESS 10/19/2010 11:22AM

    YOU did it :) and that's awesome.

"And it was simple. But, it wasn't easy" -- that proves that you did it. emoticon

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LONGWINDINGROAD 10/19/2010 11:08AM

    Such a GREAT story! I look forward to the time where the people I know and see every day start noticing the weight Iím losingÖand that there really IS a reason that I have been avoiding our pitch-ins like the plague! I can completely understand your reactions, though. Iíve been slightly overweight since I started high school, but since my wedding Iíve let it get out of control. I donít even have baby weight to blame! I LOVE the support on Spark, and canít wait until I lose my other person!!

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SCS9261 10/19/2010 11:07AM

    emoticon on your amazing weight loss! Here's to finishing something that you started!


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MAMADWARF 10/19/2010 11:00AM

    Thats a great blog, Erin! Good for you for recognizing all of that but most of all for being proud of how far you have come.

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BLYNN710 10/19/2010 11:00AM

    Congrats on your wonderful weight loss. You are an inspiration to me. Thank you for sharing this. emoticon

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MSILVER94 10/19/2010 10:51AM

    Wodnerful blog! and congrats on your weight loss!!! I haven't hit near your loss but I know how you feel about being a fraud! lol but WE DID DO IT!!! AND WE'RE NOT GOING TO GAIN IT BACK!!! because this time it is a life style change! A new life, a new us!

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JMEPAYNE 10/19/2010 10:35AM

    you did it!!! your story is inspirational. think of all the people out there that are fighting and struggling and eventually give up.
you have every right to be proud! emoticon you are a rockstar!

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GAELENEC 10/19/2010 10:31AM

    When we were younger, we did what we knew; when we knew better, we did better.

For some of us, it just takes a while to learn how to love yourself. You're well on your way now.

Doesn't it feel awesome?

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MRSSIBRAT 10/19/2010 10:31AM

    dont be ashamed are awesome and deserve all the praise and admiration you get

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KINDRED2U 10/19/2010 10:30AM

    Good for you sweetie!

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ROOT4HOME 10/19/2010 10:30AM

    I'm proud of you for after all those emotions, you remembered you are a finisher! You did it and this is you! You worked hard but it's YOU that did it. Way to go!! So proud of you! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SROUS1340 10/19/2010 10:21AM

    You sure are a finisher and ya darn well ought to be proud!
Losing a whole person the way you did it is a real accomplishment! You go girl! emoticon

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~*~ WTF??? Challenge Template 10/18 - 10/24 ~*~

Monday, October 18, 2010

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~*~ WTF??? Challenge Template 10/18 - 10/24 ~*~

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There are SIX WEEKS of WTF??? left and that is PLENTY of time to make a huge difference in your body!

Part 1: Exercise and Nutrition

I want to give myself a real challenge for the next SEVEN days, so I dare myself to [[do yoga for the first time, and push myself to do 9 hours of cardio this week]].

To make sure I can meet this dare, I will [[get up at 5 a.m. every day this week even when out of town and hit the gym running!!!]].

I'm also claiming bragging rights on the fact that I [[did 2500 crunches]] last week.

I would also like to focus on my [[upper body]] muscle group this week by [[working with free weights in the livingroom between crunch sets (copied Yoovie on this one)]].

For cardio, nothing will stop me from [[getting my time in, even being out of town on Thursday and Friday...hey, the hotel has a gym!]]

Three things I will not eat this week will be:
Red meat

My excuse that I cannot use this week will be [[I am tired and don't feel like it]].

Part 2: The rest of your life

How have you been doing when it comes to your weekly ritual of 'you' time?

Didn't rock that this week. I will need to make that a focus!

Are you particularly motivated or scared into action by a specific event approaching? What is it?

I have way too many "events" approaching. I am going shopping for a new wardrobe on Thursday down by the Twin Cities, I am dressing sexy for Halloween (as a sexy Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle the night before, and as a wench the actual night of), my 30th birthday in mid-November, and of course the end of the year!!! I want to dress up in a fantastic dress and heels for New Year's Eve...and, my birthday.

What will you do this week to keep balance between staying on top of your fitness and maintaining sanity in the rest of your life?

Being on top of my fitness maintains my sanity, so as long as I do one, the other will follow!

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    Yoga is the best...I love it so! :) Can't believe you're getting up at 5 - you're one of my new heroes!! :)

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GAELENEC 10/19/2010 8:07AM

    You are so right about the fitness/ sanity link: it just makes you feel better when you are doing the right things, doesn't it?

Great plan! good luck!

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    You'll love yoga...I was sceptical, but I love how I feel when I'm done...I like how stretched out I feel...and relaxed! Enjoy!

And NO CHEESE?! I don't think I could do it!

Good luck! You're going to have a GREAT week!

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MEGSFITNESS 10/18/2010 2:43PM

    I think I missed last week's template! I better get this one posted before I forget!

Way to stick with it :)

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Recap of My Weekend (now that I have more than a few minutes to spend on the computer)!!

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Yesterday....pretty great day! I ate VERY well, got my 8 glasses of water, but then I went to the gym.

I decided to go for a run at the gym on the treadmill since my alarm clock (AKA Kaylee, my 15-month-old daughter) decided to sleep in herself and so I did NOT get up to go running with the local runners group at 8. On the treadmill, I figured I would try to run 6.

I got to 4 miles before I started feeling a twinge on the medial side of my shin. Ugh. Not this again. This is why I wear compression sleeves! So, I kept going thinking it would just go away. Nope. At 4.5 miles I had to stop. My gait was starting to change with the pain, and I knew that if I didn't stop then, I would end up being injured. *sigh* But, I am happy I got in 4.5 miles as I probably would have only put in 3 with the group.

I then went out with my family to meet up with some of our friends and we went for a 2-mile walk. Not bad. Very windy, though, so Kaylee didn't tolerate that very well.

So, all in all a good day but with a painful shin on the right.

Today was pretty busy. It was my mom's 50th birthday today, so I brought her and my daughter and brother out to the Golden Corral for the breakfast buffet. I did pretty good, having a veggie omelet and a few other items.

Afterward, I went out with my dog for a 2.5-mile walk. Then, I went to the gym for 35 minutes on the elliptical. I would have gone a lot longer, but I had to be home so my husband could take a shower and go out to a movie with his friend. I then walked around the mall and then Target with Kaylee (my daughter) for an hour.

Went back to my mom's and brought her a freshly baked German chocolate cake (her favorite and fortunately something I do not care for). We watched the rest of the Vikings/Cowboys game, and the Vikes won! Yay!

Came home, made dinner for my daughter and husband, went to a meeting, got back, put my daughter to bed, and am finally online after washing the dishes. I was hungry and had pickles and 3 slices of deli ham...for a VERY salty snack. Shame, shame! I have been chugging down the water, though, so that is good!

I weighed in this morning for the 1/11/11 challenge, and I came in at 162.8!! Oh, so close to my first big goal weight!! I need to really really hit that water hard tomorrow so I can make sure not to retain water. Also, I need to eat fruits/veggies and stay away from salty foods tomorrow! I want the best possible Weight Watchers weigh-in I possibly could have (followed by a fantastic Periwinkles weigh-in the next morning, of course!!).

Oh, and this Thursday the hubs and I are heading to Albertville (near Minneapolis) to do some SERIOUS shopping, and I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited for it!!!! So many pictures to be taken that day ;o}



  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    Being that close to a goal will just make you want to push harder to get there! You're doing SUCH a great job! You put in a lot of miles over the weekend! I have a salt addiction! I try to keep it under control, but I've just started drinking TONS of water to flush as much out as I can! I drink a gallon MOST days!

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MEGSFITNESS 10/18/2010 12:24PM

    Oh my goodness lol! We should've added each other as friends sooner =P I was in Fargo over the weekend and I frequently travel through Grand Forks on my way to see my boyfriend in Winnipeg. I wouldn't mind having a fitness buddy to get in a workout at that half-way point in my drives hehe

How long are you going to be near Albertville? I drive past it all the time but I've still never gone there =P

You put in a lot of miles this weekend. No wonder your shin hurts! I hope it's just temporary and that the pain goes away sooner rather than later.

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ROXY4470 10/18/2010 8:59AM

    sounds like you had a great weekend.. congrats on the weight loss!

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GAELENEC 10/18/2010 7:47AM

    I have a lot of respect for those who are dedicated enough to run on a treadmill; it's a lot tougher, to me, than running outside.

Good for you, keeping that active with a little one! It's not easy to fit in gym time, and it looks like you do a great job.

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MACILINN 10/18/2010 4:00AM

    You are so close to your goal! keep it up girl! Have fun shopping! If you are having shinsplint probs take some time off your shins, instead do some upperbody stuff, you will feel just as good, and your shins will love the break! ~Maci~ emoticon

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SWEETNSKINNY 10/18/2010 12:06AM

    Busy busy busy!!!!! Great job on still managing to get a run in!

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NSV of the day, week, month for me...

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

As I creep slowly, ever so slowly now to my goal weight, I am looking at non-scale victories (NSV) to keep me going strong!

Yesterday, we were all at KMart killing time before Kaylee's bedtime and I happened to notice a clearance bin full of things like bras, underwear, socks, etc. I grabbed a cute pair that says on the corner "wink if you like me" and has a winky face on it. But, it said small on the tag. There was another pair, white with little rainbows over it. Again, a size small. I said to my husband, "Well, no wonder these are clearanced. No one can fit into them!" But I don't think he heard me as our little sweetie was getting restless. I thought, Why not? They are $1 each, so that would be $2 blown if they don't fit and never will.

Yeah, I got home with them and decided, what the heck, I'll try them on. And, you guessed it, THEY FIT!!!! And not in a too tight kind of way....they actually felt great! I had been wondering why all of my pretty new size medium undies keep...sliding down. I thought maybe my bum is too flat for those pretty Victoria's Secret undies. Apparently I actually am in a SIZE SMALL!!! A SMALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry...didn't mean to yell, but coming from someone who was, for a long time in her life, wearing 1X and sometimes 2X....Well, that is a big deal to me.

Anyhoo, that is my happiness for....well, this whole month! I don't think I'll ever get over it ;o}



  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SCRAPPYLADYV 10/18/2010 12:19AM

    You put a great big smile on my face!! emoticon

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BLYNN710 10/16/2010 4:24AM

    YAY!!! Congratulations on the size small!

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RAVENSONG37 10/15/2010 10:45PM


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BRENDY_28 10/15/2010 9:41AM

    yay! i wish i could also fit in a size small someday. with this plateau... i don't know when that time will come. lol.

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MOVINITMORE 10/14/2010 4:40PM


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NANRNCM 10/13/2010 8:13PM

    woohoo that is a great victory, good for you

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IRISH_AGUIRRE 10/13/2010 4:54PM

  Woo hoo!!! That is awesome!!!

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NUTRIGIRL08 10/13/2010 4:35PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ANEPANALIPTI 10/13/2010 4:22PM


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KELSCATT 10/13/2010 2:43PM

  Yay for tiny whities - well you know - lol

Congrats thats fabulous... better run back to that bin and get more!

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-POOKIE- 10/13/2010 1:17PM


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RED_WRITINGHOOD 10/13/2010 1:17PM

    Yay!! Congratulations girl!!! I bet it felt wonderful.... can't wait to get there too!

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MADEMCHE 10/13/2010 11:44AM

    I am SOOOO happy for you Erin! Way to go on a size small! That is awesome!

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WATCHMEGO2 10/13/2010 11:00AM

    Woot! Yay for small undies!!

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SROUS1340 10/13/2010 10:29AM

    no reason not to shout! Small is what you are now, you've worked hard for it and earned it. Enjoy it!

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~*~ WTF Challenge 10/11 - 10/15 ~*~

Monday, October 11, 2010

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~*~ WTF Challenge 10/11 - 10/15 ~*~

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During my last WTF template dates, I was able to accomplish [[all of my workouts including my taper]] as far as exercise goes, and I was most proud when I [[ran 13.1 miles in 2 hours and 17 minutes in my first official half marathon on Saturday]].

As far as nutrition goes, I was glad that I [[refrained from fast food, high-fat foods]] but I still want to concentrate on improving [[sodium intake]].

This week, my go-to snack will be [[grapes while they are still on sale and in season kind of!!]].

My go-to exercise will be [[spinning and the elliptical this week as running is at the back of my mind for now....]].

I am going to attempt to [[work on my core and strengthening this week]] because I already know that I can do [[all the cardio in the world]].

Encourage me by [[reminding me that it's my mom's 50th birthday on Sunday, and I need to still lose weight this next week!]] .

When I find myself about to make a bad or questionable decision as far as nurtition and workouts, I will simply ask myself... if I want to hit my goal this week. MY GOAL!

emoticon Part 2- THE REST OF YOUR LIFE

Try to think of things that you usually spend money on during the holidays, and see if you can find a way to save money there, by making them in your specially set aside 'me-time'. Blog about what you figure out or what you think you might attempt to do. This may also keep you from picking up too much extra candies and goodies in the season aisles that will end up in your tummy.


recommended articles this week:

WARM UPS (since it's getting cooler- this is way more important than usual- and I dont want my girls getting injured. And by girls, I mean sparkfriends, not tits)

and 5 minute exercises you can do in your office

*** Thanks to Yoovie for being an all-over inspiration to me!***

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANGELBEAR94 10/11/2010 1:21PM

    I enjoyed reading your blog. For holidays and special occassions, try to remember that last bite of ??? Will taste just like the first, so try to have no more than 3 bites of anything you are not supposed to have. You may soon find three ibites is just enough or maybe even too much!! P.S. that doesn't mean to go get the BIGGEST spoon or fork in the house for those 3 bites!!!! Good Luck!! emoticon

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