ERINBEAR1876   27,451
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ERINBEAR1876's Recent Blog Entries

The perfectionist in me...

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Today is a rough day, and a lesson that I need to be learning.

I had the thought about 5 minutes ago that if only I had been perfect with my eating habits, and I never had this or that, I would be at 161, 147, or 131 by now. On my calendar, I have on each Tuesday throughout the year what weight I would be if I lost 1 pound a week, 2 pounds, 3 pounds...which was fine through July because I was losing a lot of weight every month and I was keeping up with some of those numbers.

But, ever since July when I really started training, I have had a different type of weight loss, and I think I am now just really seeing the pattern to it. I have a great weight loss 1 week, a bit of a gain the next, followed by a great weight loss the next week, and then a bit of a gain. Here are the numbers from my Weight Watchers weigh-in guide beginning with my training for the HM:

July 6: 179.4 (down 2 pounds this week)
July 13: 176.6 (-2.8)
July 20: 176.6
July 27: 173.6 (-3)
August 3: 173 (-0.6)
August 10: 174.2 (+1.2)
August 17: 170.6 (-3.6)
August 24: 171.6 (+1)
August 31: 171.2 (-0.4)
September 7: 172.0 (+0.8)
September 13: 175.0 (+3)
September 21: 168.2 (-6.8)
September 28: Most likely 172 (+3.8)

Looking back through my food journaling, I notice I am eating more in general. Good foods, but more of it. I know that I have been doing so much physically that I am just hungry ALL. THE. TIME. I am not being as "perfect" now compared to prior to my training, but I think that I am listening to my body and that is more important.

What else do I need to do? I need to look at my body. Look in the mirror. Notice that although I am 172 pounds today, back in July when I was 173, I was in a size 14 jeans, size 12 slacks, and size 12 dress. Today, I am in a size 10 jeans, size 8 slacks, and size 8 dress. 1 pound difference, but a MUCH bigger difference in my body overall.

I am learning to step back from my own perfectionist, all about the numbers self...and see my journey for what it is. It is about me being healthy. About taking care of myself! And though I was very stressed out this morning after seeing that number, I am shaking that stress off because I don't need it...I don't want it...and I am going to weigh in today at Weight Watchers with my head held high and know that the leader isn't judging me. No one else is judging me. I was judging me, and it needs to stop.

I am powerful, strong, capable, and you know what? I am beautiful, inside and out. I love myself. I love who I have become during this journey. I love what my body is capable of doing now!

The only thing I need to work on? Eating only when I am hungry and NOT graze. That is what is putting my numbers over the line.

Well, have a great Tuesday everyone! I am looking forward to watching The Biggest Loser :o} I really need to watch that tonight! And work on my core exercises while doing so!

Love you all ~ Erin

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WILD22 9/28/2010 6:59PM

    You are a phenomenal woman. You are wise beyond your years and the fact that you are that aware of your body is one heck of an accomplishment. You are beautiful inside and out. Keep strong and determined and look at your weight loss for what it is. AMAZING!!! I know you are proud of yourself and with this great blog we too are all extremely proud of you as well. (somewhat envious as well, but it makes me work harder too)

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MOVINITMORE 9/28/2010 2:59PM

    I so wish I had your attitude!!! emoticon
I have not seen results on the emoticon in a while. I am trying to keep positive and just keep training it's hard when you work out hard. Thanks for sharing your story today I will try to keep positive. I am always hungry and just grabbing so it's my fault.
You are doing emoticon!!1

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IRISH_AGUIRRE 9/28/2010 1:32PM

  Congrats on seeing your wonderful progress, not just what the scale says! I am also a perfectionist, and I gained or maintained while training for my HM. Your clothes show the real story, and that's fabulous!!!

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POOKAQUEEN 9/28/2010 12:51PM

    Any gain is disappointing, but you've got the right attitude. you've made tremendous changes to your body and you are definitely going in the right direction!

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DIXIECHIC60 9/28/2010 11:50AM

    Looks like you have done a lot of learning about yourself. Good job. I think we all are our own worst critics, I know I am. But you saw the positive, you may be up 1lb, but you are down 1 size, that means more muscle girl. Good for you!!

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TREASURINGLIFE 9/28/2010 11:03AM

    Hi Erin! Great blog! There are so many of us who are perfectionists just like you - who judge our overall success by the numbers on the scale and lose sight of all of the OTHER benefits we're getting by just living a healthier lifestyle.

Look at you - weighing 1 pound less than July but being SIGNFICANTLY smaller (and healthier). That's HUGE!! That's GREAT!!!

You are in such a great place right now, mentally. Keep it up - you'll hit your goals and you'll be better than you ever thought possible!! GREAT WORK!!!

- Michelle

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12-mile run and recap on visit to grandma/grandpa's!

Sunday, September 26, 2010

I will get my 12-mile run out of the way first since that is the freshest on my mind.

I stayed up late last night as my cousin brought over her old iPod Nano for me to use while I am STILL waiting for my Sansa MP3 player to come in the mail. It had a dead battery, so while I charged it up I saw that she had a super cool playlist! Unfortunately, it didn't sync and I had to restore the memory, so lost all of the music (she told me this would happen, and she actually had given me this Nano to keep as my backup...she is such a sweetie!!!). I was bummed about losing her playlist, but knew I had about 400 songs so should be set. Well, turns out with the Nano, you can't transfer songs from a subscription to Rhapsody, so I actually only ended up with 44 songs!!! Not as cool for what would likely be 2-1/2 to 3 hours of running. Oh, well....but yeah, that kept me up until 11:30 p.m. figuring all of that out. I had everything ready, though, so it was just a matter of putting everything on and walking out the door.

My alarm went off at 5:10; I hit the snooze and got up at 5:20. I grumbled a bit, but I knew that this was my most important run of my training, and if I didn't do it...I would be down on myself for quite a while. I got everything on, had a banana, and headed out. I got about 3 blocks away before I realized I forgot my pepper spray. Well, I had to head back and get it since I only feel comfortable running in the dark when I have that on me.

Headed back out, reset my time, and took off. The first 6 miles were physically easy, but mentally more difficult. It was harder mentally knowing I had X amount of miles left to run. And I was running an out and back, so not being halfway done was a killer sometimes on my focus. I drowned my thoughts out and focused on what was important. My health, my family, my daughter (I brought her face to my mind many times this morning). Once I hit the turnaround point, I realized if I kept going I would get back home, and have run about 7-1/2 miles. Yeah, I don't think so. I turned back, and headed on to the second leg of my run.

The second half? Easy mentally, and progressively more difficult physically. There were good miles and bad miles for sure. Mentally I felt great and more focused, since it was nicer being able to think "7 miles, 5 to go!....9 miles, only a 5K more to go!!!!" But, oh my aching back. Oh, my poor pins-and-needles feet. At mile 6 I had checked my clock, and noticed that I had run that first 6 miles in 1 hour. Not good. Well, yeah, my pace was decent, but I wanted to take it easy and pace myself for the run. I really need to work on that, and I am trying to do that.

I stopped to walk a total of 4 times. Unfortunately, I would get a bit too impatient when walking and just start running again after a quick drink of my Gatorade. I tapered my drinking of Gatorade at mile 10, though, since starting around mile 9 I started feeling a bit of an urge to pee, and there were no bathrooms open at this time on my route (2 gas stations, but neither open until 8). I didn't eat any of the 2 GU gels during this route or my Chocolate Brownie Clif Bar since I had a bit of a nervous stomach this morning and I was worried about getting the "runner's trots" and REALLY needing to use the bathroom. I felt fine, though I think the lack of energy hit in the last mile and a half.

I started my run at 5:45 and ended it at 7:51. I was a bit shocked, since I really thought I had slowed down a LOT on the second half of my run. If only I can have this pace for my race on October 9! My goal is 2:30 or less, but I would really be happy with anything under 3 hours. This is my first HM after all! We'll see :o}

Oh, and at my grandma/grandpa's? 4 homemade caramel rolls, 2 servings of apple crisp with full-fat Cool Whip, and a horrible bloated feeling all day. This morning? 2 pounds down. Go figure. And my daughter burned her hand on the stove there, and has a blister on 2 knuckles :o{

Well, off for a walk with the dog, Kaylee, and my husband! Ugh, I have cleaned the kitchen, did a load of laundry, cleaned the dishes, made a pancake breakfast, made a hamburger hotdish for our company tonight (my father-in-law, grandma Lou, and brother-in-law).

Oh, and I am going to get a Pedicure with my mom and sister this afternoon! Yay, I think I need it :o}

Until later ~

Erin

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KILTGUY 9/28/2010 5:57AM

    You make me so jealous. YOU ROCK!!!

I've postponed my HM training. Not running in December outside my front door. Will run A1A HM in Ft. Lauderdale in February. Still close enough :)

Keep up the great work, Erin!!!

Doug

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MOVINITMORE 9/27/2010 2:30PM

    You so need that pedicure!!! Sounds like the run went well after you got that pepper spray. Good thing you stayed busy after it seems like if you stop you get sore compare to staying on the go. Recovery time seems good for you !!! You got that HM well under control. Can't wait to hear all about it. emoticon emoticon

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IRISH_AGUIRRE 9/27/2010 1:46PM

  Congrats on your run! You will do great on your HM!

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TUBJUMPER 9/27/2010 7:40AM

    WTG!!! on the run. Keep up the good work!!!
Sorry about your daughter's hand.

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DIXIECHIC60 9/26/2010 8:39PM

    Sounds like you earned a pedi... Great job and good luck on your HM!! You'll do great!!!

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RED_WRITINGHOOD 9/26/2010 2:54PM

    You did wonderful girl!!

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DELPHYNE 9/26/2010 1:46PM

    Great job!! Keep it up! Your HM will be awesome.

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NITELITE72 9/26/2010 11:44AM

    Way to go girl!!! I cannot imagine walking 12 miles at once much less running them. lol. You did great...congrats!! emoticon

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VIRGINIAGRETA 9/26/2010 11:38AM

    Way to get it done! Can't wait to hear your HM report!

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LARRYPHIPPS 9/26/2010 11:00AM

    KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK, YOU CAN DO IT.

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Yay!!! Size 8!!!

Friday, September 24, 2010

No pics....yet. I will have to get one tomorrow!

Today was NOT great as far as eating goes. I became a trash compactor today. I think that despite my being inspired and motivated, it seems because I have been doing nothing in the way of cardio (resting my legs until Sunday), I feel....a bit down actually. Not QUITE depressed...just mopey.

When my husband got home after dropping Kaylee off at grandma's, I made chicken breasts and mashed potatoes. After dinner, we decided to go get me a new pair of pants as my such 12 pairs are just loose on me. I have been wearing size 10 everything else (dress pants, khakis, etc.) but jeans seem to have been running a higher size on me. I figured it was time to get a pair of size 10s.

We went to Macy's. I tried on 2 size 10s and a size 8 that were on clearance. The first size 10 was WAY too long. The second pair made my butt look....weird. The size 8 was a TISH too snug and I wanted to be able to wear them now.

So, we headed to Penney's. I tried on a pair of size 10s. Too big (yay!). I had hubby grab me a size 8. Too small (no yay there). Weird. I then tried on about 5 dresses and all of the size 10s fit me, and a size 8 looked fabulous! It was a little black dress. I should have brought a camera with ;o}

So, no luck there (beyond a white dress shirt that I got along with some new leather gloves that were a full size SMALLER than last year's!). We headed to the Gap next. I tried on a cute medium dress (dark blue...pretty!). I then tried on a size 10, which fit but were a bit loose, so I tried on the size 8. And BAM! We had a winner. It fit snugly but not too tight, framed my tush just right so it had a nice shape to it, and just overall looked ROCKING! I am sooo soooo happy; one of my big goals for the WTFall challenge was to fit into a size 8 pair of jeans, and it happened!

I needed that to kick my butt out of my funk before I gained weight this week! I probably am going to be up tomorrow morning, but it is a new day! And good timing, too...Kaylee, me, and my mom are headed out of town to visit grandma and grandpa, and there is sure to be a ton of bad food there to eat. I will bring along fruit and snacks and will NOT eat the bad food :o}

My legs are feeling so much better. I have Zensah compression sleeves for my shin splints coming in the mail, but they won't be here in time for my run on Sunday. I will see how I feel on Sunday and map out my run so that I can cut it in half if I really need to (I am scheduled to run 12).

Well, headed to bed, a happy happy mommy!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOVINITMORE 9/27/2010 2:35PM

    emoticon emoticon Size 8 from the GAP!! How great is that to walk into the gap and buy jeans. I can't wait for that day !!! You are doing amazing stuff and what a great reward!!
You so deserve those jeans and that pedicure.

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LARRYPHIPPS 9/26/2010 11:01AM

    KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK, YOU CAN DO IT.

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JESPAH 9/26/2010 10:24AM

    Yay!

-- and, if you're getting shin splints, check your sneaks. You may need new ones.

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POOKAQUEEN 9/25/2010 10:46AM

    Congrats! that's so awesome!
I've noticed most jeans run smaller than dress pants. It's kind of annoying, but I guess it's just the difference in materials. I've been on a hunt this week for jeans and had no luck! Nothing looks good. Oh well, the hunt continues!
Congrats on all your success!

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NITELITE72 9/25/2010 10:05AM

    Yay for size 8's!!!!!

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SROUS1340 9/24/2010 11:46PM

    wear those size 8 jeans and all that bad food won't look good!
Congrats Erin, you've earned your success!

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IRISH_AGUIRRE 9/24/2010 11:28PM

  Fantastic! I, too, wear jeans in a larger size. So glad you found lots of dresses & such that looked great, too!

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PTFLIP 9/24/2010 11:09PM

    Congratulations!

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MONKEYSNUFFER 9/24/2010 10:42PM

    Congrats!!!!!

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99 days until the New Year - My Goals and Commitments.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Okay, so I have seen a few of these, most recently by Lisa (MOVINITMORE), Paula (MEZZOANGEL) and Maun (MADEMCHE). As you can tell by my past blogs, I love writing out what I plan on doing, because I fully believe that seeing it will keep me accountable and push me to achieve it!! I love Ella's (ELLABELLE66) philosophy of: See it. Visualize it. Believe it.

This is actually 100 days until the New Year, but I am joining up a day late so changed the title to reflect that!

I, Erin, have 99 days to make a difference in my life. I promise myself that:

I will continue to weigh in at Weight Watchers every week without fail (unless I am contagious ;o}).
I will listen to my body and take care of it!!
I will run when my body allows me to.
I will do foam roller exercises and wear my calf/shin splint compression sleeves when they arrive from Zensah :o}
I will run my first official Half Marathon (in Fargo/Moorhead, the FM Mini Marathon on October 9).
I will sign up for my first official FULL marathon in May 2011 in Fargo, ND.
I will continue to walk my dog twice a day when possible.
I will strength train 3 times a week, and focus on my core 4 days a week.
I will use the elliptical a minimum of once per week.
I will go spinning 2 days a week.
I will go to Zumba 1 time per week when I am not training.
I will make time to come here and blog, catch up on my teammates and friends, and support others because I get so much support from everyone around me (seriously, Lisa, I am SOOO trying not to just copy your list....so similar to my goals!!).
I will treat these holidays like any other day food-wise, and remember that the holidays are not supposed to be about food. They are supposed to be about costumes, about football and being thankful for everything in our life, and to...open presents :o}).
I will lose my remaining 11 pounds to goal, and hopefully lose 10 more pounds before January 1, 2011, as I try to reach my marathon weight goal of 145, maybe even 140.
I will be proud of the fact that turning 30 in November is a great thing, and my 30s will no doubt be so much happier and healthier than my 20s and 10s!!!!
I will remember that it is my choice. I am in control of my life, and I will choose to be healthy or be unhealthy. I will choose what I eat and how much I eat of it. I will choose how much of a workout I get or if I even get one. This is MY destiny :o}

How are YOU going to make the last 100 Days of 2010 count? Write it down!! Letís do this together and ring in the new year with our commitments- turned- accomplishments that we made to ourselves! (yeah...I did steal this paragraph...I cannot say it better!!!).

Love you all!!!
Erin

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOVINITMORE 9/27/2010 2:24PM

    This is emoticon!! Our Goals our similar but that is a great thing. We can do this!!!!

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LINDAINALABAMA 9/25/2010 1:07AM

    YEAH!!! I AGREE WRITE IT DOWN AND MAKE IT HAPPEN! emoticon

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HALLORAN84 9/24/2010 1:37PM

    WOOHOO! Love your goals and good luck on your runs!

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SUNNY2010 9/24/2010 11:32AM

    Fantastic idea!!! Good for you! As I told Lisa, instead of starting from the New Year's resolution (as most do), you are doing the opposite way which seems more as a goal with a date in mind. And then imagine the New Year's Eve dress. But before that, what a great celebration for you of being much healthier for your 30th b/day!

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MARLIE13 9/24/2010 11:17AM

    Looks awesome! I was motivated by the New Year looming too. You're going to rock this!

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DELPHYNE 9/24/2010 10:04AM

    emoticon emoticon

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MIECHI7 9/24/2010 9:49AM

    You make me tired just reading your blog :) Your great drive and determination IS contagious, I need to catch it. Have a great weekend!!

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Trying not to doubt my abilities....

Thursday, September 23, 2010

So, to preface how I am feeling today, a little history of this week leading up....

On Monday, I did my spinning (crosstraining) for 45 minutes in the morning. I walked my dog like usual for 1 mile twice (on my 15-minute break in the morning and afternoon). I then played kickball. It was the league's last game of the season, and only half (8) of our team showed up! So, I wanted to just play as hard as I could to make up for the fact that offensively I stunk it up all season.

I did great; though I didn't get any runs, I ran a few people in, I got onto first, second, and third base. I caught a few balls and got the other team's players out. I felt I did good! It had rained hard earlier in the day, so the outfield was SOAKING wet. My shoes were like lakes of water within the first few minutes. And we played for 2 HOURS. My calves, shins, and feet hurt after.

The next morning (Tuesday) I didn't work out in the morning, knowing I would be doing my 6-mile run after my weigh-in with Weight Watchers. I did my usual walks with the dog, which went well, though a bit sore. I then weighed in, and after the meeting took off (I had my DH drop me off at the meeting so I would have to run home). I ended up shorting out the run and did 4.5 miles instead of 6, and it was horrific. I hurt the whole time. My shins were KILLING me. Stabbing pain with each step. Rested the rest of the night.

Yesterday, took the day off from running and crosstraining. Purchased the foam roller that a few on here mentioned along with my chiropractor. OUCH!! #%^$!!! My god, that hurt. Walked the dog. That is all.

This morning, I got up, felt fine. Went to the gym at 5:30 and hopped on the treadmill. Felt stiff but fine while warming up with a brisk 4.0-mph walk. Started running. Stayed at an easy pace, about 5.5 mph to ease into it. Felt fine for the first mile. Second mile...not so bad...increased to 6.0 mph and still felt fine. 2.75 miles...starting to ache in my shins....slowed down to 5.5... Hurt more, slowed down to 5.0 mph. Still hurting more, started to walk at 4.0....3.5.....3.0. Still hurting. Damn.

So, decided to get off (I had done 3 miles) and go on the elliptical to see how that would feel. Hopped on there, and within 3 minutes, my hamstring on the left started tweaking. Not REALLY painful, but boy I could feel it. Darn it!! I stopped and wiped down the machine. The lady next to me gave me an odd look, like "you're getting off there already???" I said with a laugh that I wasn't feeling, "Hammy isn't working today...she's taking the day off!" And then I limped out.

So, I have made the decision to take the rest of the week off from running and rest my legs. *sigh* I hate feeling this way, but my 12-mile long run is due this weekend, and my very first half marathon is coming up so soon, on October 9. My longest run so far?? 9 miles on the treadmill, and 8.25 miles outside. Both felt GREAT, and now I am having trouble running a 5K!

I have a few doubts in my mind right now about my ability to run a half marathon. I will do it, though. I WILL. I can't turn my back on it now, unless I have a doctor saying I can't.

Well, that was my semi-venting about my bum legs ;o}

Erin

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ILIKECACTI 9/24/2010 7:44AM

    good luck! i hope you have a speedy recovery!

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IRISH_AGUIRRE 9/23/2010 8:12PM

  emoticon

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RLHOTAN 9/23/2010 7:51PM

    On Erin! Def rest until your legs feel better...even if it take longer than the rest of the week. I have been told (and I am hoping this is the case) come race day you may still have aches and pains...that comes w/long runs, but the energy from the race help push the pain in the back of your mind. Get thru it and you can deal w/the pain later. I plan to bring alieve w/me to the race and pop a couple of pills as soon as I cross the finish line!!!

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LINDAINALABAMA 9/23/2010 4:55PM

    YOU ARE WISE TO TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF. emoticon

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POOKAQUEEN 9/23/2010 3:33PM

    Ouch, I hope your legs feel better soon!

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ELLABELLE66 9/23/2010 2:49PM

    ERIN you are doing wonderfully! Don't be too hard on yourself. Remember the very beginning of your journey. Would the old Erin be able to play kickball or run 12 miles? I don't think so! An off day or so won't matter in the long run. Listen to your body and know that I am rooting for you!!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

xo,ELLA

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-POOKIE- 9/23/2010 2:18PM

    It IS frustrating, but you also know you would do yourself damage if you continued, so being sensible can be annoying... but right.

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MOVINITMORE 9/23/2010 2:02PM

    I am glad you are resting listen to your body !!! I agree with Maun if you can run 9 you can do 12. Enjoy your time off.
I just have to say that dog of yours is sure lucky he gets a lot of walks if I where a dog LOL I think I would want to be yours!
REST UP YOU HAVE A BIG RUN COMING. I'm shooting for 9 miles on Sunday. emoticon

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BLEIGH711 9/23/2010 11:32AM

    Dont doubt yourself! You can do it. You are working your butt off!! Its good that you are listening to your body though. I know how frustrating it is to want to do more but having the body not cooperate. Give your body the TLC that it needs and before you know it, you will be back in action and better than ever.

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RUNNER4LIFE08 9/23/2010 11:15AM

    Don't doubt your skills.....

You sound like you have an overuse injury so resting it is the best thing you can do for your body right now. You are prepared for that race and I have no doubt that you will be awesome!!!

Get the rest you need and keep on using that foam roller. That is the best therapy in my opinion.



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MADEMCHE 9/23/2010 10:30AM

    Erin, I think you should rest your legs until your run on the weekend. And don't worry about the marathon right now. Rest is marathon training too. If you can do 9 miles you can do 12. That isn't the issue, the issue is your legs are tired. Just give them a couple of days until you do your run on Sunday, that is only 2 days! That is nothing.

If you legs still hurt on your 12 mile run on Sunday give them a couple more days and try the 12 mile again. You can do this. Your body just needs some rest.

Please also remember that you are doing amazing and you deserve a couple days off every now and then too!

Comment edited on: 9/23/2010 2:11:21 PM

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