Thursday, September 13, 2012
I used to be a very self-centered person. In some ways, I still am but I'm working on bettering my character. Despite that, I'm by nature a kind person, and would never scheme or intentionally hurt anyone. That's why I don't understand why I have such a raw deal in life when they are many, many evil or bad people in this world who seem to have it so easy! That means, they have a smooth sailing life with no problems.
As for me, on the other hand, I have been on dialysis for around 8 years. But now, my parathoroid glands are swollen and I may need either expensive meds for the rest of my life or surgery, to remove the pt glands as a last resort. I've already been through a few surgeries in my life.
My question to God is : why is it that it doesn't rain but pours when it comes to the struggles and problems I have in my life? I'm not such a bad person so why am I'm being punished this way? Of all the people in the world, why must I be singled out to have SLE (the reason my kidneys failed)? SLE is so rare, so why me?
It would be so easy for God to make me part of the majority of people who don't have SLE, so why make life so hard for me by singling me out to get it? What sin have I committed to get me this death sentence. And why doesn't God just take my soul and be done with it instead of making life so difficult for me. I'd rather have a quick and painless death than this drawn out lingering passage to death! Why is God torturing me this way?!