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I'm still trying but it's too hard, I'm about to give up!

Tuesday, February 07, 2012

Well, I'm still trying to get to extract less than 3kg of fluid per dialysis but it's just too hard! I'm about to throw in the towel and just accept that I need to drink more to be comfortable.

My lips were so dry and patched all day : I just HAD to drink!

I just don't know what to do anymore!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MJRVIC2000 2/8/2012 1:58PM

    Elaine! When I had a massive heart attack, back in 2007, and was told tyhat I had Congestive Heart Failure, a heart disease that never gets better, only worse, even with drugs and/or surgery. I did my own research on the internet and with the help of God, I found a cure and reversed CHF without drugs or surgery in 9 months. It has been almost 5 years now and I'm still going strong and my heart is still normal. Look for answers; focus on the solutions and not the problems. We love you and stand with YOU. In His Love! Vic.

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BACKMOON 2/7/2012 12:26PM

    Elaine,You can't give up! I just recently learned that I have Type V Lupus Nephritis. You are my inspiration! When I see your struggles and wins and your positive attitude, It helps me to know that I too can deal with what may or may not come. Hang in there kiddo! I know you can do it!

Rick emoticon

Comment edited on: 2/7/2012 12:28:25 PM

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RUNCHOOSE 2/7/2012 11:07AM

    I'm sorry to hear this and I'm worried. I agree with MEWHENRYSMAMA - we want you to stick around for a while. Have you sought out a counseling program? It sounds like you're going through a lot.

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BESEVEN 2/7/2012 11:03AM

    MEWHENRYSMAMA is right! You must talk to your doctor about this. Don't ever give up on your health.

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TUBLADY 2/7/2012 11:03AM

    Please talk to your doctor. You don't have to go this alone.
I am sure there is a solution to your condition.
Take care, be safe.
Tisha emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MEWHENRYSMAMA 2/7/2012 10:47AM

    Please talk to your doctor! Make time to have a serious talk with him or her and lay it all out and let it be known you are feeling helpless depressed! Do not keep struggling with this without their knowledge and support/suggestions!
Good Luck!
emoticon

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I just need to be more disciplined!

Monday, February 06, 2012

No more salty snacks, no more too sweet snacks either, anything that brings on a thirst is to be striked out of my diet. I also have to be careful with my meals, nothing with MSG or too much salt. Whenever I order anything, I will have to remember to ask them to use less salt.

Yes, it's Monday today and since it was a public holiday, I got to the dialysis center earlier because I thought I could start earlier but instead I had to wait till the usual time anyway. But I did have a nice chat with one of the elderly patients there : she advised me to give up intricate cross-stitch. She said : "I know it's beautiful but who's going to take care of you if you're half-blind?".

Oh well, I won't give up entirely, I'll just have to be careful not to overstrain my eyes and I'll also need to get my eyes checked soon. I took lunch at a nearby cafe : fried noodles, a little on the salty side, I forgot to mention less salt to the cook. Because of that meal, I drank too much iced water, and my BP (blood pressure) dropped to a low level again during the 3rd hour of treatment, which meant more saline was given to me intraveneously; and my target was lowered by 0.2kgs.

To make a long story short, I owe the machine 0.5kgs, could have been worse, oh well, tomorrow is another day! I hope on Wednesday, my target will be less than 3kgs!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MEWHENRYSMAMA 2/6/2012 1:29PM

    Hope Wed is better. I know this is such a pain to deal with, just take it a day at a time!
And yes, you are wise to request less salt and stay away from foods that make you thirsty!
Good for you for looking for ways to cope!
emoticon

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THOMS1 2/6/2012 10:19AM

    emoticonand that is what it takes. Discipline and everything in moderation. Have a great week and I wish you success on your goals. emoticon

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My 'half' prosperity McD's meal!

Saturday, February 04, 2012

Now, why do I call it 'half' because they have run out of Twister Fries, I had regular fries instead. But I did have my Chicken Prosperity Burger! It's a good thing I order McDonald's delivery today because Chinese New Year (CNY) is ending soon and I'll have to wait another year to taste the Prosperity Burger! The Orange McFizz was really nice too!

The Chicken Prosperity Burger is basically a chicken patty made from drumstick meat dipped in Black Pepper sauce with sliver onions in a sesame sub bun! The McFizz is orange juice mixed with Sprite!

I regretted not ordering earlier so I can get the twister fries too! But anyways, the star of the show is the burger! One happy camper here! But I must remind myself not to keep calling McDelivery or I will start getting fat! lol!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HEALTHYSLIM2 2/6/2012 12:49AM

    Happy CNY! Wow - and all wehave here n the US is the same old stuff - - no "Prosperity Burger" OR "Twister Fries"!

God bless you in this year of the Dragon! emoticon

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MEWHENRYSMAMA 2/4/2012 11:26AM

    Happy Chinese New Year! Glad you had one last McFling!
Take Care!
Mary
emoticon

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SHERIO5 2/4/2012 10:37AM

    Happy New Year! Your burger sounds delicious! emoticon

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CRYSALLIS1 2/4/2012 9:44AM

    Happy Chinese New Year! Sounds yummy. Wish we had that at our Mc Ds.


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ZUMBAGIRLTN 2/4/2012 6:04AM

    Happy Chinese New Year!!!

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My friend the nurse doesn't understand how hard it is!

Friday, February 03, 2012

She keeps insisting that I can get by with only a 2kg gain or less on Wednesday and Friday but a 3kg gain or less on Monday due to the weekend. Unless you're a dialysis patient, you won't understand how hard it is to keep to that!

Normal people just drink without thinking about it, in fact, normal people are actually encouraged to drink more! But dialysis patients have to measure every drink; sip, more like!

I tried to explain to her how hard it is to keep to 2kgs or less! But she keeps insisting that if I can do it that week so long ago, why can't I keep doing it?! She just doesn't understand, because she's normal!

What I wouldn't give to be normal with functioning kidneys!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CRYSALLIS1 2/3/2012 8:33PM

    My prayers are with you as you work through the struggles of dialysis.

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MEWHENRYSMAMA 2/3/2012 12:01PM

    OH, I JUST CAN'T IMAGINE HOW AWFUL IT IS....SO SORRY. BUT I CAN SYMPATHIZE THAT I WOULD HATE TO HAVE TO LIMIT FLUIDS AND MEASURE THEM! AND RIGHT NOW I CAN RELATE IN THAT FOR THE LAST THREE DAYS MY WEIGHT HAS GONE UP EACH DAY, EVEN THOUGH I HAVE TRACKED MY FOOD AND DONE WELL. I AM SURE IT MUST BE FLUID RETENTION, BUT IT IS STILL SO FRUSTRATING AND I AM SURE IT IS JUST A FRACTION OF WHAT YOU FEEL WHEN YOU KNOW IT EFFECTS YOUR BODY MORE THAN JUST ON THE SCALE. YES, I AM SURE YOU WISH YOU WERE "NORMAL" AND I DO TOO, WITH WHAT I DEAL WITH...BUT WE MUST PLAY THE HAND WE ARE DEALT AND JUST DO THE BEST WE CAN...THAT IS ALL YOU CAN DO! PLEASE TALK TO THE DOCTOR ABOUT THIS AND FEELING DEPRESSED AND FRUSTRATED! THINKING OF YOU emoticon

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SHERIO5 2/3/2012 9:20AM

    emoticon emoticon

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GLOWLIGHT 2/3/2012 8:07AM

    That must be so hard. You have my sympathies - I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you. emoticon

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ADEWYN 2/3/2012 8:05AM

    emoticon emoticon

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GLORY63 2/3/2012 7:32AM

    emoticon

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I just can't do it!

Thursday, February 02, 2012

I just had a bit to drink after my lunch and dinner, I woke up too late for breakfast and I had 1, just 1 measly cup of chilled green tea and a mandarin and I'm already 2.4kgs up! There's still lunch tomorrow, I hardly take breakfast as I'm usually not a morning person and wake up too late for breakfast anyways.

How in the world am I supposed to keep my weight from hitting the 2kg mark. My doctor said that it's best to keep my weight gain from food and water to 2kgs or less!

It's impossible! God! I feel suicidal!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RUNCHOOSE 2/7/2012 11:29AM

    Hey Elaine, I just googled for Malaysian suicide hotline resources I thought you might want to try out these numbers: http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/int
ernational/malaysia-suicide-hot
lines.html


Can't vouch for it but sometimes it helps to talk to someone who is a trained professional.

Comment edited on: 2/7/2012 11:31:21 AM

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MEWHENRYSMAMA 2/2/2012 1:25PM

    OH SWEETIE, I CAN UNDERSTAND YOUR INTENSE FRUSTRATION, BUT PLEASE HANG IN THERE. THERE HAVE BEEN SOME GREAT SUGGUSTIONS HERE, PLEASE TALK TO YOUR DR AND MAKE SURE YOU TELL EXACTLY HOW YOU ARE FEELING AND THAT YOU ARE DOWN AND DEPRESSED. CHECK OUT A SUPPORT GROUP, AND IF NEED BE A COUNSELOR WHO DEALS WITH PEOPLE WITH CHRONIC CONDITIONS AND HEALTH ISSUES, GO ON LINE TO SEE IF THERE IS A SUPPORT GROUP YOU CAN COMMUNICATE WITH. STOP WEIGHING YOURSELF AND MAKING YOURSELF CRAZY...LET THE DR KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON AND WHY. AND YES, EAT A MORNING MEAL WHEN YOU GET UP, SOMETIMES I, TOO, WAKE UP LATE AND I STILL LABEL IT AS MEAL #1 IN MY JOURNAL...IT COULD MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN HOW YOU FEEL. YOU ARE IN OUR THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS. YOU WILL FIND STRENGTH...HANG ON, IT WILL GET BETTER.
emoticon

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CHAYBLEE 2/2/2012 11:45AM

    I have to say, I don't know much about dialysis or the effects. All I can offer you is support, prayers and good wishes. Please don't give up though. Hope is one of the most valuable weapons we possess. Hang onto it.

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KYKRISTIN81 2/2/2012 11:06AM

    Sorry you are going through this :(

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PYNETREE 2/2/2012 10:38AM

    I hope you can start eating something within an hour of waking...no matter how late you sleep, or whatever you call the meal. That breakfast meal is important..sort of gets your metabolism going. And ask..no, NAG, your Dr. Get referred to a Nutrionalist, or dietician. You should be able to eat smarter. And do you have to weigh everyday? You can get on the scale 10 times a day, and most likely all 10 times will be different. It is just an average...so maybe just get that average once a week...so you are not obsessing about it.

emoticon I wish you strength and good luck!

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SHERIO5 2/2/2012 10:06AM

    I agree with the previous posts, talk to your doctor. Is there a support group you could go to? I think meeting with others who have the same issues could be really helpful. Unless someone is going through your treatments and has your condition they can't really relate as well.

emoticon

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EOWYN2424 2/2/2012 9:46AM

    I'm a dialysis patient, I don't urinate like normal people!

Almost all the fluid I take remains in my body till the next treatment!

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HUZZAH39 2/2/2012 9:12AM

    Our weight fluctuates during the day. Please don't be driven by your scale. I know you can do this!!

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CAT609 2/2/2012 7:13AM

    Don't give up! You can do this. Talk to your doctor again. Explain what you are eating and drinking. Maybe there is something he can do or suggest. Please don't give up! You can do this. emoticon

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