EOWYN2424   121,830
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I'm trying to be more positive now.......

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Maybe the situation is not so hopeless after all! True, I've put on 1 kg, but my clothes still fit. In fact, they seem to be slightly looser!

Who cares what the scale says?! I'm going by how my clothes fit! I'll be measuring myself with a measuring tape soon. I won't be so hard on myself, all I can do is continue to eat healthy and start my exercise program again after I've kicked off this flu I'm having. I'm getting better, but I still have a bit of phlegm and a stuffy nose. I've been sleeping without air-conditioning for several nights now, because of this darn flu!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RUNCHOOSE 11/3/2011 3:42PM

    Glad you are feeling better and have been able to work through a difficult period. It takes a lot of energy to change one's habits so it's good you're revving up for a season of exercise. Me, too. :)

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MARKSTIPANOVSKY 10/22/2011 6:14AM

    Well done - get out the tape and start measuring... I had a client who did not lose any weight one month but lost 6 inches from the waist...

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CSDAYS 10/22/2011 4:07AM

    It's hard to eat healthy when you are sick Hope you get better soon.

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NERAKM 10/22/2011 3:50AM

  Oh NO, Get Well!! Not fun being sick! The scale is for measuring food!! LOL... I also go by how clothes fit... too many variables to make that scale go up and down... it's maddening! Who needs that? As long as the clothes are fitting slightly loose and becoming looser... that's a great indicator!

You're doing well!! Whoo hoo!! :D Have a great weekend!

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This is soooooooooo hopeless!!!

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Well, it's Wednesday and I'm 300 grams too heavy! This is like the upteenth month in a row!!! It's hopeless! Will my weight ever be normal, will I ever lose weight!!!?

I just had one meal, today's dinner and I've already put on 1kg!!! It's hopeless!!! I really, really feel suicidal right now!!!! I have to be the worst dialysis patient in the world!!!! No one is as messed up as me!!! No one!!!!

My dry weight is 56.5kgs (up 500 grams already from before), Right now, I weigh 57.8kgs just after dinner!!! I came home weighing 56.8kgs today. I still have the whole day tomorrow to get heavier! I feel like a salmon swimming upstream!!!! It's hopeless!!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VAWHITE 10/22/2011 7:14AM

    I step on the scale only when I know I'll weigh the least, which is first thing in the morning. After that, the scale is not my friend. I try to weigh in only once a week but I'm not having much luck with that. I'm just too curious. I can't eat just 2 meals a day because I get too hungry in between. I always eat breakfast - even if all I have time for is a banana or a granola bar. As Jooprincess said above, your body will go into starvation mode if it's not getting enough food. When that happens your metabolism will slow down to preserve what nutrients it is getting. If you spread your meals out over the day (I eat 4 or 5 smaller ones), that may help keep your metabolism chugging along.

Your suicidal thoughts concern me greatly. I've been there recently but for different reasons. If they are more than fleeting, please seek help. My insurance covered the cost of seeing a talk therapist with only a small copay. If you feel you can't afford it, ask your healthcare provider for help. You are in my prayers.

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Comment edited on: 10/22/2011 7:15:35 AM

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JEANBEAN13 10/20/2011 9:06PM

    I understand your frustration I'm on so much prednisone I sometimes wonder why I even try to lose weight. It can feel hopeless.

Since you are a dialysis patient I would suggest you speak to a nutritionist and come up with a plan. A dietician would know how many calories you need to successfully lose weight. For a healthy person you might be eating too few calories which counterintuitively can make you gain weight. For your situation I don't know. I'm sure you have tons of dietary restrictions so having a professional help might be a huge help.

Best of luck!

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JANNEPERRY 10/20/2011 6:56PM

    Please take care of yourself! Don't weigh after dinner-that doesn't make anyone feel better. I don't know what it's like to have a significant health issue like you do, but I'm sure it complicates everything. PLEASE seek help since you are feeling SO depressed. Do not try to do this alone! emoticon emoticon

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EOWYN2424 10/20/2011 2:21AM

    I eat 2 meals a day most days, I normally wake up around noon, so I'm too late from breakfast. Most days, I average around 1000 to 1450 calories. But I put on weight so fast, it's not funny! I'm getting desperate!

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JOOPRINCESS 10/19/2011 9:18PM

    I agree with everyone who posted before me. A-the scale doesn't weigh our worth and value as human beings. Put away the scale, and pick up the phone. B-speak with your physician about your anxiety/thoughts of suicide. Be totally honest. It takes courage, and you can do it. C-you're not eating enough. When our bodies don't ingest a minimum of 1200 calories a day, our bodies go into starvation mode and they actually retain weight, if not increase in weight. One meal a day is never going to be enough and could be very harmful.

Please keep us updated. Thank you for being honest in your post and putting this out there so we can help you. We are not doctors though, leave the doctoring up to your doctors. Please make a call first thing!

You are lovable and you are loved.
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FORME551 10/19/2011 4:19PM

    I found your post to be very concerning...I don't know you but the word "suicidal" lept out at me. PLEASE call your doctor or your crisis center or anyone and reach out for help. You sound very overwhelmed. Don't try to do this all alone. There are people who care. emoticon

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LIVINGKERRY 10/19/2011 9:35AM

    Not hopeless. Please tell your doctor how you feel and what is going on- maybe you need to eat more or drink more- i know you dont process things the same as someone else- but your doctors really know best!

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JOABEHR 10/19/2011 7:48AM

    No it is not hopeless!!! Don't be to tied down to the scale. There are other ways to measure progress and success. Pursue a healthy lifestyle and you will feel better. emoticon

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It gets worse!!!!

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Well, I've hit the 4kg mark despite my best intentions! I'm doomed! I will die of heart failure soon! I'm a dialysis patient and if I continue extracting 4kg everytime, I will die of heart failure! I'm already getting twinges in my chest towards the 3rd hour of dialysis, every time.

I haven't said anything though coz I want to be of normal weight again, something I haven't been for MONTHS!!!! I just keep getting heavier and heavier. I feel like a pig! And I HAVE been trying to drink less but somehow I keep tipping the scales at 4kg above from my current dry weight and even that keeps increasing!

Help! I'm supposed to be losing weight not gaining!!!! It's hopeless!!! I'm feeling suicidal!!! There's no point in all this!!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DTONEY76 10/18/2011 5:22AM

    I'm sooo sorry that you are going through sooo much right now and that your weight loss journey is not as successful as you will like it to be. Know that we are totally here for you and want only but the best for you. I'm here fighting with you and please hang in there and know that you are in my prayers. You are fighter! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PUNKINSMOM84 10/17/2011 7:22PM

    The first thing you need to think about is talking to your doctor. There could be more going on than just the dialysis and the extraction. Right now your weight should not be your priority, but getting this heart problem taken care of. Gaining weight and dialysis is not the end of the world. Believe me, I was on dialysis, and gained weight, but once the doctors tweaked the dialysis and my meds, I was a lot better.

If you feel suicidal, find a Hotline and talk to someone immediately. I can empathize with you, being that I've gone through the dialysis and congestive heart failure in my life. There is hope and a bright future. Take care, prayers coming your way and get some help. Kris

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ENNAID2 10/16/2011 6:47PM

  The only thing you can do is do your best. Please don't despair. We are here to support you. Check with your doctor and ask him is there is something you can do to help you lose weight.

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RUNCHOOSE 10/16/2011 1:23PM

    I'm not sure what it means to extract 4kg but I appreciate you sharing your struggles with us. I agree with Cathemarie and hope you get professional help - 1-800-273-8255 (TALK) might be a place to start.

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CATHEMARIE 10/16/2011 9:20AM

    Please talk to your doctor as soon as possible. Call someone to be with you. You should not be my yourself right now. I am praying for you.
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DIANAOR1 10/16/2011 9:18AM

    Please don't beat yourself over it. Take it day by day! One step at a time! Good luck on this journey. We all have bumps in the road! emoticon

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It's sooooooo hard!

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Now it's Saturday night after dinner, and I weigh 58.8kgs! My current dry weigh is 56.5kgs, up 500 grams from my previous dry weight of 56kgs and yet I'm having such a hard time keeping my fluids to a minimum. I'm already 2.3kgs up and I still have Sunday to accumulate even more weight. This is NOT Good!!! Btw, I'm a dialysis patient, that's why this is such a big deal. I don't urinate as much as a normal person, so whatever I drink becomes stuck in my body and I just get heavier and heavier.

I've been trying not to tip the scales for almost a month. But I don't know why I keep bypassing the 4kg mark. This is terrible! I'm afraid my heart will fail and my lungs will be submerged in all the excess fluids and I'll drown in my own access fluids!!!!

I really don't know what to do now? Stop drinking and eating altogether?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GHOSTFLAMES 10/15/2011 8:38AM

    STAY WITH IT YOU WILL DO THIS. WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU IF YOU NEED ANYTHING AT ALL JUST ASK.
WE HAVE A LADY ON OUR TEAM ALSO LIKE YOU AND MUCH OLDER SHE IS DOING IT AND YOU WILL TO TAKE CARE AND TRACK DAILY TO BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE. CHAR

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I'm in trouble now!!!!

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

I still owe the dialysis machine 700g, that's almost 1Kg! I hope by Friday I'll be back to normal but this means being very watchful tomorrow (Thursday). And don't forget, I'm also trying to weigh less by the end of 2011! I'm now 56.5kgs, I hope to be 50kgs by year end.

I'll do my best but if I don't make it, I'll just keep trying till i do!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JILLTBNAGART 10/12/2011 10:00AM

    I'm hoping by Friday you're back to normal to. Take care.

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