Wednesday, October 26, 2011
I guess I've put on 1kg so far. I'm just waiting for the doctor to arrive to confirm that I'm now 57kgs and no longer 56.5kgs. I keep having problems like low bp and getting close to a blackout whenever my weight reaches 56.8kgs and below.
Though I sincerely hope that my weight gain is all muscle, I'm not so sure but my clothes still fit, and that's a relief. I think my hips may be a little bigger though, if my the way my shorts fit are anything to go by. But my jeans still fit fine (the new ones).
I can't be complacent though. I do aim to be 50kgs by the end of this year. It looks almost impossible now. I've been 56kgs for sooo long, and then I gain! Oh well, if I don't achieve it by the end of this year, I'll just have to keep trying!
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Maybe the situation is not so hopeless after all! True, I've put on 1 kg, but my clothes still fit. In fact, they seem to be slightly looser!
Who cares what the scale says?! I'm going by how my clothes fit! I'll be measuring myself with a measuring tape soon. I won't be so hard on myself, all I can do is continue to eat healthy and start my exercise program again after I've kicked off this flu I'm having. I'm getting better, but I still have a bit of phlegm and a stuffy nose. I've been sleeping without air-conditioning for several nights now, because of this darn flu!
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Well, it's Wednesday and I'm 300 grams too heavy! This is like the upteenth month in a row!!! It's hopeless! Will my weight ever be normal, will I ever lose weight!!!?
I just had one meal, today's dinner and I've already put on 1kg!!! It's hopeless!!! I really, really feel suicidal right now!!!! I have to be the worst dialysis patient in the world!!!! No one is as messed up as me!!! No one!!!!
My dry weight is 56.5kgs (up 500 grams already from before), Right now, I weigh 57.8kgs just after dinner!!! I came home weighing 56.8kgs today. I still have the whole day tomorrow to get heavier! I feel like a salmon swimming upstream!!!! It's hopeless!!!!
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Well, I've hit the 4kg mark despite my best intentions! I'm doomed! I will die of heart failure soon! I'm a dialysis patient and if I continue extracting 4kg everytime, I will die of heart failure! I'm already getting twinges in my chest towards the 3rd hour of dialysis, every time.
I haven't said anything though coz I want to be of normal weight again, something I haven't been for MONTHS!!!! I just keep getting heavier and heavier. I feel like a pig! And I HAVE been trying to drink less but somehow I keep tipping the scales at 4kg above from my current dry weight and even that keeps increasing!
Help! I'm supposed to be losing weight not gaining!!!! It's hopeless!!! I'm feeling suicidal!!! There's no point in all this!!!!
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Now it's Saturday night after dinner, and I weigh 58.8kgs! My current dry weigh is 56.5kgs, up 500 grams from my previous dry weight of 56kgs and yet I'm having such a hard time keeping my fluids to a minimum. I'm already 2.3kgs up and I still have Sunday to accumulate even more weight. This is NOT Good!!! Btw, I'm a dialysis patient, that's why this is such a big deal. I don't urinate as much as a normal person, so whatever I drink becomes stuck in my body and I just get heavier and heavier.
I've been trying not to tip the scales for almost a month. But I don't know why I keep bypassing the 4kg mark. This is terrible! I'm afraid my heart will fail and my lungs will be submerged in all the excess fluids and I'll drown in my own access fluids!!!!
I really don't know what to do now? Stop drinking and eating altogether?
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