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Saturday, 10/23 Another major health concern

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Hi everyone,

This may come under the idea of TMI, if it does to you, I am sorry. I haven't done much here at SP for a few days because of this and I realized that I need to talk to somebody about this. It really isn't a topic for my sons or my 16 year old daughter. My 23 year old daughter would talk with me, but with two jobs and school, she isn't so available.

I completed my adventure into menopause fairly uneventfully about 5 years ago. My GYN told me that if I was ever to have any bleeding to let her know ASAP. Well, on Tuesday, I had some bleeding in my underclothing (I know, TMI) I had been constipated as I get from time to time due to my meds--and I wasn't sure of the source, having had my first bowel movement in 4 days that morning. I decided it wasn't a big deal. On Wednesday, I found the same issue, so I called my PCP's office. They have a female nurse practitioner who specializes in women's care and they gave me her first available appt. on Friday at 9. In the meantime, on Thursday, I figured out that it wasn't from bowels and it had changed from bright red to a darker color with some tiny clots. I saw Mara on Friday and we discussed the stuff going on. I told her that it was letting up, and she told me that until she could absolutely prove that this isn't, this is considered cancer. She needed to rule out an overactive thyroid (yes, if you have been following my stories, this is the fourth time that this has come up with me in about 8 weeks...). She said that I needed an ultrasound and an endometrial biopsy. My GYN has been on vacation, but they were going to schedule the ultrasound and get me an appt. Hmm, it turns out that the hospital couldn't get me in on Friday, so they decided to let my regular GYN do both. Her first available appt is at 10:30 on November 14. They didn't think Mara would want this to wait that long and told me that they were taking the appt and would call me back if something else was to happen. Of course, they called at 4:38 on Friday and my sons were too busy playing video games to answer the phone. I didn't find out they called until this morning. And my bleeding hasn't stopped, it isn't a much as a regular period, but I am a bit freaked out. I did a search on postmenopausal bleeding and the info isn't nice at all, this really is a big deal.

Does it seem to anyone besides me that maybe, just maybe, I have too much going on? My lower back when crazy on me about two weeks ago, and we scheduled a new round of injections. I had them Tuesday (after the first bleeding happened)--and my spine doc also gave me a shot of Toradol. She told me that she didn't like the idea of me suffering like this and thought I might need an epidural. Hmm, my regular anesthesiologist couldn't give me an epidural on my last two surgeries because of the metal in my lower spine. I am a bit fearful of them because they hurt so much. I have injections scheduled this week for the pain that is in my right shoulder and the following week for the new pain in my left shoulder. The mess in my neck has turned into pain as well. I really didn't need new pain. The numbness in my left hand is now moving up my hand and my fingers are getting stiff and swollen. I haven't heard from my orthopedic surgeon as of yet.

Can anybody pick through the rest of this? I am not myself--gained 2.4 pounds today, didn't weigh in last week. Every time I get on a scale, it says 2 pounds more than it did the last time. I was surprised my gain wasn't 4 more pounds than it said today because of what it said at the doctor's office and such...

Anyway, on Monday--our first day back to work, I have to find a time to get away from my students and call my PCP's office to find out if they got me a better appointment with my GYN. I have to call my spine doc's office and find out what is going on with my OS and if I should call them about my surgery.

I'm weary, my friends. This is too much for me to take in right now and I am not myself at all. I am moody and weepy and edgy and frightened. This new stuff is something I know little about. I can handle orthopedic and arthritic stuff without batting an eye. I am not sure I even consider carpal tunnel surgery as surgery, ha ha. I have had so much of this kind of thing that it is just another day in my life--and waiting for docs to get things figured out is also a frustrating part of this. However, I just read on WebMD (that I consider a pretty valid source of medical info) that if you have postmenopausal bleeding that it is serious and you need to get help ASAP. They list about six possibilities and two or three of them are cancer. I am afraid of this, and I don't know if this is a normal feeling or not. I need to know what this is and I may go nuts if I wait until November 14th for an answer.

Anyway, I am guessing that the shock of all of this will wear off and I will get back to being myself, but for now, all I can do is apologize for being off of my game. Thanks so much for being my friends and giving me a forum for talking about something like this...

Gentle hugs,
Sylvia

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MORTICIAADDAMS 10/27/2011 10:57PM

    I hope everything is all right, Sylvia. It has to be. Hugs!!

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PUGRAD1995 10/25/2011 9:26PM

    Don't worry about TMI.
Do move on and find out what is going on. Weight will probably fluctuate just because of all of the other stuff. ANd if the bleeding gets worsed-go to ER. They can get an OBGYN to look at you quicker then.

emoticon

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WALKZWDOGZ 10/23/2011 8:41PM

    I'm so sorry! You SO do not need anything else going wrong! Ferheavenzsakes, don't apologize for being 'off your game'. You have a lot--too much--to walk with. Please know we'll be praying. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KICK-SS 10/23/2011 6:17PM

    I had an issue with bleeding/spotting many years ago - they did a uterine biopsy and found no cause for it, the GYN suggested that perhaps the surface inside the uterus was thinning out, which I guess is not uncommon after menopause. Anyhow, it bled a day or two after they did the biopsy (which she said was normal) and I've never had an issue again and this was probably 15 years ago. They never did find a reason for it, but said if it happened again, they would "go further" -

She also told me that of course, while cancer is a concern, there are a lot of other reasons from cysts, tumors or whatever as well and even "if" it were cancer, usually a hysterectomy would take care of it especially when it was caught early.

Good luck to you... But I truly understand how you feel, I was scared out of my wits at the whole ordeal. Try to relax and think positive about it. Let us know how it all comes out.. We all care!

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DETERMINEDJANET 10/23/2011 5:21PM

    You have every right to feel those true emotions. Will be praying for you as you navigate through all this.

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EMRANA 10/23/2011 1:54PM

  So much going on ~ I'm sorry for your latest worry. I am still in the peri-menopause stage, so I don't have any advice for you, just hugs and support.

Try to find some more opportunities for rest, so your body can receive the benefit.

emoticon

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LOULOUBELLE2 10/23/2011 1:14PM

    My heart goes out to you my dear friend. I wish I was near enough to give you a good shoulder to vent on. But since Iím not, youíre doing the right thing blogging to vent. It helps to get it out, even on paper, so not to worry about TMI, we Sparkies understand. Sylvia you know that you are in all our prayers for some prompt responses from your Drís so you can get on with what you need to do to get answers and some healing, both physical and mental, for your pain.

Please donít loose the faith; God will be right there with you holding you up. It may not seem so now. But in your heart you know thatís true. Prayers to you Lovely Lady and Iíll be waiting for updates. I may not always respond, (you know why), but I will be reading your blogs and holding you up in prayer.
Gentle Hugs back at you.
LouAnne


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DEELIN1960 10/23/2011 11:24AM

    Not TMI. You are among friends. Could some of the meds cause the bleeding? I haven't gone through menopause, but certain meds cause me to spot. I am hoping that is the case for you.

You are in my prayers. God can change any situation.

Please keep us updated.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FELINA 10/23/2011 9:55AM

    I'm so sorry all this is happening to you. I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to share this, you need to vent. Never apologize for how you feel or for sharing.

November 14 is way too long to wait. I would not only call the doc's office Monday about that appointment but I'd keep on top of them and press for a sooner appointment. This is much too important.



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STEPPYSUE 10/23/2011 9:52AM

    Sylvia, I don't really think that anything is TMI among friends. If we didn't have a safe place to vent we would probably explode. I pray your spotting is a simple problem and if not you've found help promptly. If at all possible, try to relax, added stress really does not help. I know...easier said than done. Love you and pray you find relief. emoticon emoticon

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ARIANERA 10/23/2011 9:42AM

    Just emoticon and prayers that it turns out alright.

Ari

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_LINDA 10/23/2011 2:57AM

    Oh no :(( Just what you don't need right now :(( So very sorry to hear things are piling up like this :(( At least your health care team is aware of the urgency -I hope you get in a lot sooner from a cancellation -perhaps tell your boys to make sure they answer the phone as you are expecting a very important call and to notify you immediately if its a Dr..
This is so very scary to hear Sylvia :((,
Healing and soothing thoughts sending your way,
{{{gentle hugs}}}
Linda

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MKPRINCESS007 10/23/2011 12:51AM

    Firstly, let me say I am so sorry that you are going through another medical trial. It seems unfair that some are given so many challenges to bear. I completely understand your fear. I would feel the same way. I am sure that they will work to get you a sooner appointment, and I would make sure that they have multiple numbers so that you definitely get the message. I had a scare a few years ago, and had to have a needle biopsy of my breast. The weeks waiting to have that done was awful. I was fortunate in the result, but the wait is so difficult. Please don't read too much, although it can be hard not to, because it will only increase your anxiety.

I am here if you need to vent. Don't hesitate to stop by my page.

Keep me posted!

Karen

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Tuesday, 10/18 Beating the Blues

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Hi all,

The title tells my biggest job today. the pain in my lower back is in a "flare" which translates to "growing madly and spiraling out of control" in my book. Today has been about beating this.

I started out very tired today--I slept for maybe an hour at a time all night last night, trying my chair piece to take pressure off of my back and every position I know of to get relief. Anyway, I was tired beyond tired. I thought I had a Weight Watchers breakfast muffin left and I didn't, so breakfast wasn't quite what I wanted or needed today either. Boo hoo--whine, whine--I am in a low down mood that I am trying to fight.

I got to church about a minute before they started serving breakfast. That didn't give me much time to collaborate with the two kind-hearted new teachers that our church hired for the program. They had a guest speaker that came to work with half of the group at a time from the art museum--about masks, what a timely idea!! We did some journal writing and oral reading. I played "Vowel Bingo" with several of the kids which was a good time. Anyway, after lunch, I spent some time with a young lady who had been disruptive off and on throughout the entire program. I finally got a time to talk with her and although she covered her face and tried to tune me out, when I got up to leave, it turned out that she really wanted to talk with me. It turns out that she has been fibbing about her age and she is older than we were led to believe. She is really a 6th grader and her first time stepping into a school was in August of this year when our district started for the year. She barely reads--and does a good job of covering for herself at a higher level than is appropriate. She had shouted something that sounded really rude at another child--in her home language of "Kudu" and when one of the other teachers asked her what she said, that she didn't respond. Then the teacher said to her, "You must speak nicely here to everyone. If you cannot say nice things, maybe you shouldn't be here." The girl told me that the teacher yelled at her for cursing and that she hadn't cursed." I corrected her and asked her what she had said and she told me that she had yelled "Stop pushing on my paper, you made me mess up," I confirmed that she had a right to her bothered by that and modeled how she should have handled it. Then she ranted a bit about teachers everywhere fussing at her and telling her to "do this and do that," always bossing her around. I sure cannot imagine being in her position at her age and trying to figure out the world she has come to with a lot of people in her difficult age range. That's a lot for anyone, but a 11-13 age child with crazy hormones being awakened, well, wow!! I'm sorry for her.

I tried to explain to her that she should watch what others are doing more and to act more like them. Then I asked her if tomorrow we could talk to the entire group about "rules" that might help everyone to learn and have more fun. (The two teachers are very new and didn't start the group with this type of thing. For me, an "old experienced teacher," I find this to be a must at having the kind of behavior and cooperation that is needed for a good learning experience.) I checked with the "real teachers" and they thought this would be good. I need to pick up a ton of post-its for that activity. Anyway, I am enjoying this important work for two more days. I also connected up with the gal in charge of the adult ELL program. I need some information for a brochure I am making about our church program. This satisfies an assignment in one of my classes and we need it to share with educators to promote the program and share its limitations as well.

I went on to the doctor. My back has been awful. The biggest deal with chronic pain for me is that it is relentless. If I could have a bit of a break, I wouldn't be so crabby or blue or tired. She did the regular injections we had scheduled in my lower back and right hip--saving the biggest dose for the nerve that is parallel to my spine and the big surgical scar. She also gave me an injection of "toradol" to get me some more immediate relief. The nurse put about a half a dozen little band-aids on me because I was doing a bit of bleeding and we went home. I fell asleep soon after being at home and I slept more than I have in several days. I woke up twice between 3-6:30, but it was solid sleep. I think that was my doctor's gift with the last injection. She also mentioned that we might need to do an epidural for the long-term pain to help me get past it. That probably won't work because even my regular anesthesiologist had quit trying to do them, the hardware has gotten in the way and they cannot get through the bar and the screws and nuts holding my spine in place.

Right now, I am icing my back again. They told me not to go to the pool tonight--boohoo. I've done some homework and sparking and I have to get back to that soon. I am not in a great mood and I am sorry to the world. My lower back is at its worst and my upper spine is starting to act foolish. My shoulders are both aching and it is too much for me to figure out. Please bear with me. I am looking for ways to cope. My youngest son brought me his prized amethyst. Our pastor blessed it for him and he told me that Native Americans use these stones to help people with healing and getting good energy back. Hmm, I am trying it, I am a believer in the Spirit and this may be helpful.

Thanks one more time for sticking with me as I whine and complain. I really am trying, but I recognize that I am not easy to live with right now. I don't want to cry, so I am venting and trying to come up with alternatives. If I was more capable physically, I would exercise like crazy. (I was told to rest quietly tonight.)

Tomorrow, I am going to stop at school to pick up some sticky-notes, stickers, some art paper, and a few graphic organizers. Then, I am going to the church and I am going to spend my morning teaching a real literacy program with kids. After lunch, I am going to spend some time interviewing the director of the adult program before I get back to the room to do some independent reading support with children and possibly to play some phonics board games where we practice letter sounds. I get to go to the pool after that before I go home. I don't know what dinner will be, I have to look in the deep parts of the freezer, lol, because Thursday is payday.

I need a break from this pain. It is a little quieter right now, but still there in the exact same places. I want it to quit and I am almost ready to scream!!

I'll try to behave--thanks for your patience. I need that now almost as much as I need relief.

Healing hugs,
Sylvia

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EMRANA 10/19/2011 10:52AM

  Oh, honey, I have been where you are, sans the hardware. You can vent to me whenever you want!

That's exactly what I've been telling my sister about her recently diagnosed herniated disc pain. It's the relentless aspect of it that makes us crazy. You don't get a single breath of relief and that is such a challenge.

What I find so endearing about you is that even in the midst of multiple chronic pain challenges, you give so much! I know at my worst, I got dizzy just trying to make my own lunch, and here you are making such a difference in the world as a teacher. That's truly awesome.

emoticon

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_LINDA 10/19/2011 2:23AM

    So very sorry you aren't getting any relief from the relentless pain :( It is so very grinding, mentally and physically, so feel free to vent anytime..That was bad you couldn't go to the pool :( At least you managed some sleep.. I hope these shots do something for you at least. Its good she wants to try something anyway. Hopefully, immersing yourself in your work will help put your mind in a better place and pool tomorrow is something to look forward to.
Healing hugs and soothing thoughts,
Linda


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Sunday, 10/16 Yesterday's fun

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Hi all,

I changed up my routines a lot yesterday. We went to the zoo in the early day and then to a "Haunted Hayrack Ride" after a church wiener roast/potluck in the evening. I sure scored with over 23.000 steps on my pedometer--no pool time though. I think I'll let some of the photos talk for themselves!!

Marissa really was a monkey here!!


The ducks, geese, swans, and the fish all clamor for the food patrons give them.



I'm not sure of the connection between the elephants and the dinosaur references and the big animal statues...I guess "big"is the real theme here. Miles is messing around with his sister. I begged the boys to let me get their photos. After a certain age, some kids don't like having their photo taken!! Others are regular "hams!"



The petting zoo was full of farm animals that included the very hungry goats who followed people in hopes of a bite of the zoo food and the llama who didn't want to be bothered.

It was too late in our season for many Australian animals besides the wallabies who seemed comfortable in our pleasant fall weather--it was 70ish. The others were in their winter housing, we saw the sweet lorakeets in the bird house later on. They are usually great fun, you can buy a container of their nectar and they will cover you to get a chance to enjoy this treat.









The aviary includes outdoor displays and indoor displays. Some of the big parrot type birds are sitting on limbs and perches--quite honestly their big beaks make me a bit nervous. My sons took the camera and had a lot of fun trying to get the "best" shots of these birds. I love the owl close-up that Miles took. (Marissa told him that nobody liked that kind of picture," hmmm?




The guys took a lot of photos of amphibians and reptiles--the more "yucky" animals to my daughter (and myself if I am telling the truth.) The funny thing is that after a few visits to the zoo, this is the first time we caught the tortoises in a non-mating activity.) emoticon



The sunlight got in the way of getting good photo of the zebras and the ostriches, which made me sad because I use this kind of photo for ABC books with my children at school. We did get a couple of the big cats--the bears were holed up in their homes and most of the other animals weren't out. We were guessing that they were in their winter quarters. the other animal I really wanted photos of was our new baby giraffe. However, zoo personnel seemed to be doing vetrinarian checks with the giraffes and their baby while we were there. It is such a sweet looking "little" guy!!
My final photo is of a creature from the Haunted Hayrack Ride. Most of the other photos I have are of church members and I will respect them enough not to put them on my blog--but check this guy out:

This guy climbed over the end of the hayrack where I was sitting and grabbed me and my friend sitting across from me. We giggled and giggled and giggled. It was good fun and I am so glad that we went. I must admit, having never been to a haunted house or the like, that I found out that this is a more family fun activity than one designed to "scare" you.

I sure enjoyed the day--we missed the lunch that went along with the zoo outing, so I had my own healthy fruit and sandwich. We took a salad and my "loaded with veggie" chili to the potluck which was quite a hit, even after it got spilled in my son's car. That is a mess that I hope I cleared up with a lot of elbow grease and air freshener!! I got a lot of walking in and just had fun. emoticon

Gentle hugs,
Sylvia

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANOVELGAL 10/17/2011 7:33PM

    Great pictures! I always love going to the zoo except I never get to go! Sounds like a wonderful fall day! Even with the haunted stuff! emoticon

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_LINDA 10/17/2011 3:06AM

    Fabulous photos!! Enjoyed them very much! So nice to hear you had a relaxing day that didn't involve work! I used to go to haunted houses here but they haven't had any the last few years. Usually they set them up for charity fund raising. They have been quite inventive and fun.
I hope you were able to get some sleep after all that activity and that you have a good week coming up.
{{{gentle hugs}}}
Linda

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Saturday 10/15 The Way that Pain Really Looks

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Hi all

Warning--This is not going to be the most pleasant, upbeat blog, so don't read any further if you don't feel like hearing some whining.

I am miserable today. Part of it is my fault because I have been working harder than I should have been. I am irritated with my body because I have some gift to share and it is trying to interfere. However, if I want a group of immigrant children to have a basket of books and some help reading them, I will get up to the third floor and take them with me.

Pain interferes with my life. It tries to change my plans. The aching in my back and my left hand wants me to leave things and get someone else to do things like vacuuming but who else is going to do it NOW? I don't want to wait because if I am doing something now, I can keep my body working--once I stop, it might not let me go again. Pain tries to convince me that I shouldn't do important things that need to be done. If a child needs new books in their baskets, I am going to ignore the paint hat doesn't want me bending, reaching, and/or lifting to get the job done. Children need me to help them read.

Pain changes my mood--who I am. I can start out as my typical, positive self and the screaming pain I get in my lower back can change my mood to grumpy, irritated, impatient. If I work hard to get past that, I can end up sad, blue, depressed. It escalates when I don't get enough sleep because the throbbing in my right hip is alternating with the aching in my lower back. That little duet can steal a night of sleep quite easily.

Pain is costly. It takes my time as well as our resources. I have a lot of appointments to fit into my already busy schedule. Physical therapy, doctors, tests, picking up prescriptions, time at the pharmacy... I have to get all of that done in the midst of my life. I have about six doctors who I see regularly over these issues. I hate to admit the amount I spend on medicine and patches. It is a small fortune.

BUT--pain makes me determined to fight it and go on with my life. I can do the things I was put here on the earth to do. I believe that I am a gifted teacher and I have skills that work well with children who need something special. I can do many things and do them well.

My body is a battleground due to pain. It drives me crazy a good deal of the time, but I win each and every battle in my own time. Pain is an undesirable nuisance. It shouldn't happen to anybody, but the most important part is to not let it win.

Quite honestly, I am sick of it. I'd like to wake up one morning with a full night of sleep and a body that doesn't need an extra hour to get moving. I would like to be able to get into the shower here without having help and I'e like to start my day with energy rather than having it all spent from fighting pain. I do okay for a few hours after I swallow my meds--but by 11 at the latest, I am looking for the thing to keep me going. I might choose to cream up my back with my specially compounded cream and if I don't have time for that, I grab my back brace. I take more meds around 1 and get to the end of my work day. I go to the pool as early as I can get in because the water soothes me for the time I am there... Then I get home and when it is bedtime, I recline in a chair because I cannot lie down. The war between what hurts the most gets started and I try to ice things or heat them and soothe my body so that I can get some rest--before the next day comes and the next war.

Anyway, I fight this the best that I can, but today, it is lousy. I am going to keep a promise to take my kids to the zoo and to the haunted hayrack ride with our church tonight. I don't know how I am going to do these things, but I will because:
PAIN makes me determined and accomplished above all.

That said, I am leaving to do just that.
Thanks for listening to me whine, if you have gotten this far.

Best wishes to you, my friends!!
Gentle hugs,
Sylvia

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EMRANA 10/15/2011 10:44PM

  You're not whining at all. As someone who used to struggle with pain to that extent, I understand! In fact, my sister was recently diagnosed with a herniated disc at the same level as mine. I just wrote these words to her today ~

"I was thinking about calling you but I don't want to wake you up. I don't know about you, but I could never stay asleep for very long. Sometimes the pain would get so bad it would knock me out for 20 or 30 minutes though, and that was like a godsend when it happened. I would NEVER want to jostle you out that. It hurts more when your body gets shocked awake. It's more like fainting from pain than sleeping sometimes but whatever knocks you out is good at this stage. As long as you get to be unaware for a few minutes! I know that sounds terrible but I think you know what I mean..."

Those of us who have experienced it, know what life is like. How exhausting every little thing is. I have, and I do, and I send you many gentle hugs. I didn't have anywhere near the schedule you do either.

emoticon

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SBEEGHLY 10/15/2011 7:55PM

    Dear Sylvia,
nothing I can say will help the pain. I can tell ya you are not alone.
You have been a great example to many on how to live moving forward despite weight, pain and sleepless night issues. You are doing a much needed task and educating the young, this world is blessed from your presence.
I am proud to count you among my Spark buddies.. Gentle hug..

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MTNGRL 10/15/2011 5:31PM

    Sylvia, I admire your determination and perseverance. You do so much more that most people would even dream of doing and all with the pain that would make a grown man weep. I wish I could wave a magic wand and all that pain would go away. The best I can do is send you hugs and say prayers asking God to give you strength and healing.
Hugs!!

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Saturday 10/15 The Way that Pain Really Looks

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Hi all

Warning--This is not going to be the most pleasant, upbeat blog, so don't read any further if you don't feel like hearing some whining.

I am miserable today. Part of it is my fault because I have been working harder than I should have been. I am irritated with my body because I have some gift to share and it is trying to interfere. However, if I want a group of immigrant children to have a basket of books and some help reading them, I will get up to the third floor and take them with me.

Pain interferes with my life. It tries to change my plans. The aching in my back and my left hand wants me to leave things and get someone else to do things like vacuuming but who else is going to do it NOW? I don't want to wait because if I am doing something now, I can keep my body working--once I stop, it might not let me go again. Pain tries to convince me that I shouldn't do important things that need to be done. If a child needs new books in their baskets, I am going to ignore the paint hat doesn't want me bending, reaching, and/or lifting to get the job done. Children need me to help them read.

Pain changes my mood--who I am. I can start out as my typical, positive self and the screaming pain I get in my lower back can change my mood to grumpy, irritated, impatient. If I work hard to get past that, I can end up sad, blue, depressed. It escalates when I don't get enough sleep because the throbbing in my right hip is alternating with the aching in my lower back. That little duet can steal a night of sleep quite easily.

Pain is costly. It takes my time as well as our resources. I have a lot of appointments to fit into my already busy schedule. Physical therapy, doctors, tests, picking up prescriptions, time at the pharmacy... I have to get all of that done in the midst of my life. I have about six doctors who I see regularly over these issues. I hate to admit the amount I spend on medicine and patches. It is a small fortune.

BUT--pain makes me determined to fight it and go on with my life. I can do the things I was put here on the earth to do. I believe that I am a gifted teacher and I have skills that work well with children who need something special. I can do many things and do them well.

My body is a battleground due to pain. It drives me crazy a good deal of the time, but I win each and every battle in my own time. Pain is an undesirable nuisance. It shouldn't happen to anybody, but the most important part is to not let it win.

Quite honestly, I am sick of it. I'd like to wake up one morning with a full night of sleep and a body that doesn't need an extra hour to get moving. I would like to be able to get into the shower here without having help and I'e like to start my day with energy rather than having it all spent from fighting pain. I do okay for a few hours after I swallow my meds--but by 11 at the latest, I am looking for the thing to keep me going. I might choose to cream up my back with my specially compounded cream and if I don't have time for that, I grab my back brace. I take more meds around 1 and get to the end of my work day. I go to the pool as early as I can get in because the water soothes me for the time I am there... Then I get home and when it is bedtime, I recline in a chair because I cannot lie down. The war between what hurts the most gets started and I try to ice things or heat them and soothe my body so that I can get some rest--before the next day comes and the next war.

Anyway, I fight this the best that I can, but today, it is lousy. I am going to keep a promise to take my kids to the zoo and to the haunted hayrack ride with our church tonight. I don't know how I am going to do these things, but I will because:
PAIN makes me determined and accomplished above all.

That said, I am leaving to do just that.
Thanks for listening to me whine, if you have gotten this far.

Best wishes to you, my friends!!
Gentle hugs,
Sylvia

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_LINDA 10/15/2011 6:53PM

    So very sorry to hear you are suffering so much :(( In regards to these books, could you not ask for help from the students themselves to stock their own baskets? When I was in school, students were eager to help out the teacher doing various chores before or after class (I cleaned the chalk boards and beat out the brushes) I took pride in getting the black board black again with nothing showing on it :)
You have a houseful of able bodied young adults whom you cook for. Surely they could do the simple household chores to help?? Its ridiculous for you to be doing any chores when you are working to put bread on the table. Children today seem to be expected to do nothing around the house these days :( We had our chores when we were growing up that is for sure..
You can't take on everything yourself. Its time to delegate where ever possible..You are not respecting your body and your condition by pushing to do so much. It just creates even more intense pain for you. You have to look after your own needs for a change. Your family is certainly old enough to be looking after their own!!
Please take care of yourself!
{{{gentle hugs}}}
Linda

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MKPRINCESS007 10/15/2011 3:21PM

    Oh Sylvia.......I am sorry for your pain. I have known a good friend for a long time that has similar challenges, and he has tried so many possible solutions to ease it and has been left feeling less then resolved. You are an amazing woman. How you do all that you do, and fight through the pain, is really astonishing to me.

Please feel free to vent anytime. If it helps, than I am happy to read it.
Hoping you can find some joy in your day today!

Karen

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