Friday, February 18, 2011
I've been way too busy. No shocker in that info, is there?
I am not feeling like myself these days, don't know if it is medically based or what, but I am jumpy, sore, tired, grumpy... I don't like it and it takes energy and time that I don't have. Every little stress that gets added to my plate makes it worse. (Our car broke down on Wednesday and we are trying to manage everything with one car. That shouldn't seem tough and I should be glad for what we have, but we have 5 working people in our family and one son in college and a daughter in high school with so many extras that she requires a lot of transportation. Add to that that I have physical therapy 2-3 times a week and my many medical appointments along with Megan's new similar status with "Coumadin clinics" and multiple appointments with specialists. Also, her update is that she is the same as she was. The clot in her lung bothers her frequently and she has trouble being active, the coumadin levels seem to be random and they change the dose weekly at the least. She takes one dose on a couple of days, another on a couple of days and another on the three remaining days. I am glad that she is young and not me, because I couldn't keep up with that. However, I am grateful she is alive and this episode was almost a miracle in disguise because it was caught and she is under medical care.)
Today is going to be strange. We have a half day training day, the kids get out at noon. Most of the staff goes out for lunch but that is valuable time for me to get some things done and that is a gift to me. Then we are having some kind of staff meeting and chances are that nothing will pertain to what I do--I am kind of an isolated island around here. Everyone wants more of what I do, but nobody can quite see that I am doing more than anyone should be trying and that I really have no resources to help lighten the load. (OK. I won't whine--I have a job which is something that plagues many good people including a couple of my sons who have really tried hard to find work, even entry level, rinky dink jobs. I also have a job that I am well-trained for and am very good at and suited for. That is not always the case. However, my needs and issues are very real....)
I am leaving early today for my appointment with my PCP. I wish that the people who do lab work would have let me send the report straight to my doctor, however when I requested that the tech told me that they aren't allowed to do that anymore. Apparently patients were requesting that sort of thing and there were doctors who were complaining about reports they are getting and that they didn't order, so the only alternative I had was to have a copy sent to myself. My PCP wants everything, I have a really good guy who is detail oriented. As an update and an interesting comment on my back doc (who if you haven't guessed, I have lost my faith in for anything except surgery that he is quite competent and skilled at, and interested in)--I found out when I talked to the nurse at my PCP's office that my back doc did fax him that report. That means that something in it bothered him as well. Anyway, I will find out today.
After I get to the doctor and get his take on what is up with my body, maybe I can get a handle on why I am feeling like this. It is a 3 day weekend, but they scheduled my total body scan injection at 6:15 AM on Monday which takes away that possibility of a little extra sleep and the real perk I get from holidays.
Oh and my computer issue is in the clicker with the mouse pad. I am going to have to put it up for repair, but my son taught me how to scroll with the buttons (Silly me, I have never done that....) and I can do almost everything that way. I may look for a mouse to add on as well. Our good machine is also in the shop--another stress.
The snow is all gone, but I think I heard that after a big rain, winter is coming back to us. We haven't had sunshine with this warmer weather the past few days, just fog and overcast skies.
My mood could be caused by a lot of things. Thanks for your support. It is time for me to go to work, my before school student is here now!! It's his birthday and I have a card that I know he can read.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
As a teacher, I don't let kids use that generic word "stuff" in their writing, but right now, it's the best I can come up with.
After struggling to get to a phone and get the back doc's office moving, they have scheduled my body bone scan for Monday morning at 6:15 AM. That's a lot earlier than I like, but since it's a holiday, I won't have to miss work this time. The doctor ordered lab work at the same time and I am waiting for the school nurse to come in and take a peek. I have a copy because the lab wouldn't send it to my regular doctor, so I got my own copy for him. When I called the back doc's office, they checked to make sure who my regular doc is because they want him to see it. There are several things earmarked, but the statement "Persistent reduction in estimated GFR... defines Chronic Kidney Disease (CKD)" My GFR was 54.81 and the cut number is 60. BUN and Glucose were high, but this is listed as a fasting test and it was not. (I did it at 5 PM after working all day and I may have had a snack before I went, I can't remember. My glucose was 103 and I don't think that is a worrying number. I had a lot of numbers that were low as well--hematocrit, hemoglobin, WBC, RBC, Platelet count--but I donated blood about 3 weeks ago--duh. ALT was low too, but I have no idea what that was. I do think my doc needs o see this and I am going to get it translated for me and then carry it over to him.
I haven't heard results from my stress test yet and that also is on my mind. I think that they must have gotten okay results by now--it was a week ago yesterday--or they would have called me. If the results aren' good, he told me that I need and angiogram. I'm counting on my healthy habits to have managed that for me.
Anyway, my back hurts a lot. My shoulder is getting better each day, but is still under the doctor's care. I may have some other health stuff going on, but I don't know until I se a doc who gives me straight answers.
For now, I need to get to my last reading group of the day. Wednesday is an early student dismissal so we can have meetings. Yippee.
Take care everyone.
Monday, February 14, 2011
I'm taking a writing break from my National boards renewal to bask in the quality of today. I had quite an interesting day, no doubt about it.
The first thing that happened was my early morning tutoring student came and brought me a lovely flowering plant. I was surprised at that and it made me cry a bit. I never expected anything like that. Later on, I went to my mailbox and our principal had given everyone a small box of chocolates. One of my older students came a bit later with a similar box of chocolates. (Those are quite tempting, but as of this writing, they are sitting over there unopened.)
My principal came in this morning and I mentioned my overload of work--and the possibility that I was going to cut some students out of my program if I couldn't get some support. I am trying to connect six computers to ethernet cords for the kids to use the program that was "given" to me to use. It is a nightmare beyond anything that you can imagine. I ask for someone to look up phone numbers for me so I can call parents but they are "too busy." Well, if I cannot get some help like that in my program, maybe I am going to have to change the program. Later in the morning, she came and helped me with a problem that I have been having with a couple of children simply returning books and doing their homework. It was a step in the right direction at least.
Around 9:45, I received my favorite valentine gift of all time. My daughter is in her high school madrigal group and they came to my classroom. She presented me with a rose and they sang for me. It was so beautiful and I stood near my daughter to hear her beautiful soprano voice. It was so touching and my husband knows that this kind of gift means the world to me. (I got him a new air compressor which he has been wanting for some time--not quite as romantic as being serenaded, but it is something he will enjoy a lot in the coming months.)
I have received several cards and lollipops and other treats. I'll share those with my family. It has been a day of gifts that I wasn't expecting. The flowers look so pretty over there with my poinsettia that is losing its touch. I think I'll snap a quick photo for all of you and I'll share it below.
Hve a special valentine's day. I hope that someone shows you their love and affection in a creative way. It doesn't have to be with expensive gifts--love is love, no matter how it is shown.
These are my valentine gifts--I wish I had taken photos of the kids who came and serenaded me, it was so awesome to have them all so close with their beautiful voices!!
This is my busy writing space--I am gathering data from many sources to do my renewal project.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Happy Valentine's Day
Happy "It's warmer week" around here anyway!!
Happy "Thanks for hanging in there with me" week also!!
I don't know what was going on in the world around me last week, but I am ready to move on. My cold is still here but it isn't as pressing or giving me as much pressure as it has been. I think it is finally breaking up and that is a strong step in the right direction.
I took yesterday off to rest and get a bit of extra sleep. We even had pizza for dinner last night (which probably explains a gain I had at the scale today. I didn't over eat and I didn't go over my daily calories or points, so I am guessing salt--quite honestly, I don't care about this because I needed a change in my world.) I made yesterday about taking care of me. I did clean the bathroom but left everything except some grocery shopping to the others around here. I cannot even say it is done, but THEY will do it today because today is also going to be about me. I am going to church and then the fitness center. After that is my time to go work on my National Boards and while I am there, my family will clean up the house, prepare dinner and do laundry. If that sounds a bit lazy to the other mothers in my world, please don't forget that my baby turned 13 a week ago and my other children are ages 15, 18, 19, 21, 22, 26 and 28. They are all in better shape than I am in and most of what needs to be done, they are responsible for creating.
I have no extra late work nights this week. I do have physical therapy twice and a doctor's appointment. I do have a crazy work schedule but I am going to put my foot down this week--I asked for an appointment with the principal in my school on Friday, but she either didn't get my message or didn't get around to answering it, I either need some help with the heavy student load I have or I am going to cut some kids loose. I cannot keep up with all that is on my plate with no support from anyone. I have to take care of me. My issues last week were a lot about me taking care of everybody and everything else and not taking care of me. Now that I am out from under the cloud, I am going to fix things. There is nothing good about being miserable physically or emotionally and if I can change that, well, sign me up.
I was sad, tired, angry, irritable, frustrated, overwhelmed, and under the weather last week. That is really lousy and I am simply not going to go through this kind of blue mood or dark time again because it hurt in every possible way. Nobody deserves such a thing. I know that I didn't and ultimately, the people around me didn't either.
So this week is already better because I can see where it has to go:
Things will be warm and sunshiny this week in every way and it will begin with me. I am wishing an equally warm and satisfying week to each of you as I bring down my work load and bring up my mood. I am wishing a happy Valentine's Day to each of you as I bring up my self esteem and bring down my pain. I have a couple of doctors who are getting a call and I am going to get the balance that I need to make everything work.
We cannot control the weather, but we can control all of these other things--I am going for it. Thanks for your kindness and support over the past week. It is so touching to read your messages of support and kindness and caring again and again--I needed them this past week, they were my shining star when I was under the most duress.
Have a wonderful week, each of you. I am going to try to get to each of you with a personal thanks, but rest assured that I need to take care of myself even before I do that--and I will.
Wednesday, February 09, 2011
Yes, I'm talking about time!! It seems that things have been as I predicted in my previous blog and I have not had a second of rest until now--and here, before dinner of a nice slow cooker pork roast with veggies and warm bread on the side.
That PET stress test was a nasty little ordeal yesterday. I went through the gal having trouble getting my IV in place. After trying a couple of times to get the thing in, I had the ceremonial request not to look if blood bothered me as mine squirted all over me and my clothing and everywhere--but she got it. This new stress test was shorter in time but more uncomfortable with one long 40 minute scan. The rubidium was pretty horrid and I was too uncomfortable to be able to cry. I found their periodic warnings of how much time was left to be frustrating and when I finally got to get out of the machine, they wanted to take off the patches and take out the IV, but I have done enough medical stuff to know to tell them to simply let me sit up first. My poor back, flat on a hard table is not a good thing for 40+ minutes.
They finished so quickly that I had to wait 40 minutes for my ride. I got some paperwork for school done so that was nice--along with a small meal after fasting for so long--a power bar and a half banana and a bottle of water perked me up along with my pain meds and tens unit. I went over to physical therapy from there and had my doctor's appointment after that. This was not time off work for leisure.
I was sick after all of that and tried to get a nap, but pain of every kind would let me really rest or sleep--tears came and they flowed freely. The entire night was like that and this morning was equally rough. I got my act together and went to work. Children have been crabby and uncooperative all week, and today, my patience wasn't there for them. I was kind of glad to have an early dismissal day for a staff meeting and I treated myself to a couple of small cookies at the meeting as well. It is so hard for me to understand that I can have a treat once in a while that I always have to check my food journal and see that things are okay. Since my lunch was veggies and fruits, I should have known that they were okay for me.
I am heading for the pool now--and I am hoping that I get pain relief there. I am trying to make this tough week manageable, but if it takes a bit of crying and not being as accommodating, I think I am going to do so.
Time to get ready to go--I wish it wasn't staying between 2 degrees and -9 around here. That would help me a lot and I'm guessing it would help the kids at school to be more pleasant as well.
Gentle hugs to everyone,
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