Saturday, September 20, 2008
It is birthday time here, mine was yesterday and my husband's is Tuesday. Since it is always so close to back to school time, it seems as if there is rarely any extra money to do much. I am glad that I did as always and plan ahead for my husband like I do for the kids and the holidays. I haven't taught them all to think that way about my birthday, but it always works out just fine in the long run.
Some of my tough times are getting better. I finally started teaching on Thursday and it is great to be meeting new kids and to get to know them. My space is pretty limited and I cannot find anything I need to work with, but unlike when I started teaching, now there is the internet and that helps me in finding things without a lot of time and expense involved. It is much easier to eat more healthy when I am busy working full time, but my schedule is so full that I barely have 15 minutes to go to take my brace off and go to the restroom. On Thursday, I didn't have time to find someone to help me get it on and I went the afternoon with it off. The person who works with me took the afternoon off for a doctor's appointment and didn't tell me or anyone--just signed out and left--so I had to double up some of my groups and do all of the walking up and down the hall. I was late letting a group out and got chewed out big time by another teacher and made a mistake on the schedule which got me chewed on by yet another teacher. I am working with 43 children in 11 groups and covering 6 groups and 20 more children that the para is working with. It is a lot to do in one work day and to balance with 13 classroom schedules. I made three mistakes on my schedule and fixed them up easily but had to beg for cooperation.
My body is awful right now and has gotten more painful and uncomfortable with each passing day. I know that the high level stress that I have been at for almost two complete months and the surgery 6 weeks before that has been a big contributor to all of this. The increase of activity and decrease of time to rest has put the topping on. To add injury to insult, my left shoulder (the one that has been treated with cortisone for several years because of arthritis)nmade a loud pop on the inside when I was trying to reach across the brace and frantically look for something I needed. I am in a very crowded space, less than half a small room with an 8 foot table and surrounded by things that make it so hard to get through with my brace. i-i cannot bend over because of my back and brace, and there are things stored at the floor level all around the room. The person who arranged this was the former person in the room and the person helping me has made it even crazier. I was so frustrated trying to write my lesson plans yesterday because i couldn't find things that are still in the mountain of boxes waiting for me to go through and everything else was difficult to get to. I left the room and went to the restroom and then had an ice cream bar that somebody else brought for her birthday today. My husband came to pick me up and for the third day in a row, the person picking me up had to wait for at least two hours and help me to do my planning work. I selected books and brought the armload home with me to do this weekend. Back to my topic sentence, it is the non-stop aching in my body that is the biggest problem. This pop in my shoulder has made it far worse and more testy and I'm afraid to see any of my doctors about it because everytime I have an issue like this, it ends up being surgery and therapy. There seems to be residual pain in all of my surgery sites and I'd like to avoid any more of this if possible.
I am sleeping more--whew being exhausted and in pain has an upside to it, lol. Truly, I am blessed to be getting more normal sleep these days with all of the rest of what is happening in my life. I am sure that I couldn't handle any of what is coming my way on 2 or 3 hours of sleep so this is something to celebrate. Quite honestly, I'm hoping that this is my way back to being more normal (for me, hehe). Tonight may be an exception, it is homecoming for my kids and I won't really rest until they are home. My older son is out of town visiting his girlfriend before she leaves for 6 months and a new job she has taken aboard a cruise ship. It will be exciting and interesting for her, but he will be here missing herover the holidays and all. I hope that one of his applications gets him a job too. He has signed up to be a substitute in the interim, but that isn't always regular work unless you can find some long term jobs to do. One way or another, he needs his foot in the door--I am planning to remind my boss regularly about him needing a job. She really owes me and I think this might be a reasonable payoff, if I can get it to happen.
That's my update for now--my weight is mostly unchanged since my last big loss--but I had some days way off task for a while. I hope that this will be my week to see a nice loss. I am going back to Weight Watchers this week too so that I can really focus with this and them.
Take care, my friends...
Gentle hugs, Sylvia
Sunday, September 07, 2008
I am in a time of great frustration. Things are not exactly going the way that they should be--or at least the way I expected. My children are off in their new school year. I have had two calls already about two of my sons, my little guy wasn't doing homework and my middle guy wasn't going to school fresh and clean. Neither is excusable, but the latter is doggone irritating. He has that room, with clean and dirty laundry all mixed on the floor. He wants to shower in the mornings but doesn't get up in time to do it. he is experiencing too much of my time to supervise and (according to him) too little time in possession of the car keys. As for my younger son, I think it was a matter of forgetting to bring it home. I convinced hios teacher to make sure things come home and to commun icate with me in a daily journal that he brings back and forth. That problem is solved. My daughter at college has been waiting to one of her student loans to be finalized and yesterday was informed that she is not going to keep her apartment because of it. I am just sick--we didn't have the money for this and she did the right things, but the bank is overwhelmed this time of the year and hasn't worked in a timely way. She is devastated, 3-4 hpurs away from home, the bank is now saying the check is waiting for authorizationh from her college and their offices aren't open on the weekend. If they will hang on until their offices are open Monday morning, this should be corrected if they will play nice.
As for me, i'm not feeling well and I'm not happy with the things that seem to be done freely in my new school. There is a load of gossiping and back stabbing stuff that is taking place. This is a school that has a lot of freedom and has a lot of staff who are used to doing whatever they want regardless of rules. Some of them are resenting the time I have been home ill and the time that I've taken to do minimal unpacking. We have looked at some 30 boxes with some 170+ untouched. I am having great difficulty in finding some of those things necessary for me to do my job. I have had a bright spot or two bewcause I have helped teach the kindergarten class and have been testing some of the older kids. As soon as I can work with children, I feel better emotionally. My pain level has been through the roof though and this is making me wonder my worth and second guess my decisions. I want to work and do not want to consider going on disability but the more time i am on my feet, the worse this is. I*f the doctor lets me come back full time on Wednesday, I also have to start the traveling part of my job. I am so unsure if I will be able to stand myself after this week, but i am unsure of having any other choices. I think that not working would destroy me. even if we could possibly afford that.
This coming week holds a lot of important outcomes for me and my daughter in its hands. I can only pray for the best possible results. i have had a lot of support through my struggles here, in this part of cyberspace and am very glad for all of you who encourage me along. Here's a big thanks to you for each kind word and each prayer.
Hugs to all, Sylvia
Friday, August 22, 2008
Hello Everyone--welcome to my ongoing journal. Life events are much more dramatic these days and overpower my focus on losing weight. That is what makes it interesting when I tell you that when I weighed in last week, I had lost another 9.9 pounds over the past 4 weeks. I don't weigh in frequently because it can easily move into obsessive behavior with me with multiple weigh ins a day. That doesn't help me.
I am getting my kids back into school right now. My 4 school aged kids had a half day today and will be in school all day tomorrow. I have a fifth grade son who is already terrified of his teacher and if he knew the background of my quarrels with her when she had his older brother, I'm sure he would be panic stricken. My little guy has autism, so this is a fragile time for him. My daughter is an 8th grader, I have sons that are in 11th and 12th grade right now as well--and it is my 12th grader who had the issues with the other teacher. My oldest daughter (20 years) leaves to return to college on Sunday. My 19 year old son is taking a semester off of college to work, rest, and save money--he needs this right now. My son who will be 24 is getting ready to substitute teach since he hasn't found a teaching position yet. My oldest son (26) is working on independence--he has 2 jobs and an apartment but his disabilities (CP, AD/HD, Asperger's, seizure disorder) have kept him staying at home at least 6 nights a week. He has a new agency helping him to work on housekeeping, budgeting, personal needs, etc...so that he will feel confident and safe. Things don't come easy for him, but he is the most honest and good-hearted person ever. He works hard and is so loyal to the people he works for--even when they are taking advantage of him, he doesn't complain (but it gets his mother very irritated.)
I'm going to miss my daughter when she leaves for school--she is a junior this year, because she helps me without my asking and as I am healing from my back surgery right now, that is nice. But, she has to work on her life and future. I plan to go back to work half days next week and am really concerned about how things work for me. I am feeling less anxious than before because I believe this entire ordeal I have been put through has had some healing time for all involved. I have avoided talking to my friends at the other school for a while because it is too fresh for me to deal with it again. I need to have things in place and am hoping this will all work for me quickly.
Tomorrow, it will be me and my 3 oldest home all day. This may be a really nice break for a change--time to rest and catch our breath from everything that has went on collectively. I have a great family and need to keep that as my major life focus. It is an easy thing to do.
Hugs to all, Sylvia
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
We finished packing up my classroom on Monday. It only took an extra hour of work on Monday, an extra 3 hours on Friday, an extra half hour on Thursday and Tuesday and an extra hour last Wednesday. I'm going to bill them for that time as well. When I got home on Monday, I called my neurosurgeon and got two weeks off work completely--they faxed the note over to my new/former principal. She got it when I made my second call which was to her and she told me not to worry, just to take the time off and take care of myself. Grr-rr. This was a lot of work with little concern for me in the process. I am physically ill right now with this awful coughing that may be something serious or may be my asthma, but it is not improving any. I am sleeping differently since all of this happened. I fall asleep earlier in the evening, on or before ten and then I wake up at two or shortly after. It is 4 hours, but is really lousy for starting the day after I have been awake since 2, or often 5 hours. I am still tired and need to sleep better, so I may use my sleeping medicine for a few nights to see if it will improve.
The really painful part of all of this is that I will get better when I get to teach real live kids. I always do. Yet, when I get to school, I have some 200 boxes waiting for me that have not been labeled and for the most part, I had no part in packing. I cannot lift and I cannot bend over and I have a lot of difficulty walking in this brace. It is my hope that I will be more strong after this additional 2 weeks off, so that I will be able to make a plan in attacking that mountain of boxes that were moved. I expect that my family will help me to get better as well.
We went to Border's for a half an hour yesterday before I went to see my therapist. I took my two youngest kids along with my other daughter who drove. It was a nice diversion for me, I found an interesting book and a comfy chair there and then, just enjoyed the "different" place and space. My kids had fun and I spent too much money on books for the family. My husband had taken the day off like he promised me if I would be home from work. He got some well-earned rest after doing several chores that he hadn't had time to take care of. It helped that I saw my doctor, we had a quiet talk and I was able to finalize my grief over the job and school that I loved along with the senseless move. I needed that opportunity so that I wouldn't harbor growing anger. Yesterday was peaceful and I needed that.
I will start my school year for real on August 26, the anniversary of my first teaching job. I'll be in a new school and will actually have many belongings to start with. This is a first for me. Hopefully, I will be able to get started with working with children ASAP, and I will get back to full days so that I will travel to the alternative school and start that part of my position as well. I will get to meet new children and new families, and I will get to be the teacher who I am. That's all I need--I know that I will be careful at how I invest in my position so that I can spare myself all of this pain, but I will still be the teacher who I am. Later, Sylvia
Saturday, August 02, 2008
This has been quite a week. I ha a full day on Wednesday. I went to my neurosurgeon and had to almost beg, but he is going to let me try to go back to work half days. He told me that if there are any problems, to call his office and he would change the content of my work release note. After that, I went to my home school and met the new principal. I found that anything more than 20 steps wears me out and hurts like all get out. He seemed very nice but stared at my body armor big turtle shell brace and leg attachment like I was an invalid or something. Then, I went to another doctor appt. and he tried to convince me that I was not ready to go back to work. After I left there, I spent over 2 hours with a case manager interviewing my oldest son. We were out for 6 an 1/2 hours an when I got home, I hurt too much to cry--my husband helped me out of my brae and into my nightgown.
On Thursday, we left at about 12:30 and spent over 2 hours packing boxes in the school I served last year that I wont be at this year. I have to pack my things up and am praying that the district will move them, but they haven't returned my call on that. We left there and went to my new school to travel to. They had just waxed the ground floor by the entrance I need to use, so the principal there came out to my car to meet me. He took one look at me in my body armor and told me three times how my health came first and that if I needed more time off or whatever that I should do it. I'm beginning to feel like some kind of invalid and after this 3 hour day, I felt awful from head to toes. Again, I had to have help to rest when I got home.
On Friday, we left around 1:30 and went to my now "former" school again to pack. I talked to the principal there and found out they were in no hurry for my room to be emptied, not to worry. We commiserated over the fact that the district wasn't replacing me and I introduced him to my 2nd oldest son who is looking for a teaching job. The packing is now 98% done and we left a 4:15 so that I could get my prosthetic fixed. He didn't get there until almost 5:30. He asked me how long that I had to wear this thing, and like I've told everyone else, I do not know. I peeked at the insurance papers he had and the thing cost over $3800 so I'm guessing it will be with me for a while. We stopped to pick up pizzas that my daughter ordered--I know, I know, but I hadn't eaten breakfast and I only ate two pieces so it was okay. For the third day in a row, I cried to get out of the brace and ready to relax.
I am definitely worried about the coming week. I missed going to weigh in, but I had a great victory that didn't involve the scale. The man who made my brace noticed that I was having some problems with it and did a couple of adjustments that were necessary because I "had lost a good bit of weight" since it was made. YAY, it is good to have somebody else notice.
On that note, I'm going to get ready for dinner. My husband fixed chicken tacos for supper and I love those. Sylvia
Get An Email Alert Each Time ENUFF81020 Posts