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Monday, 4/12 Lots of structure today

Monday, April 12, 2010

Hi everyone,

Today was a regular day with plenty to do. We had a special program for the kids at school today so it was a different schedule. I went to the pool after work and got my workout in--I actually swam a few laps with the "real swimmers." Most of my work in the pool are therapy exercises that I do at the side or it is walking, walking, walking. I've been adding in some back stroke though and it was kind of neat to be in the adult lap swimming, even for a limited time. After that, Marissa and Mason had appointments at the eye doctor--those take a good deal of time when they dilate. I had to postpone this week's Vitamin B12 shot because we ran so late--oh well, I'll do that tomorrow. I got home to do a few little chores that I can do from my seat...and I worked on the kids' state taxes. I have a couple of questions on 2 of them and the other 2 are ready to be mailed. That will be good to be out of the way. We have been waiting for a form on ours, but they are professionally done because ours are just too complicated.

My skin is creepy, sore and kind of crawling tonight--and that is in addition to my regular back issues. If you know anyone with fibromyalgia, please be gentle and loving with them because when this junk flares there is no fun to be had. I am going to try for all I am worth to sleep tonight in spite of it. I think I could be more content if it would let up a bit. I need some peace with my body and with stress in general. I got some in the pool today, it is really nice in the early afternoon when there aren't any rambunctuous folks there at that time.

As always, I appreciate my SparkFriends and I wish you all a restful night and a peaceful day.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JENGRAMMER 4/13/2010 2:44PM

    You are so blessed to have access to a pool.

God blesses in different ways.


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KKKAREN 4/13/2010 9:19AM

    I'm glad you have the pool for some relief. Hope you have a better day today.

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    The pool is a the perfect place for people with chronic problems like us. I hope you feel better today.

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BLESSED2BEME 4/13/2010 12:35AM

    Hope you get good rest tonight!

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DAWNWATERWOMAN 4/13/2010 12:15AM

    I am so sorry that you have fibro. My best friend does too. I know that I can't relate since I don't have it but my heart sure goes out to the both of you. You're in my prayers daily. Love, Dawn

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JHADZHIA 4/12/2010 11:19PM

    Ahh, taxes! I confess to letting University students practice on mine free of charge every year even though they are simple, because of my math difficulties.
I hope you can get some rest in spite of that awful feeling :(
{{{gentle hug}}}

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Sunday, 4/11 A Story With A Moral

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Hello Everyone,

I want to share a brief update to my recent frustrations and a story that a dear friend sent to me. I have now kept my son off of the computer since Thursday. He isn't talking to me much, simply to answer a question if I get him nearby. I was surprised to get 4 forwarded emails from him today--it turns out that his friend who lives in Sin gapore forwarded them. He gave her his password to do so. They are from the online college he was signing up for, which is another thing he has done without sharing with any of us. I asked him about the emails and then I told him that it was time he created his schedule because the only way I would let him use the computer for that was if he was sitting next to me so I could supervise what he was doing. That was the end of the conversation, still no schedule or anything--and we took the computers with us to church today. It's not convenient, but if it helps me to doas I need for his well-being, I can definitely do so. Everyone is working on projects and shores right now and If I can get a bit a day out of them, I will be more than content.

We had a wonderful church service today. The kids who did solos for music contests shared their work--and my 14 year old daughter was awesome. Her voice is so beautiful--a friend told me that whenever she sings, she sounds like an angel. I know that I cry when I hear her sing, it is so moving--and she is so young to have that control and range. There was also a baptism and the family provided a luncheon for everyone. It was really nice, I had some fruit and a half of a roll with ham. They also had chips, a fluff type side dish, garden salad and a cake that looked so yummy with a cream/pudding filling between the layers. I no longer eat sweets, but it certainly was tempting.

My number of fitness minutes dropped a bit this week (from 745 to 695), but I still lost 1.1 pounds, so I am happy. I had my workout at the pool today. The kids and others there talked about how "dead" it was, I thought it was pleasant and relaxing. I had plenty of time for a good sit in the sauna as well as to condition my hair along with my shower. I think it should always be that way--there were several kids there, they just weren't crazy, wild, and loud.
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On to the story my friend sent me...there were no sources or anything, but I am guessing it has been passed around for a while...

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours while the farmer tried to figure out what to do.

Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the
donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well.. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.
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I think the moral to this story sums up the work I am doing to become more healthy and the work I am doing as a parent. I intend to keep shaking off the dirt that is dumped on me and using it to my advantage to get what I need most. It's a really good plan and puts all of the negatives to very good use.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FUNNYGRANNY71 4/13/2010 5:29PM

    Congratulations on losing more weight. You should be very proud of yourself. My children are all grown and I wish I could give you some words of wisdom, but I think raising children is something everyone has to do on his or her own. I will say some prayers for you and your son though.

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SHELLPRO 4/11/2010 9:37PM

    emoticon Got a lot of Dirt lately, just waiting for the hill to get high enough to STEP out! emoticon Congrats on the Weight Loss too.

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    Congrats on the weight loss. Those pounds pile up!

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JHADZHIA 4/11/2010 9:29PM

    Hi Sylvia,
Congratulations on the weight loss and resisting temptations! Way to stick to your guns with your son! Here is hoping he will come around and see the light. Wonderful you had such a relaxing time at the pool!
Thanks for sharing that donkey story, I had gotten it a long time ago, but was nice to see again!

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14JESUSGIRL 4/11/2010 9:03PM

    Good story! I think I heard Joyce Meyer tell that story the first time I heard it. Thanks for sharing it!

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BLESSED2BEME 4/11/2010 8:10PM

    So glad to see progress with your tough love! Keep praying and being the awesome Mom that God meant you to be:)

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    Sylvia, I love this story thanks for sharing it today. I am sorry that I haven't been a better friend with a strong shoulder for you to lean on about your son. I know that this is tough but I am so proud of you for presenting him with TOUGH LOVE. I have failed miserably in that department in the past. I am very proud of you and you and your family are in my prayers. Lots of love to you. Love, Dawn

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Friday, 4/9 Action makes me feel better

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Hi there,

Thanks for the support with the big problems I shared yesterday. I had such a hard night that I fell asleep early and didn't get back to many of my friends here, but I know that you all understand. I should still be asleep now, but I rarely sleep all night through and I get my sleep the same way I get my exercise--part here and part there. My back continues to be rough, but I am over the extreme hurdle after the bone scan. I finally felt that ease off when I was at the pool this afternoon. I went early in the day because it is simply better for me to go then. I cannot always be the one to take our youngest son, there are plenty of others here who can do that.

As a matter of fact, that is the root of much of my grief. I do not need to do everything and I should not have to beg or cry to get help with bigger tasks. The somewhat harsh reality is that I am physically disabled and that others have to take up where my ability to do things drop off. I am not trying to complain because some of my family really gives their all to help keep things going, but sdome of them do not. They have busy lives between jobs and school, yet that doesn't resolve them of responsibilities. After the having the meltdown I knew was coming, I laid that our for people yesterday and it seems that most of them understand and are pitching in. I have been trying to get some minor repairs and spring cleaning completed since January, budgeting and purchasing items that are needed for these tasks out of our limited budget these days. It is ludicrous that some of these materials are sitting around and things aren't moving forward. I promised everyone that until things were moving in the right direction that each and every one of them are "grounded" to our home without TV, computers, video games. Threatening them and carrying through is a tough thing to do, but it got their attention and a lot of good things are happening now.

As for my 20 year old son...he was still at work when I left for work yesterday morning. He got home when I was at work and then when I got home, he was sleeping. I had taken 2 of our laptops to work with me and the other one was hidden. When he got up, he came right to me and wanted to know "What's the deal with the computers?" I told him that he had an addiction to the internet and that because he couldn't get past that, he was now completely banned from using computers in our home. He was very angry and said some awful, awful things to me. My husband and my 19 and 25 year old sons came right to the scene and he left the room, saying nothing else after that ten minutes of swearing, denying, promising to get his own, telling me that I couldn't do that, etc... Of course, he doesn't have to work tonight and he is watching TV in another room right now. I don't know where this is going yet, I expected anger and he almost gave in far easiert han I expected. I reiterated his 3 choices for life and told him that not making a choice meant that he was choosing to leave, since the other two (contributing around our home or paying rent) both require cooperation and that he has to cooperate to be here. I haven't ever had a conversation like this with any of our kids--he is #4 in the age range, but none of the others have went down his path. I know that he really needs to get back into treatment for the AD/HD he was diagnosed with at age 3 and he doesn't want to do that. My prayer is that he might suggest that as a bargaining chip to get back on the internet. My plan, albeit dishonest, is to take him up on that except he is not getting back online. He really has an addiction and cannot go back there. This is way in its infancy right now and I suspect there will be more trouble before things are honestly on the right track, but as we all know, it takes hard work that can be rugged to make something good and worthwhile happen. I have to stand firm on this, no matter how hard and unpleasant it is.

I had one big disappointment today as well (besides yet another flat tire on that stupid Suzuki, grr-rr. We are spending a small fortune on tires for that car, there is some flaw in the design and I also had a temper tantrum over that. i told my husband for a car that is not quite 2 years old, it should be under warranty for some type of repair work. He hasn't done anything because our local Suzuki dealer sold out and left and we have to travel now to get service or anything. He has chosen to do our own work. ENOUGH already. We end up purchasing a tire for this car every one to two weeks, two this past week and I have never experienced anything like this. It is the first car we have. I have ever owned that wasn't from one of the major American auto companies and I don't know if that is the issue. All I know is that this is wrong and I am sick of it. It eats up money and time, and causes us to have to change plans way too often. I told him to find the nearest dealer--whether they are an hour to two hours away, call them and get the thing in for attention.) Anyway, I found out at the same time that my husband's employer (He's a civilian employee of the US Army.) has changed their mind from Wednesday and now, he does have to work on Sunday after all. It was the final let down--except for a couple of major holidays a year, he has worked 7 days a week for over 6 years now. He wants to do everything he can to support us financially, yet it is so that this overtime has pushed us into a higher tax bracket and with what it has done toour time, costs as much as it gives us. I need hs help and support with everything going on here, and he has been MIA for a long time. He is a wonderful, caring, decent guy--but he doesn't quite "get this" either. Anyway, I was disappointed that they changed their minds and after having one day of expecting to have him home on Sunday, it has been snatched right out from under me.

I realize that part of this sounds like "Part 2" of the whining I did last night, but these big issues can't quite get solved overnight. I have taken actiona nd have things moving. It's been a tough day, but I feel a tiny bit of satisfaction having the issues out in the open and having a plan. I can do this, just like I am doing several other important things. It is comforting to have support. You are true friends!

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SHELLPRO 4/11/2010 1:56AM

    Poor Sylvia, It seem's we women have to throw a tantrum to finally get whatever's bothering us OFF our chest or to get the families full attention. We keep it all bottled in thinking Poor things- too tired, too busy, too, too! Whatever. When the entire time we need someone to stop and take care of us or at least offer to help! I'm a control freak and I think have too much empathy for my own good. I confess it. And the DH just sits back taking full advantage of it- getting fatter and unhealthier through it all. He too always thinks he can save time and money, and in the end costs us more money or more grief! Have you gone to the Suzuki Web site to see if there are any recalls or repairs in order for your car? I'd check for you but cannot remember the year and model. Take Care, and be strong- those kids won't have U and the DH around forever to guide them all the time. emoticon

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HANGINON 4/10/2010 1:46PM

    Sorry to hear about all that's going on. I feel for you and hope that today is a much better day for you. emoticon

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JHADZHIA 4/10/2010 1:33PM

    Sorry to hear of this nightmare Sylvia :(( But communication is the key to everything. Getting it out into the open what needs to be done is overdue. As long as everyone knows where they stand, they don't have any argument. That is awful your husband has to work such long hours and days :( Pretty much your responsibility to raise your children ends at their age of 18, and after that they should be pulling their own weight if they wish to stay living under the same roof. Its necessary if you ever expect to get out of this burden and live a normal life. Your husband can't keep working those brutal hours forever. You don't want his health to become an issue either.
As for your car, you might try searching online for the Suzuki head office, and complain directly to them about the problems you are having. I had purchased a Panasonic phone with answering machine, and a portable phone and found the portable's charge wouldn't last. After several returns and 'repairs', the problem was never fixed. So I looked up Panasonic online and contacted their complaints department. When I told them what was going on, they immediately said the battery was probably the fault, that it wasn't theirs and it turned out it that it was a cheap refurbished one the company put in to make an extra profit. Panasonic kindly sent me, free of charge, a Panasonic rechargeable battery and it worked fine! Sometimes, you have to bypass the locals and go to the source to get satisfaction. So now I am pleased with Panasonic's service.
You are in my thoughts with this struggle. Be firm, be strong. Its all you can do..
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    You are on the right path with family. Everyone should be chipping in to make the house a home. You are not the maid.

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BLESSED2BEME 4/10/2010 10:12AM

    Wow and I struggle a times dealing with two kids and their lack of contributing to our household. I'm continuing to pray about this Sylvia. I am so thankful that you are working on tough love with everyone! Sending you emoticon

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KKKAREN 4/10/2010 9:02AM

    I don't know how you manage as well as you do with all those kids. Lucky me I only had one lovely child who never gave me any trouble. She long grown up and gone, I sure do miss her.

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14JESUSGIRL 4/10/2010 8:30AM

    Sylvia, I am so sorry you are having to go through all this! I have six children and I KNOW exactly how you feel. I've had some of the same kind of talks with my children. I was not physically disabled, however, but it was still hard trying to do everything. So, I even feel more for you since you have to work through your disability. I will definitely keep you in my prayers. I've often wondered how people can make it in this world without the Lord to help them. I know I certainly couldn't!
Much love to you my friend.
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Thursday, 4/8 I'm whining tonight...

Friday, April 09, 2010

Hi everyone,

It has been a difficult day in a lot of minor ways that have all totaled up to gang up on me. It started with my bone scan. I went to the hospital and what was supposed to take 15 minutes to start with was more like 30 minutes...We got stuck in road construction on the way to the hospital and on the way back--I worked around the bone scan today to give my students the advantage of having my lessons. They (the hospital staff) were very sweet--but I had to climb on the table for initial pictures as they injected the dye in my vein. I sleep in a recliner because I cannot lie down flat and the little hard table is torture, but they put pillows under my knees and helped me ease down. When I came back 3 hours later for the real pictures, I went in and got myself lying down on the table and after 15 minutes of that, they had me get up and go to another machine in another room because it wasn't working or taking pictures. It took another 40 minutes for the test--they put some band around my feet to hold me totally still and we took the pictures. By the time they were finished, the tears in my eyes had made my face and eyes swell up. It was so hard to get back up and then to walk again. (Another thing that I have yet to learn how to deal with is how other people react when I am walking. It is hard for me and I am very slow, but I do my best and go for as long as I can. Everyone, especially people in medical offices, seems to be in a big hurry and they seem impatient with me, often wanting to get me a wheel chair. It hurts my feelings that it is so hard on them to wait for me to get where we are going, I need to walk and am doing my best.)

Anyway, I decided to go to the pool after all of that, thinking that being in the water would soothe my back and help me to feel better. I got to the fitness center, to be greeted with a sign saying the women's locker room was closed for repair. They have a "girls' family locker room" and it certainly is an alternative, but there are some amenities like the steam room and the swimsuit diffuser that I use every day. I tried to ask the gal at the desk about the time frame on the room being closed and she was rude to me. I got back to get dressed to swim and it turned out that my husband had forgotten to put my swim suit in my swim bag. (And someone had changed a baby or something on one of the 4 benches in this room and left poo on it, yuck!!!)I couldn't use my phone from the locker room (walls too thick??) and I had to redress and go out to the lobby to call him. He had to go home and get it and come back which took over a half an hour. In the meantime, I thought I could use a bottle of water and some pain meds, so I got out my nice new dollar bill and the machine just wouldn't take it. The guy at the desk (thank goodness rude lady had left) got me quarters--but the machine spit them out. I was feeling pretty frustrated at this point, but the guy at the desk went to another part of the center and got my bottle of water. I finally got my suit and got in the pool. When I finished, I asked about the locker room and the lifeguard told me that she had used it when she came and she didn't think there was any problem--it sure didn't seem that way because I used it too, closed or not.

I got finished in time for my appointment with my psychologist--a good day for that. I spent most of my time talking to him about issues with two of my sons--My son who is determined to go into the army as soon as he can enlist blew off making our appointment with the career army man we need to talk with. I am leary of doing so on my own because he is so busy with his school activities and his job and his girlfriend, but I am going to insist. Anyway, he needs some dental work done and is being a total pain in the rear-end about it and refused to go. I just don't get it--and all I can guess is that he must be afraid.

My 20year old son is a bigger issue and it is time to put the TOUGH into our love for him--and this hurts a lot. He has a job, works third shift at our grocery store--generally five days a week, eight hours a night, but they consider him to be part-time and he has no health insurance. He also seems to have an addiction to the internet and I am going to have to shut things down on him before he gets home from work. It is going to be ugly, but I have to help him make a shift in his way of life--he works, uses the computer and sleeps--nothing else. He has no money ever and I don't know what he is spending it on when he is online, but it has to stop. He has a girlfriend in Singapore that he met on facebook and he has met her twice. She came here last summer--she is 40 or 41 years old with a child his age. He went on a visit there that I didn't know how he afforded it until yesterday. She "loaned" him the money. It turns out that she is about to lose her visa to be in Singapore because her son has chosen to go to a college in the Phillipines and she is planning to come here and marry my son. He believes it is his responsibility to pay her way. WHOA!! He cannot afford anything, he is broke all of the time--he cannot afford to get married, set up a house, anything. She is not what he needs, he needs goals and a future. He needs to plan his education again--we helped him to get out of college after his first semester because he wasn't having success. He has AD/HD and hasn't taken meds or had therapy for a couple of years because he has no health insurance to cover these expensive costs, He should be eligible for a program that can help him--but he doesn't want to do all of that, he wants to do things on his own. GRR. I have given him 3 tasks to do and an ultimatum. He is to write a schedule that includes other things than the internet, to write a list of his expenses and bills, and to begin writing the goals he has for his life. He is to either start helping and contributing around here or to pay rent or to get out. I hate that third option, but his behavior is causing so much trouble for the other kids and well, all of us. This is breaking my heart, but I feel as if I have to do something because letting him live like this is not good for him either. I have an email address for his "girlfriend" and before I go to sleep tonight, I am going to send her a message and let her know he isn't going to be online anymore. I know they will use the phone--he ran up a $1500.00 phone bill for us talking to her--and I cannot let that happen either.

I am insisting that my husband help me deal with our son. I don't want him to leave and I don't think he has a place to go or can do it--but I have to be prepared for him to have that choice because refusing the other choices isn't an option. I cannot do this by myself, I've been trying for too long. (My husband has worked for 9 hours a day, 7 days a week for over 6 years--he hasn't had the time or the energy to help with a lot of parenting for a long time, but this will take us both and that is also that.) We have 8 kids and that is wonderful, but it is more than I can handle on my own all of the time.

I have ranted far too long, but it feels good to get this stuff out of my system. It is almost 1 AM and I am still hurting like crazy as a result of my bone scan. I hope we get something definitive from it--it will be fine if it is definitely my arthritis flaring, but I need to know why I have had so much pain for the past 2 months, day after day. Thanks for hanging in here with me...and if I am not here quite as much, it is because of the internet ban I am making happen for our son. It will be a tricky thing to do, because I cannot take it away from everyone else--it is too valuable in so many ways. I am expecting a lot of trouble over this. I am glad that I can pray about it all.

Have a great Friday--I am expecting mine to be better in several ways.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FUNNYGRANNY71 4/11/2010 4:29PM

    I am sorry you had such a hard day. I do hope tomorrow is better. Keep your chin up and deal with one thing at a time. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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    You had a rough day and I hope today is better. emoticon

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BLESSED2BEME 4/9/2010 11:19AM

    I'm glad you shared Sylvia. You are always so positive for all of us and our needs. You have to take care of you! As for the 20 year old - tough love is hard but very, very important! Remember you are enabling him if you do not use tough love! I'll be praying about this because I know how much it is draining on you. I hope your Friday is much, much better! emoticon

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    Sylvia... look at all the positives you blogged about... the scan is over and the staff was nice to you... you got into the pool & worked out despite stumbling blocks along the way... your hubby was WILLING to drive & get your suit for you... your family is together and willing to at least seek counseling & help.... YOU are SPARKTACULAR! I love you & will keep you and yours in my prayers. Tough love for our children is so hard... I have not been able to perfect it yet. Love, Dawn

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JHADZHIA 4/9/2010 2:42AM

    So sorry you had such a horrible day Sylvia :(( But as for that 20 year old, he is way past the tough love -he should have been paying for the phone bill at the very least. But you do need to have your husband in on it. Must present a united front. As long as he lives under your roof your rules should apply. I have to wonder if all that older woman wants is an 'in' into the land of golden opportunity. Won't be the first time someone married someone to gain easy entrance into their country and sure won't be the last. But I have always been a pessimist. I hope things work out for you and him.
All the best,
{{gentle hugs}}}

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SUGARPUNK52 4/9/2010 2:18AM

  Bless your heart! You can rant all you want.Sometimes that's what we need to be able to do most.I'll pray for you my dear.GOD bless.

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Wednesday 4/7 Keeping at it!

Thursday, April 08, 2010

Today is a day for keeping at things. I waited until this evening to go to the pool, so my youngest son could join me. The pool was crazy, actually the entire fitness center was. People who speculate on such things thought it was because of the cold, rainy weather. The pool had lots and lots of kids and it wasn't easy to get in my exercise, but I did do so. (That was easier than any other choices I might have had.) It was completely different to yesterday when there were only adults in there in the afternoon.

The bone scan of my spine is tomorrow--that will make for a choppy morning and afternoon. I hope they find something that they can treat as they look at my back and the reasons for the pain I am having. I'm glad I got in the pool tonight and I know I'll get back there tomorrow. It feels so good to be doing the besdt things in taking care of myself.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FUNNYGRANNY71 4/10/2010 3:51PM

    Great job in getting in there with all the kids. I know it was not an easy thing especially when you are in pain. I hope your bone scan turns out OK. I just had one because of probably osteoporosis because of my back pain. I had been taking medication because my bones were thinning. I did so well on the medication that my doctor said I did not need it any more, but to keep up with my exercises. Best wishes to you. emoticon

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    I hope that your bone scan went well. You are in my prayers always. Love, Dawn

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JRSWHIMSY 4/8/2010 5:21PM

    Good job getting in there and I hope your scan goes well!

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LOULOUBELLE2 4/8/2010 10:17AM

    I envy your pool adventures, I don't get to one very often, but when I do I really enjoy it.
Keep us posted on that bone scan, I pray they find something that might explain why your still in pain.
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    I wish we had a pool here. Best thing you could do for your back. I would not enjoy a crowded pool though. I prefer the adults only times.

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JHADZHIA 4/8/2010 8:36AM

    I hope they can find a solution for your back! You are in my thoughts!
Its too bad you couldn't find a pool holding aquafit classes so you wouldn't have to put up with all these people and kids. I went to a pool once when there were no workouts because of a holiday and it was nuts, kids running into you getting balls thrown around you, mega splashing so the chlorine bothered my eyes, wouldn't do it again lol.

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BLESSED2BEME 4/8/2010 8:28AM

    So glad you have the pool for therapy and exercise!

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KKKAREN 4/8/2010 7:28AM

    You go girl!! We're all rootin for you.

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