Sunday, January 03, 2010
Laundry is done and bags are packed. The kids have their lunch money and I know what I am taking to work tomorrow to sip on during our training day. I have looked through work email and am getting ready for some sleep. I need to take some pain meds for my nasty shoulder. I will be fine and then I see the doctor to discuss my health issues.
I started revising my page here. I found a sweet new photo to add in and I have a family photo on a disk that I want to post, but I am so techno-dumb that I have to recruit one of my kids to help me. I know that I got things set up initially, but it has been too long for me to remember.
My dog--sweet Lady in my photo--climbed into my recliner so I guess we shall sleep together tonight. I think she is making a good argument for me to get finished here and shut off the light. I'll share my busy day tomorrow after I find out what is going on with my health and life.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
The title of this could be part of a poem and maybe I'll try writing it here...
I have to make myself
Get showered and dressed,
Go out in the cold,
And show up to the appointments.
I have to make myself
Eat the meals I need,
Keep from being dehydrated,
Focus on what is best for me.
I have to make myself
Go back to work,
Remember how important my work is,
Focus on the kids not the adults.
I have to make myself
Let my marriage come first,
Let my family come first,
Let my pets come first.
And I have to make myself
Feel as good as I can
Let rules go by the wayside if they hurt me
And understand that I am important too.
The thing that has thrown me, is the part where I am having to make myself to do these things. I seem to have an awful experience everytime I go somewhere. This morning, my lab was fasting and I almost keeled over. I was so dizzy and nauseated, which is dumb because I didn't eat a bite after midnight. That is now a new thing and I know what I felt was the worse dip in my blood sugar ever. I did a lot more walking today because I didn't want to make my daughter handle my wheelchair and I thought that I could handle it. I had some juice when I got home and an hour later I ate a few bites, so I am starting to come around. The nurse who took care of me has been taking care of me for quite a while and she reminded me that if I wasn't able to work, I should take care of myself first because it is most important. I realize that I looked pretty rough.
I have been accomplishing more this past couple of weeks and I have been working hard at getting back to being myself and feeling like myself. I think my kids see that I am getting there--I can tell when we talk, and especially when I am telling them things they don't want to hear. My older daughter has been telling me how fragile I am and why daily. That actually helps me to know that my mind is okay, lol.
I decided to try and rest--I didn't sleep well or much last night. Part of that was because my sweet basset baby decided to be a lap dog and sleep on my lap part of the night and part of it was because my oldest son stayed up until way after 3 using my computer. He had an early appointment, so I am not sure why he did that--but I figure it was like I do when I get so engrossed in something.
My decision is that I will keep making myself to do what is best and I will have to remember that self-care is the most important. When we care for ourselves, we help ourself to be the best we can be. I have always expected that of myself because I want to be the best wife, mother, teacher, Christian, friend possible. All of my goals come from this and as I refine them for the coming new year, this idea will stay with me.
Thanks for letting me think online. I know that I will be back, better than ever. Soon or sooner than ever would be nice, but I realize that I must be patient.
In Christian Love,
HAPPY NEW YEAR, ONE AND ALL!!
PS--I cannot keep the form for the poem I wrote, so it is a bit different than the way I wrote it.
Friday, December 25, 2009
A quick hello!!
This has been such a delightful day so far. The doggies are chomping and chomping on their big bones while the little pug is having a ball with his soft, squeaky hamburger toy. The kids are sharing and playing and my little guy got his "Bacugan Maxus Dragonoid 7+1" to show off. (It's a good thing Santa is willing to give something like that because Mom and Dad cannot believe people pay that much for that kind of thing.)
I was surprised to have a stocking with a lot of nice lotions and new combs and some sport socks in it. Ever since my surgery, I have been struggling with very dry skin. I am peeling all over with constant itching and my feet are the worst. Since I cannot bend my knee or back, I even got help to "slather" my feet in foot lotion and slip them into the new socks.
It has finally quit raining--the temperature's dropped and it has started to snow. Maybe the weather has something to do with the horrible shoulder pain that I have been having. It started bothering me again on Monday and by yesterday, it became a non-stop, nauseating pain. I have had to figure our how to get pain meds inside me with food in me to prevent the nausea I have been struggling with. I know we have to make trade-offs when we make choices, but they seem a bit unfair in this situation.
Anyway--celebrating this holiday with my family is the best. My 20 year old son is away on a trip and I've prayed that he is both safe and happy. I miss him dearly and tried to convince him that this trip was unnecessary right now. He is with a friend and family he met online who live in Singapore and are from the Phillipines. This entire deal has been tough on me. I haven't had a phone call since he left the States, I've had two brief emails. He is in God's hands, but I still miss him a lot. This is the first time that all of my family hasn't been here for Christmas.
I think I need to get back to everybody and everything. There has been so much to love, see and do today. Happy Birthday, Jesus. Merry Christmas, Everybody!!
Love and Hugs,
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
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Merry Christmas Everyone,
I've found myself having a variety of holiday songs on my mind. When the kids were very young and in our church's pre-kindergarten and nursery programs, they sang a sweet little tune called "Christmas is Jesus' Birthday." I think that little song has helped all of my children to keep that important concept in their hearts and on their minds. We have been busy beavers around her this week, now that everyone is on break from school. My oldest son has taken the two youngest ones with him to run errands, wrap gifts he bought, have lunch, and a variety of things which has helped us to deal with big secrets here. My oldest daughter has been in charge of baking. Most of my drivers have run errands--from the grocery store to the barber shop to the bank. Everyone who was home this morning kicked in with wrapping--so important, yet such a pain. They have done it with a minimum of quarreling which is a big deal when you consider that we have 8 kids and most of them are teenagers. I feel more accomplished because of what they can do.
I haven't been out this week because transportation has been tricky. The kids have jobs nad needed the car and some have traveled to Chicago to see school friends and the like. That's a 3-3 1/2 hour trip from here. One of my sons took the train and was late returning because of a frieght train derailment. He ended riding home on an Amtrac bus whcih wasn't as comfortable as the train, but they were treated well.
It seems like this terrible weather has been influencing my kids' appetites negatively and I am glad that I am focused on nutrition. They want pizza and cheeseburgers for every meal--yet they eat fish and chicken with gusto as well. I found a new recipe here on SP that they really like to liven things up. We had our family meeting and will be having a baked potato bar for Christmas Eve. That will be satisfying and healthy. We will be having a taco bar for Christmas and again, we serve very healthy foods when we do our own tacos. I have made sure that extra vegetables have went into recipes and that any entree we have made has had extra sides of fruits and veggies. I don't think they realize that I have to work so hard at getting decent nutrition in them. I talk about healthy food, so they know what I value and they enjoy what they get, so I hope that I'm leading them the right way. I have one child--make that two, who I cannot get to manage decent portion sizes. I have two others who buy a lot of empty calorie items to supplement what we have for our meals--at least they do it in front of me. My kids are all BIG kids--ranging from a 5'10" eleven year old to 3 of my sons over 6 feet--one at 6'5". They have always broken the charts, since birth, at the pediatrician's office--and knowing what I have dealt with my entire life, it has been a worry. I try to be careful because I know eating disorders are sometimes caused by unhealthy talking and thinking. One of my sons has lost a lot of weight in the past couple of years--mostly since he started working at a fast food restaurant--and I worry about how quickly he has done this. My daughter has asked me if he could have an eating disorder--he got mad when he found out she asked. He won't eat fast food now that he has worked at that place with the golden arches. This is a tough place for a parent to be in--especially this one who has had weight issues forever complete with lots of negative criticism on the topic as I grew up.
We have done a lot in the house in working towards good health recently. As I feel better, we will be getting to the pool and fitness center more regularly in the new year. Family fun in shared activity is the best--and now my daughter works there, so there is even more reason to go. I want to encourage alternatives to the television and other electronic items in the new year. They all have been enjoying our camping trips, so hopefully that will be another positive. I am longing for spring and summer--and the end to snow and ice storms and frigid cold. However, here in IL, in December, we know we have 3 more months of this. We will all need to get out by then.
As for now--no wishing my life away. It is the time of our Dear Savior's birth and this is a special time in our hearts. I am blessed to have this family and the awesome love and goodness that goes along with it. I give thanks for what I have been given.
Merry Christmas to everyone!
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