Tuesday, January 05, 2010
I used to love every minute I spent at my school and my job was the best place to be. I am in trouble because things changed. I had one of the worst possible days today and besides being immoral and unfair, it was cruel. I fussed a bit on my team chatting thread, but this is how my day unfolrded:
My boss brought me a copy of a schedule that was made for me as a revision to my current one, before I came back to work. I asked her if they followed any of the new directives we were given and she gave me a blank look. Now, it is importnat for you to understand that it is a big part of my job to select my students and I have specific rules on how that should happen. Also, in the past, I have been willing to use my time like prep and lunch to see extra students because there is always more need than I have time. However, I am returning to work far less than at 100% and I'm in a wheel chair. Of course no one cares that there is no heat in the little room I teach in--it was planned as a food pantry and not a classroom. Care to guess how my arthritis and body accepted that for the morning?
The schedule increased my student load some and I have already been seeing some 50 students daily when I am only supposed to see the average for my building (which is 24, I think). I had to sit down with this atrocity and rewrite it, making small groups actually small and following the rules as given to us. I then shared the new one--my boss had left the building even though she had said she's be there in the morning and at the other school in the afternoon. I explained all of the changes that I made and why they were done and I also explained how I used as much of their work as I could. I left to travel to the other building--I am the only reading teacher being required to travel and I am the only one with a disability. Make your own assumption here, I have.
My wheel chair got trapped at the door and my left wheel went flat. I called the other building and told them that I'd be late because we were going to stop and air it up. We got to the other school and found out that the wheel didn't hold the air and was damaged. I called the office from my little unheated wroom in this building and got the principal to let her know I couldn't travel around the building because I can't walk--let alone carrying all of those things from one place to another. I spent my very cold afternoon working on the schedule for this part of my day. I had to desperately go to the restroom, so I "rode" my desk chair down the hall where the door was propped open. (It was below zero weather today here.)
I came back to check my email and read the really rude and insulting emails from my co-workers at the other building. I was so hurt that I made sure my new schedule now gives me time for lunch, for a prep period and travel time--shich I haven't taken in 5 years. I am also going to give the intermediate teachers my schedule blocks when I am going to see each grade level and if they won't let their kids come because they cannot work with me, I guess they won't see me. My husband and son came to get me, they pushed me in my desk chair to the outside door and supported me to the car.
The repair place couldn't fix the tire today, so I am going to have to call in sick tomorrow. I had a rude question about when the kids were going to get service on one of the emails--"it had better be tomorrow." I am so hurt because of this nastiness that I don't know how to react or feel. All I ever wanted to do was my job and now, I just feel really hurt and taken advantage of. I wrote a response but the server went down at the second school and the emails didn't get to the right people--and won't until my machine goes into a school with the server and network up and running.
I think I am doing the right thing--I have to take care of me.
Sunday, January 03, 2010
Laundry is done and bags are packed. The kids have their lunch money and I know what I am taking to work tomorrow to sip on during our training day. I have looked through work email and am getting ready for some sleep. I need to take some pain meds for my nasty shoulder. I will be fine and then I see the doctor to discuss my health issues.
I started revising my page here. I found a sweet new photo to add in and I have a family photo on a disk that I want to post, but I am so techno-dumb that I have to recruit one of my kids to help me. I know that I got things set up initially, but it has been too long for me to remember.
My dog--sweet Lady in my photo--climbed into my recliner so I guess we shall sleep together tonight. I think she is making a good argument for me to get finished here and shut off the light. I'll share my busy day tomorrow after I find out what is going on with my health and life.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
The title of this could be part of a poem and maybe I'll try writing it here...
I have to make myself
Get showered and dressed,
Go out in the cold,
And show up to the appointments.
I have to make myself
Eat the meals I need,
Keep from being dehydrated,
Focus on what is best for me.
I have to make myself
Go back to work,
Remember how important my work is,
Focus on the kids not the adults.
I have to make myself
Let my marriage come first,
Let my family come first,
Let my pets come first.
And I have to make myself
Feel as good as I can
Let rules go by the wayside if they hurt me
And understand that I am important too.
The thing that has thrown me, is the part where I am having to make myself to do these things. I seem to have an awful experience everytime I go somewhere. This morning, my lab was fasting and I almost keeled over. I was so dizzy and nauseated, which is dumb because I didn't eat a bite after midnight. That is now a new thing and I know what I felt was the worse dip in my blood sugar ever. I did a lot more walking today because I didn't want to make my daughter handle my wheelchair and I thought that I could handle it. I had some juice when I got home and an hour later I ate a few bites, so I am starting to come around. The nurse who took care of me has been taking care of me for quite a while and she reminded me that if I wasn't able to work, I should take care of myself first because it is most important. I realize that I looked pretty rough.
I have been accomplishing more this past couple of weeks and I have been working hard at getting back to being myself and feeling like myself. I think my kids see that I am getting there--I can tell when we talk, and especially when I am telling them things they don't want to hear. My older daughter has been telling me how fragile I am and why daily. That actually helps me to know that my mind is okay, lol.
I decided to try and rest--I didn't sleep well or much last night. Part of that was because my sweet basset baby decided to be a lap dog and sleep on my lap part of the night and part of it was because my oldest son stayed up until way after 3 using my computer. He had an early appointment, so I am not sure why he did that--but I figure it was like I do when I get so engrossed in something.
My decision is that I will keep making myself to do what is best and I will have to remember that self-care is the most important. When we care for ourselves, we help ourself to be the best we can be. I have always expected that of myself because I want to be the best wife, mother, teacher, Christian, friend possible. All of my goals come from this and as I refine them for the coming new year, this idea will stay with me.
Thanks for letting me think online. I know that I will be back, better than ever. Soon or sooner than ever would be nice, but I realize that I must be patient.
In Christian Love,
HAPPY NEW YEAR, ONE AND ALL!!
PS--I cannot keep the form for the poem I wrote, so it is a bit different than the way I wrote it.
Friday, December 25, 2009
A quick hello!!
This has been such a delightful day so far. The doggies are chomping and chomping on their big bones while the little pug is having a ball with his soft, squeaky hamburger toy. The kids are sharing and playing and my little guy got his "Bacugan Maxus Dragonoid 7+1" to show off. (It's a good thing Santa is willing to give something like that because Mom and Dad cannot believe people pay that much for that kind of thing.)
I was surprised to have a stocking with a lot of nice lotions and new combs and some sport socks in it. Ever since my surgery, I have been struggling with very dry skin. I am peeling all over with constant itching and my feet are the worst. Since I cannot bend my knee or back, I even got help to "slather" my feet in foot lotion and slip them into the new socks.
It has finally quit raining--the temperature's dropped and it has started to snow. Maybe the weather has something to do with the horrible shoulder pain that I have been having. It started bothering me again on Monday and by yesterday, it became a non-stop, nauseating pain. I have had to figure our how to get pain meds inside me with food in me to prevent the nausea I have been struggling with. I know we have to make trade-offs when we make choices, but they seem a bit unfair in this situation.
Anyway--celebrating this holiday with my family is the best. My 20 year old son is away on a trip and I've prayed that he is both safe and happy. I miss him dearly and tried to convince him that this trip was unnecessary right now. He is with a friend and family he met online who live in Singapore and are from the Phillipines. This entire deal has been tough on me. I haven't had a phone call since he left the States, I've had two brief emails. He is in God's hands, but I still miss him a lot. This is the first time that all of my family hasn't been here for Christmas.
I think I need to get back to everybody and everything. There has been so much to love, see and do today. Happy Birthday, Jesus. Merry Christmas, Everybody!!
Love and Hugs,
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