Yesterday

Sunday, October 31, 2010

First, thank you for all the comments, messages, goodies and general outpouring from the spark community. I am not used to being in the situation where I need support. It was nice to know that it was there when I needed it. Thank you again.

Yesterday, I had one of the most difficult calls of my EMS career. We had a helicopter crash in our county. There were 4 souls on board. 1 person was dead on scene, 2 others critical and 1 other patient.

To give you some background, my husband is an EMS helicopter pilot. When I heard the call, I knew it wasn't him, but I was terrified it was an aircraft from his outfit. As I was mentally preparing myself for what I was going to see, I had a small relief when I saw the color of the helicopter. I knew it wasn't one of my husband's crew.

I did my job. I did it to the best of my ability. I prayed for the survivors last night. I prayed for the family of the deceased. I prayed for the deceased.

I told myself I was going to go home, ride the bike trainer, have a cup of tea and go to bed. By the time shift change rolled around, I knew there was no way I was getting on the trainer last night. I then told myself, hell with it, I'm going to go home, watch TV and have a glass of wine. On my drive home, the more I thought about the second option, the more I realized I was setting myself up for a path of self destruction because more than likely, I would not have stopped with one glass of wine. I went home, picked up my dog from Mom's, got my food together for today, poured myself a big glass of ice water (I realized I hadn't had enough water yesterday), and curled up with a good crossword puzzle. I fell asleep around 10. I woke up at 10 til 1, unable to sleep anymore. My husband was online and we began to chat about the accident. He didn't say things like you did the best that you could. That's not what I was looking for. He and I talked about the technical/mechanical side of the accident. It gave me some comfort and I was able to sleep a little bit longer.

Writing all of this down is my closure. I should have done this last night, but I was so beat, both physically and mentally that I couldn't bring myself to do it.

Again, my sincerest thanks to all of you who reached out to me.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOMKAT4310 10/31/2010 10:00PM

I will be thinking of you often. Both my sons have gone the EMT route, and the older was an Army Medic for 15 years. They would vent to me, so I have about heard it all. Very important to have ways to deal with bad situations, and they do happen. Glad you got to talk to your DH. I'm glad it helped. Report Inappropriate Comment

ELLDEE57 10/31/2010 8:41PM

My prayers were with you last night and today. In your line of work, you do what your were trained to do to the best of your ability. But emotionally, I am sure, it is difficult to just turn it off. Be Proud of yourself! My thoughts will be with you. Report Inappropriate Comment

In the recliner...

Saturday, October 30, 2010

I'm at my paramedic job today. So far, so good... :) Hopefully everyone stays safe and healthy today.

I lost another half pound. Seriously, eat more, weigh less!! I'm starting to beileve it, especially since I love to eat!

My exercise will be a at a much lower intensity today since I can't change out of my uniform. If I get home at a reasonable hour, I may spin for a half hour on the bike. I won't be able to go on my long run tomorrow either since I work another 12 then too.

The nice thing about working 12s is that I have my breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks in my lunchbox and that's it. So other than the lack of intense exercise, my weekend should be very disciplined.

Have a safe weekend everyone.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CATHY814 10/30/2010 9:24PM

Thank you for doing what you do. Report Inappropriate Comment

PURPLESPEDCOW 10/30/2010 6:02PM

Thank you for what you do. e sure to take care of yourself. Hope the rest of your shift was quieter. Report Inappropriate Comment

EMTFF376 10/30/2010 4:16PM

thank you all. My husband is a helicopter pilot, so this hit me a little close to home and unfortunately, we are not spending the evening together due to both of our crazy work schedules. As for destressing, I plan on hitting the bike trainer, curling up under a blanket with a cup of Sleepy Time tea and get ready to do it all again tomorrow. Report Inappropriate Comment

MOMKAT4310 10/30/2010 4:11PM

Be sure to use your chosen way to de-stress after serious calls. Just reminding you. I know you know how important this is. And work goes on, so for now, use your team mates to vent, down load, unload, however you name it. Report Inappropriate Comment

ELLDEE57 10/30/2010 4:09PM

Prayers are with you today. You have a job that is so important. But I'm sure can be so full of stress. Take care of yourself. WE NEED YOU! Thank you for the job you do. Report Inappropriate Comment

EMTFF376 10/30/2010 2:50PM

Just an update... I wish I had not opened my blog mouth so soon. We had a helicopter crash around 1030 this morning. I had 4 patients, including 1 fatality. That was not a good way to start the day. Report Inappropriate Comment

HVMBRU 10/30/2010 1:00PM

Looks like you are right on track. Good work! Helen Report Inappropriate Comment

Eat more, weigh less? Eat more, weigh less!

Friday, October 29, 2010

I would never have believed it if you told me this 5 years ago. I am trying so hard to follow the prescribed number of calories, fat, etc on here, but my brain is so programmed for something different.

SO... I stepped on the scale this morning and finally the needle has DROPPED. I lost a pound. I'm now 10.5 pounds to goal. I started going through my yesterday to see what I did different. I ate plenty of calories, etc. all within my ranges. I didn't eat any bread yesterday... I had a little bit of brown rice at lunch, a nutrigrain waffle with breakfast, but good ol' white pasta for dinner. I did have berries instead of an apple with breakfast. I weight trained last night. I haven't weight trained in weeks. I guess little changes like that can spark changes in my body? Who knows, but I'll take it.

No good stories to tell today... other than the gym at the fire station is in disarray right now because of the construction going on. I buckled down and went home and did my workout with my 20 pound dumbbells and my balance ball. Chest press on the ball was tough! Balance and strength train! Whew!

Have a great weekend!

  

Can't think of a good title for my morning rambling...

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Ok... Its Thursday. One day until the weekend! Woot! I do work this weekend, but I'm okay with that. I miss seeing the folks from my part time job.

I stayed on track yesterday! Double woot! I ran, cut it .25 miles short, but I'm still sick and that's okay. Rode the bike trainer for 21 minutes (7 miles) while catching up on emails, etc. Unfortunately, I burned my soup in the process. It still tasted okay, just had a bunch of little black swimmies in it.

I have a slower, longer run planned for lunch and a strength training session planned for this evening. I was trying to get my dad to go with me to the gym, but he's working at a different station tonight, so he can't.

I have another store to relay... My husby has been going to the pool with me, which I deeply appreciate! I would not be as motivated to go if he didn't go with me. Anywho, we got done swimming Monday night and were on the way home. He said, "I only swam 2 laps". (as a side note, my husby isn't exactly athletically inclined and has a degenerative joint disease). I said, "baby, I know this is going to sound hokey and you can laugh if you want, but that was two more laps than you did yesterday. Remember, a marathon starts with a single step." Surprisingly, his response was, "yes, you're right". Did I hear the Spark in his response? I have learned from being a leader, mentor and motivator that the only person you can become healthy for (and be successful) is you. I never push him, I never get down on him, but when he says things like "I only swam 2 laps", I encourage him and hope that he realizes that I didn't get to where I am today by waking up one morning and being able to swim a mile, bike 50 miles or run a 10k. Its taken years of hard work and consistent training. There was a time when I used to swim 2 laps... or walk for 10 minutes... or have 0 resistance on the bike trainer and go for 10 minutes and be dripping with sweat and out of breath. There was a time when everyone on the group bike ride had to wait for me. The important thing is, they waited for me and encouraged me to keep going. Now, I do the waiting and encouraging. A lot of my friends apologize for being what they think is slow. I tell them, no need to apologize, just getting out here and doing it is the important thing. I will take any exercise I can get.

So get out there on this beautiful Thursday. I'm taking advantage of these beautiful fall days while I can!

Love.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CATHY814 10/28/2010 1:31PM

Thanks for sharing this blog. It's so easy to focus on what we weren't able to do. Just yesterday I had to remind myself to not get upset about a (hopefully temporary) slow-down in weight loss, but instead remember and celebrate how far I've come (and be patient. It's wonderful that you and your hubby can share time together like that! Report Inappropriate Comment

EMTFF376 10/28/2010 9:28AM

@all - thank you so much for your comments! @apple - thank you for your motivation. Remember no matter how much or how little you do, its still more than you did before you started. Its all good enough, its all worth it and it all adds up. You can do it! Comment edited on: 10/28/2010 9:29:15 AM Report Inappropriate Comment

APPLEADAY2010 10/28/2010 9:21AM

I really enjoyed reading your blog and I loved the story about your husband and how you told him that it was two more laps than he did the day before. I will remember that when I am down on myself thinking I have not done enough. The take home message is keep going and keep trying like you said. Well done in your achievements yesterday and I hope tonight's session goes well x x Report Inappropriate Comment

DBAILEY0438 10/28/2010 8:56AM

it is good that you motivate him in a positive manner i get a little pushie with my hubby but you keep up the good work Report Inappropriate Comment

KITTYF54 10/28/2010 8:33AM

Thanks for your blog. I sure hope your husband keeps trying too. Love that you've come so far and done so much. Report Inappropriate Comment

Rekindled!

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

I am ready for today. I am ready to be better than yesterday. In fact, I am LOOKING FORWARD to working out today. Who wudda thunk it?!? LOL

My cold is subsiding, the scale is on the downswing once again, I'm not hungry all the time anymore. All positives. Now if the fog would burn off so I can see where I'm running this afternoon... :)

So, I gotta mention this... I went and got a pedicure. A little premature from my goal of being within 5 pounds, but I was feeling pretty low and needed a pick me up and I swore to myself that pick me up was not going to be food. Anyhow (sorry, tangent), the girl is working on my legs and feet and says to me "your body is in good shape, you are beautiful" WHOA! Thanks! I told her how much weight I had lost and she turns to her coworker and says something in their native language (I don't want to offend anyone and even attempt to guess). The other girl looks at me and says "80 pounds! you lost 80 pounds! you are so beautiful!" Holy cow. I beileve I levitated out of there about 3 inches off the floor when all was said and done. Thanks ladies, you made me feel like a million dollars!

Love and joy on this beautiful Wednesday!