Wednesday, May 08, 2013
Man, today I am having some Grown Up Problems™. And they suck!
I'm not super ready to talk about it with my actual, legit friends and family. I don't know why. I guess because I'm more accountable to them, and the decisions I make will effect them more seriously, and blah blah blah. Maybe I'm just a weenie.
I'm gonna talk about it here because this has been my "safe place" for the last year and a piece. And you guys are great, and have nothing to lose no matter what I do!
And you know, it's not even that big a deal.
I'm considering a new job. But I absolutely LOVE this job, and the people I work with, and the non-monetary perks of internet access and a very free dress code. It's close, it's fun, and I'm a leader here.
But I don't make any freaking money. I just don't. My income barely cracks the poverty line. When we add C's income, it's all good. But I'm not making enough to be happy with my station - I'm not making enough to get out of the "renter's hole."
There are a couple great positions available outside the company that I'm really interested in. One is with the city's school system as an administrator's assistant. The other is with a community development center as a resource liaison - helping people get out of homelessness, poverty and the like. Both are things I could excel at. Both are things that appeal to me, and that I am perfectly suited to. Both are an equidistant commute.
But I would have to leave the paper. And I love the paper. And I'd have to start again, at the bottom. And what if the people are horrible? What if I don't fit in? Is it worth the additional income (+3 - 5 dollars an hour) to leave a place where I am needed, valued and trusted?
The other issue is that the newspaper is rather a sinking ship. I feel strongly that my position is going to be downsized within the next couple years. These awesome positions are available now - who knows what will be out there when the time comes?
Obviously, I'm torn. I love this job and this industry, but it's not growing and it's not helping me meet my own personal goals. At what point do I leave?
I dunno. I guess I could update my resume and apply for this stuff, and deal with the decision after getting a job offer.
In other, less angsty, news, I'm training for my first 5K. Started C25K yesterday, and THAT was an adventure. I honestly didn't think I could do it, but you know what - I freakin' DID! And I'm gonna do it again tomorrow, baby. Right now ye olde training schedule looks thusly:
Monday: Walk 15 minutes, 60 minutes Zumba
Tuesday: Walk 15 minutes, 30 minutes C25K, 15 minutes ST
Wednesday: Walk 15 minutes, 60 minutes Zumba
Thursday: Walk 15 minutes, 30 minutes C25K, 15 minutes ST
Friday: Walk 15 minutes, 30 minutes C25K, 15 minutes ST
Saturday: Full rest
Sunday: ST Only
I'm really still hustlin' hard, and I almost, allllllllllmost have a little definition happening in my abs, which is hilarious. My eating needs a reality check, though. I'm trying hard to get back to basics and get away from the snacking I've been doing. Little stuff like adding hot cocoa and cream to my coffee, half a candy bar here and there, a bowl of cereal before bed, chips and crap is really sneaking back into my diet and I have to put the brakes on that sht.
Training for a race is going to help with my focus, I think. Someone approached me about trying the AdvoCare 24-day challenge the other day, and ... horrifyingly, I almost went for it. Thank god I'm a cheapskate, and it cost well over $250 for the month's worth of supplements and blah blah blah. I'm kind of still thinking about getting a supplement they call Catalyst which has a bunch of long chain protein-y things to help you maintain muscle mass? I don't know that I really need it though.
Basically, all their supplements boiled down to various stimulants. Which I'm just not interested in. I have never wanted to do this with shakes, pills or surgery and I don't have to. The cool thing about life is that there's no deadline! I could die tomorrow, or in 80 years - as long as I keep on a positive path and live every day the hardest I can... I've accomplished plenty.
Monday, April 15, 2013
Ever since March 27th, I've been in kind of a weird... foggy rush? There's so much to fight and so little time to get things done. Our hope waxes and wanes with each new development, and it's so ungodly exhausting to constantly think, "Today! Today's the day we see our baby again!"
And so far, it hasn't been.
Sometimes, I wonder if it ever will be.
Jeremiah had his paternity test done last week, and we got the verbal results on Friday - which are, of course, positive. Jeremiah IS without a doubt, Lily's father. Which is great! But which means nothing... even though we thought it meant everything! Barf.
It means nothing because it was a "verbal result." We now have to wait days for the notarized results with a DNA chain of custody to come out - proving that no one contaminated or tampered with the samples. Then, we have to provide that to the lawyer and wait for that week's family court to convene. Family court is on Wednesdays, which means that if we don't get the notarized results today or tomorrow, we have to wait another week.
I'm starting to understand why so many men just... give up. The system is stacked against him and even with a lawyer and science and family behind him, it's still an uphill battle against the state and the woman who lost his child to them.
Obviously, I'm frustrated.
I've been eating stupidly and skipping exercise because I'm so worn down or run ragged from all this. It's, plainly, been easier to eat something out of a box or from a bag when I've worked 9 hours, driven to Omaha to help Jeremiah with some legal form or house exam or daycare deposit or interview or court date, or taxes, then driven back home.
I actually skipped last Wednesday's Zumba for the first time since I started. That's partially because I was wiped out, and partially because the gym is closing and I'm bummed out about losing my Zumba spot. There are other locations in town, but this class was so comfortable and the people are so lovely and the teacher is EXACTLY what I needed... and they're closing.
And then last night, I realized:
Hey - you're wiped out because you're eating like GARBAGE.
Hey - you skipped Zumba even though it's the most fun you have all week!
Hey - Get it together.
I decided I'm going to use the tracker as a meal planner for the week, so that I know exactly what to thaw or grab when I leave for work. And I've decided that I'm going to go to Zumba both days this week without question. And I've decided to just breathe, to let things happen and try my best to keep my head on straight as far as my OWN life before trying to help Jeremiah with his.
I've also decided to lose another 15 lbs before I buy my swimsuit this year. I tried some on and I'm not diggin' the fit quite yet. Refocusing on my planning and nutrition will also help me feel like SOMETHING is making positive progress again, and that will help me mentally as well.
Basically, I'm just getting back into gear and out of mopes-ville.
Wednesday, April 03, 2013
Hey guys -
Please go check out this "note" I put up on Facebook for more information on our current struggle with Lily's custody. I am still embroiled in a battle with the state and the mother to try to get Lily out of the state's custody.
PLUS! It has a bunch of really adorable pictures of my awesome niece.
Friday, March 29, 2013
If you've been my buddy for a while, you know that my big brother has had some custody issues dealing with his daughter, Lily.
In November, he discovered that his ex was cheating on him. They had an argument that ended in this woman throwing him down the stairs in front of their child. Cops were called, the woman was escorted off the property. Jeremiah took Lily and left the home because he didn't want Lily around that kind of violence.
Meanwhile, this woman went to a women's shelter and said that Jeremiah hurt her and threatened to kill himself and Lily. This was an outright lie. She also said he threw away her clothes and personal items - that was true. He tossed all her stuff out onto the lawn for her to pick up after discovering that she had been sleeping with his best friend over the previous six months.
Jeremiah had, a month previous to this, a nightmare in which he hurt Lily. He was horrified, woke up and talked to this woman about it - like anyone would do! You have a bad dream, you tell your partner about it.
She used that dream to get a restraining order against him, and the court applied that order to cover Lily as well. The last time we saw Lily was November 22.
Today, Jeremiah received a call from the state saying that Lily was removed from that woman's care two days ago. Lily is now a ward of the state. We aren't super sure what happened, but we do know that Lily is injured - she has bruises on her thigh and a black eye.
Lily is TWO YEARS OLD.
We're trying our butts off right now to get her out of state care and either home with Jeremiah or released to my sister or myself. My brother has a lawyer engaged and I'm trying to get somewhere- anywhere- with social service. Everything looks good for getting custody back, but there're a lot of legal loopholes to go through here and we just want it done this weekend - today! This is the closest we've been to "hope" for this situation in months.
Please pray, cross your fingers, send me good vibes. Lily has been through enough living with her mother - she does not need to be with strangers, she needs to be with her family and we need to be with her.
Monday, March 25, 2013
...because this isn't the photoblog I keep talking about. I feel bad about not making it yet, but I've honestly just been brutalized by work over the last 10 days. My co-workers mother did die on Saturday, so she will be completely out of the office until next week. So that's her work + my work, and THEN we had another two people call out sick today, which means + 2-4 more job duties until they return. My head may honestly start spinning.
I actually worked through part of the weekend, and when I wasn't working I was at home, gaming it up! We bought a WiiU and I am way in love.
I do want to give a quicky rundown of my life for the week, because I hate to leave you all hanging...
I pretty much just rested last week. I did both of my Zumba classes, Monday and Wednesday, but I didn't ride my bike at all. The chest cold I had + the work load I've still got = major suckage. I needed the rest, I think. So instead of the planned fitness minutes, I only did 240. Not bad, but not standard.
This week, I'm right back on it! I have my two Zumbas planned and then my walks + bike time. I've pretty much kicked the cold and now I'm ready to rock.
I lost some inches over the last month, too! An inch off my waist, half an inch off my thighs, and an inch off my hips - PLUS! Another half inch off my bicep. Flying squirrel arms are about to be a thing of the past, baby!
Have an awesome week - I'll be in touch again soon!
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