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EMFRAPPIER's Recent Blog Entries

Science Fiction Lovers?

Thursday, October 06, 2011

So, I've been working on getting my writing out to more people, and I put up one of my short stories. If you like science fiction or dystopia, give it a read!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EMFRAPPIER 10/6/2011 2:32PM

    Thanks for reading it!!

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ALIHIKES 10/6/2011 2:21PM

    Wow, thanks for sharing your excellent science fiction short story! emoticon

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That Person

Tuesday, October 04, 2011

You know the one. The one who has to comment on every move you make, every idea you express, every dream you have. That person.
I'm a pretty mellow person. I have no problem with people having their own opinions, interests, ideas, etc. I believe in being kind and supportive as much as possible. I've definitely got my faults and have my moments of selfishness and insensitivity, but overall, I try to be a nice person.
I also worry a lot about people's opinions of me. I know I shouldn't, but it's hard not to. This person was the first person to become my friend when I finally started caring about myself again, and no mater what she does to me, I feel like I need her approval. Crazy, right?
I've taken a break from her before. I made the mistake of getting her a job where I work because she needed a paycheck. She not only went absolutely crazy on one of the students, but she tried to get me fired because I made a poster for "her" fun run (a fundraiser we were working on together). Stil, we live in a small community, and it's hard to avoid someone. I thought it would be easier to be occasional friends, so I started talking to her again.
BIG mistake. She's right back to her usual b.s. I've been trying lately to put myself out there as a health blogger and a zumba instructor. Every time I post a blog, she makes nasty, belittling comments on it. She flipped when I started my zumba challenge because I mentioned that I am planning on becoming a trainer (she is one and apparently is the only person in the world allowed to train others). It's hard to feel confident about putting yourself out there when you know it's going to bring confidence-crushing comments every time.
Today, I posted an event on facebook for the upcoming fun run. I've tweaked her plan a little and added a costume contest because we're having it right before Halloween. Fun, right?
Of course, it immediately brought comments about how she was the one to come up with the fun run idea and just more negativity. (note: she no longer works with me, and I run the fundraisers myself) It's absurd. I mean, she stole the idea from another local school that did a race just like it. It's not a new idea. Anyway, I can't take it any more. I blocked her on facebook for now. I need a break. I'll speak to her when I see her at school functions or around town, but I can't stay in this kind of toxic friendship. I have a lot of good friends who support me.
I still feel terrible, and I know she'll start talking about me to other moms again, but I just can't do it any more. I'm trying to do new things and be a better person. I can't let anyone hold me back.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EMFRAPPIER 10/5/2011 6:48AM

    Thank you all so much. It's nice to feel supported. I tend to blame myself for everything, and it's hard to not feel like this is somehow my fault. I appreciate your perspectives on this and feel a lot better about just letting her go. emoticon

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LINDYLIME 10/5/2011 5:50AM

    You are making the right decision. Its time to move on from that vampire friendship. I'm speaking from experience because I let one of those continue and my toxic friend screwed me over big time. But it was the best thing that could have happened to me (Couldnt see it at the time) because she is no longer in my life and trying to control me. Things arent right between you and her - you need to move on and do whats best for you. Lean more towards all your other supportive friends and you cant go wrong.


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GIANTMICROBE 10/4/2011 7:00PM

    I hate it when people can ONLY ever say negative things. Ugh. I follow the golden rule- if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all!

Or wait. Is the golden rule treat others how you want to be treated? I don't know! LOL. Either way the golden rule is applicable!

Comment edited on: 10/4/2011 7:00:57 PM

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    ugh. I'm tired just hearing about her... good luck!

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FANCY-PANTS 10/4/2011 4:24PM

    If someone brings no positives to your life and only misery and negativity, it is time to let them go. Why torture yourself? emoticon It sounds as if you've been more than patient on your end with her antics. Enough is enough. Friendship should be mutually satisfying--at least most of the time. emoticon

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A Phone Call

Monday, October 03, 2011

I've been kind of a mess the last few days. I'm facing some changes in my life that may seem minuscule, but they could potentially change the course of my life. Needless to say, that freaks me out. I'm also dealing with my own poor self esteem which is being increased by a (maybe not so great) friend who always has to put me down and gets all weird and competitive when I express an interest in something that she does (she's a trainer.) I haven't been sleeping and my emotions are out of control. Instead of dealing with my crazy emotions, I ate...and ate...and ate. Even with the great support of my fellow Sparklers, I couldn't get out of the funk I was in.
Then I got a phone call from an old friend. We haven't spoken much in the last 5 years, but it was as if time hadn't passed at all. During our conversation she said something that floored me. She was talking about how she's not a fighter. She gives up if things get too hard. I started to say, "yeah me too", but she cut me off. "No, Em, " she said. "You are a fighter. You pick and choose your battles, but you have a lot of fight in you."
That got me thinking. Yes, I am a fighter. I want what I want, and I work hard to get it. When did I forget this? When did I decide to let fear win?
So, I'm back. Thanks to that one phone call, my head is clear, I am determined, and I worked out the entire routine for my Zumba challenge and lifted weights. I am a fighter, and I will succeed.
If you'd like to read more of my thoughts on the fear of change, I just posted a piece about it (with an awesome pic) at my other blog.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GIANTMICROBE 10/3/2011 5:52PM

    That's really awesome. It's great when other people see positive things in you that you don't always see in yourself.

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New Plan for October

Sunday, October 02, 2011

Lately, I've been letting myself slide. I've become too comfortable. I've started thinking about seeing how fit I can become. I've also been considering training. Starting the Zumba Challenge has made me rethink my future. I love heath and fitness, and I could definitely see myself as a trainer.
So, I need to get myself in better shape. I need to refocus on eating well and losing weight. I know what I need to do to get it going again. I just need to have the willpower to do it.

The Plan

1. Stick with my crazy exercise schedule. emoticon
2. Eat in the low end of my calorie range. emoticon
3. Eat veggies with every meal. emoticon
4. Eat every few hours. emoticon
5. Weigh myself every morning. emoticon
6. Don't change the plan on the weekend. emoticon
7. Get 7-8 hours of sleep every night. emoticon
8. 10 minutes of yoga/stretching every day. emoticon
9. 12 cups of water a day. emoticon
10. Believe in myself and my abilities. emoticon

This is what I have been trying to do, except for the weighing myself every morning part. I usually weigh myself once a week, but when I was losing weight, I was monitoring my weight every day. I know what makes it fluctuate, and I only record it once a week. I'm not scale obsessed, but I've found it's a useful tool. It also takes the pressure off of Friday night. I've found that is my worst time to binge because I'm exhausted, it's the weekend, and I weigh myself Saturday mornings, so I feel pressured to eat light. I don't like that feeling. I'll still record my weight on Saturday, but I'll have a better idea of what my weight will be. It's important to be aware.
So, that's my plan for October. I think I'll feel a lot better once I'm back on track. And, I'll feel more prepared for the new changes coming in my life. I'm ready for the next level.


Punx Challenge #3

Saturday, October 01, 2011

5 Things I like about my body. Hmm. Interesting.
This challenge seemed simple enough. I've gotten over my hatred of my body and definitely appreciate everything it can do. I push it hard, and it gives me everything. Still, my list seems redundant. I love my body. It's strong. I think that covers it.

My List:
1. My legs are super strong and have muscle definition for the first time ever.
2. My arms are stronger than they've ever been, have definition, and have almost no more bat wings!
3. My shoulders have become my favorite part of my body. I ignored them for so long, but they are strong and sexy now!
4. My chin - a singular chin. I've had 2-3 chins since high school, so this one still amazes me.
5. My core is crazy strong. I can hold a V sit for 60 seconds without a problem. I can hold a plank for 3 minutes.
6. "The girls" are a manageable size. I can actually buy bras in a store instead of ordering them online and paying 3x as much. Love that.
7. My hips are smaller and my butt is rocking. I've done about a million squats, and I've had to buy a different style of pants, but I love my lower body.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GIANTMICROBE 10/1/2011 9:54AM

    Always awesome to read positive stuff like this. My favorite part of my body is my hands. They are really long and skinny, like spider legs. I wear a size 4 ring.

I always hated my lower body but Bodyrocking is helping a lot! I always hated working my legs because they were so flabby and weak. But I am starting to like it now!

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