Monday, November 12, 2012
It's been over a month since I wrote a blog here. I've been super busy and focused more on my daily fitness/health blog at : fitem.blogspot.com
If you want to stay up to date with my fitness adventures, go there.
My newest adventure is about gaining control over my diet. I've lost a lot of weight over the last few years and kept it off (92lbs), but I haven't lost any weight in over a year. While I am comfortable with my body and know I am incredibly strong, I would like to get rid of the extra fat that I still carry and really see the muscles I've been working so hard for.
My eating has been getting out of hand lately. Lots more sugar and processed snacks were sneaking in, and my weight started to creep up. That's not okay. Since I am not currently training for an event, this is the perfect time to do something about my diet, so I decided to do a detox.
*I would like to stop here and say that I am very, very skeptical of detoxes in general. This one is mostly comprised of cranberry juice and flax, and it is accompanied by eating 3 meals and snacks - super clean food, but plenty of food. This is not some crazy juice diet. I'm never going to back to those stupid diets again. They don't work.*
Anyway, whenever I change something, I always start on a Monday, and I usually use it as an excuse to overindulge all weekend before I start. I didn't want to do that this time, so I did something completely out of character and started on Saturday. I've been very successful at sticking with it so far, and I feel fantastic. I got up for my morning run this morning without any food hangover (which is common on Monday mornings). I feel great. I'm sleeping better. I'm a lot less stressed. And, I actually feel healthier. I weighed myself this morning, and I am down 2.6 pounds!
The detox is for 10 days, so I will be ending it just before Thanksgiving. I'm hoping that by breaking my addiction to sugar I will have an easier time resisting all of the holiday goodies. My current goal is to not gain (and hopefully continue to lose) weight during the holidays. Once the detox ends I plan to continue to eat clean and avoid sweets. If I eat clean on Thanksgiving, I will allow myself a small slice of pumpkin pie. I like this plan better than my usual free pass on the holiday. That always gets out of hand and makes it hard to go back to healthy eating the next day.
The one thing that has really surprised me about this detox is that I am even more addicted to dairy than I thought. I never realized how much of it I consume, and I don't buy non-fat (or low fat) dairy (except Greek yogurt, which I am still consuming). That's a lot of extra saturated fat! I've had a lot more temptation from dairy than from sweets, which is not something I would have expected. I'm really curious to see how my body changes during this detox. I already feel the difference.
I really feel like I am back on track with weight loss. I'm ready to drop the last 35 pounds and see how good I feel then - and how much faster I'll run!
Tuesday, October 09, 2012
I just want to say how proud I am of my daughter. She is six and in her second year of tae kwon do. Today they did sumo wrestling, and she was partners with the biggest boy in the class (she's also the only girl in her group). She did not back down for a second. It was so amazing to see her determination. She's strong and confident, and I am so happy about that. I was painfully shy for most of my life, and I felt totally powerless. I feel that through tae kwon do my daughter is being taught to be powerful. I love that.
Friday, October 05, 2012
It's been forever since I blogged here. Mostly because my life has become insanely busy, and I am trying to blog daily here: fitem.blogspot.com
I did have a bit of a break through the other day, and I wanted to share it here. Mainly because I know the people here can appreciate it, and also because I know I can write about it honestly here and not offend any one that I know in my real life.
I've been pretty stressed out lately. Our new schedule is hectic, and instead of trading off with my husband, I now have full kid duty until 8pm. We definitely need the income from his new job, so I don't resent this. I feel bad that he misses time with the kids, but we're making it work. The only problem has been that I have to bring the kids with me to all of my exercise classes. Not a huge issue, but it can turn into one when my kids are tired and cranky after a long day at school.
I feel bad that they're so exhausted, so I have stopped going to my trainer's kickboxing and yoga/Pilates classes. It gives me and the kids a couple of restful, early nights at home, and it has greatly improved everyone's mood.
My trainer has been guilting me about it a little, which I understand because it's her job to kick my butt. Still, it has not been helping my anxiety every time I miss a class. I've really been stressing out about it, and it got so bad earlier this week that I found myself grinding my teeth (which I haven't done in years), and I finally just forced myself to go for a run after I dropped my son off at school. It was a horrible run. Just terrible. But, I did a lot of thinking and had some realizations that really helped me calm down. (after a little reflecting post-run)
I have been attending these classes for over two years, and I am still reacting in the same way to missing class. I feel like a failure and like I am letting everyone down. This is craziness. I am not even close to the person I was 2 years ago. Back then I needed classes to ensure that I was working out every day. I don't need that anymore.
I work out 6 days a week, 2-3 hours a day. I am studying to be a trainer and now have very little difficulty making myself workout. In fact lately I think I have been overtraining a little bit and have been trying to reign that in.
I also don't enjoy the classes as much as I used to. It's always pretty much the same thing, and 2 years is a long time to do the same workouts. I have different goals now, and I don't feel like those classes really move me closer to them. I don't need to be doing extra, superfluous exercise right now. I want to focus on lifting and running.
I've started an amazing lifting routine with my trainer. It's twice a week, heavy ST, and I LOVE it. I have made huge gains in strength, and I feel totally amazing and strong when I'm done. She also kills my core, which is awesome because I very rarely feel core workouts. I've always had strong core muscles, but this routine kicks my butt. Love it.
I've also been training for a Half Marathon that is actually on Sunday. I've been getting in my long runs on the weekend and a couple short ones during the week. I need to add speed work back into my usual routine, but otherwise I feel like I have improved my running and want to continue to increase my weekly mileage.
With all of this plus teaching 3 Zumba classes a week and running with a client I am doing more than enough exercise every week. I'm going to throw in light yoga on my rest day to stay loose, but I don't think I need another 3 hours of classes every week. It's just not possible.
I enjoy the classes socially. It's fun to get out and workout with other people. They're fun, simple classes. I just need to cut something out, and they don't fit into the plan. I shouldn't feel guilty for this. I'm not exercising for anyone's benefit but my own, so I need to do what works for me. It was nice to finally figure out what that was.
Saturday, September 08, 2012
I've had a pretty rough morning. I'm still very sick, but I had to bring my darling daughter to soccer practice. While there I ran into the toxic friendship that I can never seem to escape, and we had a conversation that immediately brought up a lot of old, insecurity issues for me. I'm not sure why this one person affects me like this, but it's honestly not worth thinking about.
I want to talk about what I did.
I was pretty upset by the time practice was over and we were home. I had my usual out-of-control feelings, and I had the usual response of wanting to binge. It's a constant battle even now. But, today I chose to try something different. I sat down at my computer and opened Word. I don't share things like this on most blogs, so I intended it for my eyes only. I had no idea what I would write. I wanted to keep my hands busy. I wanted to vent and feel sorry for myself (while also beating myself up for being inadequate).
That's what I would normally write. But, today something different came out, and I feel like it's a true step in this journey. I decided to share it because it was so unexpected - and it actually made me feel better.
Talking Out The Crazy
Letís pretend for a moment that you are a rational person. Letís really think about what is actually happening in real life. Reality. Remember reality?
Honestly, you are in great shape Ė even with what remains of the belly. Remember what it used to look like? Ew. Get some confidence, girl. You do things other people donít. Now I am not saying get cocky and be a jerk. Leave that to other people Ė you know who I mean. Thatís not you. Youíre fairly humble, but be quietly confident, too. Youíve earned that right, and you will again Ė and again Ė and again. Because thatís how you are.
You have a good heart. No matter who you were, youíre pretty awesome right now. Youíve worked hard to get there. Youíve been through a lot. And, youíve fixed yourself. You worked through it, and once itís worked through, itís gone. Itís not coming back.
This is obviously a slow process. There are definitely still times that bits and pieces come back, but youíve made huge progress. Every day work toward what you want your future to be. Never give up. FIGURE IT OUT. Thatís how you improve. Thatís how you grow.
Lately things have been clicking. Falling into place and working. Keep it up. It pays off. Itís been 4 years of hard work and facing fears, but where is the old Em now? She may still lurk around the periphery on occasion, but she knows not to show her face. You make healthy choices now. Thatís normal. Thatís your normal.
You canít rush growth. Just know it is happening as long as you are trying. Keep learning. Keep dreaming and believing. It will come together.
And, thatís the other thing you have going for you. Youíve got time. 31 and youíve completely turned your life around. Think about how long you have to enjoy it.
So, ENJOY it already! Stop being stupid and trying to compare yourself to others. You are you. You can only be you. So, be yourself and love your life. Every moment.
Monday, September 03, 2012
It's been forever since I blogged here. I've been busy maintaining my blog fitem.blogspot.com
Here is part of my latest blog, which is about my long run yesterday. 9 miles turned into 12, and it was great!
Sunday, I went for my long run, and it was amazing. I left a little later than usual, but it was still cool outside. I was cold when I started running. Fall is on its way, and I am so excited. It is my favorite time of year for running. Bring on the long sleeved shirts! (aka comfiest running shirts)
The sun was shining, and everything was very peaceful. I decided to go without music again and really enjoyed the nature around me. I'm finding that I really enjoy running without distractions, and I tend to run faster when I am focused on the sound of my footfalls and my breathing. I never would have thought that I could run without music, but now I prefer it. My day-to-day life is pretty chaotic and loud (in a good way), so it is nice to have a couple hours of peace and quiet.
I had planned on going for a 9-mile run. I did 6 last weekend and knew I needed to increase my mileage. I didn't plan very well and realized mid-run that my route was a lot longer than I thought, but I could run into Enosburg and do one of my favorite 12-mile runs. I opted for the familiar route, and it was a great run. I felt good the whole way, and my legs felt fine at the end. No knee pain, no foot pain, no hip pain. Everything felt great. I think it has something to do with the shoes. Okay, I'm done talking about them now.
I also ran faster than I have ever done a 12 before. I finished in 2:40, which I know is slow for a lot of people, but great for me. I am psyched. I feel like I can definitely do the half marathon in under 3 hours. I have a little more time to increase my speed. I'm really getting into running. I want to go out and run every day, even though my schedule doesn't allow it. I'm definitely looking forward to tomorrow morning's run!
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