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A Switch Has Been Flipped

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Last night, I had a break through.
Anyone who has read my blogs recently knows that I've been wallowing in my own self-pity lately. I've been incredibly focused on the negative things in my life, and I was starting to revert back to the old Em.
Not cool. emoticon
Yesterday, I had a great day. Sure, things were hectic and stressful, but I was feeling positive, and it stuck. I even got in 2 workouts, one a practice of the Zumba routine I start teaching tonight. I was feeling good and prepared, which is way better than the last time I tried to teach Zumba. I think I'm feeling better this time because I have set up the class as a 6 week program, and I know the level of fitness my class has. I could more specifically tailor the class to their abilities and needs. There will of course be some tweaking after tonight, but I feel like the routine is pretty solid and a great workout. emoticon
So, last night when I could finally sit down and relax, my brain started doing it's usual routine. Negative thoughts bombarded me. But, instead of giving in, I said no. It's something I used when I was losing weight, and it works. It takes a little effort, but the positive feelings I get after are totally worth it.
I disagreed with every negative thought. I told myself the opposite. I am going to do well teaching. I am ready. I have a great routine. I can do anything I put my mind to.
The last one is one of my mantras, and when I remember to use it, I am unstoppable.

So, here's my big turning point last night: I believed my own thoughts. I could picture myself teaching and it going well. I could picture myself as a trainer. I could see myself as I could be in another couple of years, super fit and happy and working in a job that will not only bring me great satisfaction, but will also give me a decent income and somewhat more stable finances. I saw myself as confident and happy in a life far different and more positive than anything I'd envisioned before.
Best of all, I saw me as I am right now.
This may sound strange, but for me, it's a huge step forward. I've been fit for awhile. The weight has been gone for a while. Yet, I still saw the old Em. The one with 3 chins and no self-esteem. Even looking in the mirror, I saw the old me. Last night, during kick boxing, I started to accept who I am. I am part of the front row in class, and I belong there. People ask me for help because I am capable and strong. They see it. So should I. I suddenly saw the muscles and the strength. The whole package. I didn't just focus on one tiny area and then make the progress worthless by focusing on something that still needs to change. I saw the whole, healthy, strong, capable me.
It was a shock.
We are all so much more capable than we think. By accepting where we truly are at this moment, we can become so much more. We can stare down our list of goals and think "I've got this." emoticon
So, that's my big ah-ha moment - my new one. The old one wasn't enough any more. It's still relevant, but I needed this to spur me on to new and better things. Tonight, I teach my first Zumba class, and I am confident that it will go well. Hooray for starting a new life and feeling like a brand new person!
What are you capable of? emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OFFDREA 10/12/2011 5:38PM

    Awesome post! Good luck with your class tonight, you are going to be great!!!!

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BAZOOKABOBCAT 10/12/2011 10:36AM

    Awesome!! You are going to be AMAZING for your Zumba class.

You are so strong and I love your motivation and self-confidence!

Get it, girl!

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STORMCOAST 10/12/2011 10:11AM

    This is fabulous and inspiring. I am so happy for you. Congratulations on your new view!

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GIANTMICROBE 10/12/2011 7:15AM

    I think anyone who has ever been overweight has that person inside them, still. I have been a healthy weight for 7+ years and sometimes I still feel like the 270 pound teenager I once was.

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ELLIE-1220 10/12/2011 7:05AM

    emoticon Good job taking control of your thoughts!!! The battle that occurs in our minds is tough! So true that, we set our own limits on ourselves. I never thought I was capable of running - it was for other 'fit' people only, but I've thrown out that mindset and I'm doing it. Even signed up for a 5k - it's in 11 days. I am capable.

I can't wait to hear how your class goes tonight!



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SKEETER13887 10/12/2011 7:01AM

    Way to go! I firmly believe that negative self talk, or self thought, gets in the way of our progress. Our exterior self looks great and feels better than it has in years but inside we are still giving ourselves a talk-down for being a "loser". You have truly made a break through. Pretty work!

emoticon

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Some Changes Need To Be Made

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Something about fall makes me rethink my plans and goals, and it makes me want to plan the next steps I need to take to achieve my goals.
It's that time of year again. Time for changes. And, man, do I need them.
I've complained before about an almost year-long plateau. In fact, my weight has gone up quite a bit in the last few weeks. I could blame this on struggling to fit in all of my cardio while also sticking to the JE strength workouts. But...that wouldn't exactly be true.
I've been overeating a lot lately. Especially at night. I was doing pretty well with not eating after dinner, but lately it's been an issue. I know the reasons I've been overeating. We've been low on $ and food, which makes me panic subconsciously, and I feel like I am desperate to fill myself with something that will comfort me. I'm also taking some big steps in a different direction in my life, and I am scared. I should be eating well, so I can set a good example for my future clients, but instead I am piling on the food (and pounds) trying to hide my fears instead of facing them head-on.

So, here's the plan:

-Stick to my workout plan - that's the only thing I have consistently been doing well. emoticon
-Eat in the low end of my range, and keep it healthy emoticon
-No eating after dinner - I'm never actually hungry, and I know I need to do this to start losing weight again. emoticon
-Stay busy with housework, writing, or studying - distract myself from eating emoticon
-STRETCH - I feel better when I do it regularly, and if I ever want to be able to run again, I need to loosen up emoticon
-Believe in myself and not let anxiety or doubt keep me from improving my life and the lives of my family emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ELLIE-1220 10/11/2011 8:01PM

    Great goals! A trick that I used to help me not eat after dinner, actually for me it was after my kids were tucked into bed, anyway - brush your teeth. Once your mouth is clean you won't want to muck it up. Worked for me anyway! You have already come so far - you can hold on! You can do it!!!! Find that strength!

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GIANTMICROBE 10/11/2011 6:18PM

    If you eat less you will save money? I have noticed that since I have started eating normal portions I can make leftovers stretch longer and get more bang for my buck.

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OFFDREA 10/11/2011 2:03PM

    My battle with food is just that, a battle. Exercising I finally have down pat, why I ruin it with poor choices I will never know. I want to bust through my year long plateau too!!!
Good luck kicking butt this week!!!!

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CYNDERROSE 10/11/2011 12:55PM

    You can do it!!!

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25 Reasons I Am Determined

Friday, October 07, 2011

So, here is part 2.

25 Reasons I Am Determined To Be Fit

1. Because I deserve to be healthy
2. Because I am already in the best shape of my life and should keep trying
3. Because I hate giving up
4. Because I want to be someone better, and she's within reach
5. Because my kids are watching everything I do
6. Because nothing good comes from self-hate
7. Because I haven't believed in myself for 17 years
8. Because I feel better when I take care of my body
9. Because confidence feels good
10. Because no one else can do it for me
11. Because I love exercise
12. Because I love the moment right after I've given everything I have
13. Because I want to help others
14. Because I'm worth the effort
15. Because certain negative people in my life think I can't - and they can't be right
16. Because I am setting an example for my family, friends, students, etc.
17. Because I deserve to be admired
18. Because after years of battling an eating disorder, I am finally doing it the right way
19. Because I want to be like the women that I admire
20. Because I want to live to be 100
21. Because I want to avoid all the nasty diseases that come from obesity
22. Because I know the woman I could be, and she is fabulous
23. Because I love my shoulders and want even more definition all over
24. Because I want to be a trainer
25. Because I deserve it

Again, I repeated #25, but I do deserve it, and it's time I realized it.
This list was a lot easier to write. I know what my goals are, and I can see what the future could be if I continue to improve myself. I want that. I deserve that. I'm willing to work for it.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LINDYLIME 10/8/2011 8:47AM

    This is wonderful. I hope you don't mind that I borrowed your idea in my latest blog? They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery!!! Thanks so much for the inspiration.

emoticon

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ELLIE-1220 10/7/2011 12:47PM

    Recognizing our worth is half the battle! WTG!!!! You do deserve all you are setting out to accomplish!!!!!

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3RDBABYWEIGHT 10/7/2011 12:17PM

    That's a great list! Way to go!

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FRANNYMAE80 10/7/2011 12:04PM

    I love your list! Everyone should have a list like this. =)

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FRANNYMAE80 10/7/2011 12:03PM

    I love your list! Everyone should have a list like this.

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DARSHAN130 10/7/2011 11:47AM

    Very nice post. We all have to learn that our body, our health and our lives are worth living the best we possibly can. You do deserve this!

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EDGYKITTEN 10/7/2011 11:44AM

    Amazing list, thanks for posting. emoticon

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JONESINGAL 10/7/2011 11:27AM

    Thanks for sharing! We all have way more reasons to be fit than unhealthy!

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25 Reasons I'm Afraid

Friday, October 07, 2011

So, this is for the Project: Make Yourself challenge

25 Reasons I'm Afraid To Be Fit

1. I'm afraid to be someone new
2. I'm afraid to fail
3. I'm afraid to be a role model
4. I'm afraid to be admired
5. I'm afraid I'll lose my friends
6. I'm afraid to go beyond where I've been before
7. I'm afraid to give advice
8. I'm afraid of being judged
9. I'm afraid of change
10. I'm afraid I will gain it back
11. I'm afraid that I will wake up and be my old self again
12. I'm afraid to be happy
13. I'm afraid to be confident
14. I'm afraid to look sexy
15. I'm afraid of getting attention
16. I'm afraid of having no where to hide
17. I'm afraid of not having an excuse
18. I'm afraid of letting go of the past
19. I'm afraid of the expectations
20. I'm afraid of not knowing what happens after I'm fit
21. I'm afraid to not be "trying to lose weight"
22. I'm afraid I still won't like me once I'm fit
23. I'm afraid of not knowing where I fit in
24. I'm afraid of change
25. I'm afraid of failing

Okay, so the last 2 are repeats, but they're the 2 major fears.

I feel like I am at a turning point. I can stay where I am and be relatively happy and comfortable, or I can embrace change and challenge and go for it. This list puts it all in perspective for me. I want change. I want challenge. I'm going to go for it.
I feel like there needs to be a balancing list, so my next one will be 25 reasons I'm determined to get fit. Stay tuned.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NICKERBIE 12/1/2011 12:02AM

    I have the exact same fears and I'm afraid to get past them and try. What gives you the courage to "embrace change and challenge go for it?"

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SCHUBERTR1 10/7/2011 6:28PM

  Embrace your authenticity. Choose to be fearless. You are worth it!

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ELLIE-1220 10/7/2011 12:46PM

    Good for you!!!!! I know how much it takes to first complete the list, and then to post it!

"You can conquer any fear if you will only make up your mind to do so. For remember, fear doesn’t exist anywhere except in the mind."

emoticon

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IAMSHE-RA 10/7/2011 9:26AM

    You are not alone! I think we all feel like that. I'm always afraid of failing, but if you are too afraid to fail, you'll never try and you'll never learn what is possible to accomplish. I've also lost friends who accused me of changing and not for the better. I'm happy with who I've become. I'll always have fears, but if you admit to those fears (which you have done here) they are easier to face. You also have peeps on Sparkpeople who understand. emoticon We are always listening. emoticon

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JNPMUDDIN 10/7/2011 9:24AM

    I agree with BAZOOABOBCAT I cannot wait for the second list. Ya know though after reading your list and then rereading your list....I dunno...it seems like most of them don't truly have to do with being fit...unless you are like me and also working the fit angle from the mental aspect of it also???
I know you can and will get fit!!!
I know you will NOT let any of those reasons stop you.
I know you will NOT let others change who YOU are inside and outside.

You wanna know how I know???

Because of the list.

Good Luck!!!

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SYLBA61 10/7/2011 9:07AM

    I am glad you decided to go for it. Face your fears daily and overcome!

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BAZOOKABOBCAT 10/7/2011 8:56AM

    I can't wait for the second list!!

And I love the honesty here. So much of this will be true. People WILL judge and you WILL be afraid to lose your forward progress.

But all those things will be SO WORTH IT. I'm so proud of you. You are so strong.

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Thank You, Steve Jobs

Thursday, October 06, 2011

This is a blog I posted earlier on my blog - If I'm Not Fat, What Am I?

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life." - Steve Jobs

Steve Jobs was one of the most amazing people of our time. He revolutionized the way we do everything. From home computers to ipods and ipads, he changed the way we write, study, communicate, and live. I marvel at the amount that he accomplished in a short span of time. The man was forward-thinking, and I admire him greatly.
For a long time, I was the opposite type of person. I tended to focus on the past. History fascinates me. I love old British authors and any movie where the women wear bustles and the men have more pieces of clothing than any one person needs.
Lately, I've started to change my way of thinking. While I think that it is necessary to always remember the past, it can cause you to get stuck in a rut. It's too easy to dwell on the past. It's comfortable. It's safe because it has already happened. There is no fear or anxiety attached to remembrances.
Looking forward is scary. Plans, dreams, and goals are all frightening because you have to work to get there. The bumps and detours are still waiting for you, and you will have to fight to get through. But, forward is the only way you can go. Living in the past simply means that you will never grow, never change, and that's all life is. We grow and change with every new experience. Sometimes the hardest trials are the ones that will benefit you the most, if you let them.
Life is never going to be easy, but it can be exciting. Looking forward will bring you closer to your goals and bring happiness and balance to your life. I know I always feel better about myself when I am working toward a goal, even if it gets hard and seems impossible at times. It's the triumph over difficulties that moves you forward and grows your self-esteem.
I've never been the type to do what anyone tells me to do. If you tell me that something is a better choice for me, I'm probably going to do something else. I'm stubborn like that. But, I think there is an upside to it. Through all the struggles and setbacks (and some of them have lasted for years), I have stayed true to who I am. I am living the life I was meant to live, and I haven't entirely figured it out. That's what life is about. Ups and downs, growing and change. There is no right or wrong way to do it. You just stay true to yourself and live.
Thank you, Steve Jobs, for sharing your ingenuity with the world and not being afraid to dream. There need to be more people willing to do the same. Go for it.

If you enjoyed this post and want to read more like it, check out my blog.

ifimnotfatwhatami.blogspot.com/

  


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