Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Last night, I had a break through.
Anyone who has read my blogs recently knows that I've been wallowing in my own self-pity lately. I've been incredibly focused on the negative things in my life, and I was starting to revert back to the old Em.
Yesterday, I had a great day. Sure, things were hectic and stressful, but I was feeling positive, and it stuck. I even got in 2 workouts, one a practice of the Zumba routine I start teaching tonight. I was feeling good and prepared, which is way better than the last time I tried to teach Zumba. I think I'm feeling better this time because I have set up the class as a 6 week program, and I know the level of fitness my class has. I could more specifically tailor the class to their abilities and needs. There will of course be some tweaking after tonight, but I feel like the routine is pretty solid and a great workout.
So, last night when I could finally sit down and relax, my brain started doing it's usual routine. Negative thoughts bombarded me. But, instead of giving in, I said no. It's something I used when I was losing weight, and it works. It takes a little effort, but the positive feelings I get after are totally worth it.
I disagreed with every negative thought. I told myself the opposite. I am going to do well teaching. I am ready. I have a great routine. I can do anything I put my mind to.
The last one is one of my mantras, and when I remember to use it, I am unstoppable.
So, here's my big turning point last night: I believed my own thoughts. I could picture myself teaching and it going well. I could picture myself as a trainer. I could see myself as I could be in another couple of years, super fit and happy and working in a job that will not only bring me great satisfaction, but will also give me a decent income and somewhat more stable finances. I saw myself as confident and happy in a life far different and more positive than anything I'd envisioned before.
Best of all, I saw me as I am right now.
This may sound strange, but for me, it's a huge step forward. I've been fit for awhile. The weight has been gone for a while. Yet, I still saw the old Em. The one with 3 chins and no self-esteem. Even looking in the mirror, I saw the old me. Last night, during kick boxing, I started to accept who I am. I am part of the front row in class, and I belong there. People ask me for help because I am capable and strong. They see it. So should I. I suddenly saw the muscles and the strength. The whole package. I didn't just focus on one tiny area and then make the progress worthless by focusing on something that still needs to change. I saw the whole, healthy, strong, capable me.
It was a shock.
We are all so much more capable than we think. By accepting where we truly are at this moment, we can become so much more. We can stare down our list of goals and think "I've got this."
So, that's my big ah-ha moment - my new one. The old one wasn't enough any more. It's still relevant, but I needed this to spur me on to new and better things. Tonight, I teach my first Zumba class, and I am confident that it will go well. Hooray for starting a new life and feeling like a brand new person!
What are you capable of?
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Something about fall makes me rethink my plans and goals, and it makes me want to plan the next steps I need to take to achieve my goals.
It's that time of year again. Time for changes. And, man, do I need them.
I've complained before about an almost year-long plateau. In fact, my weight has gone up quite a bit in the last few weeks. I could blame this on struggling to fit in all of my cardio while also sticking to the JE strength workouts. But...that wouldn't exactly be true.
I've been overeating a lot lately. Especially at night. I was doing pretty well with not eating after dinner, but lately it's been an issue. I know the reasons I've been overeating. We've been low on $ and food, which makes me panic subconsciously, and I feel like I am desperate to fill myself with something that will comfort me. I'm also taking some big steps in a different direction in my life, and I am scared. I should be eating well, so I can set a good example for my future clients, but instead I am piling on the food (and pounds) trying to hide my fears instead of facing them head-on.
So, here's the plan:
-Stick to my workout plan - that's the only thing I have consistently been doing well.
-Eat in the low end of my range, and keep it healthy
-No eating after dinner - I'm never actually hungry, and I know I need to do this to start losing weight again.
-Stay busy with housework, writing, or studying - distract myself from eating
-STRETCH - I feel better when I do it regularly, and if I ever want to be able to run again, I need to loosen up
-Believe in myself and not let anxiety or doubt keep me from improving my life and the lives of my family
Friday, October 07, 2011
So, here is part 2.
25 Reasons I Am Determined To Be Fit
1. Because I deserve to be healthy
2. Because I am already in the best shape of my life and should keep trying
3. Because I hate giving up
4. Because I want to be someone better, and she's within reach
5. Because my kids are watching everything I do
6. Because nothing good comes from self-hate
7. Because I haven't believed in myself for 17 years
8. Because I feel better when I take care of my body
9. Because confidence feels good
10. Because no one else can do it for me
11. Because I love exercise
12. Because I love the moment right after I've given everything I have
13. Because I want to help others
14. Because I'm worth the effort
15. Because certain negative people in my life think I can't - and they can't be right
16. Because I am setting an example for my family, friends, students, etc.
17. Because I deserve to be admired
18. Because after years of battling an eating disorder, I am finally doing it the right way
19. Because I want to be like the women that I admire
20. Because I want to live to be 100
21. Because I want to avoid all the nasty diseases that come from obesity
22. Because I know the woman I could be, and she is fabulous
23. Because I love my shoulders and want even more definition all over
24. Because I want to be a trainer
25. Because I deserve it
Again, I repeated #25, but I do deserve it, and it's time I realized it.
This list was a lot easier to write. I know what my goals are, and I can see what the future could be if I continue to improve myself. I want that. I deserve that. I'm willing to work for it.
Thursday, October 06, 2011
This is a blog I posted earlier on my blog - If I'm Not Fat, What Am I?
"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life." - Steve Jobs
Steve Jobs was one of the most amazing people of our time. He revolutionized the way we do everything. From home computers to ipods and ipads, he changed the way we write, study, communicate, and live. I marvel at the amount that he accomplished in a short span of time. The man was forward-thinking, and I admire him greatly.
For a long time, I was the opposite type of person. I tended to focus on the past. History fascinates me. I love old British authors and any movie where the women wear bustles and the men have more pieces of clothing than any one person needs.
Lately, I've started to change my way of thinking. While I think that it is necessary to always remember the past, it can cause you to get stuck in a rut. It's too easy to dwell on the past. It's comfortable. It's safe because it has already happened. There is no fear or anxiety attached to remembrances.
Looking forward is scary. Plans, dreams, and goals are all frightening because you have to work to get there. The bumps and detours are still waiting for you, and you will have to fight to get through. But, forward is the only way you can go. Living in the past simply means that you will never grow, never change, and that's all life is. We grow and change with every new experience. Sometimes the hardest trials are the ones that will benefit you the most, if you let them.
Life is never going to be easy, but it can be exciting. Looking forward will bring you closer to your goals and bring happiness and balance to your life. I know I always feel better about myself when I am working toward a goal, even if it gets hard and seems impossible at times. It's the triumph over difficulties that moves you forward and grows your self-esteem.
I've never been the type to do what anyone tells me to do. If you tell me that something is a better choice for me, I'm probably going to do something else. I'm stubborn like that. But, I think there is an upside to it. Through all the struggles and setbacks (and some of them have lasted for years), I have stayed true to who I am. I am living the life I was meant to live, and I haven't entirely figured it out. That's what life is about. Ups and downs, growing and change. There is no right or wrong way to do it. You just stay true to yourself and live.
Thank you, Steve Jobs, for sharing your ingenuity with the world and not being afraid to dream. There need to be more people willing to do the same. Go for it.
If you enjoyed this post and want to read more like it, check out my blog.
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