Tuesday, January 21, 2014
I posted this on my Wordpress blog a day or so ago, and one of my lovely Azuritas suggested I post it here. I decided she was right when she said that others would relate to it! (If parts of it don't quite make sense, it's because I've copied it word for word - well, minus the cursing - from my permanent blog.)
Nearly every day I hear (or read) someone talking about how they want to do this or need to do that.
They need to get out more, spend more time with the girls.
They need to start exercising and eating healthy.
They need to make more time for crafting and DIY and creative pursuits. Read more, cook more. Take more pictures, get off Facebook, call the relatives. Wear the fancy clothes, use the fine china. Stop saving that wine for a special occasion.
I used to be one of those people. A wisher. Content to bemoan my not-quite-miserable existence, unwilling to work at changing the things I was railing against. Wishing for my life to one day be different.
I got fed up.
I annoyed myself, and I disgusted myself. So I stopped.
Oh, I didn't stop wishing....definitely not. But I stopped letting it consume me. I started doing. I started trying to change the things I hated, adding in the things I was missing. I took responsibility for my own sorry state and vowed it wouldn't continue.
It started with this blog, but I wrote that first post months before publishing it. I thought it was silly, that I was just trying to get attention. That I was making a big deal out of something nobody would care about.
Then one day I realized I didn't darn well care what anyone else cared about.
So I post. Sometimes the posts are fluff, and even I get bored reading them. Those are the posts I write to stay connected, and to remind myself what I'm working toward. And sometimes the posts are eloquent, and say something. Those are the posts that bring it all home, that remind me that what I'm doing is working. That I'm making the changes I needed to make.
No, I'm not there. I have a lot of changes left.
Here's a secret....it's f*cking hard. It's so much easier to piss and moan and blame everything except myself and my own actions (or inaction, as is more often the case). It's so much easier to wish time and space away than it is to get off the couch, put down the cookies, and do something. It takes effort, and sometimes it doesn't seem worth the energy.
It's hard to exercise. I edited that sentence....I first wrote "it's hard to exercise when you don't feel like it." But the truth is, no matter what the crazy fitness junkies tell you, it's hard. It's even harder when you're overweight, out of shape, and addicted to Ramen noodles. Does it get easier? No. Do you get better? Eventually. Does it make a difference? Yes, though it takes patience and an open mind. If all you're focused on is the scale, you'll miss the fact that you feel better, you have more confidence, and you're sleeping better. But it's still hard.
It's hard to make time for friendships. Unless you live or work together, you have to actually make an effort to see someone. If you want girlfriends, you have to work at it. Sure, you can be a one-way communicator, but eventually people get tired of never getting anything back. Everyone has a family, everyone has a job, and everyone is busy. Make time. News flash....friendships don't run on Facebook. Most of them don't run on once-a-year hellos, either.
It's hard to be creative. Better yet, it's hard to make time for yourself. It's hard to allow yourself that time. Do, and you'll feel rejuvenated. Throw aside the guilt and recognize that to be a fully functioning person you need things that are your own. We don't stop having hobbies and interests just because we have to pay our own bills.
As for reading, cooking, and calling the relatives..well, the same principles apply. Put in a little effort.
You want change? Do something. It doesn't have to be big, and it doesn't have to happen all at once. Take a step, any step. Stop just wishing...take it a step farther. Cut the excuses.
What's stopping you, but you?
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
This is a copy of a post from my blog, Fearless Creative: thefearlesscreative.wordpress.com/20
Day 1, I was pumped and excited and ready to go.
On Day 33, I hit the first wall.
Day 40, I ran 10 minutes straight.
On Day 56, I counted a drunken walk downtown after Brewerís Jam.
Day 64, I ran 20 minutes.
On Day 66, I stopped running.
Day 82, I bought a new yoga mat.
On Day 90, I almost quit.
Day 100, I finished.
I finished. 100 Days of Fitness. Done.
Nobody thought I would. Not even me. But I did.
No, it wasnít easy. No, I didnít push myself every day (or even most days). No, I didnít set any records. No, I didnít drastically transform my body. And no, I really didnít lose any weight. (Though both Jimmie and I can see a difference in how I look.)
Support from my loves on Day 100
Yes, I submitted this to dogshaming.com.
I did 2,351 minutes (39.18 hours), 41.88 miles, and 61 yoga practices.
I lost 4.2 pounds, and 5 inches.
I gained a habit, a love of yoga, and a belief in myself. I gained confidence, and a sense of peace I never knew I was missing. I feel stronger, longer, and tighter. I feel slower and looser. I feel proud, and yes, I feel humbled.
3 months ago, I couldnít run a mile, and I couldnít do Pigeon pose. Today, though I wonít win any awards for either, I can do both.
Next yoga goal Ė king pigeon!
I can feel my body, feel when things are working and feel when things are off. When Iím holding myself at an odd angle, or Iím walking funny. When one leg is longer than the other (confirmed by my chiropractor), and when my posture is slipping. When what Iíve eaten was for nourishment, and when for taste. When my stress levels and blood pressure are rising. When Iím holding my breath.
I love the feeling of accomplishment I get from knowing that no matter what, no matter how easy or how hard my workout is, Iíve done something. EVERY DAY. For 100 days. On business trips and camping trips, while sick, while healthy, and yes, while slightly intoxicated. While happy, while sad, and while angry. Iíve done something.
And Iím still going. Because I canít stopÖ..because I wonít stop (cue Miley....). Because itís making a difference in how I look, how I feel, and how I think. And I love it.
Iíll leave you with thisÖ.
Sunday, August 18, 2013
***This is a copy of a blog originally posted here: thefearlesscreative.wordpress.com/ .I'm moving my blog over to Wordpress, so will post all updates and progress there!***
Ok, Iíve been avoiding this post for a whileÖ.the first ďneed to get in shapeĒ post.
But the fact is, I really need to get in shape.
Iím overweight. There, I said it.
Why? Because I like spaghetti and cupcakes and beer and sitting on my couch. Um, yeah.
But part of this Fearless Creative journey is about being happy with myself, and the only way to do that is to be healthy. And Iím not healthy. Itís not even as much about losing weight as it is about taking care of myself. I mean, sure, Iíd be lying if I said I didnít want to look better in a bathing suit (but really, what woman doesnít?). But I want to feel strong, I want to feel like I can do anything I want without worrying that my body is going to let me down.
This is a hard post to write. Itís not something Iím sharing lightlyÖ.but Iím putting it out there because I need to be kept accountable. And because maybe itíll inspire someone, maybe someone reading this will feel a little less alone.
Iím on SparkPeople, and have been for years. I do challenges, I have SparkFriends, and Iím relatively active with it. But if Iím honest, Iíve been coasting by. I havenít been trying, I havenít been working at it. And the scale is going the wrong direction, and I refuse to buy more clothes.
I stick with SparkPeople because I love the philosophy, that this is a lifestyle change, not a diet, and that everything is ok in moderation. Thatís what Iím going for. No fad diets, no deprivation, no unrealistic exercise programs I wonít be able to stick with. Just a slow and steady overhaul of my eating and exercise habits. Or in some cases, creating habits to begin with.
Last week I started tracking my food again. I hate hate hate doing itÖ.but it works. Yeah itís a hassle, and yeah itís depressing to see that Iíve eaten 2400 calories when I was supposed to stay somewhere around 1400. But itís in your face, and all of a sudden that second cupcake doesnít sound so good when you know youíve gotta enter it in your tracker.
I forgot to enter yesterdayís food in there, but hereís a snapshot of the last weekÖ.I havenít been doing so well, though you can definitely see improvement over the week!
So yeah, not the greatest, especially at first. And yeah, I havenít entered todayís either. Iím working on it! Anyway, so that yellow bar? Thatís my calorie range Iím supposed to stay in. Based on SparkPeopleís recommended numbers according to my fitness level (ahem, sedentary) and weight to lose per week (1-1.5 pounds). I WILL get there.
And since eating alone wonít make me healthy, I suppose I should exercise.
In the past I was a runner. Iíd like to get back to that someday, but sadly, itís a whole lot harder to get excited about running when youíre carrying an extra 60 pounds (yes, seriously). In college I did yoga, and was super flexible. Like running, yoga is more difficult when your stomach gets in the way. Then I tried Zumba, and hated it. It made me angry because I was so uncoordinated. Most recently, I did Les Millsí Combat, and got through 3 weeks. I loved it. It made me feel strong, made me hurt in places I didnít know I had, and was FUN. Then I got distracted and didnít like feeling like I was on a schedule or some other nonsense.
All excuses. All bullsh*t.
Itís time to turn that around. Itís time to get back into running, itís time to be flexible again, itís time to work on my dance moves, and itís time to be a warrior. And anything else.
So here it isÖ.my challenge to myself to exercise 15 minutes every day, for 100 days.
Anything goes, but it starts today. 100 Days of Fitness. I can do any workout, but I have to do at least 15 minutes. Iím not going to map it out. Iím not going to beat myself up if I donít do more than 15 minutes. Iím going to embrace it, and Iím going to be proud of myself for sticking with it. And I WILL stick with it.
And Iím going to chronicle it here.
Donít worry, Iím not going to post every day. Iíve created a new page for that (look up!). Iíll hit the high points, when I try new workouts or have some really great achievement, or hit a milestone.
Iíll be done on November 25th. I can do this.
So hereís to Day 1!
Tuesday, August 06, 2013
Ack! I'm late in getting to this...but here it is!
For one minute, do as many push-ups as you can and post the total number you got in. Make note if they were Modified, standard, Wall pushups. It doesn't matter what kind, just post in your blog how many you did in one minute.
I did wall pushups, and got 37 in.
For one minute, do as many crunches as you can and post the total number. Doesn't matter what kind. Just post the number in your blog.
Yeah, um, need to work on these. 20.
For one minute, do as many lunges as you can. Doesn't matter what kind. Just post the number in your blog.
I hate lunges, for the record. 34.
For one minute, do as many bicep curls as you can. Note the size weights you use if you do. And post the number in your blog.
I need larger weights. 31, using 3 pound weights.
And for one minute, do as many squats as you can. Any kind, again - for one minute and blog your number.
And, finally, hold a single plank for as long as you can.
45 seconds, and I felt every one of them.
Sunday, June 09, 2013
Chances are I'll modify these a little, but here are my goals for BLC 22!
I will finish Combat! This won't take the full 12 weeks, but it'll be a huge accomplishment for me if I do it. I've never finished a program before.
I will work my way up to consistently drinking 64 ounces of water a day. I will start with making sure I get at least one glass a day, and work my way up to 8 glasses a day, every day. Yes, I know I should be doing this already, but I've fallen off the wagon and have gotten really terrible about this!
I will work my way up to consistently tracking my food 5 out of 7 days. I will do this by initially tracking one meal, slowly working my way up to every BLT most days of the week. I've downloaded a calorie counter app on my phone to help me.
I'm not doing a weight goal. Sure, I would like to lose a certain amount of weight. But really, I'm more interested in finishing Combat and overhauling my eating habits. If I do that, the weight loss will come!
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