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I'm back!

Saturday, January 01, 2011

This is the year that I stop lying to myself and start taking care of myself. There is absolutely no reason for me not to lose weight, exercise and make healthy choices. I have no health limitations (Other than being morbidly obese - I HATE that term), no injuries that put me on the sidelines and all my body parts work. I did this to myself. I can undo this myself. I've been approved for lap band once and gastric bypass 3 times. And I keep coming back to the fact that I shouldn't have either of those surgeries. My body isn't broken. The way I chose to eat is broken. The lack of motivation to exercise is broken. These things can be fixed. I know it won't be easy and I honestly believe that I am addicted to food. I want to build healthy habits. I want to live for a long time. I want my boys to grow up with a mother who plays with them. My current body keeps me from doing things I enjoy. And truthfully I'm coming to learn that no amount of junk is worth being unhappy over.
I'm taking this slow. Because I know if I overwhelm myself all at once, I'm likely to quit. So I'm fixing things one thing at a time.

Here are my goals for this year and my new me.
1) Healthy meals for my family. This should really be very easy. I would like to provide my family with a well rounded meal that consists of one lean, healthy protein, one complex carb and one fiberous type of vegi.
2) Practice portion control. This will be a very hard one for me. Because I've grown accustomed to volume. So for now, when I feel the need for volume, I'm going to choose a salad or some soup to fill up on. and eventually taper the portions down.
3) Exercise. I love to exercise. And once I get up and actually do it, I enjoy myself. I feel good. Love the rush. I actually love going to the gym. It's just a matter of actually getting up and really doing it. For some reason there is a real mental block for me when it comes to wanting to do it and actually doing it. So I joined the Boot Camp. It's all laid out there for me. All I have to do is do it. And for some reason, that phrase really resonates with me.

ALL I HAVE TO DO IS DO IT. That 's all. Just do it. And I now understand Nike's logo and what it means. All you have to do is do it.

Eventually, I'd like to really be done with processed foods and sugar. But that's a tall request. I would love to work my way to whole foods. But after eating so badly all of my life, I know that this is something I need to work my way down and off of. I also know that it's not really likely that I will eat that way for the rest of my life. You just can't avoid sugar or processed foods ALL the time. So I will do my best to chose to eat whole as often as I can. But allowing some of these other foods on occasion in moderation, I need to practice moderation.

So here I am. I am going to try so hard to make these changes. I have a huge mental block that I've been stumbling over for years. I know it's going to be hard to break very bad habits. But I've been so cruel to myself these last 12 years and it's time I work to fix them.

I want to live. I want to REALLY live. I want to go camping. I want to go on hikes with my boys and explore the waterfalls around here, I want to go to amusement parks and ride the rides! I want to play football, basketball, soccer and baseball with my boys during the summer, I want to play shark in the pool and WIN! LOL!! I want to play tennis like I used to when I was a teenager. I want to fit into normal size clothes. I want the energy to clean my house and keep up with laundry. And I also believe that if I eat better and exercise, it will wipe out the adult ADD that I've been diagnosed and medicated for. I also want to ditch my blood pressure meds and move on with my life.

Help me. All I need is someone to cheer me on, someone to remind me that I'm worth it.



Wednesday, April 09, 2008

I went to see the Nutritionist today. It was fun. She had some great ideas for quick and simple meals that are healthy. I tend to get into a rut very easily, especially at dinner time. So I'm making out my grocery list and will go shopping for things tomorrow. I'll also be making a weekly menu to follow each day for each meal and snacks. I'll have this completed by tomorrow in time for my grocery trip. the daily/weekly menu will be posted at eye level on the fridge - so in case I'm tempted, I can see my plan and go forth!

The nutritionist has me making an appt with my primary care Dr to get all of my blood work done (annual physical) she also suggested that I ask the Dr for a referral to a food disorder specialist (therapist). No big surprise to me right there. But I need it and I know I do. So it's all okay. I'll go do all of this willingly because I want more than anything to be healthy. I want to feel good, have energy, play hardcore with my kids at all their favorite sports (I'm such a tom boy!) and most of all, be here to watch them grow up. I still can't believe I ever let myself get this way.

But here I am, as I've said before... Here I AM...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NUMBER2MARCH07 4/11/2008 9:41AM

    Way to go! You know what you have to do and you're taking the steps... you can get to where you want to be, you CAN. You will- and we are here good days and bad to help you through it! ::hugs::

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TRESMOMMA 4/10/2008 1:43PM

    Great job for realizing what you need to do and working towards it!!

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MSTELZER 4/9/2008 9:19PM

    I've been so busy that I haven't been able to keep up on the blogs I've been tracking. I just finished reading all of yours and think you are on the right path. Good job for taking the inititive! Very impressive.

I know what you mean by wanting to keep up with your kids and being able to play sports and things with them. That is one of my motivations as well.

I just thought I'd mention that I have created a team called High School Sports. No one else has joined as of now but I started it for people like you and I who have kids who like sports. It's a place where we can talk about what our kids are doing and what we think and goals and things like that. I have also set up a challenge that involves being active in sports with others. Doesn't matter who and if there is no one else even just yourself. It's to motivate people to be more active and include others. I set it up as I do play sports with my kids and this is a big motivational point for me. It gives me activity and helps me burn calories while I am being involved with my children and spending great time with them. Just thought you might be interested. Check it out. Again it is call High School Sports team you can find a quick link to it under the teams I am on on my SparkPage.

Good luck on reaching your goals and keep us up-to-date.

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Eating out

Sunday, April 06, 2008

So, yesterday I did a lot of running around. I decided we'd eat lunch out. And that I would chose something as healthy as I could, but something I actually wanted. Who wants to go out and eat a salad? Well, I do. But if I'm going out, I want something I want. Know what I mean?

So I took the boys and we went to LongHorn Steakhouse. I chose the grilled chicken sandwhich. It's called Armadillo or Amarillo or something like that. It has creamy coleslaw on it and some BBQ sauce and a cheesy jalapeno roll. But still, in my mind, it was a grilled chicken sandwhich! Right? And that choice was better than my regular of french fries and chicken tenders. It was sooo good. So yummy. It totally hit the spot.

Then we came home, I put the baby down for his nap and hit the Gazelle. I did it for 31 minutes. 2.5 miles. According to the gazelle tracker, I burned 301 cals. But according to Spark, I burned 398. Wonder which one it really is? Anyway, I felt great! Then the baby woke up and we all went out to play (which equals me chasing the baby and my oldest is learning how to ride a bike, so I ran and pushed him many times)

Then DH called and he was on his way home from teaching an EMT class. He wanted to go out to eat. So we did. We went to Outback Steakhouse. YUM. And I had a Victoria Fillet. With the vegi's and a house salad. I had one wing that my husband and son Riley Shared and just a few cheese fries that Riley and Austin shared.

So, how did I actually lose one pound when I got on the scale this morning? I thought for SURE that I'd have gained weight.

So maybe the choices I did make, we're better than my norm? Or did the gazelle pay off that much for only 30 minutes?

So, I got eating out, out of my system for yesterday and I'm ready for another week. I don't have any plans to eat out and I will do my best to avoid it. Make it a once a week thing (But not eating out twice in one day again, anytime soon, that was crazy!)

So those are just my thoughts for my blog today.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ZANESMOMMY33 4/7/2008 9:38AM

    Yay for making smarter choices when eating out! I decided to hit the food court this weekend while I was shopping and opted for the chicken fresca tacos at Taco Bell. I really wanted some nachos and and a burrto, lol - but I controlled myself! Like you - I got my eating out, out of my system and didn't destroy my diet :) Good for us!

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How will I do today?

Thursday, April 03, 2008

I've got to run out and do some errands today. I have the worst habit of stopping to eat out. I love to eat out! So I'm going to make sure I eat before I leave my house. Fill up on the yummy things I love so that when I go out, I'm full and not tempted to stop. I have to run to costco for a few things. One of them being an exercise watch to monitor my heartrate, steps taken, etc... but my Costco always has these booths set up with free chocolate, brownie samples, pizza samples. It totally sucks! But I HAVE to go today.

So my biggest goal for today is to just get through my shopping trip without eating any junk, without buying junk and not stopping to eat out anywhere.

I'm still motivated though and usually by this point, I just give in to temptation. But something in my head has really motivated me to stay on focus. Whatever it is, I'm grateful for it.

I ate too much pasta last night. It was the barilla plus angel hair. Soooo good. But I'm going to have to make ONE serving for me in the future. I can not be trusted with the whole box cooked. So from here on out, it will be one portion for everyone at the table. Including me.

Have a great day!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MSTELZER 4/3/2008 10:57AM

    Good luck. I hear you as my willpower can get shaky as well. One portion at a time - good for you! Sounds like you know what you need to do.

Hope you had a good shopping trip and an even better day.

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NUMBER2MARCH07 4/3/2008 10:42AM

    I LOOOOVe the plus pasta- I keep trying to talk my parents into using it instead of regular pasta. I have to measure everything out or I go overboard... and my hubby is no help with continuously begging me to have seconds with him. But i've been strong lately! You have a good plan in mind for eating the right amount- I hope it works for you.

I know how you feel about Costco - BJs was always the same way for me with all the tastings... pack yourself a healthy snack! I hope it goes well for you! Good luck



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I'm here. Finally!

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Well, here I am finally. I'm motivated. SOOOO motivated. I've lost a decent amount of weight lately and I'm just going to keep going with it. I came sooooo close to giving in and having the Lap Band Surgery. And after reading the message boards on Obesity Health, I realized that I don't want to hassle with all of that, well, Hassle, that everyone over there is going through. There's no reason I can't lose weight the good ol' fashioned way. Especially since lazy is what got me here.

Right now, I have a few small goals in mind. 1) Stop eating out so much. Cut down to once a week. I used to go sometimes every day. Several times in a day, sometimes! 2) Stop ordering out for delivery or limit myself to that once a week in place of going out. 3) Exercise.

I just bought a gazelle. I have a treadmill and Tom bought the full bowflex system a few months ago. I will take advantage of all of this. I'm also going to hire the personal trainer at the gym. It's a 12 wk session, 3x a week for an hour each session. It's not that expensive, so I'll probably do several 12 wk sessions back to back.

I'm so scared for my health right now. I want to live my life. I want to see my children grow up. I want my kids to have a mom. I need to see my grandchildren! I need to be comfortable and feel good. I'd love to shop int he normal section of clothes. I'd love to be able to run, play tag, swim, ski, do everything I can with our kids as they grow older. after all, I have 3 boys that I'll need to be able to keep up with.

Inside this fat body, there is an athlete. I used to play tennis, baseball, soccer, you name it, I played it. I was on my school's gymnastics team for 11 years. I could do flips, handsprings, front and back! I could run, ariels, roundoff's. I want to be flexible again.

I have an appt with the nutritionist on April 9th. It was orig for my lap band work up. But I've decided to beg her to see me at least once a week (If more, than that would be AWESOME) and I really need to work on my emotional eating. I think that's been the problem for far too long. Though I have no clue why I emotional eat. Mostly I think it's lazy and boredom. And very much social.

I'm logging my food every day into my hardbound journal. I'll probably end up posting it here as well, in my journal each day too.

So, that's me, in a nutshell. And I HATE, HATE, HATE to have to admit what I weight, but I might as well. I weigh 292. I've recently lost 21lbs. Isn't that great? But sad that I was that heavy.

For the last 10 years, I've been right at 250, but in the last year, I've gained quite a bit of weight.

Here I am... for the long haul. It took me to see that the easy way out (lapband) is not the way to go for me.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NUMBER2MARCH07 4/1/2008 3:03PM

    Yay! I'm glad you joined up and are feeling so pumped up and motivated.

Things like the Lap Band Surgery might make you lose weight but they won't make you healthy. Only lifestyle change - diet and exercise can do that. And you sound like you really want to do it- and that is half the battle. Your best chance for maintaining motivation and being successful is to use the tools you're given here. Use us as support, it's one of the best Spark features. We're here good days or bad to help pick you back up or cheer you on. Use us!

The nutrition tracker and fitness trackers are awesome if you use them. The nutrition tracker can look overwelming but once you've added things once they are there the next time... so use it a week or maybe 2 and it doesn't seem overwhelming at all anymore and gives you a real view of your situtation- it can be surprising. I'm happy to share recipes if you cook- I'm working to make them as healthy as possible by changing small ingredients to better choices. Small changes add up.

Don't overdo it. Do think babysteps. You're more likely to stick with this and us if you don't go full speed into it. Pick a goal- like water consumption and get that up to speed, then add another and so on... you do not want to stress yourself out to the point you give up. Babysteps. We're here for you, a lot of us have become spark pros and are happy to help... a lot of us have found things that have made a big difference- check out our snack list for example. Take part in some challenges, they are quick and easy!

You'll get out of this what you put into it. I wish you the best of luck and hope your motivation lasts and lasts... on the days you don't feel so motivated you should reread this post you just made and it will help pick you back up =)



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MSTELZER 4/1/2008 1:16PM

    You are on your way! Hey you've lost weight and you have great goals set for yourself. One step at a time. We are all here to help in anyway we possibly can. Think possitive and don't let minor set backs stop you on your journey to success!

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