Monday, May 26, 2014
When I was a little girl we used to drive past a cemetery that looked much like the one above. I remember my father telling me it was especially for those who had served their country. I knew my father had served in WWII, which had ended less than twenty years earlier. There were black and white war movies on TV. I thought I knew all about war. Of course, I didn't.
I remember seeing my father's scar from a shrapnel wound he got during the Battle of the Bulge. I was about nine years old. I giggled and teased him about it, not really believing that my dad could have been wounded in war. Not my dad! He was such a jolly guy. He didn't talk much about being in the war, but now and then he would have a bad dream and wake up screaming. I still remember the sound of my mother's voice, a soft cascade of sweet murmurs, as she soothed him. It was my mother who explained that sometimes he would dream about the war.
If my father were still alive, I would give him one of those "big hugs around the neck" that he loved so much, and thank him from the bottom of my heart for his service.
Thursday, April 24, 2014
I can't believe it took me nine months to get back here! What was I thinking? I can’t do this without all you guys here to cheer me on-- and to simply be my friends. I denied myself all that wonderful support for all those months, not to mention letting all of you down by not being here for YOU. I haven’t been a very good friend, and yet, what do I find when I return? Friendship being offered to me once again. I am a very fortunate person. I sincerely apologize to all of you, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being so wonderful. Even though I was gone, you were still leaving me supportive messages and Spark Goodies. You guys are wonderful!
The last time I was here, I’d gone from 253 pounds to 230 pounds. In February when I last visited my doctor, I was horrified to find I’d gone back up to 243 pounds. I’d lost the habit of daily exercise and tracking my food, so I shouldn’t have been surprised. However, I was. I started telling myself I had to get back to SP, and even promised my doctor I would, yet still I hesitated. I admit part of the reason was that I dreaded facing all of you after being MIA for so long. I was embarrassed...and still am. Then, a couple of days ago a friend sent me a video he’d taken on Easter of me rocking my grandson to sleep. OMG! I am so fat! I have a huge round belly and look so unhealthy. I AM unhealthy. No wonder I don’t have any energy and am in pain all the time! And, I have no one to blame but myself.
Therefore, here I am again, re-motivated to turn myself, my weight, my health -- my life -- around. My beginning goals are not quite as grand as before because I want to be sure I can meet them. I need to be successful right out of the gate. Therefore, I’ve goaled myself for only 10 minutes a day of exercise and staying under my allotted 1550 calories per day. I am also concentrating on increasing my consumption of freggies and water. Once I re-experience the feeling of being successful, I plan to increase and fine-tune my goals. It will be a process. I’ve been unsuccessful for nine whole months.
I know many of you wonder what happened to me. Why did I disappear? Here’s the short answer: I suddenly found myself having to deal with a scary health issue while grappling with serious family problems. I became overwhelmed, and instead of turning to all of you for support, I let myself sink into depression. Huge mistake! I ended up isolating myself, even from family. Okay, I was wallowing in self-pity. Ugh. I don’t want to be that person anymore. I’m ready to move on.
So, I’m back, determined that this will be my last start-over. I need to be here...and stay here. I have to do this. I really don’t have any choice but to make this work. I want to be happy again.
Monday, July 29, 2013
I apologize to all my friends for being missing in action this last week. I'm really sorry for any worry I caused.
I needed to take some time off to deal with something that needed all my attention. I got so bogged down that everything else simply got sidelined. All my wonderful Streaks just came to a screeching halt. I haven't even been tracking my food (and I'd been doing so well!!!), and exercise has been almost non-existent. No Consistency Award for July for me! And, I realize I'm going to have to start over. Amazing how quickly things can fall apart. I do know, though, that I can, and will, start over.
The way things are going, I probably won't be online much this week either, at least not every day. However, I should be able to check in now and then to say hello and see how everyone is doing. Another week, and I should be back to my old self, setting new goals and starting new streaks.
Please don't worry about me. I'm okay. I've missed everyone, and I hope you're all doing well.
Hugs to all of you.
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