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But I still wake up, and I still see your ghost...

Friday, November 16, 2012

It's been a bad 2 months...

Well it started out good, Dan and I picked our wedding venue officially and reserved our date (Sept. 15th 2013)....

But 5 weeks today was the worst day in my entire life.
I was at work when my moms friend, Iris, messaged me on facebook saying she was worried about my mom. After frantic phone calls, I was talking to her boss who said that she never showed up for work that day. She was about an hour late. Iris left work to go to her house because she also knew that something didnt seem right....
She couldnt get in my moms house. My mom lives 3 hours away from me....
After what felt like hours, well it was really about 1.5/2 hours, of me calling troopers and cops and sitting in the back of the store having a panic attack, I calmed myself down enough and said I needed to leave. As soon as I pulled in my driveway the sheriff called me...
"Ma'am? My guys got in the house and... deceased." Bedside manners much?
I literally just stepped out of my car and crumpled in the driveway.
I think I called Dan and cried in the phone, no words, he said he was right around the corner and he found me in a little ball.

It was just me and my mom. I have a brother from her previous marriage, but he's about 16 years older than me so it was just me and mom in the house. I called her almost every morning...

She had a heart attack in her sleep. She was 63.

I took 2 weeks off from work to get her belongings together, have a service, and try to grieve but it just hurts... my entire body hurts, aches, when I think about it.

Ugh, I need to go to work and prep for Thanksgiving orders...
but I thought I should get some of this out there on here because I think I need to blog a bit. I need to get thoughts out of my head and down somewhere.

I've gained a bit of weight, I feel gross, but it's a comfort food thing... so Im trying to get back on track...
I was wondering if anyone here has used MyFitnessPal? Someone suggested it to me but I thought it looked a lot like SP but with better apps for phones? Any thoughts?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPASTASTIC 11/17/2012 12:14AM

    I'm so very sorry! I'm praying for you.. :hugs:

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ADARKARA 11/16/2012 9:50PM

    I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad to a sudden heart attack in August, so I'm aware of how overwhelmed you must be. Just take everything one day at a time. I'm sure your mom knows you loved her.

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ALLISON145 11/16/2012 4:18PM

    I'm so sorry honey. Take care of you, and take time to grieve.

Hugs,
Allison

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NATPLUMMER 11/16/2012 11:18AM

    emoticon

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ANDREWMOM 11/16/2012 9:33AM

    I am so sorry to hear about your mom.

I have a few co-workers that use MyFitnessPal and love it. She is alwyas tracking EVERYthing he eats on it and lot 15 lbs traking her meals on it. I hope things go well for you and you have a very blessed wedding day!!!! (Looking georgous as well!!!!)

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SEESKO 11/16/2012 9:15AM

    I am so sorry for your loss. I don't know what you believe, but I am sure your mom is happy that you have Dan. She knew that you were going to get married and be happy with him. I hope that brings you some peace. As for gaining a little. Understandable, and you shouldn't worry about it until you want to. I have a fitbit and love it, exspecially since spark synched with fitbit (because I don't like their page).

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I'm still here!

Saturday, July 21, 2012

I still check SP daily and log in to spin my wheel but haven't had a lot of time to catch up =-( Im sorry.

We went to Dan's brothers wedding rehearsal on July 6th, and the wedding was July 7th.

That's Dan and Me with Billy and Erica (the bride and groom) and the boys Dad and step mom at the rehearsal dinner. =-)

Dan and me before the ceremony. I was helping the boys get ready. =-P
It was a really nice wedding. Too big for me personally, but it fit them well. The reception was a lot of fun, they had a great DJ and a photobooth. I think everyone had a good time.

I started crossfit that Monday, July 9th and have been going to the foundations classes Monday/Wednesday/Friday the past two weeks. I had originally planned to work out at home Tuesday and Thursday... but I was soooo tired and sore I couldnt!
The classes started "easy" and have definitely built up.
Each class started with a warm up, then we would go over some skills that we'll be using in regular CF classes, then we'd do our WOD (workout of the day).
So our first class was like... warm up: 500 m row
Skills: Air Squats, strict press, thrusters, ab sit ups, pull ups..
WOD: Francis' little brother
15-12-9
Thrusters
Pull ups

(That means, a smaller version of the WOD Francis. 15 Thrusters then pull ups, 12 thrusters then pull ups, then 9 thrusters then pull ups. Francis I believe is 21-19-15, I think... for time)

So that was the first "Easy class" and as I dripped in sweat i couldn't believe this was my FIRST class and OMGH that was SO HARD! And I got to use resistance bands for the pull ups lol.
But then they got harder and harder!

Maybe I'll log them all some day... but here is what our final foundations class looked like:
The warm up: 500m row, 100 jump rope, 25 sit ups, 10 med ball cleans
Skills: Test. We were individually tested on all the skills (all 2 of us in my 7am class lol)
WOD: 1000m row, 100 air squats, 100 sit ups, 50 push ups, 50 ring rows, 1000m row...
For time...
My Time: 24:36

My butt hurts, and has bruises from the sit ups... no joke. My abs are killing me today.
But I love it so much. My favorite thing is to see the sweat dripping off me afterwards.

So I start regular classes on Monday. I'm gonna try to go as much as I can until my month is up.
My progress is definitely showing (I think), I kinda wish I took these progress pics this morning, my tummy feels so tight...
But here are two pics from yesterday morning, after the WOD, breakfast, and shower...



I feel like my tummy is a little slimmer, and there is so much more definition around my arms... my shoulders... back and neck... it's pretty awesome.
The other girl in my foundations class said she lost more weight in these two weeks than she has ever in two weeks of running every day.

Hmmm what else besides CF.
Oh we're dog sitting for Dans brother until he comes back from his honeymoon.
So they dropped the pups off last Sunday. And we have them until Friday (27th). Little monsters. It's a pekingese and a pug. The pug requires way too much attention and the peek... the poor peek...
a year or two ago the pug scratched his one eye leaving him a little blind in that eye... then a week before the wedding the poor guys OTHER eye is popping outta his head! I dont know how or why, but he was rushed to the vet... long story short they couldnt save it and had to remove it the night of the rehearsal dinner. A few days later, he developed an ulcer in his other eye... so now he gets crazy eye drops all day and lotsa meds... So he has 1 eye left that he can barely see out of... little guy runs around with a cone all day... we had to drive him to his vet (1 hr away) yesterday to remove the one eyes stitches... I didnt think that adding 2 more dogs into our routine would be such a hassle, but I guess when they're special needs they count as 5.

Anyway...Gonna go shower and head to the farmers market!
Gonna get some nommy fruit and veggies for the week.
I had a strong craving for some pasta, really Olive Garden and we were debating on going but I think we're just gonna swing by the grocery store and I'll make my own dish for dinner tonight. It'll still be cheating, but it can't be as bad for us if I make it myself with lighter options, right? =-P

Hope everyone is doing well!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANIMAL_L0VER 7/23/2012 7:43PM

    Glad to hear that you are doing well and girl, you look amazing!!! Keep on doing cuz it's working!

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AEROGIRL1594 7/22/2012 11:35AM

    It's good to hear that you have been doing so well! You look amazing, that crossfit is really working for ya haha :p It sounds like really hard work, but obviously it wreaks many benefits! Good luck reaching your goals, and good luck with those pups!!
xoxo,
Emma
emoticon

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SHERYL_B 7/21/2012 9:31PM

    I look forward to hearing about your crossfit progress!

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FINALLYBEINGME 7/21/2012 1:49PM

    Great to "see" you. emoticon Sounds like you're happy and busy and doing well. Have a good weekend.

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NATPLUMMER 7/21/2012 10:04AM

    Sounds like a good time at the wedding!!
Looking fabulous!!
Poor little doggie.

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Workout DVDS!

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Found this link the other night:
http://tanandtoned.tumblr.com/post/92838
79799/workout-links-omg-o

It has links to tons of workout dvds online! Including Insanity andd P90x!
I was thinking that I may try one of those at some point but never wanted to spend the money!

Just wanted to share with everyone!

Things are ok here. Feeling a lot better but still coughing. Started S90 where I left off, Tabata yesterday and Shoulders and arms today. Dan worked out with me today.
Im going to tell him what dvds to do when Im doing crossfit and workout with him on my off days.
=-D It's fast approaching and Im nervous!

Write more later. =-D

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANIMAL_L0VER 7/20/2012 3:27PM

    I'm playing catchup after about a month away... I see your most recent blog was awhile ago too... how are you doing? I hope all is well!

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DONIKA75 6/28/2012 5:17PM

    I already shared your link with a few of my friends, thanks for posting!! -Donika

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SHERYL_B 6/26/2012 10:53PM

    So excited! I am going to have to try some of these! They are ones I've wanted, but didn't want to spend so much money so it will be great to try them out and decide if I want to add them to my collection!

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KRISLEEB 6/26/2012 2:26PM

    It's just anticipation! You can do this!!!

Yeah that Dan is working out with you!

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NATPLUMMER 6/26/2012 1:37PM

    Cool!
Glad you're feeling better.

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RHEYNKLAW 6/26/2012 11:02AM

    OMG is right! Thankyouthankyouthankyou SO MUCH!

Now, what to do first, lol?

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Another dress shot, work stuff. EDIT: Moms dress reaction

Thursday, June 21, 2012


took this one last night too. I get awkward when dan takes pics of me.

I can't wait to bring it to a tailor but am going to wait until next year incase we need to take it in at all.

[EDIT: Just emailed it to my mom. She said it's very pretty. I told her the more I look at the pics the more I realize it's not half as pretty in the pics as it is in person. I told her that I cant wait for her to see it in person and that she's probably going to to cry. Her response was "probably". She was very quiet on the phone as she looked at them. It's hard to figure out what she's thinking. But I think she likes it. =-)]

Anyway, I feel horrible today. I slept last night but kept waking up. I can breath right now but I cant stop coughing to the point Im in tears.
I text my boss at 7:30am and told him Im super sick and lost my voice. I asked if any girl could come in for me. He hasn't responded yet. Dan said not to worry about it and just don't go in because I don't owe them anything.

Dan's mad because the other owner, Chris, was a jacka$$ to me the past two days.

*long rant starts here*
Gave me $hit because I made a wedding cake for someone and had to makeshift a box together because we didnt have one big enough. And started telling me that we dont charge people enough to waste my time spending so much extra time on cakes. In the same breathe he asked me to make this huge elaborate cake for his cousin... Using about $100 worth of materials that Im sure his cousin isnt paying for. And not to mention the cake is going to take me all day.

He wants me to use a sheet cake as the base and make a monster truck mounted on top of it. We have a 3D car shaped cake, but that's not big enough, he wants me to connect it to another sheet cake and cut around it to mold it together... he then started talking about having that car on top of another one like it was crushing it....

More blabber you guys dont need to know about. Keep in mind i've been sick all week but still busting my a$$ around the store. The order had just came in and I was putting away 40-70lb boxes of $hit in the 100 degree back room by myself...
I looked at him and said "Chris, when do you think I have time to do all this? I have cakes for out front, orders for paying customers, and I need to make flavors in the back of the store."
he responds "Oh it wont take as long as you think it will"
Really? Has he ever done something like this?
He then says "You dont do much else anyway"
Im tired of being so under-appreciated. I thought Jay was bad. Chris comes in during the day once every 3 months. How the hell does he know what I do?
Blah.
*end long rant*

But Im going to feel super guilty if the girl that opens with me comes in at 10:30 and no one else is there with her. So i really hope he txts me back or something.

Blah!
i cant be there today, it's going to be over 90 degrees and insanely busy and Im going to hack up a lung on kids ice cream.
i was writing more and I dont know what I was writing... brain got foggy.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RHEYNKLAW 6/26/2012 11:05AM

    Lovely! And OF COURSE she's going to cry. emoticon
From a public health standpoint, your boss would be crazy to want you at work touching things that people will eat. But I dunno...maybe he actually IS crazy...

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ANIMAL_L0VER 6/25/2012 1:38PM

    Love the dress... you look gorgeous in it! And sorry you're feeling so ill and dealing with an @ss of a boss... :o(

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GUNNSGIRL91303 6/22/2012 3:57PM

    Sorry you are ill and having problems at work. Crappy bosses are...well, crappy!
I hope you get on the mend soon and I really like the dress! You will be a stunning bride!

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JLPEASE 6/22/2012 3:39PM

    I love your dress. It is beautiful! The work situation sounds pretty bad. I hope you feel better soon. All of the stress cannot be helpful to your health either.
emoticon

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KOKOEK9 6/22/2012 1:35PM

    Hi The dress logs great, take care of your self, if you don't look after you nobody will. Your husband is right you don't owe him anything

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SHERYL_B 6/21/2012 11:15PM

    It takes talent to make cakes like that!

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NATPLUMMER 6/21/2012 3:04PM

    emoticon You should stay home and get over this.

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KRISLEEB 6/21/2012 10:29AM

    Your health comes first!!! It's weird but 1/2 my family is coughing & hacking too....myself included! One of the kids is off to the drs this AM because his ear hurts. Stupid weather.

Stay cool & be smart!!!! Drink lots & sleep if you can!

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THE DRESS IS HERE!

Wednesday, June 20, 2012



Please disregard my horrible face and hair. It's over 90 degrees here today and Im still sick. But I couldnt wait to try it on.

There are clips holding up the side, I would want to have it hemmed because it's longer than I expected it to be.

Dan says he loves it.

Pictures don't do it justice. It has little sequins all over it, and it shines in the light. I'll take better pics another time =-)

havent sent it to mom yet... a littler nervous to hear her reaction.

It's a little snug around my tummy. I hung it in our gym covered in plastic so I can look at it while I work out.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NATPLUMMER 6/21/2012 3:01PM

    Beautiful!!

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CLHENDY1 6/21/2012 8:15AM

    That's so beautiful!! You'll make a gorgeous bride!

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SCAREWALDORF 6/21/2012 4:07AM

    So beautiful!

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ALLISON145 6/21/2012 12:22AM

    Love it! Glad Dan does, too!

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FINALLYBEINGME 6/20/2012 11:28PM

    Very pretty! emoticon

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SHERYL_B 6/20/2012 11:03PM

    Very cute!

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DONIKA75 6/20/2012 8:12PM

    You and the dress look beautiful!!! As for your mom's reaction, its really about what makes you happy as the bride =D
-Donika
emoticon

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FENWAYGIRL18 6/20/2012 7:28PM

    What a lovely dress! Yes it needs to be hemmed a little bit, but just beautiful! Good luck to you I wish you all the happiness in the world! emoticon

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