I always thought before it was just the weight...now the weight is gone and I still feel I don't belong. I have a hard time making friends. it is hard for me to let people in to see who I really am. I always feel I won't to good enough, smart enough keep my house well enough, cook good enough and the list goes on and on. I could always hide behind the weight. Anything I do I try to drag someone else into it. I don't care if its a painting class an exercise class or a financial class....but only the people in my family the ones who already know me and accept me. This week I signed up for a class and could not find any one to go with me........i hesitated and waited to the last minute to go. Why am I so afraid of people and there judging of me. This is nothing new, this has been going on my whole life. Well I survived I did go, I spoke very little words with anyone there and I'm sure that makes me look like I am a snob, but really I'm not I'm just intimidated by everyone over stupid stuff like I mentioned. Please how do I let go and let people really see me and accept they might not like me. I am a people pleaser and it bothers me. Does anyone else ever feel like this? I know this is not normal I think it has something to do with my upbringing, my sisters have the same problems of making friendships and it feels uncomfortable letting people from the outside in. I am from a large family. You would think it would be easy, I am the oldest. I really thought after losing all my weight I wouldn't have this problem. If you have any advice please share...thanks
well life sure has changed its hard for me to believe that that was really me. I am scared to death wondering when it will be over. I hear so many horror stories about gaining it all back. I still have all the bad habits of eating junk food. the truth is i can't hardly eat meat but I sure can polish off a bag of candy or cookies. So I still fight the same demons I always have i, its just for now I feel I am cheating him. I guess that's why I am back here because I know everyone here fights with the same demons and I will always need help cuz I cant do it alone. I need encouragement to eat healthy stay active and not to forget where I came from . It has been 2 years since my surgery I have lost 200 lbs. I feel great about it., though sometimes I have my pitty party about all the stuff I am missing out on that I can't eat like sandwiches i cant tolerate bread and it was my favorite..........but each morning I get dressed and have so much fun getting ready for the day wearing the clothes I've dreamed of ,fixing my hair putting on my makeup , deciding what jewelry I will wear and think this feels so much better than any sandwich I've ever ate! SO GET OVER IT .....Enjoy this is what it is about feeling good and being healthy and I am BLESSED....LIFE IS GOOD
My daughter is getting married in October. The family will all be going to Jamaica for her destination wedding! We are all so excited, we have never been and all 4 of my kids will be going. This will be the first vacation we will all have together since they were all kids. I am really looking forward to it. 7 days of pure pleasure! Saturday is the shower and my other 2 daughters and I are doing it here at home. I have been so busy trying to get it all together that I haven't had much time for any thing else. I need things to settle down so I can get a routine for exercise and eating right. Does anyone have a punch recipe that is good for barriatric people....I'm kinda stuck and there will be a few here that would love that as an option instead of water. Hope everyone is enjoying the summer....its almost gone. xoxoxo to all
I kept thinking should I or shouldn't I....well I did. On june 22 I went in and had plastic surgery on my body, tummy, butt, arms, already did the girls in april. Now I'm just healing. The first week was rough, I'm feeling pretty good now. The dr said maybe in a year we can do the inner thighs but who knows if I really will. Lets face it Im 53, I don't care how much they do I can only do so much my body is aging and thats ok. I don't expect perfection. I still can't believe I did it. I will be going back to work in a week, no one knows so lets see if anyone notices....they didnt when I did the girls. I had that done during our spring break and this procedure was done during our summer break. I guess I didn't let anyone know about the surgery cuz sometimes I feel ashamed to think I let myself get the way I was 300+ lbs and I did this to myself. I wanted to look as normal as possible. I have always been able to disguise my flaws by wearing longer sleeves and very covering clothes. The thing I love best is my arms. I love looking at them now and the idea of wearing some short sleeves. I cant wait til aug 4 when I can take off this girdle garment! It gets hot wearing it 24 hrs a day. Maybe I will post some pics later...... the new FrankenELL
I planted my vegetable garden today in memorie of my dad. I lost my dad last September. Every year he overseen me make my garden, even when he was sick the last few yrs he would watch and instruct me.(my gosh I'd think...Im 50 yrs old!) Dad grew up in the south and then he had all us city slicker girls(6)and 1 boy. I was always fasinated about his southern life stories he told about taking care of the land and animals. I even tried to live in the country to try it out so I could be like him. This is the 1st time that I don't have him to tell me what to plant and what to do.
As I tilled the ground tears flowed down my face, and I watered each seed I planted with my tear drops. Oh how I miss him. Making a garden this year means so much more because I realize just how much time we spent together and how thankful I am for it.
I Love You Dad and miss you....