Thursday, July 24, 2014
If I could sum up this race it would be, "I came, I ran, I survived." My first half marathon exactly one year ago was finished in 1:47. I was proud of my time even though I didn't place. That course was almost all downhill though. This course was mostly flat for the first half and then the second half was a gradual uphill! I really hated the last half of this race. I was on fire for the first half of the race, keeping up an 8 to 8.5 minute pace. My race pace is usually around an 8 minute mile. The last half was just not happening for me. That uphill looked innocent, but I felt l like it was sucking the life out of me. My last two miles were a joke, where I alternated between walking and running. I think I just wanted to be done after I hit 11 miles. I think my final time was around 2:02 and that was a total of 13.35 miles according to my GPS on my running app. My goal was to finish in less than 2 hours. I knew I probably wouldn't break my PR since that was a downhill course and this was different. There is another down hill half in September that I might consider running just to prove that I can do better than this! I was also surprised at how I did because I ran 13 miles a couple weeks ago and finished in under two hours that time. I know it's true for any kind of workout, we have good days and bad days. This was a bad run, but I'm grateful still that I was able to finish and survive.
I need to resolve some stomach issues I have started having again. I used to have stomach problems like runner's trots when I first started running and now it's happening again. A few minutes after I finished this race I was really sick. I had chills and major stomach pains. I felt like I needed to lay down, so I found a spot in the grass and just laid there as if I was dying. It really sucked and I don't want to deal with that again after a race. I also felt nauseous and I couldn't eat any post race recovery snacks. There was also this big breakfast I was looking forward to with ham, pancakes and eggs and I could barely down any of it. Even right now I'm having a hard time wanting to eat and I know I need to since I did just burn over 1300 calories this morning. Here's hoping I can get things figured out and do another half marathon. I'm not a quitter! I know I can do better next time!!!
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
I have had a lot of struggles lately. I have even felt some depression creeping in. I'm struggling to find some hope and just hold onto it. I'm lucky my DH puts up with me when I'm such a crazy hormonal mess. The biggest thing really dragging me down is that I have secondary infertility. I never imagined how devastating and heart breaking it would be to find out I can't have anymore kids unless I can afford medical intervention. I starting seeing a doctor in July, after a year of trying on my own. I tried Clomid and injections and ended up with one failed cycle and one cycle that was beyond failure and more like a total disaster. It left me with no hope and a new problem, ovarian cysts. I have never given up on exercise and food tracking but I can not keep my weight under control. I have slowly been gaining weight since the end of Dec 2012. I'm discouraged with my healthy lifestyle and kind of angry with my body.
I need to turn things around with my life again. I was going to start infertility treatments again, but I don't know if I can handle them anymore. It just takes a toll on everything in my life. Maybe the best thing for me in my life right now would be to let this dream go.
I exercise a lot, but maybe too much. I feel like my addiction is getting out of control. The problem is that I haven't been able to get my weight gain under control so I have this paranoia that if I let myself have a rest day that I will gain 10 pounds. So basically, I never take a day off from my workouts.
I need to get back to eating better. I do well in the morning and then kind of lose control every night. I also keep having that stupid mentality that if i wreck my day with one bad high calorie thing that I give up, when I should be doing the opposite. I have a lot of bad eating habits that are creeping back in. I know I have been treating all my rollercoaster emotions with food.
With eating I need to start making bad habits go away, one thing at a time. I thought about making it a rule to cut myself off from food around 9pm (unless it's a day that I hardly ate and am starving). I need to replace my candy with fruits and veggies.
If I can't take a day off from exercise, I need to make a compromise with a couple easier days each week.
I'm considering getting some counseling to help me deal with my emotions. I know there is no shame in getting help.
Here's some goals for now. I know putting them in writing can only help.
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