ELISAJANE57   82,235
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ELISAJANE57's Recent Blog Entries

I'm lacing up my running shoes again...

Monday, August 11, 2014

I just signed up for my third half marathon. A couple years ago I never thought I could run that distance but I really wanted to. I did my first half marathon last year. I did my second one exactly a year later. I'm feeling so motivated that I'm already doing my third one in a month! I have eased back on running a little bit since my last race a few weeks ago, but now I have to get back into training since the second one is only 33 days away. I know I can do this though! One goal I would really like to get serious about is my diet. It would be ideal if I could drop 10 pounds before the race, but I don't weigh myself anymore. I'm going to work extra hard on portion control. I did reach my lowest weight about 2 years ago. It was really hard to maintain though so I'm going to go with a more conservative approach. I'm 5'7" but I have a medium body frame. I think it would be okay if I just stuck with a maintenance range for 140-145. I know I have gained some weight over the last year and a half and I really want to reverse that trend. I need to get back to the basics. I have to fix some habits, control my snacking and watch my portions, especially at dinner time. My self esteem about my body is pretty low right now. I want to feel better about that person in the mirror. I think a small weight reduction might help me race better as well. I was able to lose over 50 pounds with the Spark People program before. I can do it again, somehow! I know it needs to start with me and that I need to be hold myself accountable. I need to stop making excuses for my poor eating choices. The time is now to stop giving up on myself and be that strong woman I was 2 years ago!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TARABEAR 8/18/2014 8:08PM

    You're doing great with your running, and that takes calories, but good food choices will definitely benefit you. I think you and I are just about the same size and build. If only I had a new hip so I could do the long runs with you. :)

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FORZACHANDMATT 8/11/2014 3:38AM

    Wow - good for you and good luck

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GRANNIEC1 8/11/2014 1:40AM

    Start tracking every bite. It's the best way to be accountable. To see where you need to cut back or improve. emoticon emoticon

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JAROL7 8/11/2014 1:27AM

    Good luck with your plan.

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Half Marathon #2, kind of dissapointing...

Thursday, July 24, 2014

If I could sum up this race it would be, "I came, I ran, I survived." My first half marathon exactly one year ago was finished in 1:47. I was proud of my time even though I didn't place. That course was almost all downhill though. This course was mostly flat for the first half and then the second half was a gradual uphill! I really hated the last half of this race. I was on fire for the first half of the race, keeping up an 8 to 8.5 minute pace. My race pace is usually around an 8 minute mile. The last half was just not happening for me. That uphill looked innocent, but I felt l like it was sucking the life out of me. My last two miles were a joke, where I alternated between walking and running. I think I just wanted to be done after I hit 11 miles. I think my final time was around 2:02 and that was a total of 13.35 miles according to my GPS on my running app. My goal was to finish in less than 2 hours. I knew I probably wouldn't break my PR since that was a downhill course and this was different. There is another down hill half in September that I might consider running just to prove that I can do better than this! I was also surprised at how I did because I ran 13 miles a couple weeks ago and finished in under two hours that time. I know it's true for any kind of workout, we have good days and bad days. This was a bad run, but I'm grateful still that I was able to finish and survive.

I need to resolve some stomach issues I have started having again. I used to have stomach problems like runner's trots when I first started running and now it's happening again. A few minutes after I finished this race I was really sick. I had chills and major stomach pains. I felt like I needed to lay down, so I found a spot in the grass and just laid there as if I was dying. It really sucked and I don't want to deal with that again after a race. I also felt nauseous and I couldn't eat any post race recovery snacks. There was also this big breakfast I was looking forward to with ham, pancakes and eggs and I could barely down any of it. Even right now I'm having a hard time wanting to eat and I know I need to since I did just burn over 1300 calories this morning. Here's hoping I can get things figured out and do another half marathon. I'm not a quitter! I know I can do better next time!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TARABEAR 8/1/2014 1:08PM

    Running is so unpredictable! You can train perfectly and still end up with a bad race day. I've done a half with a ton of hills on super hot day. I've also had stomach issues during a race. I know just how annoying all that can be after you've trained so hard.
The important thing is YOU DID IT! You finished! And, 2:02 is still a really fantastic time.

Hopefully next time goes better!

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SUE5007 7/24/2014 5:03PM

    emoticon I've only ran 6 miles a handful of times so I think you did emoticon . Bad runs are hard to get over. Maybe that other HM in September is a good idea. Keep up the hard work!

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Decisions... I wish I could make up my mind!

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

I have had a lot of struggles lately. I have even felt some depression creeping in. I'm struggling to find some hope and just hold onto it. I'm lucky my DH puts up with me when I'm such a crazy hormonal mess. The biggest thing really dragging me down is that I have secondary infertility. I never imagined how devastating and heart breaking it would be to find out I can't have anymore kids unless I can afford medical intervention. I starting seeing a doctor in July, after a year of trying on my own. I tried Clomid and injections and ended up with one failed cycle and one cycle that was beyond failure and more like a total disaster. It left me with no hope and a new problem, ovarian cysts. I have never given up on exercise and food tracking but I can not keep my weight under control. I have slowly been gaining weight since the end of Dec 2012. I'm discouraged with my healthy lifestyle and kind of angry with my body.

I need to turn things around with my life again. I was going to start infertility treatments again, but I don't know if I can handle them anymore. It just takes a toll on everything in my life. Maybe the best thing for me in my life right now would be to let this dream go.

I exercise a lot, but maybe too much. I feel like my addiction is getting out of control. The problem is that I haven't been able to get my weight gain under control so I have this paranoia that if I let myself have a rest day that I will gain 10 pounds. So basically, I never take a day off from my workouts.

I need to get back to eating better. I do well in the morning and then kind of lose control every night. I also keep having that stupid mentality that if i wreck my day with one bad high calorie thing that I give up, when I should be doing the opposite. I have a lot of bad eating habits that are creeping back in. I know I have been treating all my rollercoaster emotions with food.

With eating I need to start making bad habits go away, one thing at a time. I thought about making it a rule to cut myself off from food around 9pm (unless it's a day that I hardly ate and am starving). I need to replace my candy with fruits and veggies.

If I can't take a day off from exercise, I need to make a compromise with a couple easier days each week.

I'm considering getting some counseling to help me deal with my emotions. I know there is no shame in getting help.

Here's some goals for now. I know putting them in writing can only help.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MPETERSON2311 2/20/2014 1:39PM

    I would definitely get some counseling. It's helped me before. I'm here for you too. Hugs.

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FITFOODIE806 2/20/2014 1:31PM

    I am so sorry that you are going through so much.
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LOSEITFORLIFE83 2/20/2014 9:27AM

    I hope you can get some peace within your thoughts, because you are great. I have bad eating habits also and that is why I lose and gain so much. I am working on mine right along with you. You may be being a bit hard on yourself and you may want to just back up and take a breather. You're awesome, you will get through this!!

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KERRISEYMOUR 2/19/2014 7:22PM

    I'm sorry to hear you're having such a difficult time!! I completely understand how you've been feeling, I feel fear if I take a day off of exercise, my eating habits have become atrocious again(despite IBS), and I feel that most of it stems from a recent bout of depression.
I'm telling you all this, so that you realize you are not alone! Don't give up! We can do this! We can gain our healthy habits back!! Just don't give up!!

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What a frustrating year it has been for me!

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

I haven't posted a blog on here in a while. I think it's because I have been down a lot and didn't want to drag anyone down with me. I know there have been lots of positive things to reflect on this year. I know I am very blessed for my life and my health. I'm very blessed to be in a good marriage and to have two healthy and happy children. I did accomplish running my first half marathon this year and I do want to run in another one. I will run another half marathon someday and I will put back on my racing shoes when I am ready.

The part that has been really been hard for me this year and has been breaking my heart is that I want to have another baby. I always knew I wanted more than two children. My DH and I started trying in July 2012. It took almost 6 months to get pregnant with my last child, so I was patient at first. Now I am coming up on almost 18 months since we made this decision to add to our family and my body refuses to work. The problem is that I don't have a monthly cycle anymore. I used to back before I got married, but I haven't had once since I started taking birth control when I was first married.

At the end of July I started seeing a reproductive endocrinologist. They started me on all kind of crazy and expensive medications that I am still paying off right now. It affected my mood and it made me feel like garbage. I felt depressed and I have put on about 10 pounds this year. I'm still at a healthy weight, but I need to get back on track. I would love to be that woman I see in some of the pictures on my Sparkpage. I feel like a ghost of that person. I remember being so positive and optimistic and energetic. I want to get that back. I still want another child but I don't know if it will be possible for me. I definitely consider the two babies I had to be true miracles. Motherhood is the most challenging rollercoaster ride, but I'm grateful I was able to experience it at least twice.

I need to start seeing my doctor again and give this another try but I have been taking a break from it for a couple months. It really drained me emotionally and I don't know how I'm going to handle it again. However, it might be my only option if I ever want a chance at another baby.

I definitely need to set some health goals so I can get back to a happier weight. I have never given up on exercise, but I know my eating needs improvement. I know during those darkest times this year that I did turn to food just a little bit. I need to go back to the habits that helped me lose over 40 pounds with SP. I just need to dig myself out of this hole and I'm trying. I'm not a quitter!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRANNIEC1 8/11/2014 2:19AM

    I also have no words that could help. My daughter is in a similar situation. However, she continues to be very regular. she has been on every drug, with the next step being IVF. She has taken this summer off for an emotional rest. She doesn't understand why, I don't understand why...there just aren't answers to some questions. She's been trying for years...
I know you are longing and hoping, wishing and praying for another baby and I pray that it happens for you. But, don't overlook the blessings in front of you. It sounds like you have two healthy wonderful children. Try not to let the feelings of longing replace the feelings of joy for the two you have. Take the steps to be as healthy as possible for yourself, your body, your children...and who knows what may happen. God bless you and may your prayers be answered. emoticon

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DDHEART 12/30/2013 9:51AM

    As I read this I struggled to think of anything I could say that would help. Of course there are no words and your pain is yours so the journey away from the emotional disappointment and pain is yours as well. Now, that's not helpful, is it? But I do have a couple of thoughts about what you wrote. First, I sense that you almost feel guilt over being disappointed and hurt as you write about the children you do have and it sounds as though you almost feel like you should be grateful enough for them to be able to put the disappointment of another pregnancy not happening yet aside. Don't feel guilty, your feelings are yours, they are valid for you and yes, you love the family you have but you have more love to give and wish for more. That's not something to feel guilty about.

With many things, when we let go a bit what we most wish for comes to us. Not always in the way we first thought. In an effort to move on and release your emotions, perhaps concentrating on the little things. Making a goal this year to improve some of those healthy eating habits with the focus on making your body as receptive to pregnancy as possible. Not necessarily keeping pregnancy as the goal but the preparation of the vessel. By refocusing this way it may help to redirect your energies and emotions and it is certainly a good goal anyway to make yourself as healthy as a woman can be. For you and for your family, however large or small it is.

Well, I'm sorry I have no magic to offer, but I do feel for you and wish you the best.

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TARABEAR 12/18/2013 12:11PM

    I'm sure you know you are not alone in this but it feels so lonely when that's where you are. I have my own version of a somewhat similar but very different story. It's really painful to want a baby and have it not be possible for whatever the reason. I don't know when it will get better but I hope it does eventually. In the meantime, it sounds like you have a good plan for starting to feel better. Hang in there! I'll be thinking of you.
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MPETERSON2311 12/18/2013 8:06AM

    emoticon Honey, I know, I know, I know. That's all I can say. That and LOTS OF HUGS. I'm always here for you.

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After 13+ months...

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

My DH and I have been trying to have another baby since last July! I hit my all time low weight and was working hard to maintain it and keep up my healthy lifestyle. I was able to conceive my other babies without much intervention. I was 30 pounds overweight when I got pregnant with both of them. I though I would be pretty fertile being at a healthy weight finally. I was dead wrong. In fact I have been waiting for several months for my monthly curse to return but it never has. I finally sought out the help of a reproductive endocrinologist. I told him about my exercise and weight loss and he suggested cutting back. That was a really hard thing for me to accept. I love exercise, I love running! I just did my first half marathon last month and I want to do another one. I finally accepted that it might be good to scale it back just a little, so I have. I still exercise daily but have reduced my intensity and duration. I even cut back on running. When I'm done having babies I will be back to being a running fool and doing tons of races again. I just feel that my family is incomplete and would feel so blessed with another baby in my life.
My doctor put me on clomid first and my body didn't really respond. He only gave me a 10% chance of it working anyway. I moved on to injections. I had to learn to give myself shots (totally not fun!). The side effects of all these treatments has made me a total bloated hormonal mess. I'm praying so hard that I have a positive outcome. Next week I find out if my first cycle resulted in a pregnancy. If not, I will bang my head against a wall several times and then give it another try. My workouts have not been as enjoyable lately. This morning I was doing weight lifting and feeling totally nauseous the whole time. Yuck, I miss enjoying my exercise. Here's praying this all works out. I know I am already really blessed with the two sweet kids I have so I hope I don't sound ungrateful. This is just something I felt like I needed to do and was right for my family.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MPETERSON2311 10/4/2013 5:20PM

    Good luck!!!

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SOXYINMO 9/9/2013 6:57AM

    I'm so sorry I missed this earlier! I think it was the name change emoticon it threw me a little! First, congratulations on your half!!!! Isn't it a wonderful feeling!!!! And no need to apologize or worry about sounding ungrateful. You need to do what you think is best for your family! You lost the weight, you became a running machine, you can do anything!
My thoughts best wishes are with you emoticon

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