ELAOPET   17,830
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my news

Monday, April 11, 2011

Been to the dr's. Everything seams to be healing pretty well. They took some more stitches out and I feel a lot better already. The pulling and discomfort last week must have been from the stitches, then...
I am likely to have my first shower in less then two weeks!!!!! Maybe next week. LOL I am getting opsessed!
I was done very fast and then had a few hours to kill before the boat left for home. So I looked at shoes (so woman like) and bras (same thing).
I didn't have the money, and that's cool. Because, other then some very expensive spring shoes, I also saw a few running shoes that I drooled over! OMG to be rich and able to afford those!
I am going to wear this medical bra for a month longer and then will be able to try on real ones (and know my new size)...
I bought strawberries. mmmmm
And I start working - tomorrow! OUCH! Trying not to freak! I pray this job be a good one and something I am able to handle.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ME_HERE_NOW 4/15/2011 1:15PM

    hey, i have been wondering how the job would dovetail with your recovery - don't over-extend yourself, ask for help when you need it & enjoy having to stress a lil less about money - i am sure having a focus to your days will help this recovery time fly by! best wishes for a great first day & beyond!!

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LIBBYFITZ 4/11/2011 8:48PM

    Well done on getting those stiches out! You are going to have the best shower ever!!! emoticonwhen those 2 weeks are up!

Hope the job goes well for you. emoticon

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CARLA-216 4/11/2011 3:15PM

    I'm glad you're healing well. Less than two weeks for a shower...wheee!

I hope your job is everything you want and need.

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BOE4LIFE 4/11/2011 3:03PM

    I am glad everything went well. As far as you being able to handle the new job, I have all the confidence in the world. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. Blaze On!!!

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SINGAGAIN 4/11/2011 2:04PM

    That's great news! Hang in there. You'll get your shower soon!
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-POOKIE- 4/11/2011 1:44PM

    Im glad things went well!

I need to get some strawberries... your picutre the other day looked good!

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This last week - facing up

Sunday, April 10, 2011

I have snapped and everything fell apart.
I have eaten bagfuls of food that was exclusively junk. One week.
I have not tracked it all. I keep telling myself I'll get over this and just bounce back.
And I will. Of course I will.
But it was all so unnecessary.

I took the easy way out the stressful situation. How's that for a Spark People motivator?
I did it. I felt sorry for myself for having to tell my boss I'll have to be taking days off for my check ups, (he was cool with that) for having to skip workout all together, for not being able to take showers, for sweating the "how are my boobs gonna heal" thing....
I felt sorry for myself and I went to a safe place, old place, bad place.
Today is day 8. My stomach is the evidence. It's huge! (I have noticed one more thing. As the boobs came off, the belly looks bigger. Even before this week.
I am placing a lot of hope in tomorrow's check-up. I am fearful something would go wrong, there would be an infection, or the healing isn't going well...and at the same time, I'm hoping they'll tell me some encouraging thing like that everything looks fine and I'll be free in no time.
I know one person here who'd probably want to slap me silly right about now. She has been wanting this, preparing for this for so long and here I am, whining and crying about the recovery time and lack of shower.
I FEEL SO DIRTY! I took a peek under the gauze and heaven help me, I SAW dirt! It has been exactly a month since my last, real shower!!!!!!!
So, where's the positive?
I can wash my own hair.
I put aside my first cool, small bra yesterday. I tried it over this one and it looks about the right size. Even if it turns out to be big, it was soooooo cheap, like a bag of apples cheep!!! And pretty! On tuesday I'll go pick it up. It's on sale and ....made me feel a little better.
Last week I wore my running shoes because it made me feel much better. But then I started thinking, I'll ruin them and then have no shoes when I actually do get to run again. So I stopped wearing them.
I took Ela for a walk on the beach. It's so hot, I would be swimming now if not for the boob situation!
I just couldn't take it all any more!
So I crumbled.
Yesterday I felt like I could pick myself up but then ...no.
My old boss called because people are talking behind my back and she found out I will not be working for them any more. It's not a big deal, and they certainly don't deserve me feeling bad about leaving...They are the ones I had to have a conversation with last year, about me not looking acceptable, fat as I was...In short, I felt awful and humiliated, and angry. They ended up hiring me after all, after I had said this ultimatum was unacceptable to me and that, if that's the way they feel, I'll look for a job elsewhere...
All this is behind me. So much behind me. So much to look forward to...So why am I having so much trouble being strong for this recovery period?????
Also, I'm freaking out, because my TOM is due next wek and I'm scared the boobs will swell up and something would go wrong...

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LEXIE63 4/17/2011 2:29PM

    Don't beat yourself up over a little slip up. Instead, revel in the fact that you recognised it as such, and move forward. :-) You are doing so great for someone who is going through this, and it is fine to moan because I can imagine the frustration involved in the recovery process.
As for being a bad motivator, forget that too! Part of being a motivator is doing exactly what you are doing - having good and bad patches and documenting them so that others can see they aren't the only ones with doubts/difficulties/eating issues/etc. As a motivator you are doing enormously well. I am very very proud to know you!
Hugs,
Lex xxx
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WARMSPRINGDAY 4/15/2011 2:30PM

    Having some trouble being strong myself here. I feel your pain!

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MOV4WARD 4/10/2011 10:00PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticonsometimes it just helps to say so. Hang in, keep trying, cuz u r worth it! and I know you'll figure this out too. You took a giant step forward today :)

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SINGAGAIN 4/10/2011 12:43PM

    I love all the wonderful advice others have given. I have nothing to add to that, but I want to send you love and hugs. I believe a good shower and being able to exercise again will restore you. Please don't beat yourself up. You'll get through this and your story will make you an even more wonderful motivator.
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Comment edited on: 4/10/2011 12:45:12 PM

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COURAGEG 4/10/2011 10:55AM

    I totally understand your after-surgery fears. I too had some reconstruction done after a major weight loss and while mine was complicated by other health issues, all was fine. Keep doing EXACTLY what the doctors say, ask questions and you will be in the shower soon.

Yes, you had a relapse to a place that seems familiar and comforting, but the fact that you recognize that you did that is also progress. Accept that you needed comfort and found a poor substitute. If only Ela could talk, I'm sure she'd sense you needed support and give it to you.

Keep up the amazing work -- you have come so far and you can continue to do so.

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CARLA-216 4/10/2011 9:38AM

    A few days of too much junky food won't undo your progress. Look back at how far you've come, and look forward to when the bandages come off and you can shower, run, swim, wear pretty small bras. Think of all that and know that it will one day soon be yours again.

Take good care because you are so worth it!

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BOE4LIFE 4/10/2011 9:27AM

    Hey you, quit pickin on my friend. Yes Elaopet, that was for you. I had a friend of mine say that to me when I was down on me and it makes sense. HUGGS YA! gently lol. Don't beat yourself up over the slip. I cannot count the number of times I have gone "To Infinity And Beyond!" on my calories. Just keep going. You are a wonderful person and so worth it.

By the way you are one Helluva Spark Motivator. How? By posting this blog and showing your strength. Strength isn't doing everything right all the time it is sharing your adventure so others can cheer you on, learn from your experiences and help to get you back on track. There are plenty of people who probably feel they are the only ones who have slips and feel like every slip is the be all end all. We who have been here awhile know it isn't. Like Dorie says just keep swimming, just keep swimming... and Blaze On!

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LIBBYFITZ 4/10/2011 9:05AM

    emoticon emoticon

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OHSOCOOLLISA 4/10/2011 8:49AM

    Breathe...in and out...repeat

That is what I need to do...especially when the journey feels like I stepped off a cliff! Look, we are in this together. You are not as alone as you may be letting yourself feel. One week or one month of relapse behavior is not failure.

Now, you know what you need to do to feel better and do better. Give yourself permission to do so. When in question, as in what is ok to do, ask yourself how you would expect a complete stranger to act in the same circumstance.

For example, what was the point of the shoes? To help you feel better all around, mind and body, or just as a tool for running? If they are going to eventually wear out anyway, are you sure waiting is not just a form of self-punishment? Depriving good, because it is not "time" MIGHT be the same sort of mindset that prevents us from enjoying the here and now...or I could be totally off base and just rambling :)

Either way, you matter and have worth...you CAN do this :)


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-POOKIE- 4/10/2011 7:24AM

    Hey *hugs*

Chill. Easy for me to say, Im the QUEEN of worrying over unneeded things, let alone where the worry is legitimate.

Ask at your appointment about TOM swelling.

A few days of crap food hasn't undermined your efforts before, and I KNOW you wont let it do it now. I bet you are feeling weak, emotionally and physically with darn good reasons. So set your determined face and carry on being honest.
Its all you can do for now.

But we, your friends, are here. Count on that.

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First check up

Monday, April 04, 2011

Been to the dr's today. They removed some of the stitches. Everything looks pretty good up there. I asked the nurse to please wash my back a little, where the gauze usually is. It felt so good! Pathetic, huh?
I asked the dr about going to work. She asked me "Do you WANT to go to work?" I said "Of course I do!" and so I got the green light for that! HAH! I feel funny about it. I have stitches all over and she said OK for a physical type of work... Again, I am in doubts and I guess the best I can do is come clean to the boss to be and see how he feels about me having to take it easy at first and taking a day off here and there to go to the mainland for check ups. ...sigh...
I knew I forgot to ask something, and I remembered much later on... I wanted to ask if I may try and sleep on my side. I miss that comfy feeling ... So far, I feel like a vampire, flat on my back LOL
So, doing fine, feeling much stronger then last week, but having doubts about the job (supposed to start in less then two weeks)......

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LEXIE63 4/17/2011 1:58PM

    You have had two major surgeries and you are doing awesomely! I admire your guts enormously, and I really hope it won't be too much longer before all is totally settled and you are running and fully enjoying life again. :-)
Hugs,
Lex xxx
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CATHYGETSFIT 4/7/2011 9:43PM

    Glad you are feeling better. You are strong and I'm sure you'll be back to normal before too long. I hope everything goes well with the new boss to be.

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Cathy

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MOV4WARD 4/7/2011 3:41PM

    emoticonsounds like you are healing & making progress! *yay*

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KATHYJO56 4/5/2011 4:27PM

    It sounds like a great checkup. It had to feel great to have your back washed. I would say just try sleeping on your back and when you are comfortable go ahead with it. Take it easy on the physical labor for a few weeks. emoticon

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LIBBYFITZ 4/5/2011 6:49AM

    That must have felt good! Getting your back washed! emoticon

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SINGAGAIN 4/4/2011 7:39PM

    Yay for your nurse! I hope you'll be able to take a full shower or bath soon! Keep up the great healing!
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WARMSPRINGDAY 4/4/2011 6:33PM

    Hooray for a good checkup! Hope everything works out with your job. So you sleep on your tummy? I used to do that until my back couldn't take it anymore. Now I sleep on my back or my side, but training myself to that was incredibly hard - almost like an addiction. When I'm feeling blue, I still lay on my tummy sometimes. Glad you are on the mend.
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PJOY17 4/4/2011 3:45PM

    Hi Karmen! When can you shower! They let me shower with those stitches in maybe they are different kind of stitches. When do you get the next stitches out? It helps if you have a big fluffy pillow to place under your arms while you are sleeping to sort of adjust the weight off the hips sort of get on a side but not on the side of the breast if that makes sense? I did that because of my back injury after surgery! Big hugs! Lots of healing will happen in 2 weeks!
pj

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FLYINGB16 4/4/2011 1:25PM

    I am so happy everything is working out for you. You are tough and strong and you will be at full speed again soon.

Hugs,
Bonnie

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-POOKIE- 4/4/2011 1:22PM

    Glad it went well x

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CARLA-216 4/4/2011 12:15PM

    I'm glad you're doing fine and you got your back washed! Oh, the simple pleasures in life, huh? Not pathetic at all. Maybe in two weeks time you'll be feeling more like you can work. Hopefully the boss will be understanding. He should be because he's got a winner with you!

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COVEREDNPRAYING 4/4/2011 12:13PM

    Glad you are feeling better and stronger. I'm amazed you can lay on your back the whole night. I toss and turn all night, when I was pregnant I slept on my belly until I physically couldn't any longer, which was usually about 6 months - poor babies!

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OHSOCOOLLISA 4/4/2011 12:00PM

    Very good to hear that you are healing well. I don't think it is pathetic to feel clean or ask for help...it is not as if you are abusing the situation. I would need a bazillions pillows if I had to stay on my back all the time. Can you just telephone the doctor to ask?

Have a fantastic week:)

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first strawberries and my sweet, crazy ela

Saturday, April 02, 2011

Good morning beauties!
It's spring time in Croatia, warm enough for short sleeves during day, makes me want to go swim at the beach!

I enjoyed my first strawberries this year and they were great! mmmmm


This is Ela! Made us laugh last night! It's a doggy dog life, hmm? LOL


Have a great weekend everyone!

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CATHYGETSFIT 4/7/2011 9:35PM

    The strawberries look absolutely yummy!

Love the pic of Ela!! So cute!!

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ME_HERE_NOW 4/3/2011 2:30PM

    ela is so gorgeous! so are those berries! woohoo for changing seasons and enjoying the great out of doors! thinking about you my strong & beautiful lady!

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LIBBYFITZ 4/3/2011 4:25AM

    The strawberries look delish! emoticon

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WARMSPRINGDAY 4/2/2011 10:01PM

    The calendar says it is spring here, but not the weather. It has been snowing off and on for three days. The ground has been white every morning and today we got 2 - 3 inches of nasty slippery snow. I am so ready for spring.

Your strawberries look yummy.

So glad you have Ela to enjoy!

And thanks for the shoes. I am feeling better. Hope you are healing well.

Comment edited on: 4/2/2011 10:01:46 PM

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LEXIE63 4/2/2011 2:30PM

    My mouth watered as soon as I saw that plate of strawberries, and I swear I can smell them! :-)
Cute Ela! :-)
Hugs,
Lex xxx

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PJOY17 4/2/2011 10:40AM

    HI Karmen, Are strawberries are at peak here in South Florida and my friend Mary Jo brought over Mulberries deep purple berries from a tree or bush that grows in her yard that I put in my Greek Yogurt with protein powder or my shake with protein powder with the strawberries, DELICIOUS! Glad to see you up and Ela smiling this morning! Shower yet? Big hugs.
PJ

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SINGAGAIN 4/2/2011 10:38AM

    You've inspired me to go get some strawberries today. Your dog looks so cuddly! Have a wonderful spring day!
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CARLA-216 4/2/2011 10:29AM

    Mmm, those strawberries look so yummy!

And Ela is beyond cute!

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OHSOCOOLLISA 4/2/2011 9:04AM

    Happy day to you! Oh, I miss having dogs around. Ella looks beautiful and just plain wiped out:)
Spark on!

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JEN-LOVES-LIFE 4/2/2011 8:57AM

    Ela is probably exhausted form welcoming you home! She must have been so excited to see you. The strawberries look yummy. We have spring here too, but it just snowed the other day. yuck! I want to play outside.

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BABYBY2012 4/2/2011 8:42AM

    The strawberries look delicious! Your puppy is such a cutie :)

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details about the surgery

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Ok
I arrived at the hospital on monday morning. I shared a room with two more women. One just came out of the breast reduction surgery herself, so I watched her carefully, as you can imagine. Our stories were not exactly the same, but close enough.
My boobs were more a mass of loose skin so it was more complicated.
After the dr talked to me, she then drew a map on my body, of what needed to be done. She said it would be challenging, with them being mostly skin now... I was given instructions to skip dinner and stop drinking after midnight. (anyone thinking gremlins? LOL) I was also given meds to prevent blood clogging...
7:15am they came and got me. Gave me compressive stockings on both legs. I spent about an hour and a half in the prep room, they measured my blood pressure, plugged some IV on me, checked my temp, started me on some anesthesia meds and rolled me to the OR. Where they started readying me for the surgery. To calm me down (I suspect) they asked me a lot of questions about my weight loss....
Next thing I remember is waking up in my room. I was not allowed to move. I was so very weak. And they left me with a catheter to pee in, which made me super grateful because it would have been so hard to pee in the bed pan!!! And more humiliating and stressful... I slept most of the time until the next morning.
I was in no pain at all.
I kept getting that anti clogging meds and antibiotics all the while at the hospital.
The next morning the dr came in, they took the catheter out, which hurt! They took me off IV. Then they had me sit on the bed and took a look at the boobs. I was out of my mind with pain as they stripped the bandages and begun cleaning and washing and stripping the tapes off...I won't lie to you - it hurt like hell!!! Not the wound, but the tapes being stripped. I was in panic thinking the boobs will fall apart from all that pulling on fresh stitches... The dr grabbed my arms and wanted me to feel my breasts which sent me in a full blown tantrum, protesting I WASN'T READY FOR THAT YET! LOL
I may be a big baby, but there you have it. Told you I was super emotional. Scared the stuffing out of me, the whole deal! Night before the surgery I seriously considered getting out of there - and fast! But then that girl I mentioned before told me she took a picture of her breasts to remember them, and I thought it was a great idea and did it too. After seeing them like that, I braved up and stayed...
After They finished dressing my wounds, they wanted me to try and get up, sit on a chair. So I did. And all of the sudden, there was a meadow, green grass, spring flowers and bunnies! Yup! I was about to faint! Next thing everyone was shouting at me to come back and fanning me by the open windows. I came to and they wanted me to have some sugar water but I asked for my energy bars. I needed strength. (And that is how I GAINED a few pounds at the hospital, my people! Once I started eating and got stronger I made sure I had lots of fruits and milk and cottage cheese and everything.)
I got stronger soon and from then on it was a combination of boredom, long hours and then daily stress before the dressing of the wounds! THAT scared me so much! But it never was as bad as that first time. Except the last time, on monday morning, before they sent me home. That day they also removed the drainage tubes and that hurt like hell too!
I have sent my nephew to go get me a special bra the third day. I am to wear that for a month or so. Day and night. I just got one, because it was very expensive! When I wash it, I'll wear my other bras and blow dry it real fast and back on it goes!
Maybe I'll be able to put it in good use as a sports bra later on, if it isn't too large...when the bandages come off...
They let me go home monday, a week from the admission and 5 days after the surgery. I was there yesterday for the dressing of the wounds, but told them it is really taking a toll on me to travel so far for it so they said I can skip friday and come for the check up on monday, the 4th.
Sigh...
The good thing is - no pain!
The bad thing is - I am so weak! At this point, 8 days after the surgery, I am fighting off depression. I can only walk a while before I get a bit dizzy. I can't do much at all. This morning while walking Ela, I saw a boy run at the park and I wondered, for the millionth time, when will I be ready to start living the life again! Being on a time out is NO FUN! Sigh...
I don't know how long it would take, but this is my 4th week of sitting on my butt! I know I have the hard stuff behind me. I know...But it feels like I'll never see the day I get to swim and run and work out... And I miss it! I have to fight off this downer with all I have.
Also, I really did gain weight, tomorrow I'll check just how much. Time to put my nutrition know how to the test. Because, I do need good nutrition to heal better but also, with little to no activity, I need to find a way to not gain weight.
I realised I will not meet my goal weight in the time I thought I would, due to all this!
How's a girl to help but feel down?
I tell myself I will get through this. And that I am strong, this is just for now, until I recover from, not one, but two surgeries in one month! Everyone would feel weak.
There.
If anyone is interested in this stuff, that's how it was for me.
They removed 500g of skin mostly, from each breast, lifted the nipples from the deep dark shadowy plains to a sunny place on top of the hill LOL And I can already tell I am going to love my new boobs! I don't feel like they're mine yet. It will remain so until the stitches are all out and I can take a shower and all that...
I plan to make a note of the more emotional side of all this next time. And emotional it was!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ME_HERE_NOW 4/3/2011 3:01PM

    girl you are doing amazing keeping your head above water while you have had to change your food and fitness habits, but as you know it's a temporary situation, and without those old girls swinging all around your waist just think how fabulous you will be feeling when you are ready to go full tilt again!!! all my love!

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COOKWITHME65 4/1/2011 8:07AM

    So glad to here you are home and recovering well.

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WARMSPRINGDAY 3/31/2011 9:59PM

    You are strong and you will get through this. Give yourself time to heal. I've missed you. So glad you are back!
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OHSOCOOLLISA 3/31/2011 7:48PM

    It WILL get better...it will. This time out is just for a time and your body needs to heal. It takes time.

Depression sucks, no matter what brings it on. Try to make your body comfy...if the boobs or lack of shower is bothering...maybe someone can wash your hair for you (instead of struggling through it on your own), you can do your nails....or a pedi.

Drink those fluids and know we are here for you. The icky will pass and the wonderful will be back:)

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LEXIE63 3/31/2011 6:40PM

    You have been extremely brave, and even though right now you feel tired and achy and weak, it will pass and you will be out there running again before you know it. It just feels like it is taking a long time because you know what you are looking forward to. :-)
As for the nutrition, do your best, but please don't fret if you gain a little weight while recovering. Right now the most important thing is to get your strength back. Once you are properly active again you will soon shed any gained pounds from the recovery process. :-)
Hugs,
Lex xxx

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KATHYJO56 3/31/2011 4:08PM

    Hi Karmen, It was so good to hear from you. I'm glad that you got those new boobs that you needed and wanted. In a few weeks you will be glad that you went through with it. I am proud of you. I think that you were very brave. It will save your back alot of pain. I need mine done from losing weight, but I'm not quite as brave as you are. Just getting my knee replaced 4 weeks ago was enough for me. I'm glad that you are feeling better. I think your depression will pass when you feel up to doing your normal routine again. emoticon

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PJOY17 3/31/2011 3:47PM

    Hi Karmen! Big hugs.
Be patient, you will be beautiful and don't worry about any weight gain, inflammation is going on it will go down I promise.
Love,
pj

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SINGAGAIN 3/31/2011 3:29PM

    Thank you for sharing your story. I'm so proud of your bravery! I think you will appreciate your time to play outside even more now that you've gone through this. And perky boobs are so worth it! I'm looking forward to the day when I can have the same procedure, and I appreciate your candor so much.
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MOV4WARD 3/31/2011 2:04PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticonemotional stuff & physical trauma take time to deal with... and you will ~ take time to recover & nourish yourself, and hopefully you'll be back on your feet & feeling fine again soon! Hang in!

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CARLA-216 3/31/2011 11:04AM

    Hang in there and be gentle and kind to yourself during your recovery.
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LIBBYFITZ 3/31/2011 9:16AM

    Glad to see you are finally home. Anaesthetics can cause a short term depression. Do you have some music that you like to listen to? emoticon

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JEN-LOVES-LIFE 3/31/2011 9:01AM

    I'm glad it is over and that you are on your way to recovery. It'll be a long road, but defiantly worth it. It may seem like forever until you can get up and moving again, but in the grand scheme of things, it'll be fast. Just hang in there.

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JUDYFRANCE 3/31/2011 5:00AM

    I'm glad it all went so well. I know the recuperation time is a bitch, but it will pass and you'll be back to walking then running before you know it.

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-POOKIE- 3/31/2011 4:41AM

    Thank you for sharing this, have to say I am beyond jealous that your process was sorted so fast and I have been waiting for about a year to sort this.

I relaly apprecaite your honesty about the process, I hope mine goes smoothly.

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