ELAOPET   17,830
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Monday, September 23, 2013

This has been the worst summer of my life. Dramatic, but true statement.
I got a job, after many doubts and fears. And I liked it a lot!
I had a very ugly episode with a member of a family. Has me shaken ever since.
Then my father started getting sick and after a morning spent in the ER, for which I called to let the boss know I may not be able to show up - the trouble at work started. They let me know the position I liked was no longer mine and I had two weeks to prove myself at another position, or I get fired.
After many, many tears, I decided to accept my Dr's offer and so... I have been on a sick leave all summer.
My dad had many episodes and relapses, and it all got me to a point where I thought I was going insane.
Through all this, I have gained 15kg and lost all hope of getting better :(
I am now awaiting for my father's return from the hospital. I am working on final papers for the sick leave, and after that, back to being unemployed I go. I had to secure a hospital bed at home, have ordered and have to pay for the bed railing, because I live alone with my dad and at times I have to leave the house, I will have to have the rails up and dad secured, so he doesn't fall off the bed :(
I am not ready to commit to being a full time caregiver for my parent, yet again! I did it for 6 years with my mom and I know how hard it is.
I had started working out in June, but that was over real fast.
I have only a hope left, that somehow, someday, I will get a break from all the rotten luck and be able to care for myself...
I think of my old spark friends often and wish I could be part of the spark again...
For now, I just really am desperately trying to not cry and go insane

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ELAOPET 10/13/2013 6:41AM

    thank you friends, so much!

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ME_HERE_NOW 10/12/2013 1:10PM

    i am so sorry to hear about your dad's passing, i wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts. the thing about troublesome times is that they make you stronger for the next go round. i hope there comes a time now for you to live your life and take control back. you are not alone in the struggle of life, or the struggle of the spark.this year i've parted ways from friends, lost family members, moved, got a new job, added a cat to the family, and packed on all the weight i lost - yes - all 96 +/- lbs...yet every so often i get out and struggle thru some fitness...trying to be hopeful instead of ashamed and take control instead of curling up in a ball of hate. if you ever need to talk send me a msg here on spark - i don't like to think of you flying solo in this big bad world. i am sending you love and strength.

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LEXIE63 10/4/2013 6:54AM

    Really sorry to hear all this. please do try to take care of yourself.
Lex xxx

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NATNOEL 9/23/2013 10:15AM

    So nice to hear from you.
I am sorry that you are going through a rough time. Remember this too will pass ....... God will give you the strength to endure the hard parts of life and you will have good times again. You have a long life ahead of you.
Take care of yourself. emoticon

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I am so scared, so cornered

Thursday, April 05, 2012

I wish I were free!!!!
I live on this island, such a pretty island...My dog is so happy here. I love this island, and I hate it, too.
I live with my dad. I am 40yo. Unemployed. I can only get summer jobs, low paid, over tourist season. I never have any money. I always have to hear it from my dad who is old and disappointed in me.
last year was so hard for me. I had gotten to an inch from my ideal weight, and then had two surgeries, and one of them didn't help at all, the one on my leg. It's still swelling like mad. The other one, on my breast reduction, left me unhappy at the end. one is bigger, the nipples do not look very good...But still, I am ok with them being more up then down.
Then I started working 3 weeks after this surgery, and have worked for 5 and a half months without a day off. I got tired, mostly emotionally. The fact that I worked all day and until 1am in the mornings, did not help. I had no time to start working out again, and little by little, it all ended me. I got almost all the lost weight back. And more importantly, I have no spark left, no strength.
With the spark shining bright and strong, I was invincible. Now I am nowhere.
My family can't forgive me gaining weight, they keep telling me to just do it again, they do not hear me when I say I am too low to move anything. I have, once again, nothing to wear.
I am looking for another job this year. And I am tired of summer jobs. We are about to face financial ruin soon, even with two rooms rented out, mine included. (oh, yeah, I slept on a sofa that is really a love seat size, all summer long)
So, in my desperation, someone offered a help. It is an amazing thing. A blog pal of mine, an old one, offered me AND MY DOG a room in her house, free of rent, I'd be just paying part of the bills. And she got me a full time job.
But it's not here, at home, not on my island. I would have to leave my 80yo dad alone. I would have to move my dog and myself to a city on mainland.
I am scared. So very scared. I try to find a full time job here, have been trying for years, and it isn't happening.
I am scared and I should have an answer for the boss to be and this friend of mine ASAP. It's a big, huge decision. A big gamble. I huge adventure for tired old me. I am so scared. I don't know where to turn, what to do... With all the job hunting, and now this, my stomach hurts all day. from the moment I open my eyes in the morning, and late into the night, when it takes me hours to fall asleep.
The fear parralises me.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SLIMMERJESSE 4/12/2012 10:59AM

    I understand your fears. And the offer is a huge leap for you. Is it possible to try it all out so that you don't have to feel it is so much change all
at once? Can you visit you dad on weekends?
Hope you can take a couple of steps into a new
situation to give yourself some ease from all the

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-POOKIE- 4/11/2012 9:06AM

    This is a huge decision.

But look at how miserable you are, this chance is amazing and something that could change your life for the better.

If it doesn't work out... you can come back, nothing will change, your dad will still be waiting for you if you dont like your change.

I miss you xx

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JEN-LOVES-LIFE 4/8/2012 5:45PM

    Listen to BAM0827, she is wise (and fun, I've met her).

As scary as it seems, this is a real opportunity for you. Embrace it and make the most of it. It sounds like just the thing you have been waiting for. It will be a little scary but that's ok. You will get through it and I bet once that fear eases away, you and Ella will be just so happy!

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CAMAEL100 4/8/2012 5:32PM

    Go on your adventure - as the movie Happy Feet says - you should not die with your song still in you! And another one "one doesn't discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time" Andre Gide.

I think the Universe has thrown you a life line - it is not a coincidence - confront your fears or you will forever wonder 'what might have been'. Only by pushing out limits can we really say what the limits really are.

Yes you are tired now, but is that tired of the same ole, same ole?? A new environment and a new challenge would put the spark back!! Get out of your comfort zone.

I agree with BAM0827 - she has given you some good advice - we all have to push ourselves except for those naturally born extroverts.

I wish you all the best and hope you do what is right for you. You too deserve to be happy.

(and as a dog lover, sitting here with my dogs, I am glad that your dog is welcome there too!!

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LIBBYFITZ 4/7/2012 4:50AM


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LIBBYFITZ 4/7/2012 4:48AM

    Give yourself a chance and go:-)

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LIFEWALK 4/5/2012 8:19PM

    emoticonif you don't do it, then you didn't fail... but u r where u r.... but if you do try it, you might not fail and things might be better. If it doesn't work... that means it didn't work... not that you failed... and then u r where u r now... so what is to lose?

I do understand how heartbreaking and sad it is when we regain weight. I have done that most of my life... but when it is so hard and so dark... look at your 2 choices. Lay down and wait to die or do something.

What do you want to do?


if you don't know... try this... plug your nose and don't let go...

your body will tell you... ;)

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NATNOEL 4/5/2012 7:09PM

    If your dad is okay with it, you should definitely go for it. A brand new chapter in your life....how exciting !

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BAM0827 4/5/2012 4:53PM

    I've thought about you and your situation a lot today so ignore me if you're tired of hearing from me :)

But, it reminded me of a therapy session I had years ago (I went to therapy for about a year in my mid 20s). He asked me something about an early memory or something or another and I remember telling him about moving to where I live now in first grade. It was in the middle of the school year and we visited on the day there was a Valentine's Day party. The teacher invited me to stay for the party and I so afraid, shy, etc I didn't want to stay so my mom took me home. The therapist said my mom should have made me stay. That it was safe and by giving into that fear (even though she didn't think of it that way, I'm sure she thought she was being kind/helpful) it told my subconscious that it was OK to live with that fear. Every time I didn't take a chance, it was further telling my subconscious it is OK.

I really keep that in mind now on so many things. I still consider myself to be "shy" (which my therapist explained isn't a feeling but rather an action/inaction)but getting better but there was a point I wouldn't call for pizza. I have to tell myself not to keep putting myself further into that hole. It is almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Every time I call for pizza, I am affirming. Everytime I have someone else do something that I could easily do, I'm subconsiciously going to that dark place.

Don't keep putting yourself in your own hole, don't tell your self-conscious bad things. You can so take this step to a life you have wanted since I've "known" you. Keep assuring yourself that you can do it and remember that a lot of baby steps add up to great things.

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ME_HERE_NOW 4/5/2012 12:46PM

    sometimes you have to take the adventure, to me it seems like you have given your all to try and make island life work, and it simply isn't. is there anyone else who can take care of your dad? cane one of the rooms be given to a nurse or someone qualified who can stay at the house for free in exchange for taking care of him?

a new start would re-ignite your spark i am almost sure of it. i am with you always. xoxo!

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I-CHOOSE 4/5/2012 9:31AM

    Wow, this is a big decision. On the one hand you have the life you are familiar with. You're not happy, and you're not appreciated for what you contribute to your Father, but you're used to it. On the other hand you have a scary new opportunity. There you will have friendship, respect, a job, and a room of your own.

If you take this opportunity your Father will not be alone. He has roommates. Your family will have to step up and fill in. It's funny how people do what they have to do when there's nobody else to do it.

And you have a chance to find your spark again. You will have something to wake up for, something new to focus on, and a friend to share your day with. You will have emotional support..... and money!

In my life the big rewards only came with a leap of faith. Whenever I got stuck I would just spin and spin in my misery until something came along that I could grab on to and hold on for dear life. This may be your God Given opportunity to pull yourself out of your stuck place.

Whatever you choose, please remember that there are lots of people who care about you.
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BOE4LIFE 4/5/2012 9:22AM

    Wow this is a huge decision. Think of the opportunity... a new start. It will be scary but I feel that you can handle the job. You are much smarter than you give yourself credit for. Much braver and stronger as well. I cannot make the decision for you but I know that you have the ability to succeed. If you believe I would say pray on it, if not then look at the issue carefully, not frightfully and do what your heart guides you to do. Hugs ya my friend. It is so nice to see you again. You were missed. As for the weight, it came off once and it will come off again, do not count that as a failure merely a setback from which you shall rebound and we will be here to share it with you and support you. Your Sparkfriend Doug.

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    If you remember, we started our journey's very close to the same time and had the same end goal. I, too, have gained most of my lost weight back...though I never lost nearly as much as you. You left me in your dust! emoticon Go back and re-read the blog posts you posted back then.

I know you care deeply about your father and it hurts that he isn't more supportive of you. I know you feel a responsibility to him, I get that. Think back to last summer, if you were working from sun up to 1 am, you weren't taking care of him much then either.

This may come out uncaring and possibly even mean but you have the rest of your life to live. Your dad isn't going to get any better, you aren't going to nurse him back to health. But this move, this job, this new start may be exactly what you need.

I know you are scared and think you can't go home and will end up on the streets but you are more resourceful than that. You will pick yourself up and move on just as you always have. Do this for you! Do this as a gift to your future self.

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BAM0827 4/5/2012 7:53AM

    I was reading along feeling sad that you're so sad and then get to the part about the opportunity for you to move and get a full-time job and got SOOOO excited. What an awesome opportunity for you! Scary, sure, but also your window (or door) to the world you have been so longing to be a part of.

You can't live your life for your dad. Heck, you even said he's disappointed in you for not working - well, here is you opportunity to make him proud. Your family won't help with your dad - I think you have the right to live your life for you. It's time that they stepped up. Maybe they haven't up to this point because you've been there so they figured you can do it. If you're not there then it MAY be different. But if they don't, well then your dad will have to take care of himself. You've put yourself 2nd for way too long. Full-time job means you'll have days off - you can visit your dad. Don't let him be your excuse any longer.

You can do this. You survived your horrific summer last year. You survived your surgeries. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. You really are!

My nephew (who is only 15) has some quotes on his Facebook page. I think they're applicable to your situation-
-I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can't accept not trying.-Michael Jordan

-I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed. Michael Jordan

You want to be free - it seems like the world is giving you an opportunity to do that right now! Don't pass it up.

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ELAOPET 4/5/2012 5:56AM

    What do i have to lose? Not much. Just the last peace of my sanity - I am so low I am afraid I won't cut it and then I will have had another failure ... and maybe won't be able to come home again...and end up on the street. That's my fear.
As for the family to help dad out - that ain't gonna happen! :(

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STALEYK 4/5/2012 5:35AM

    Take a chance - take a risk---adventure---try something! What have you got to loose? emoticon

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FLYINGB16 4/5/2012 5:32AM

    You mentioned that your family is upset at you for gaining the weight back. If you have another family member on the island they can step up and care for your Dad while you are on the mainland working and finding your spark. This sounds like a great opportunity for you! FEAR can be paralyzing but it can also be motivating. I followed your journey when you lost the weight and you inspired me so much, I know you can do it again but more importantly you have to believe that YOU can do it again. Take a deep breath, have faith and jump into your new adventure. Everything will work out for you!

Bonnie emoticon

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I should forgive myself

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

It isn't easy at all.
I sit here, sit and aet so much I can barely move. Full blown regression. Has been like that for months. Spring came with happy news, summer killed me, fall - my dearest fall, I am spending hating my life.
If not for Ela, I wouldn't leave the house at all!
Day by day, I think I should get up. But I don't. And to top it all, the weather is so great, I just keep thinking - perfect weather for running. But I do not think I could run any more. Nor now. I could WALK. Like I did in the beginning. I have great new shoes, loads of new workout clothes. Most of it is too tight now. I am scared to step on the scale. That would be the last slap in the face.
I am really ashamed. Really not liking myself.
I should, really, forgive myself the bad choices and weaknesses. In order to move on. But I keep hating myself for taking that stinking job, for the leg surgery that didn't help, for everything!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LIBBYFITZ 4/3/2012 4:04PM

    I agree with DEC2DEC and LEXIE33 that you need to go and have some counselling and possibly some anti- depressant medication. You are depressed and just as our physical body's need help so do our mental/emotional body. emoticon

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I-CHOOSE 1/5/2012 8:06PM

    I'm sending you love & warm thoughts & prayers. I hope you feel better real soon.

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SLIMMERJESSE 12/8/2011 7:03PM

    I understand so well, even though I don't know you. Small steps. Smile at yourself in the mirror and say aloud, I forgive you. Treat yourself as kindly as you would your dearest friend or relative. It's not easy, but you deserve to enjoy life. Wow, I understand and personally - speaking only for myself- know that meds are not the answer. Howver, for others it may be a solution. I'm here for you if you want to share further.

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DEC2DEC 12/8/2011 6:56PM

    This is depression, hon, and it can be TREATED. Please go to a doctor. You don't have to feel like this, nor do you have to backslide. You can do this!

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LEXIE63 12/3/2011 11:01AM

    You need professional help, so get your doctor to refer you. You obviously need someone who knows what they are doing to help you turn this around.
Take care,
Lex xxx

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CARLA-216 12/1/2011 12:08PM

    Sending you hugs and love, as well as strength to take the steps needed to overcome the lowness you're feeling right now. You may need help from a doctor, and that's totally okay. We're here for you and are not ashamed of you, so please don't be ashamed.
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WARMSPRINGDAY 11/30/2011 8:05PM

    I'm struggling too, but we're walking this road together, friend. Don't hate yourself. You are strong, you are beautiful! We started with baby steps, my friend, and that's how life progresses. Take a baby step, then another. I know you can do this, for yourself! Miss you and love you!
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ME_HERE_NOW 11/30/2011 5:28PM

    walk, walk a little, then walk a little further every few days, drink in the fresh air and sunshine, play with ela, SMILE, you are still SO much more fit and wonderful than you were a few years ago, you are still a dear girl who so many of us love, sending you good vibes, love ya so!

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-POOKIE- 11/30/2011 11:26AM

    I miss you.

I miss you no matter what you are thinking of yourself right now.

Would being more active here, being with people who care (ok, so over the internet) help you feel better?

Im struggling too, struggling to find the motivation any more. Being under pressure to be able to have my surgery was a good thing... now I dont have that Im struggling to find a reason.

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BRANDI.FEY 11/30/2011 9:41AM

    I feel your pain, but you can do this. Each day is a new beginning. Take one step. Do one thing. It's okay to fail, as long as you start over. emoticon

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BOE4LIFE 11/30/2011 9:17AM

    Hello sunshine. I have missed you my friend so very much. Thank you for coming back. Do you want to know something? I still believe in you. I still think you are beautiful. I still think you are strong. I still see you running down the road with the wind in your face and the sun on your back. Wanna know something else? I am gonna try to make you see the same things. Why? Because right now you are buried in stinkin thinkin and it is blotting out that beautiful person I know. You are awesome hun. You have done it before and I know you can do it again. Thank you for returning. You have shown your strength by posting this blog. It is sooo nice to see you again my friend, you were indeed missed. emoticon

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LIBBYFITZ 11/30/2011 9:09AM

    I suggest you go see your Dr. and be assessed for clinical depression. You sound like you have it with the symptoms you are describing. PLEASE go and get help! emoticon

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GARDENCHRIS 11/30/2011 7:03AM

    Would you treat your best friend like this?? NO! NO! YOU are your best friend!!!

Now get up and treat your BEST friend to a walk in this glorious weather of fall , look around you and witness the beauty of what God has provided! YOU can do this! STOP beating yourself up, and celebrate what you HAVE accomplished, yesterday is GONE! TODAY you get to start all over again, fresh and new.

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RAINBOWANGEL99 11/30/2011 6:05AM

    Thinking of YOU & hoping things improve for you soon!
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Thursday, October 27, 2011

I just spelled it out for myself. The reason I got fat again, the reason I have trouble picking the ball up again. So to say.
Because nothing changed.
Told myself just now, you got to do it for yourself, nobody will do it for you. And I started crying. For what!? I was not fat anymore and nothing changed. Not a thing. So much hope.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BOE4LIFE 11/3/2011 3:32PM

    Huggs ya bud. Hey I am here for you. if you wanna cry, yell, cuss, laugh, vent, dance, sing, talk, chat, ramble, scream, poke (facebook), hug, be goofy, be serious, be vacant, want to hear some silly wisdom, talk about goals, talk about setbacks, talk about dinner, compare doggies, talk about clouds, talk about toe jam, talk about flowers you saw today, talk about coffee, talk about dishpan hands, whatever i am here just let me know. Send me spark mail when you feel like it. Huggs ya bud, we got ya.

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WARMSPRINGDAY 10/29/2011 9:27PM

    Losing weight will never fix our problems. But we learn a lot about ourselves on the journey, and than makes us stronger and we get more healthy in the process. So you are wrong when you say nothing changed. Yes it did - you found the strong woman inside of yourself that persevered against many odds and pushed through when the chips were down. You can do it again. She is still in there, and you are beautiful. Do it for yourself! Take a baby step today.

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CARLA-216 10/28/2011 11:25AM

    emoticon I don't know what else to say that others haven't already said. Just know I'm here, cheering for you. You've done it before and you can do it again. You know it can be hard work, but we have to choose our hard.

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-POOKIE- 10/28/2011 8:26AM

    No no... it changed and you forgot how to carry on working with the changes.

You can get them back and make them work again.

I've not given up on you and Im damn sure Im not letting YOU give up on you!

Pick yourself up, and decide what the plan is, if you need to start again simple, then do that, then add things back and back until you are again that wonderful strong woman who ran, who swum in the sea, who walked further than her dogs wanted too!

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LEXIE63 10/28/2011 7:18AM

    All I can think of to suggest is that you read back through all your blogs and try to reconnect with that positive and upbeat attitude you had. Also, reading the comments will hopefully help you realise that yes, you are the only one who can do it, but that you have also got a ton of cheerleaders here who have been supporting you every bit of the way, though the good and the bad.
I'm sorry you've had a rough few months, but take heart that this too shall pass.
How's beautiful Ela?
Lex xxx

P.S. Have you tried counselling, and has anyone suggested a short course of anti-depressants. Might be worth a visit to the doctor for a chat Sweetie. :-)

Comment edited on: 10/28/2011 7:19:59 AM

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ME_HERE_NOW 10/28/2011 2:16AM

    you have to take the strides that make you happy, whatever they may be. sadly losing weight isn't a magical cure that makes you feel better about everything in your life, but it's a small part that does make you feel better in your own skin by getting active and eating moderately. any time you wish you can forge ahead on the journey, just for the health of it. i am sending you much love my friend, listen to your heart, and when u feel ready start building up slowly over time to get to where you want to be. you didn't get all the surgery and put up with a terrible job to just let go and feel worse, at the same time you cannot force the river or beat yourself up over the past. it is time to take out a fresh page and start the story of you life anew, you choose your own adventure. lift yourself up, respect and honour yourself, you are a human like no other, you deserve love and admiration from yourself, you already have it from all of us! xoxo!

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LIBBYFITZ 10/27/2011 9:43PM

    A lot changed you just did not see it! A beautiful healthy body! The change was on the inside not on the outside.

Look into the mirror every day and say "I love you" to the person you are and then you will be able to move forward. When you love yourself enough to care. emoticon

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so... OK

Friday, October 21, 2011

I'm back to 100kg. OK. I will get better. I'll make myself better.
The summer was ugly. Broke me. Hard job, the surgeries, all the weight lost in a year... May be the combination of all this that broke me so badly. May also be that I didn't know how to deal with the new body. It was great, fitting in regular clothes. All of it. Being fit was the most fun and the thing I was proudest and happiest with. Once working out stopped, things got from bad to worse.
It doesn't even matter. I went back to dealing by overeating. And oh, how I ate! My gallbladder let me be so nothing to stop me. From binging. Like a pig.
So... OK.
I tried to stop a few times so far. Am trying right now.
I don't feel it. But if I wait for me to feel it, I may very well destroy EVERY LAST BIT of good I did. So... I'll just have to force myself into feeling it.
Just to lay off of junk for a couple of days. And then a day more. That's the goal now.
DO something about the freaking emotional eating!
Come back to actively spark. Slowly. Remember how to be strong. Consistent...That's the goal. For now.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WARMSPRINGDAY 10/22/2011 6:47AM


Honesty with yourself and your friends is step one. Forgive yourself and move on.

Baby steps.

I found that when I did three days refined sugar free, my cravings disappeared (or became manageable) for awhile. Then when I sense them returning, another three days. I'm not ready to commit to the 21 days they say will break the sugar habit for good, but I can commit to three days, and it has helped me.

And you are so right, I've found I can't wait for motivation, I need to just do it - the motivation often follows action.

Your are strong! You can do hard things! Journey on my friend!
emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 10/22/2011 6:49:22 AM

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LIBBYFITZ 10/22/2011 4:15AM

    emoticonOne day at a time!

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ME_HERE_NOW 10/21/2011 9:35PM

    glad to hear from you, lift yourself up and be a friend to yourself as you begin your journey anew. you have all the skills to get you to where you want to be & you will make it happen! i am still up from where i 'should' be, but i am letting that go, enjoying every step and fighting my way back with you friend! i think about you all the time!!!

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NICKI109 10/21/2011 1:58PM

    Take it one day at a time, one meal at a time, one moment at a time, you will get back there!!!

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PROVERBS30ONE 10/21/2011 12:11PM

    Hey girl! I was looking over my friends' list since I have been out for about 6 months myself and was just wondering what you had been up to. Glad to see your post. I'm somewhat in the same boat so don't give up! So far I have tried to just work on one thing at a time and accomplishing that one thing motivated me to try a little something more the next day. You worked so hard and remember how wonderful it felt, don't let this destroy you. You are worth more than that! I'll be keeping up with you... you know you always have support on SP! Let me know if there is anything I can help with!!
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BOE4LIFE 10/21/2011 11:10AM

    Welcome back. I have missed you. You are stronger than you think and will undoubtedly come back full force, but take it slow. Don't rush and please please please forgive yourself the missteps. We can be so hard on ourselves when we don't perform like we think we should. We are here for you like you have been here for so many of us. Your return is a welcome sight, it is always good to see a friend come back. So please come in have a seat, a nice cup of tea and discuss with us your plans to make your come back. Once again welcome back, you are among friends and we have missed you. emoticon emoticon

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LEXIE63 10/21/2011 10:40AM

    Hi Honey!
Remember this blog?


You wrote this near the start of your spark journey. It was a short sweet and positive bog about how you lost 3kg in 14 days! You were a bit over 100 kgs back then, so things right now could be a lot worse. I'm so glad that this is the case, that your summer from hell is over, that you survived - heavier maybe - but you got through. Now is the time for you and for Ela. So get those running togs on and get out there! You will soon find your determination and drive again and the sky's the limit! :-)

Best of luck to you.
Lex xxx

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NATNOEL 10/21/2011 8:44AM

    I was thinking of you, wondering how you were enjoying your breast reduction. So sorry you had a bad summer, but I am glad to see you back. I also need to get back to really wanting it. I will be sending good thoughts your way. Hope you have a great day!

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-POOKIE- 10/21/2011 8:44AM

    Well hey there. Welcome back.


Here for you xxx always was!!

You had a crappy time of things, so dust yourself and begin again x

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BAM0827 10/21/2011 8:00AM

    Fake it to you make it is what a lot of people do!

I've missed seeing you here at Spark (besides your wheel spin numbers) so I hope that you will come back not only for yourself but for all of your SparkFriends.

You'll figure it all out - have faith that everything you need is within you!!

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