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I don't feel like bothering anymore

Thursday, October 18, 2012

As most people who read this know I am a carer for my husband and it is over 5 weeks now since he went down to a very low mood, I am having great difficulty in coping and wonder if it is all worth it.
Over the last year I have managed to lose 0ver 14 pound with great difficulty but I am in danger of just giving up and not bothering anymore, I just feel like crying all the time and eating whatever comes to hand, it is not easy to get a doctors appointment and what could she do anyway.
I have made an appointment with a lady from the carers service (charity run) but that is not until next Wednesday and it seems a long way off. I hope to get to the mental health forum tomorrow but it all seems hopeless to me. emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SAINTBERNARD6 10/29/2012 7:55PM

    I was a care giver for my mom, dad, and husband so I know what you are going through. The answer is YES YES YES---you are worth it.Care giving is a 26 hour 8 day a week job. Yes it is a job with no days off or no pay and most of the time no appreciation. You have the hardest job there is watching a loved one decline and feeling so alone and helpless.

Do you belong to a church? If so, ask for some help. Please check out the agencies in your area. Social services should be able to help you. Try the Salvation Army---if they can't help directly maybe they can offer suggestions.

If your doctor isn't understanding or concerned enough to offer help or referrals then maybe it's time to look for a different doctor.

Being a retired psychiatric nurse, I know you must take care of yourself first in order to be mentally and physically able to care for your husband.

Feel free to email me if you need to spout, vent, cry, talk, or just want a hug...

God is with you and He will help you through this and so will we....Elsie

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BEEBEE1936 10/19/2012 6:59AM

    The suggestions given are right on target. #1 Find a support group. #2 Make time for yourself. I think caregivers can get someone to stay with the one they are caring for a day, so they can get away from the situation. Probably a support group would help you with this. Do what ever ,on that day, that would comfort you. Go to a movie, have lunch with some friends, go shopping.

You aren't alone, its obvious there are people here who care for you. Even though we only know one another on SP.

Prayer is also so important. God hears our prayers and cares about whatever it is we are dealing with.


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LUCINDARW 10/18/2012 10:48PM

    Please listen to all the advice given in all the post. People care about you and your situation. Looking for a caregivers support group would be very helpful. Lucinda

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AQUAGIRL08 10/18/2012 2:52PM

    I'm so sorry that you are having such a rough time. Just a suggestion, check with your local hospital and see if there is a care-giver's support group. Most of them are free and you can connect with others who are in the same position - caring for an ill loved one. Take care and don't give up on your journey.

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JOURNEYTOI 10/18/2012 1:08PM

  I want you to know that I am here for you. Your post made me cry and I so wanted to reach thru the computer and hug you. Just know that, like everyone else has said here, you are not alone. I have felt that way before (just yesterday, as a matter of fact) and its a horrible feeling. Take time for you...

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KATHIES518 10/18/2012 12:45PM

    Please listen to all of the loving advice given here and know that you are being prayed for. emoticon

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SHOAPIE 10/18/2012 10:24AM

    emoticon emoticon

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MS.ELENI 10/18/2012 9:09AM

    I can relate to just giving up.But we can't. I am doing terrible but keep trying but gained instead of lost. But depression hits us all.Sounds like you are under a lot of stress.Makes it hard. emoticon

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RALWINE 10/18/2012 9:07AM

    My husband is a stroke survivor of 2 1/2 years, and it changed him from the happy, funny, and loving guy I married into a reclusive, repressive and angry man. All his filters are gone and he sees shadows where there are none. The frustrations of his new physical and mental limitations ( which no one can see much of on the outside) wear on him every day, making things worse. I can't imagine what he's going through, but there is only one target around for him: me.

I know your pain seems unbearable, and I feel that way often. There are some days when I feel like I am just slogging through life and waiting for it to end. Wishing for something to happen to make it be done. Then the fog lifts a little and I see that it isn't so very bad that I can find nothing to savor in it. I have battled depression both before and since the stroke, and it's not something I wish to do, but it is my lot. I keep "putting up my dukes" for the fight.

Call your doctor and let her or him know that you need a fast appointment for an evaluation for depression. Your own health depends on it. Your words speak volumes. emoticon emoticon

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JUST2MUCH2 10/18/2012 8:52AM

    Can you find a support group for care-givers (maybe through his doc; like my neurologist has one for people in chronic pain)?

Ck out the resources through MHA--Mental Health America (formerly Mental Health Assoc.) or NAMI (national alliance on mental illness; they have support groups for family members that are very good).


eed to go to physical therapy but if you would like me to brainstorm some other ideas, let me know. Caregivers need care, too!!!

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GHOSTFLAMES 10/18/2012 6:24AM


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CAKAROO 10/18/2012 6:16AM

    emoticon emoticon

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SLIMMERKIWI 10/18/2012 5:32AM

    It sounds like Depression has gotten to you too, and this is very common for a carer! You are wondering if it is all worth it???? Well, I can tell you it is worth fighting for your emotional health EVERY STEP OF THE WAY!!! Of COURSE it is worth it - YOU are worth it and so too is your husband, even tho' it appears that he can't see that because of his own emotional turmoil.

Hang in there and grab as much support as you can get, and then some! It isn't being greedy - it is your right!


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MADAMES 10/18/2012 4:31AM

    It is hard to care for others. You mustn't give up,,,,do something nice for yourself today. Take a walk, drink a cup of tea or coffee. Write a list of three things you are grateful for today!


Comment edited on: 10/18/2012 4:32:14 AM

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ARNETTELEE 10/18/2012 4:22AM

  Don't give up!

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Saturday, October 13, 2012

I was having a reasonable week until I met with my mum on Thursday in Nottingham, any deviation from my normal week always seems to throw me out.
I was alright until mum brought very sweet caramel biscuit, she said one would not hurt but we had already had a coffee and cheese scone( would have been OK if stopped there), Friday was no better as i took to nibbling but hopefully I am back on track now but Sunday is a dangerous day as spending so much time on my own I usual start to nibble (again).
I know I am a comfort eater and most of the time I can conquer it but when it takes over it is bad. To try and counteract it I have been swimming today.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MCJULIEO 10/14/2012 2:41PM

    Swimming sure does help!

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CRAFTINWIFE 10/14/2012 1:52PM

    emoticon emoticon

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CAKAROO 10/14/2012 9:58AM


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EBURGITE 10/13/2012 6:25PM

    as long as you don't let a bad day (or two, or ten) derail you, you'll be back on track in no time! emoticon

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VONBLACKBIRD 10/13/2012 6:23PM

    I'm a comfort eater too but enjoy your mum while you still have her around..I found chewing sugar free gum helps.

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SATCHMO99 10/13/2012 2:16PM


I found telling my mum that I wasn't on a diet but had a lifestyle change to defeat diabetes really helped. She asked lots of questions about what I could eat, and is happy to work with me when I visit to keep on track.

It might be worth thinking about, cos one sweet biscuit leads the body down the slippery slope to cravings.

Hope that helps

Hugs, Satchmo x

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MS.ELENI 10/13/2012 2:10PM

    Hang in there. emoticon emoticon

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Lost two s

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

I had lost 2 pound when I weighed myself on Monday which means I am back to what I was two weeks ago as last week I put on 2 pounds. I am feeling quite good about this week so hope I can do the same again. emoticon emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BRANDI1809 10/11/2012 6:18AM

    emoticon emoticon

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MCJULIEO 10/10/2012 5:13PM

    Way to go!

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MS.ELENI 10/10/2012 2:06PM

    emoticon emoticon

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I am doing OK I think

Saturday, October 06, 2012

I am doing quite well but I did put 3 pounds on last week but gave myself a talking too and I have hopes for my Monday weigh in.
Sundays are my downfall especially when I am on my own(which seems to be too often), if the weather is good I like to go for a walk even if it is only for an hour it does me good.
I have been for my flu jab today and after the recent cough and cold which went straight to my chest it can only be good.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUST2MUCH2 10/10/2012 4:09PM

    I think Courtney gave you some excellent advice about not relying on the scale TOO much to determine how you are doing & to try to figure out what to do about your reoccurring Sunday night "downfall."

Now that you have identified the pattern, you can plan how to alter it! Plan a new fun activity to replace the being at home & eating. Take in a movie; take a class at the art museum or Adult Ed. Learn to knit, crochet, spin wool--anything that keeps your hands too busy so you can't be using them to feed your mouth!

Pause & think about the discomfort you feel when you don't get immediate gratification of eating non-healthy food or eating for comfort or out of boredom or whatever reason you figure out it is. Attack this Sunday night eating from as many angles as you can.

1). Why are you eating? Bored; lonely; feeling intense emotions you want to cover up w/eating & food--which you know only makes things worse later as the problem is still there & then compounded by feeling badly about "failing" at your eating plan; overwhelmed w/your "to do" list; anxiety; depression; low motivation at the end of a weekend; procrastination; yes, the list of why you might be using food for reasons other than nourishment are endless & I know as I've employed them all!

But once you figure out the reason you can attack it w/a vengeance. Boredom? Learn new stuff through classes--many free ones at local library & you will meet new, interesting people.

Procrastination (a HUGE problem of mine)? The 1st step to doing that chore or whatever it is you are procrastinating is the worst. It is a huge hurdle to START any project. I set a kitchen timer for 15 minutes & then promise myself I only have to work on the project for 15 minutes. Then I work like a fiend for 15 minutes & it is amazing how much you can accomplish in that short time. I can then quit knowing I have succeeded & plan to do 15 minutes later or tomorrow. But, usually, when I see how much I have accomplished I feel motivated to continue working. It is a tool that helps me beat my procrastination (& perfectionism--another foe to getting anything accomplished; if I can't do something perfectly I don't do it at all--needless to say, a lot doesn't get done w/this attitude).

So figure out the reason & then figure out the antidote.

And remember the idea of instant gratification of eating the junk food or overeating or whatever the problem is, it is very hard to exercise the muscles of delayed gratification (I feel so much better the next morning when I didn't overeat at a restaurant the night before, for example, but it was HARD to deny myself that night), but it gets easier & easier.

Sorry for the ramble! Take care!

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COURTNEY055 10/7/2012 7:18AM

    Hang in there! You'll do great. Even if you're alone, listen to that little voice that's telling you "No" and don't give into temptation. IDK what your weakness is or what u cook when you're home alone, but try to cook healthy for yourself or if u go out if you're alone...try to order healthy. U can get most menus online so u know what to get before u even go. Just because you're alone, don't sabatoge yourself. That little voice in your head will not steer u wrong..Lol. Listen to it BEFORE u indulge in something you know you shouldn't. Don't worry about the 3lbs. either. It happens. Just take a look back and see where u slipped up and make a note of it and don't do it again. If it's a pattern, find a way to break it. You can do this! You're worth it! An hour long walk is great exercise. Try throwing in some crunches or leg lifts or side bends. That burns calories too. Good luck on your weigh in on Mon. Personally, I am not a big fan of the scale. I know alot (ok, most) ppl rely on it but to me it just gives u a number telling u what u weigh AT THE EXACT MOMENT U STEP ON IT. There are so many variables especially for us women. If it shows a loss,,, emoticon enjoy it. If it shows a gain or nothing at all...please don't beat yourself up. It's not the end of the world. It could be anything...water weight, you're building muscle, TOM? Scales fluctuate so much it's sad. I weigh in about once a month. I used to be a slave to the scale and it would get me SO depressed if I didn't see a loss. Then, I started reading articles and testimonials about it and I realized that ppl were right, the scale is NOT the defining factor of your weight loss journey. It's just a measuring tool and not an exact one at that. Have u taken measurments? They are much more accurate. I just started doing that.

Ok, I'm rambling. Enough of that...

Best of luck to you and all your goals! You can do this! You're a fabulous woman worthy of every pound you lose!


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UMUCGRAD 10/6/2012 9:49PM

    Back on track. Thanks for checking in. Just sharing my missteps helps me to re-focus.

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MCJULIEO 10/6/2012 6:19PM

    Many flu shots wind up helping people's resistance to common colds! Hope it works for you!

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MS.ELENI 10/6/2012 5:20PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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I am on my way again

Monday, September 17, 2012

I weighed my self this morning and I have lost 3 pounds this week, it was a big surprise to me.
Otherwise the day was a disappointment as I was supposed to be doing an 8 week patchwork course but when I got there it had been cancelled and they had not let me know.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BARCLE 9/23/2012 12:19AM

    Great news about the weight loss - awesome! Total bummer about the class emoticon

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MCJULIEO 9/18/2012 9:51PM

    Nice victory, but so sorry about the class!

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SUSANS706 9/18/2012 8:30AM

    emoticon sorry about your class, but celebrate your progress!! Great job!!

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CAKAROO 9/18/2012 5:55AM


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ITS_NOT_EASY 9/18/2012 2:37AM

    Sorry to hear about the class, it was inconsiderate of them not to let you know.

Well done on the weight loss! emoticon

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LALMEIDA 9/17/2012 9:32PM

  emoticon on the weight loss

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MS.ELENI 9/17/2012 2:31PM

    Congrats on loss and thanks for comment on Roxy

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CRAFTINWIFE 9/17/2012 1:54PM

    What a bummer the class was cancelled, especially since no one let you know.

emoticon emoticon emoticon on the weight loss!!

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