Wednesday, May 07, 2014
I've quit and restarted here so many times I've lost count. My first login here at SP was 2011, I think? And I've yet to lose the first 10 pounds I wanted to lose. I'm very tempted right now to delete this SP account so no one will see all those restarts.
Lately I've gotten depressed about not being able to stick to working out, and not being able to resist things like chocolate pie. I feel like, and tell myself, "I'm getting fat." Or, "I'm going to actually be fat if I don't get this under control." It's so self-destructive and mean, and yet it feels like a truth I need to face. My 40th birthday is in less than a month.
I KNOW all of the things, about "just ten minutes" and "start small" and "every day is another chance to do better," -- I write about them for my job, for heaven's sake, to motivate others, and yet I can't seem to take them to heart for myself, particularly when I'm stressed, which I have been, very much, for these reasons:
--we had to get our house ready to sell in Jan/Feb
--we sold our house in 2 days in March
--we began looking for a new house in March
--we move at the end of May and have lots of packing and organizing and stuff to do
--I still have a full-time job that is go-go-go from 7:30 to 4:30
--I still have 2 kids in the height of their school years
Several weeks ago I was convinced that if I would JUST allow myself 7 hours of sleep every night, all my problems (and pounds) would be magically solved. (I'm still wishing, actually.) But I... 'forget' to go to bed on time. My coworker, and my parents, are doing Weight Watchers and I feel like it might help me, too, but on the other hand I don't want to PAY for it, nor do I want to go in front of other people to meetings and admit I need the help (not to mention telling my husband I'm going to WW, for some reason that embarrasses me, too). My Granny did WW and I always felt sorry for her, having to do that. And she hated it. I know there's no shame in it -- I'm here telling people on the internet, after all -- but in person feels different. Would it be better for me? Maybe. But I don't know if I'm willing to do it.
I don't know where I'm going with this. I just want to do better. I WANT so much to be a healthy person, a fit person. When my husband turned 40, he started going to the gym regularly and has kept that up the last 5 years, and still going strong. I REALLY want to do the same and be proud of myself for using "40" as a jumping off point.
Friday, January 10, 2014
This week, man! It has been crazy. With the kids out of school Monday and then unexpectedly Tuesday, and me having to attend a national meeting Mon/Tues and then play catch-up the rest of the week at work... it has worn me right out.
Today it's rainy AGAIN. I am so tired of the rain.
We're supposed to have Family Movie Night tonight, and the kids are excited. It's dependent on their behavior, though. We'll see what happens. My 5yo is still testing me every chance she gets.
I could use a 60-minute massage, is what I'm saying I think.
I have managed to stay mostly within calorie goals. I'm pleased about that and I hope that I can stick with it over the weekend. I want to do a "cheat day" but I'm kind-of afraid to let myself go there. Maybe after a few weeks. Does anyone have advice about that?
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