Wednesday, January 16, 2013
I have NEVER been skinny. I have a "big bone" build and I am 5'7. However, I am at the highest weight I've ever been at up to this point and I have never felt more disgusted.
My parents never kept much junk food in the house and chips were only served at parties or for a quick dinner with a burger. My mom didn't bake so we never really had sweets either. And as far as genetics, my dad was always skinny, as was my mother (until she got in her 40's--she started getting chunky then!) So WTH??!! How come I never got to be thin like them?!! I did have my thyroid tested and the results were normal. So now I realize my weight came from my poor eating/exercise choices over the years--ya know...the usual reason!!
I can remember dieting when I was in my teens--using Slim Fast. But that failed after a few days-- I just couldn't do the whole not eating, only drinking crappy tasting fake shakes! When I got pregnant with my daughter, 17 years ago, I actually LOST weight since I was pretty much nauseated the entire day for months and just didn't have many cravings and ate minimal to make sure she was healthy. The same with my son who was born 23 months later. After his birth, I slowly started gaining weight....again.
I experimented with diet pills but I would forget to take them. I tried the Atkins Diet but couldn't stick to it--too many restrictions, I went to WW in 2006 and lost 30 lbs. I needed the support and accountability. I felt great! I got down to 230 lbs which, was still a lot but was my best weight in a long time. I felt like I had control over my eating, then my mom got very sick (almost died on a ventilator) and I started emotional eating.
My weight shot up again over the past few years, I tried more "dieting"--trying the 17-day-diet, which worked for as long as I could stick to it. But diets don't work for me. I'm too hard headed and stubborn and when I want something, I want it. LOL I found I do better eating what I want in moderation. However, over the past few years, the whole "moderation" thing totally has gone out the window. Plus, it really doesn't help with people always telling me "oh, you don't LOOK like you weigh as much as you do!" and the doctors telling me, "you carry your weight well" I used it as an excuse to eat as I wanted since, according to others, I didn't LOOK that big! ....yeah right.
I guess it also didn't help that when I went for my physical 18 months ago to become a Parole Agent they did an EKG, all blood work (cholesterol, sugar, etc.), hearing tests, eye test, blood pressure, etc and I came out healthy as a horse. All normal....which is good! But it gave me yet another "excuse" to eat as I wanted since...hmmm....I am "fat" but since all my tests are normal I must be ok!
I LOVE food. I love the taste of food, I love trying different foods, I'm a "meat and potatoes" gal...don't get me wrong, I do like veggies, but I rarely eat them. I LOVE eating out and we do....at least 3 to 4 times a week. And when we go out, I don't order fish or salads, I go for the cheesy spinach artichoke dip app (there's veggies in that, right???!!!) and a burger or steak. And I HATE diet sodas...yuck. About the only one I can stomach is diet Dr. Pepper (cherry). So of course I would order Pepsi or whatever other cola they had. Only recently to wean myself off, I started asking the waitress to give me half and half (half diet, half regular).
Right now...I feel gross. When I see pictures of myself I get disgusted looking at my double chin and fat-hanging-out-everywhere body. My clothes don't fit as good as they used to, my knees are starting to ache...which just started recently, and my spanx are not going to hold this muffin top in much longer! Overall, I feel horrible about myself and I'm just not happy.
The positive thing is that I HAVE THE ABILITY TO CHANGE IT ALL!!! I'm ready. Let's do this fellow BLC-ers!
Me at my favorite NY winery!
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Goal #1: Exercise at least 5x a week. This will be the biggest challenge for me, especially on the weekdays, because between my super busy schedule and then the lack of energy after a long day, I just don¡¦t always feel up to it.
THE PLAN: I refuse to let my team down so my plan is to bring gym clothes to work with me and get on the elliptical at work for at least 30 minutes (this will be a bigger challenge than you know because my ex also works out at our work gym at the same time I take my lunch¡KLOL). It¡¦ll be ok, I promise º I can also take my dogs for a walk and since we live in a great neighborhood, it doesn¡¦t matter how late we go!! I¡¦d like to try yoga and the Zumba classes at the new gym me and honey are joining, but I don¡¦t know what kind of time I will have on the weekdays for this so I can¡¦t make any definite promises! But it is definitely an option!! I also have a Wii with a couple of the Just Dance games and Zumba. I love them and I have to start doing them. Oh yeah¡KI also bought Turbo Fire a few months back but haven¡¦t gotten a chance to try it yet. See Eileen!! You CAN make time to exercise!!!
Goal #2: To only eat out once or twice a week (and eat healthy when I do!). My honey LOVES going out to eat and does so at least 4x a week and every weekend. He makes decent money, so he is able to do that. HOWEVER, recently he has mentioned he¡¦d like to lose some weight as well since he is diabetic. BINGO!! Here is my chance!! Last night for dinner I made chicken and veggie shish kabobs and he only ate one plate of food compared to his 2 or 3!! He usually would also stop on his way home from work for fast food burgers as an ¡§appetizer¡¨ to dinner. We talked about it and he agreed that not buying food at restaurants would save us a lot of money and since we are planning a basement remodel, the extra money would be a plus!
Goal #3: Keep track of what I eat every day. I¡¦ve been doing fairly well at this but I¡¦ve found that if I ate super crappy on a certain day, I would skip it altogether. I will make myself accountable for what I eat. No matter what.
Goal #4: Lose 25 lbs. by the end of this challenge. I was looking over some SparkFriends pics and by reading the captions I could just feel the excitement of her weight loss as her weight spiraled downward (15 lb loss, 20 lb loss, 25 lb loss, 50 lb loss, 60 lb loss). It made me remember the kind of excitement I felt when I lost 30 lbs on WW. (Thanks former Azurita--Chrissy!!). I really have to thank her for renewing that inspiration and bringing that feeling back to me!!
Goal #5: Plan my meals. I have really been slacking at this and since I get up in the morning with just enough time to get ready and scoot out of the door (I am absolutely NOT a morning person!!), I have forgotten to set something out to defrost more than once, which usually led to the ¡¥ol¡K¡¨oh well, guess I gotta order take out tonight.¡¨
Goal #6: My plan is to eat more protein, fiber and fruits and veggies. I¡¦m horrible at eating freggies on a consistent basis, so this too, will be a challenge in itself for me. I know I can do it though, because on SAC 3 we had the Eat-As-Many-Veggies-As-You-Can-In-One-Week challenge and my number was in the 30¡¦s!!
**I wanted to get these posted¡KI will probably update as I go though!!***
Rewards: No more swollen ankles.
Pants will fit better.
Will look better in my clothes.
Friday, September 07, 2012
Hello! Since I recently joined the BLC and look forward to meeting new friends, I just figured I'd share some of my background with you!
I grew up in a little town called Tunkhannock (northeast PA). I moved to Erie after graduation with a guy i was "in love" with...lol. I am the adventurous type so I figured "what the heck!" I lived there for about 4 1/2 years. I had gotten pregnant with my daughter by my boyfriend of two years but when he found out I was pregnant he decided that was his time to "run around." A few short months later, I had my friends help me put all of my stuff into a u-haul and I left him while he was at work (since he was busy cheating and not helping me with anything at all). I moved back to NEPA, had my daughter and woke up. I decided I didn't want to rely on the welfare system so I went to college full time to get my Certification in Medical Transcripstion. I graduated Suma Cum Laude and landed a job at a Dr.'s office a few months later.
I met the father of my son (who was born 23 months after my daughter) while I was in college. He took my daughter under his wing like she was his own. We had an 8 year relationship (that ended in 2004) and even though we aren't presently together--he still treats my daughter as his own and I respect him for that. We also get along better as friends!!
I took the state civil service test for Clerk Typist and I did well. I got a job in a state prison about a year later (1999). The money was good and the benefits were even better but being the strong, independent woman I am and having high ambition, I knew I could do even better for me and my family. I went back to college to pursue a degree in Criminal Justice. I again graduated with honors in 2007.
At the end of '07 I was promoted to Corrections Mail Inspector at another state prison. Six months after that I was promoted again to work for the state Parole Board as a Parole Assistant. Three years later I was promoted to the job I went to college for in the first place--state Parole Agent!! I had worked hard and reached my goal! I cried when I was sworn in and got my badge!! I have been an Agent for about a year now and I haven't been happier!!
I have a wonderful family. Alexa is my 16 year old girly-girl daugther who has to have the latest fashion and thinks mom really does stand for "made out of money!" You think she would want to get her driving license...I mean, I have a car for her! Nope! This little woman would rather be "chauffered" around!! On the plus side...she is the sweetest girl with a good heart but she has one heck of a temper!! She drives me nuts sometimes, but those of you out there who have a teenage daughter know exactly what I'm talking about!
Sterling is my 14 year old ladies man. He is heavy into sports...football, basketball, etc. He is pretty good too. I love watching him play. This is his 8th year of playing football. This guy has the best personality ever. He is happy go lucky with a raging sense of humor. This guy can always make me laugh!
I have a fiance, Will, who has been with me throughout some of the toughest times in my life with his strength and reliability, He is truly a blessing. If it weren't for him, I don't know how I would've gotten through this year. He is a hard working (12 hr days, 5x a week), caring, generous guy who is always surprising me with flowers, cards, trips, etc. He's awesome with the kids too and spoils the heck out of them.
I can't forget our wonderful pets!! There is Diesel, who is a German Shepherd/Pitt Bull mix who is a total baby. I love hlim to death. He is a rescue and I'm so glad he found us!! We also have Shay who is a mix between a Boxer and some other smaller dog. She is adorable and extremely sweet. We also have Athena the ball python and Sabu the Bearded Dragon! We love our pets and they are spoiled to death!!
So how do I spend my days??? I work during the day with a 45 minute one way commute (not TOO bad--but some days I swear I need a Valium traveling that interstate!!). I come home, make dinner, pick up my son from football and go visit my mom in the nursing home. Yeah, it's pretty hectic on the weekdays but I've been doing it for so long, it's like second nature!
As you read above, my mother is currently living in a nursing home. She is only 70 years old but due to her smoking, she has been in and out of the hospital for about the past 10 years. But on New Year's Eve past she went into the hospital because she couldn't breathe and never returned home. My father had dementia so he couldn't take care of her and with my mother's severe breathing problems, she couldn't take care of him. They were BOTH on oxygen 24/7. They were both placed in a nursing home (my mother because she needed rehab) together, which as long as they were together, they were happy. If you read an earlier blog entry you saw my dad passed in April. Me, being POA, had the overwhelming task of taking care of everything and I do mean everything. It has settled down quite a bit now, but earlier in the year it was a nightmare. They have no Will and everything was in their names only so I can't "save" anything. The house is currently being sold but all of that money will go to the nursing home. My mom will be getting my dad's pension settlement....$20,000 to the nursing home. It's devastating. I definitely learned a life lesson the hard way and I know what arrangements to make in case I ever become disabled.
Hmmmm...not much else to say...my favorite color is purple....my favorite food is prime rib or seafood....LOL I feel like I'm filling out one of those dating website things...so I'll stop :).
So that is a little peek into "ME"---thanks for taking the time to read!!
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