Saturday, December 27, 2014
Okay, so I don't get on here nearly as often as I should. Shame on me! But anyways, just thought I'd post a quick update on my life.
Currently I weigh 305.2 lbs. Two years ago I weighed 100 lbs. less. 100 lbs! What has happened to me? I guess it all went downhill when I started having some strange health problems. The frequent involuntary vomiting, the persistent migraines, the rectal bleeding...I guess I just gave up on my health. With the stress of the wedding and other personal issues, I had just given up on myself, and I got really, REALLY depressed.
I got on Prozac and I also switched to a new birth control pill. I gained a lot of weight after that and I blamed it on the meds, when in reality, it probably wasn't the meds but my lack of care for myself. Granted, the meds probably had something to do with the extra weight gain, but that's besides the point. I let myself go. I hated going to the doctor because I knew I had to get on the scale.
Well, my health had continued to get worse and I knew it was bad. I knew I had to get my numbers looked at. So...I went to the doctor.
At some point, I got it into my head that I may have a thyroid problem. After all, I had gained 30 lbs in 3 months which I thought was crazy. 30 lbs? Really? I knew I got comfortable after the wedding but REALLY? Anyways, I asked my NP about getting blood work done to check my thyroid and my cholesterol as well as other numbers. Well, my thyroid results were completely normal. My cholesterol levels, however, were slightly elevated. So, she told me to start a low-fat diet. I never did....
Well, if you read my blog posts from this summer, you know that I did the walk of shame at Cedar Point. No need to get into that again, but I stopped all of my meds cold turkey. Well, I didn't see any results. I did feel better knowing that I was medication free though!
So about a month ago, I start getting calls from the doctor's office asking me to come in to check on my blood work again. I ignored the calls because I really did not want to go. I knew I had seriously slacked and I also didn't want to get on the scale. Unfortunately, they kept calling and calling and even sending me mail to the point where I couldn't ignore them anymore.
I called and set an appointment for the December 23rd. I went in and luckily they did my blood draw without having me step on the scale. It did take them awhile to find a vein. They checked both arms and both hands as well, but after a lot of flexing, they finally found one. Anyways, it was done.
I have an account online with the office, so I was able to check my test results later that afternoon. No surprise, but my cholesterol levels were still slightly elevated. 204 this time compared to 202 last time. Some of my other numbers were higher too but still within normal range. So I decided to cancel my follow-up appointment the day after Christmas because I knew what she would tell me and I didn't want to waste the gas to get there.
This is turning out to be really long and I'm sorry for that. I promise I'm almost finished!
Well, I did some exploring on the OSF myhealth website and noticed that I could email my doctor with non-urgent medical questions. So I decided to give something my husband and I had been worrying about a go. You see, when I stopped all of that medication back after Cedar Point, I didn't really have a period. In fact, I haven't had one for over 5 months. I thought this was just my body getting used to not being on the birth control anymore, but I thought it would be out of my system by now. So, I emailed the doctor.
She actually responded fairly quickly. Basically she was like, "This is a symptom of a thyroid problem." I thought my numbers were normal but I guess they were a high normal. I compared the numbers from last time. This time it was 3.47 and the last time was 1.95. That was a little bit of a jump, I guess. So....she put me on levothyroxine and told me to come back in 6-8 weeks.
Well, it's my third day on this med and I am miserable. I have been getting really bad headaches and on the first day I had some serious dizziness going on. This is not a great combination for the work environment I work in. So that was fun.
Well, I guess I'm just asking what I should expect on these meds? What's going to happen to me and my body? Has anyone out there had any luck?
Tuesday, September 02, 2014
Well my husband and I celebrated our one year anniversary this week, but boy, has it been rough.
Well, it was yesterday (Monday), and Ross decided to take me to Red Lobster for lunch (my favorite) since he had to work that afternoon. Well...on the way, we blew one of our brand spankin' new tires that we just got put on this past Friday. We didn't even make it 10 miles out of town! We were both pretty discouraged after that, but we put on the donut and continued the half hour to the restaurant.
Red Lobster was lovely, but we had to head back so that Ross could get ready for work. I then proceeded to spend the rest of the evening by myself and we even forgot to eat the cake from our wedding! Oh gees...
Anyways, we are going to start our vacation tomorrow by heading to the Amanas Colonies in Iowa. I am super excited to go and we are taking our mother with us. We're hopefully going to stop and see the American Pickers on the way in Les Claire, IA. What I'm most looking forward to is going to the wineries at the Colonies. When I went a couple of years ago, I discovered this rhubarb wine that I haven't been able to find anywhere else. I've been telling everyone that I'm going to buy the whole stock when I get there. I LOVE that wine.
I guess with all that's happening is that I really need to try and stay on track during this vacation. My goal is to try and go for walks and get on the Wii Fit Plus as much as I can. I'm also going to count my calories as much as I can and not "cheat".
Would you all pray for me?
Sunday, July 27, 2014
I got back from Ohio on Wednesday night. Let me tell you...it was the worst vacation of my life.
Let's just say I've been planning this vacation for months. My husband and I were going with six of our friends. We paid for our tickets and hotel and it was going to be the perfect weather for a day at Cedar Point.
We left early Monday morning and prepared for the long drive to Sandusky, Ohio. It took seven hours. I was slightly peeved because I knew the toll road was going to be faster, but the group said it was tradition to take the scenic route (this was our first time going with the group). Anyways, we made it to the hotel and we spent the rest of the day at the indoor waterpark, which was fun for a bit. My husband and I decided to spend a part of the evening in the arcade which was really fun. We went to Walmart and Fazoli's and called it a night.
The next day was the big day. We had early access to Cedar Point so we headed to the island and waited for the gates to open. Our first ride was the Raptor. There was no line. I got ready to get on the ride. I sat down and I didn't fit. My butt was too big. The attendant tried to latch the belt, but my belly was too big. He apologized and I had to get off the ride. All of his friends saw. My husband asked if he should get off, but I told him to stay. I attempted to hold back tears while I waited on the exit ramp and watch our group enjoy their first ride of the day.
Once off, I asked my husband to walk with me around the park and try out the test seats which are located at the entrances of rides. Every ride we went to, I was too big. "This ride may not accommodate guests of larger size".
I had to stop several times to cry it out. What was the point of me being at the park if I couldn't fit on any of the rides? Why me? Is this really happening? These were questions I asked myself repeatedly. All I wanted to do was go back to the hotel and cry it out. Why stay at the park just to watch everyone get on the rides and me just sit waiting for them?
I made my decision. My husband called his friends letting them know he was going to drive me back to the hotel. I said I would try and keep myself occupied by going back to the arcade and water park when in reality, all I did was sleep, cry, and mope around.
I was miserable. Absolutely miserable.
I woke up from my nap and called my husband. He said that they were going to come get me for dinner. I was happy that they were going to include me since my day had been ruined.
7 pm rolled by. No call.
8 pm rolled by. No call.
9 pm rolled by. No call.
I called my husband and asked where they were. He said they didn't want to leave the park. It was too much of a big deal for them.
I cried and cried and cried.
I had spent the entire day by myself and they couldn't leave the park and hour early to include me in their day and festivities? My already batter self-esteem crumbled away...
All I thought to myself was "Why leave early to take the fat girl to eat?" "Why should we leave early? It's not our fault she's fat!"
I cried some more. My self-worth was non-existent. I felt so low...so unwanted...so worthless.
My husband tried his best to get someone to come back with him. There were too many people and not enough cars so he couldn't come back by himself. When he eventually made it back to the hotel, I cried myself to sleep in his arms. I wanted to go home.
So as you can see, THAT was a wake up call.
If I ever want to go back to Cedar Point, I will need to make some changes. Positive changes. Healthy changes. Emotional changes. Maybe even friend changes. Who knows?
It was traumatizing. That's all I can say. Please pray for me.
Monday, July 14, 2014
I'm really struggling. I have not done anything productive with my health. I work, sleep, eat, and go back to work again. I don't have energy to do anything, and when I do, I don't see any progress.
What can I do? Where can I get the proper support to keep me on track?
I know what to do...
I've done it before...
Why can't I do it again????
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
I'm facing a dilemma.
When I first started Sparkpeople nearly 3 years ago, the weight just fell off. This time around, after I gained back all of my weight lost and THEN some, I'm easily discouraged at not seeing the scale move. Yes, I know weight loss is more than a number, yada yada yada, but if I don't lose weight, my doctor is going to yell at me again.
I'm 296 lbs as of this morning. Two years ago, I weighed just over 200. I have NEVER been so overweight/obese. When I first started Sparkpeople, I weighed around 260 lbs. Yuck.
Now, I'll admit, my eating habits are WAY out of line. I need to start eating healthy again, but right now I just don't have the motivation or the budget to purchase "good for me" food.
On the bright side, however, since we moved into town, I've been going on almost daily walks which I've been keeping track of on my Digifit app. I'm starting to ease myself back into DVD workouts such as Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred. I just started yesterday, and I'm really just trying to pace myself. After all, circuit training is totally different when you weigh 200 lbs and now 296 lbs.
I'm really just looking for the right diet and routine for me again, and I need constant motivation or I'm quickly going to get off track. My health needs to improve. If it doesn't, I'm just holding myself from endless possibilities.
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