Tuesday, December 16, 2014
So I had a couple of spark related epiphanies and came back to blog about them because I knew that fellow sparkies would understand.
A lot has happened since I last blogged. I lost my dad, someone who I loved so much. He went through so much during the last year. I feel like we all fought so hard for him and then suddenly he was gone. I didn't know how to process it..stil don't actually. I think I was slightly in shock and have only now started to grieve.
I think when you are worried and taking care of others, it is easy to forget that it is important to take care of yourself. Now that I'm slowly starting to come back to focusing on my own health. I've made two discoveries..which might seem obvious to any one else out there who reaches for comfort food when stressed, but for me it was very eye-opening.
One day when I was particularly sad and stressed, someone said something nasty to me and in that instant I watched myself go to the refrigerator and pull out some chocolate. For the rest of the day I kept going back to that bag of chocolates because I was having trouble processing how someone could be so nasty.
So weird, why must we abuse our own bodies if someone else says something offensive? I mean didn't they already cover the whole abusive bit so how does overeating and abusing our own bodies help? I'm talking to myself here.
I know that comfort food somehow provides comfort but in reality it really doesn't and it didn't in that instant either. I just suddenly realized that abusing myself after someone already had wasn't the way to go. I mean that's double the negativity. This whole concept has been intellectually obvious to me for awhile but this time I really *saw* it if that makes any sense.
Anyhow, now to the epiphany #2.which is that it is so important to let go of other people's behavior. Totally connected to epiphany #1 above..If I could completely let go of someone else's behavior no matter what I expected of them, then going for the comfort food would not even be an option because I would get stressed out in the moment but then let it go immediately. I know that this is going to require me to be an exceptionally generous-hearted person *but* I think it's possible. I just need to get there.
Life definitely has it's way of teaching lessons.