EDDYMEESE   11,276
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EDDYMEESE's Recent Blog Entries

103 - Shandi

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Yesterday was a big day for us...I amputated Shandi's cancer leg (well, I monitored the anesthesia and Zvika held my hand and told me to stop crying). It was a rough night for everyone - she cried a lot and I didn't get more than an hour or two of sleep.

But then she suddenly stood up on her own and went potty, had some breakfast, and has been sleeping on/off all day. What a trooper and how resilient these animals are!

I have fought (and won) the urge to just splurge all day today - something about vegging out with my girl automatically leads me to thoughts of Cheetos and ice cream. But I didn't do it! I can't say I didn't overeat snacking all day, but I didn't cave :)

I'm back up a few pounds since deciding to try the good old "calories-in, calories-out" method...so back to Paleo I go. It isn't that I don't enjoy the food on Paleo, it's that I also enjoy a lot of things not on Paleo. Oh well, same old song and dance.

Otherwise, we're juggling a lot of emotions right now between Shandi and FIL and plans for IVF and work stress and such...but overall I think we're handling it well. I'll update as things progress.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HONEYBEA 9/21/2014 5:46PM

    I hear ya! When I do paleo (the right way) the fat just melts off. When I try to make some things I'd LIKE to eat but do not need, the weight comes back on. Good for you for sticking to your guns about the not over eating. I had a very stressed out month and did not do as well as you. Hubby has a job interview which may mean the end of food stamps and I can go back on paleo. Woohoo! Sorry to hear about the amputation but I'm so glad it all went as well as it could.

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PHEBESS 9/11/2014 7:32PM

    OMG, you are so brave - I don't know if I could have done that! But I'm glad she's doing well - animals definitely recuperate more quickly than we do!

And all the rest - well, life will work itself out eventually. Just hang in there!

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MEXGAL1 9/11/2014 6:13PM

    I am so glad to hear that your baby is doing okay and fighting to come back. Poor baby.
Good for you not to give into your food cravings and then be sorry for it later.
Have a good evening.

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TWESTEN1 9/11/2014 2:37PM

    I was so glad when I saw the pic you posted of her standing up! It is amazing how quickly some of these animals can bounce back. I'm thrilled that she's doing better, even though it was a rough night. Hopefully everyone sleeps better tonight.

And I'm very proud of you for not giving in to the temptation to binge! Good for you!!!! It's such a hard thing when we're stressed and that comfort food is right there - but you held off. What a huge win!

I'm still praying that you'll carry a baby one day. Nothing would make me happier. But also know, that I know, if pregnancy doesn't happen, you two can adopt and become amazing parents and that child will be YOURs in every sense of the word. Love ya!

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CONFUSEDBIRD 9/11/2014 9:34AM

    Your photo on fb made my heart hurt for everything you and Zvika are going through right now. I really hope there's a light at the end of the tunnel for you guys. Such a crapola year.

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MRTHING2000 9/11/2014 6:09AM

    Counting calories, especially carbs, is the way to go. It is more work but worth it. It keeps one on track

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SLIMMERJESSE 9/10/2014 10:22PM

    Oh my, how difficult! Wow. Hang in there.

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    I was not expecting the surgery so soon. My heart aches for you and her, GF. This had me in tears. Thank God that Zvika was there with you! I hope she does okay. It sounds like she is a tough girl. I'm going to be praying for you and for her. Love you, girl! emoticon

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GEORGE815 9/10/2014 8:49PM

    I am sure that was a tough thing to do. I hope everyone is doing better. I hope the amputation will be a success.

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96 - eek.

Thursday, September 04, 2014

Ooof. That was a really bad place I was in 6 days ago. My apologies. My intention is never to "up and leave". I plan on being my own success story.

Anyway, here's where I'm at now:

1 - first session with personal trainer yesterday...feeling it today. We meet once a week, which leave me with 2 more days of strength training and 2-3 days of cardio that I have to make myself do. I can do that. I have an old treadmill at home, and maybe if I'm good, I'll reward myself with a new one in a few months.

2 - I am officially starting my antique collection - who knew I was an antique fanatic, right? 34 years old, with the soul of a 90-year-old, what can I say? I'm going to my first auction on September 11 :) I have to narrow down my interests, because I can't just run around buying whatever I please. Furniture is my favorite, any era prior to the 1920's. Art Deco is a favorite of mine, but anything after that, and I lose interest. Collecting furniture is hard because of cost, space, shipping issues...So I'm going to focus my collection on clocks. I have 5 now. I also want to teach myself how to fix and restore them, which is actually pretty hard. I also like rugs, glassware, jewelry...but those get really pricey. Having a hobby is awesome and I'm excited to really throw myself into it!

3 - Work...well, work gets to be emotionally draining and I'm looking forward to my hobby. We were talking at work about how we get to the point where we crave anything BUT animals..we don't want to see movies about dying dogs, or TV shows about reuniting pets or saving animals, or read books about a man's best friend, etc. Imagine being a lawyer and watching only Law and Order when you got home and reading only John Grisham...sometimes you need a break!

4 - Food isn't going so great...I'm like an angry teenager who doesn't want to conform. So I'm counting calories, and that's all I'm going to say about that for now, lol.

I hope everyone is well - thank you for the support, as usual :)

Here is a picture of one of my clocks:

and yes, that is a doily, and yes, I was born after 1930...but it is a beautiful, hand-made lace doily from Czechoslovakia, and I have beautiful lace curtains, too (but won't hang them because of the cats).

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CONFUSEDBIRD 9/11/2014 9:30AM

    Happy to see that you didn't stay away long!

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HONEYBEA 9/5/2014 9:37PM

    I love old things too. My passion is old, hand painted China. They are so dainty and feminine. I hope to one day learn how to paint them too.
I think loving old things shows an appreciation well crafted items. I long for the days when things were made from brass and wood. This love of such things takes me to the world of Steampunk items. Hand crafted, gorgeous, and functional. I tire of plastic items with no soul.
Good going to a personal trainer. I'm sure you'll see some great results. Thanks for stopping by!

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MEXGAL1 9/5/2014 8:56PM

    love the clocks.
good for you to not give up. I know you have heard this before that it's a process and the journey is necessary to learn new habits and it takes time and ups and downs. the important part is that you continue to come back and get on board.
keep on keeping on!
Have a great week end

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    I have an old treadmill too and my hubby doesn't like me to use it so it has been moved from place to place in the house by him until it ended up in the garage and he finally buried it in there.

My husband loves antiques and we both inherited some. Nothing of major value but I have the bed my grandpa was born in and my great great grandma's hutch. An old wash pitcher. Things like that.

My FIL was a clock doctor and so was our neighbor. Our neighbor had a dump on his property with clock parts on it. I have a really beautiful clock I inherited.

I collect jewelry and glassware.

I hear you on needing to get away from work. I don't watch medical shows. In fact everyone who knows me is aware that I refuse to watch a movie that doesn't have a happy ending. I have experienced enough real death and dying to last a light time. Watching fake death and dying seem kind of sick to me now. I let lay people play around with it.

Food is the same with me. Feast or famine. I can be good for short period - like 15 minutes. LOL.

Nice clock and, by the way, I am the queen of doilies. Anything lace. My mom made doilies and lace tablecloths, etc. My curtains are all lace. My poor hubby lives in a feminine home. He sometimes whines about what area of the house is his and I tell him it's the polebarn. LOL.

Comment edited on: 9/5/2014 11:55:51 AM

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PHEBESS 9/4/2014 11:05PM

    My mom had an antique store, so I absolutely understand the lure of collecting. Don't forget to check house sales, estate sales, even used stuff stores - you can find hidden treasures!

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WOUBBIE 9/4/2014 10:33PM

    Ah, a period after my own heart! My house looks like late Victorian that was updated in the 1930's, lol!

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TWESTEN1 9/4/2014 9:59PM

    You are stinkin' adorable! I love that you love antiques and you are collecting clocks (and want to learn to fix & restore them - wow!). It's neat to see more of a person than just the obvious! You reminded me of a little boy I used to have in one of my preschool classes. He was actually a big boy for his age & had autism (though his mom didn't believe it). At age 4 you could ask what he did last night and he'd say "okay". What's your favorite color? "okay". But he could name shapes, colors, etc. Awesome kid. But, I digress. He used to bring items in to school that he would carry around for the day. His favorite? Laminated photos of clocks! I loved him to pieces.. still miss him, thanks for reminding me of him :)

And yay on meeting with the personal trainer! That's exciting!!! I think the more you meet with the pt, the more you'll be eager to get in your cardio on your own. Exercise can get addicting.

As for food - at least you're counting your calories! I need to ... badly :) Well, sweetie, I'm glad you didn't stay away!!! We love you here & would miss you!

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ILOVEMALI 9/4/2014 1:58PM

  Welcome back!!!

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SLIMMERJESSE 9/4/2014 8:18AM

    What a beauty that clock is with lace doily. I've often thought your line of work would be extremely draining. Yes, the humans much more than the animals. (smiling) So happy to see you back. Big hug. My boys don't want to look outside anymore at the front door! Yikes! Probably when the new plants go in they will feel better.

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_RAMONA 9/4/2014 12:41AM

    It's SO nice to see you!!!

...and HOW exciting! What a great hobby! I hope you'll share pictures more often. I love old clocks... ones that chime, in particular. I also love glassware... I have some wonderful carnival glass that I treasure. Doilies, not so much, LOL... though lace collars are another story!

I find it funny that we seem to so often to be running on parallel tracks... I was just recently perusing estate sales... I'm not yet sure what I'm interested in, exactly, but I think they would be fun... perhaps for me there's an element of voyeurism into the stories of others.

Hang in there with other stuff. As you feel happier and feed your soul, the rest will fall into place!


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90 - Spark Break

Thursday, August 28, 2014

I'm not giving up, I'm really not.

I'm just tired of feeling like a Spark Fraud.

I'll still get on here to check in with Spark Friends, because I've been here long enough to make friends that mean more to me than they know, and I'm not giving up on being their friend.

If you're interested and would like to be my friend IRL, feel free to add me on Facebook - I try not to spend much time there, either, but still:

I'm Eddy-Zvika Meese on Facebook.

I'm not taking a break from losing weight or because SP is somehow to blame for my failures, I'm taking a break because I need to rethink how I'm committing myself to this process. I love SP, but I don't want to just go through the motions - I want to be a success story. I may come back in a week, maybe a month, maybe not at all. Who knows?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TWESTEN1 8/30/2014 11:47AM

    I'm glad you'll still check in & I'm sure you'll be back when you are ready. Never feel like a fraud or that you're not as good as you're supposed to be. There's no obligations - no requirements - this should be a place where you are loved unconditionally for who you are (the good, the bad and the ugly!!!). Love you!

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ILOVEMALI 8/30/2014 12:41AM

  We're here when you come back. You ARE a success story. In every way. Remember this.

I'll send a FB friend request, too --

xoxo, Debra Strunk

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MEXGAL1 8/29/2014 2:57PM

    I sent you a friend request on facebook. I am Sallie Veser Watson

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WOUBBIE 8/29/2014 2:53PM

    I trust you. I think it's not a bad idea to take a break and refresh yourself. The part of SparkPeople that helps you will probably call to you again. And you can be sure we'll all be thinking good thoughts about you!

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PHEBESS 8/29/2014 10:59AM

    I know that not losing the weight the way you want is frustrating. I'm only halfway to my goal weight, and I've been here some five or six years.

On the other hand, I've maintained that halfway weight loss, so I figure I might as well keep doing what I'm doing and keep that weight off.

So - you've lost some weight. You've developed healthier habits, and you want to maintain them. You aren't a fraud, you're human. Up to you whether you take a break or not, but I just wanted to put it out there - you aren't a failure just because you aren't losing all the weight all the time. Gotta consider the successes you've achieved too.


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LEIGHWOMAN 8/29/2014 10:00AM

    You gotta do what you gotta do. I often find myself just going through the motions, too. You should know that your blogs always help motivate me though. You have a healthy outlook on what to expect. Were' here for ya when you need us!

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CONFUSEDBIRD 8/28/2014 9:02PM

    I will miss your blogs

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    You are not allowed to leave for good. Besides, I know you will come back. You always come back. I HATE the thought of you leaving permanently. It makes me depressed. We need you as much as you need us.

I will try to use facebook if I can figure it out. I still don't know how it works really and should warm you that there are people who post things on my page and I have no idea who they are or how to get rid of what they post so please don't assume they are friends of mine. I also have someone who stalked me who is on there sometimes too.

I am in the process of rethinking and tweaking too. If success were a requirement to be here I would have been thrown out long ago. LOL.

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BERKCHIK 8/28/2014 4:24PM

thanks for letting us know where you stand for now...it's all temporary in life...but friends can go with you wherever you are.

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_RAMONA 8/28/2014 3:19PM


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87 - feeling better

Monday, August 25, 2014

Thank you to everyone who commented on my previous blog...I try not to dwell on the baby thing all of the time, but I go through these cycles where I just get so overwhelmed by it all. I wish I didn't want it, but I do.

Anyway, it's time to move on.

Thank you for the support :)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MEXGAL1 8/26/2014 1:51PM

    So glad you are feeling better and are moving forward.
Of course I do also wish you success in getting pregnant

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PHEBESS 8/26/2014 10:57AM

    I missed the previous blog - hugs to you!!!

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    We understand. Almost all of us would be doing the exact same thing in your position. This is important to you and it needs a positive resolution. emoticon

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WOUBBIE 8/26/2014 8:50AM


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BERKCHIK 8/26/2014 5:00AM


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ILOVEMALI 8/26/2014 2:12AM

  I'll send you strength and baby wishes.

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_RAMONA 8/26/2014 1:26AM

    The truth of it is that you are braver, smarter and stronger than most.

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84 - overwhelming depression

Friday, August 22, 2014

Some days it just happens...I wake up with an overwhelming sense of depression. I know why. Depression is a mental illness and it doesn't really have a whole lot to do with what I have or don't have in life.

I'm trying hard not to let it push me down and it has been tough not to let it do so today.

Of course, my biggest source of depression is the lack of children. I know we have a plan, but right now IVF is on hold and I'm back in limbo. AF is due any minute now and the PMS is hitting me hard. I always get this way at this time - both the hormones and knowing that it is another month without a pregnancy. I'm trying to be patient for DH, but I'm worried we'll reach a day that the doctors will tell us it is too late for us. I just don't think he gets that. We're still trying every month, but I no longer get excited about it - the only thing pregnancy has meant for me is miscarriage and at this point even if I saw that second pink line for the 5th time, it would just mean another painful loss and months of recovery. The doctor says that IVF is the only treatment for recurrent pregnancy loss and I'm 100% ready to give it a shot. But how can I push it when DH is only concerned about his father now? Of course he's right. I feel selfish, but I know it isn't such an unnatural feeling. I just want it to all work out.

Anyway, so that's kind of it today.

It's day 8 of my streak and I'm sticking to it - off to socialize as best as I can :)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PHEBESS 8/26/2014 11:00AM

    Ah sweetie, life is never fair or the way we want it to be. We just do the best with what we're given. Lots of hugs to you. (And some vitamin B6 for that PMS stuff!)

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MEXGAL1 8/24/2014 11:48AM

    Please don't feel selfish. Depression is a real thing and I certainly can understand why you feel the way you do. Do not apologize for feelings that you have. Try hard to distract yourself and exercise to get those endorphins elevated.
Have a good Sunday

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CONFUSEDBIRD 8/24/2014 8:45AM

    Good work on your streak! I bet it is hard that you finally felt like the IVF was gonna happen and now your back to the waiting game. Everything happens in due time even the bad like sickness. I am not religious person but sometimes you can't force progression to go any faster than it's meant to go. Everything in life is a learning experience, even the awful crap we have to trudge through when we have already been trudging for what felt like forever.

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    It is so unfair that you are going through this and I wish there was something I could do to change it. I really care for you and I will never give up hope that you will have your baby.

Today is a sad day for us too. Our baby Reekie died. We are devastated.

Comment edited on: 8/23/2014 7:54:27 PM

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WOUBBIE 8/23/2014 12:55PM


I can't say it any better than TWESTEN did.

(((((((More HUGS)))))))

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TWESTEN1 8/23/2014 7:04AM

    Precious girl - You have every right to all of those feelings. Other people will always have other things going on but that doesn't lessen the importance of your own feelings. I know many woman who have had this struggle and I've seen the hurt & depression it does cause. Almost due to get your period doesn't help any either. All I can say is that we love you. I know we can't make it better, but just know that one day it will all work out. Again, even if you can never carry a baby, you can adopt and I guarantee that child will be YOURS whether you carry it in your body or not. Of course, I pray that you will be able to conceive and give birth b/c I know that is your heart's dream. Prayers and hugs and love coming your way...

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_RAMONA 8/23/2014 1:04AM

    “Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."


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SLIMMERJESSE 8/23/2014 12:19AM

    You know, there will always be things happening. Meanwhile, you have a life to live together. That's just the way it is. Maybe sit with DH and explain that life goes on even when we are sad about other things. And that you really have to get this ball rolling. Sometimes I think it's more important to us than males - just the way we're wired. Maybe that's a sexist thing to say, but not meant that way. You know that if you go to the doc for depression, they will automatically put you on meds. And although I know people helped by them, I know far more who have had a bad time of it on meds. Thanks for your feedback on my blogs. I am just so frustrated, angry, upset with the way things are being done in this country. I know there's no perfect place, but Canada seems to run itself without all this mess.

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RENATA144 8/22/2014 11:55PM

  I think that it may be a good idea to step away for a day or 2 & just do something that you want to do . Take a day to be YOU. Make yourself happy. The stress is causing your personal health issues.
emoticon Breathe
When you are feeling Peaceful & centered hopefully your Beautiful Dream Will Come True.
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BERKCHIK 8/22/2014 11:43PM

    thanks for sharing, and congratulations on 8 days streak so far. if it's any consolation, i don't think it's selfish to want to carry on with your life and plans in the midst of a family member's terminal illness. life is still happening, and you only get this one. it doesn't mean you are less caring or devoted to also want to continue in the direction of fulfilling your desires.

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