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53 - Beck day 4

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Today I have a helper with my blog. Bruce was clearly searching for attention so I set him up next to me on the desk. This is totally normal, people.

Work was ok yesterday - I got my August schedule and was again disappointed. I keep telling Zvika that I just need to let it go, focus on working and negotiate a better schedule at my 1 year review...but I still find myself getting all worked up. I made the mistake of voicing my frustrations to my colleagues and now I'm feeling bad about it because I don't want to be "that" person. I need to focus and not get so dramatic at work.

I don't know what it is about vet clinics, but we tend to have "themes". Like, one day we may have one foreign body after another. Another day, it might be a hit-by-car one right after the next. Yesterday, it was whelping bitches in distress. We literally had 3 in a row, lol. The first went to c-section/spay. The second I sent home to keep monitoring and I don't know what happened with the third because I was off at 6. Craziness!

Food was good
1 - almonds
2 - watermelon
3 - salmon
4 - potato
5 - latte(s)

Not a whole lot of variety, but that's ok. I was satisfied and I do love that salmon :)

Today is a "big" day. Zvika and I are going to a financial planner and then to sit down with the specialist. I realize he probably won't have anything new to say (for which I'll pay $300), but this is the first step in starting IVF. I'm very nervous but am actually more excited about spending the day with Zvika!

Beck day 5 - give yourself credit
1 - I came back to SP even though I really, really, really thought I might be done...but I knew better, lol.
2 - I apologized quickly for blowing my top yesterday (toward Zvika)
3 - I've been packing work lunches NO MATTER WHAT!

To keep up with Beck you actually need to be fulfilling your tasks daily, so here's a quick recap so that I keep myself in line:
1 - advantages of losing weight - seeing them already, 2 pounds down. Clothing still tight and uncomfortable, but I'll get there.
2 - two reasonable diets - Paleo and no cheats!
3 - eat sitting down

Have a great day, everyone!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MEXGAL1 7/23/2014 1:10PM

    Glad to hear you are still sticking with your plan. Work schedules can suck. I am thankful to be retired...but I so remember not liking the huge amount of hours I had to work.
Deep breaths.
Sallie

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MORTICIAADDAMS 7/23/2014 12:13PM

    LOL. I love cats!!

Although I can understand about not getting upset I think it's a good idea to reiterate what kind of schedule works for you. Like my former boss said, the squeaky wheel gets the grease and no one wants to work all of the leftover crap.

The animal hospital we go to is the same way. We have to stay for long periods of time so we see lots of pets come and go. Some days are cat day, some are big dog days, some are little dog days, and some days they have tons of emergencies. Some days people drop in to get nails trimmed and vaccines.

Beck day 5 - give yourself credit

I. my energy is returning, my clothes are a little more comfortable, I look the same pretty much, I feel healthier
2.I'm on diet one pretty much.
3. eating slow while sitting down
4 and 5. I'm managing stress better amd sleeping more.

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SLIMMERJESSE 7/23/2014 11:58AM

    Hope wonderful things happen today on your big day. Big hug.

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BERKCHIK 7/23/2014 10:58AM

    good progress. nice!

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53 - Beck day 4

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Yesterday I woke up with a hideous headache and spent the day nursing it at work. I was on surgery all day, so it was nice to not have to talk to too many clients, although I had to have the other surgery person do the only dog spay we had. It was a slow surgery day. My eyes kept crossing and I wasn't up for major, intra-abdominal surgery (by the way, despite spays being done routinely, it is far from routine!). After all of the surgeries were done, rooms were pretty slow. It was a good day to have a headache, lol.

Food was good -
1) almonds
2) cherries, watermelon
3) chicken thighs
4) salmon
5) potato

I have to be careful of those almonds and potatoes - they are Paleo-approved, but I need to watch it and not overdo it. Right now I'm focused on what I'm eating and will work on how much I'm eating once I feel like I'm back on track.

Yesterday I bought ice cream cone for work - one of our new techs passed her national tech exam so now she is official and I wanted to do a little something to celebrate her :) Ice cream cones are easy, because I don't love them. Not that I didn't have to have a mental conversation about it...but they were overall easy to avoid.

I did have a bit of a blow-up at work, which ironically felt good. I love that someone can throw a fit at me and I can throw a fit back at them...and then it is over, lol. I don't feel like I have to hold it all in, lol!

Beck day 4 - Give Yourself Credit
1 - sticking to Paleo
2 - I came back to SP despite it all
3 - I made a nice gesture yesterday?

Have a good day!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CONFUSEDBIRD 7/23/2014 8:31AM

    Me and ice cream cones would have a mental fight.

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BERKCHIK 7/22/2014 6:43PM

    wow! you're doing great- yes, you came back. doesn't it feel terrific once you get past the shame and the first couple of days...coming back is *always* worth it. i'm jealous of your work situation...blow up, get it out of your system and move on?! that's almost unheard of ;-p

congrats on another day of self-care!

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_RAMONA 7/22/2014 11:43AM

    Way to manage your day! Sorry you had to do it with a headache (I don't think any surgery is routine... and nothing is routine with a headache). Glad your work environment no longer requires you be someone you're not!

Do you like avocados? They might help. How about sweet potatoes/yams? Someone told me recently that cherries are a natural analgesic... eat lots of those.


Beck day 4 - Give Yourself Credit:
(I find this one really hard... always have)

#1. lived more patience than I felt yesterday (consciously responded)
#2. made a great supper, even though I'm tired of cooking right now
#3. I am keeping up with my fermented beverages
#4. choosing to be gentle with myself (acknowledging my feelings and moving gently through without expectations)
#5. sticking to my convictions about this journey even though I just want to stop
#6. Consciously not isolating... staying connected

...yup, still hard... I'm squirming now...SIGH.


(I'm glad you're back... and I think you are too hard on yourself, too... you are doing GREAT... progress, not perfection)


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Comment edited on: 7/22/2014 11:50:50 AM

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MORTICIAADDAMS 7/22/2014 11:38AM

    I'm so fortunate that I seldom have headaches. I don't know how people stand them.

I love both almonds and potatoes. I try to stay with a serving though and for both of them it's not a lot. I do like a diet where I can have them though.

I love ice cream - it's one of my weaknesses so I would have problems resisting it. I can resist things like cake and doughnuts much easier.

I think it's better too to resolve differences and not allow them to fester.

Beck Day 4

1. I can keep up with an overwhelming schedule
2. my meals have been more varied - less dull
3. I am sticking to eating in my 8 hour eating window- no more starvation
4. I am eating on plan more

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SLIMMERJESSE 7/22/2014 11:04AM

    Good for you! And interesting that spays are not routine; my theory is anything that's invasive has risks. Just like the bypass and other surgeries like implants and similar others, they make it sound like a walk in the park. So many are shocked when they find how difficult it is to heal from after surgery that they thought was simple. BTW, my boys are doing well. I've continued with daily l-lysine and am being very attentive to Harry's eyeballs. Wills is doing great, so all's well and I will just enjoy today's good health - for them and me! (smiling) Have a fun day.

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MEXGAL1 7/22/2014 10:46AM

    Yep, with any diet you still have to watch the "volume"...I know many folks that say that Paleo doesn't work for them but then you look at how much they eat and you can see why. But you caught this and get it.
Best of everything to you
Sallie

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52 - Beck day 3

Monday, July 21, 2014

Yesterday was another successful day. Food was 100% Paleo and work was great. I did figure out that I get paid salary rather than by hour - I thought my salary was for 45 hours a week and anything I did extra would be more money...but it isn't. That's ok. Like everyone else has said and has done - at my 1 year review I'll negotiate better hours, more pay, etc. Not worried about it now. I'm working a lot and learning a lot.

Mentally my head was clear most of the day and I didn't feel down or depressed at all. It was a good day.

Food:
1) almonds
2) watermelon, cherries
3) free-range chicken thighs that I batch-baked with mushrooms
4) left-over potatoes
5) coffee
6) not enough water - 1 bottle

Today I've packed a good lunch and am stopping at Costco after work for dog/cat food so I will probably pick up a roasted chicken for dinner or maybe I'll just have a salad, we'll see.

Beck day 3 - eat sitting down (and can I add, chew slowly?)
I think the idea here is clear - eat sitting and slowly so that you get the full benefit of the food and getting full rather than eating in a rush or on the go. I don't think drive-thru food counts :) I'll have to work on that - at work I sometimes get my food ready and then just eat a few bites here and there between rooms.

Have a great day, everyone - I'm on my way to work now so I'll catch up with your blogs/pages later today :)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MEXGAL1 7/21/2014 9:54PM

    good for you having a good day. You did great...accept for the water but you already know that. I was told by my doctors that I needed to drink 2 liters of water a day. So I got a bpafree plastic bottle that holds one liter so I know I have to drink two of them...that really helps me.
Have a great day tomorrow as well.
Sallie

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TWESTEN1 7/21/2014 9:13PM

    p.s. DRINK MORE WATER!!!!!!

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TWESTEN1 7/21/2014 9:13PM

    Awesome job sticking with the Paleo and putting yourself back on track!!! I am excited for you :)

Btw, I love sitting down to eat... that might be my problem - I enjoy sitting down too much!

You're doing great!!!

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DAISYBELLEKIA 7/21/2014 4:41PM

    You're doing great!

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MORTICIAADDAMS 7/21/2014 4:05PM

    Almost all professionals here are salaried now. In my humble opinion it's an incentive to get work done and get out of there. And it is for the best. 45 hours a week is enough. My son has to work 48 hours minimum a week and I encourage him to not put in too much more than that or he ends up working for peanuts.

Beck Day 3 - This isn't a problem for me. I'm old and have to chew my food well or choke to death on it, like any old cow. LOL. And I don't eat standing up. I HATE eating in the car. It upsets my eating experience and it makes the car messy. I rarely ever use the drive through and rarely ever eat in the car.

Comment edited on: 7/21/2014 4:06:05 PM

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WOUBBIE 7/21/2014 1:57PM

    I generally eat meals sitting down, but that doesn't mean I'm really focusing on them... I work through lunch, I play through dinner, not the best combo, I'm sure.

Glad to see you starting the Beck plan again. Stick it out, I'm betting it will make a big difference over the long haul!

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BA5454 7/21/2014 1:45PM

    Actually sitting down to eat in a non-hurried manner is tough! Hope you get there (and it's something I need to work on, too). Great job on sticking to your new way of eating! emoticon

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_RAMONA 7/21/2014 12:08PM

    Look at YOU go!

It seems like the focus is helping you a whole bunch.

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Beck day 3 - eat sitting down:

This was a big one for me to conquer... and on busy days, I still need to use the clock to keep me there for 20 minutes, and I still need to consciously chew more. If I count chews the first few bites (40) it slows me down enough quickly that the rest of the meal goes well.

I've chosen to believe that sitting down and eating is one small way in which I can treat myself with respect. I mean, who doesn't deserve 20 minutes 2-3 times a day to themselves? I've found that it helps me put my whole day in perspective. Being at home all of the time, I find it challenging to maintain habits that define where everything else ends and I start... this helps.

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BERKCHIK 7/21/2014 11:54AM

    go you!

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SLIMMERJESSE 7/21/2014 10:47AM

    I have to constantly remind myself to eat more slowly. Old habits die hard. (smiling)

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MREE777 7/21/2014 10:33AM

    emoticon
Sounds like great eating! I'm still making recipes from my Paleo cookbook as well as from Nourishing Traditions. It's an interesting combination! Have a great day.

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51 - Beck day 2

Sunday, July 20, 2014

I feel like I have to start this blog out by sending out thanks - thank you to everyone for sticking with me over the last few weeks and months, even when I haven't been able to reciprocate as I'd like to. I can slowly feel myself starting to stabilize again and I look forward to continuing to catch up with what you've all been up to!

Shout out to the Argentina football team - Germany really earned it but boy, oh boy, did Argentina put up a fight! Great job :)

Yesterday was fairly "easy" for me to get through food-wise. I know my calories were through the roof but everything was Paleo-approved:
1) almonds
2) dried mango (not the sugary kind)
3) salad with feta and a sugar-free type ranch dressing from Trader Joe's.
4) chicken
5) potatoes roasted with olive oil and fresh oregano
6) ketchup - sweetened with agave, 100% Paleo and delicious, to boot!

Especially when first getting on track with Paleo, I tend to overeat because I'm fighting the cravings and sugar withdrawals in the first 3-5 days.

So overall a good day for food. I also finished up with house stuff and folded the 3 baskets of laundry I'd accumulated. Overall, a good day. I rested (my ankle has been bad again) but not to the point where I was comatose. As usual when doing Paleo, I didn't hit that mid-afternoon slump and didn't take a 3-hour nap at 3 pm.

I've been sleeping better at night because I wear ear plugs, but yesterday I slept until 10 am! Yikes! Well, I got up to give the cats their wet food because we all know what sticklers for time cats are...that was at about 5:50 am. So overall I slept about 10 hours and it felt great.

Beck Day 2 - pick two reasonable diets
1) Paleo - obviously
2) Let's just call this the "no cheat" diet - I am NOT one of those people who can have a small cheat and get back on track

Today I work 11-4 and have Paleo-friendly leftovers to eat when I get home.

Have a nice day!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_RAMONA 7/21/2014 11:55AM

    Beck Day 2 - pick two reasonable diets:

#1. Ancestral focus (Paleo/Primal/Weston Price)
#2. SCD (Specific Carbohydrate Diet)

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ALBURBRIDGE 7/21/2014 1:25AM

    I didn't finish the 6 weeks of the Beck Diet Book the first time around either, but I did finish it this last time in March/April. It's incredibly hard work to get through but totally worth it. I hope it helps you as much as it's helped me these last few months.

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MEXGAL1 7/20/2014 7:47PM

    Wow, it sounds like you are doing great and really committed. You go girl!
Keep up the good work
Sallie

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MORTICIAADDAMS 7/20/2014 3:08PM

    We did the same thing- got up the past couple of day and fed the fur babies and then went back to bed. Slept around 12 hours on Saturday. Unheard of for me. LOL.

2 diets? hmmmm. I usually do hybridized diets because of my many varied medical problems

1. the diet my doctor put me on - high protein, lower carb, moderate to high fat diet for hypoglycemia.

2. primal/paleo/gluten free

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TWESTEN1 7/20/2014 1:37PM

    Woo hoo! You are doing a great job... it's awesome getting back on track! I'm heading to the grocery store now to stock up on my proteins and veggies :)

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SLIMMERJESSE 7/20/2014 11:31AM

    I love Trader Joes, but have been staying away because I love it there a little too much. (smiling) Have a fun day.

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BERKCHIK 7/20/2014 10:13AM

    how awesome when you "feel" yourself start to stabilize. nothing more motivating than that, if you ask me. the food for yesterday sounds scrumptious and so good for you--woot woot!!!

Comment edited on: 7/20/2014 10:13:45 AM

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41-50 - numbers

Saturday, July 19, 2014

All kinds of numbers are bothering me right now...

The number of pounds I've gained back.

The number of days I've been away from SP.

The number of days I haven't gone to the gym.

The number of hours I've spent in bed or sitting on the couch.

The number of pints of Butter Pecan ice cream I've had in the last few months.

The number of binges I've gone through in the last few months.

The number of times I've sworn to "get back to it" in the last few months.

The number of days since I've been 100% Paleo.

The number of people that I care about here on SP that I've been neglecting.

The number of days and hours I spend hating my body.

There are a lot of numbers floating around my head.

But even though I don't feel it right now, I know that the only number that counts is NUMERO UNO.

Moi.

So I'm doing what I can and I feel ready emotionally. I think maybe it's time to use Beck again to get my head back in order. The book says it is most effective if you follow the 6 weeks through, which of course, I didn't do even the first time. So here's another stab at it:

Beck Day 1 - Advantages of losing weight
1) awesome clothes
2) increased self-esteem
3) healthier
4) less pain

I know there are many more, but these are really the main reasons I want to lose weight right now.

Hope everyone is having a good weekend!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_RAMONA 7/21/2014 11:52AM

    Beck Day 1 - Advantages of losing weight:

#1. Ever increasing health
#2. Happier in my own skin
#3. Fulfilling a commitment to myself no matter how long it takes
#4. Dressing the way I'd like to, not the way my size necessitates
#5. Increased energy
#6. Stepping stone to FULLY living other dreams
#7. Aging gracefully and well

(I decided to join you in solidarity... I could use another incentive at this point)

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TWESTEN1 7/20/2014 10:07AM

    When I started Atkins and really losing weight the thing that I HAD to change was "The number of days and hours I spend hating my body". I've always hated my'self'... not me the person, but me the body that I was in. And all of the negativity made it impossible for me to lose weight. Changing our mind & deciding to love our selves (fat and all!) is one of the first steps we need to take to see success. We all love you just the way you are ~ I know many people love me just the way I am ~ yet, we're so mean to ourselves!!! So, let's get back on track... You get to your Paleo and I'll get back to my Atkins & we're going to LOVE our bodies!!!! It was so good to hear from you. Let's make this a wonderful day!

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WOUBBIE 7/20/2014 9:18AM

    I think that's what you should focus on - just completing the 6 weeks. It's good to get into the habit of completing our self-projects, otherwise we send ourselves the message that we're not really worth the time....

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CONFUSEDBIRD 7/20/2014 8:28AM

    So great to see a blog by you! We are always here to listen even if you just need to start stuff out. Back to basics is always a great plan when you feel lost. I hope Beck's helps you again.

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MORTICIAADDAMS 7/19/2014 7:20PM

    I must admit that I love butter pecan ice cream. LOL.

I hope you will post the Beck plan as you go through it and I will try to do it with you if I can.

Beck Day 1 - Advantages of losing weight

1. I will have more energy
2. I will fit into more of my clothes
3. l will look better
4. I will be healthier


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CHANGING-TURTLE 7/19/2014 5:14PM

    emoticon great idea using the advice from Beck, I have done that too. You inspire me to look up that journal I used at that time and get back on track using Beck
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MEXGAL1 7/19/2014 4:48PM

    wow, that is a lot of numbers you don't like...so start again and start working on a list of numbers you like.
You can do it!
Sallie

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BERKCHIK 7/19/2014 4:28PM

    set your sights so low you can't fail. then applaud yourself like hell when you succeed. when you're ready for more, your heart will tell you--or at least that's what works for me.

glad you're here. keep coming back :)

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_RAMONA 7/19/2014 4:23PM

    Glad to hear you're still hanging in there, if a bit ambivalent. For most people, this is not a straightforward journey. I've found all I can really do is make the most of every good run and then do the best I can the rest of the time. You're not alone.

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DAISYBELLEKIA 7/19/2014 4:16PM

    It's so good to see you posting again! You are doing what I think is the hardest thing...not giving up and getting back on track. You can do it!

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SLIMMERJESSE 7/19/2014 4:13PM

    Been thinking and wondering about you. I'm here for you.

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