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Did You Poop?

Sunday, September 28, 2008

There’s a lot to be said for the togetherness shared between man and wife, when they reside jointly in a camper. One can close the bathroom door, but regardless of your efforts, the sounds and smells, resulting from your “other efforts,” tend to permeate and escape through the walls and under the door. You can turn on the faucet while squatting and taking care of business; this will sometimes stifle the noise. You can light a match while doing one’s daily duty (or is it doodie?); this will sometimes mask the stink.

Recently, I emerged from the bathroom and was questioned by James, “Did you poop?” First of all, let me clear the air (so to speak); my hubby is not consumed with my bathroom habits. It’s just that some times, our bodies are in sync and it’s a race to the commode; first one there is guaranteed fresh air. The only advantage of going in second--the throne is warmed up. “Nope, I just fluffed,” I giggled and replied. “But don’t worry, I smell like a petunia!” And this is where hubby smirks, and replies, “Yeah, a dead petunia!”

Many might have found this inquiry somewhat intrusive and perhaps embarrassing, but it led me to do some deep meditation. Two sayings came to mind, when I allowed myself to dwell on the creation process of my stinky floaters/sinkers…

• Get your poop in a scoop.
• Poop or get off the pot.

Since the onset of summer, I’ve been pulled in a million different directions. I fell out of my previously established, healthy routines: balanced eating, regular exercising, ensuring adequate sleep, drinking water (while cutting coffee consumption), tracking my caloric intake, taking my vitamins, setting aside time for myself, weighing myself, and spending time on Sparks. In a nutshell, my life turned poopie and it reeks! I permitted work to take over my existence and threaten my wellbeing. I allowed work to become a priority and put myself at Number 2 (pun intended, kinda, sorta).

There were times here and there that I had declared I was going to get my poop in a scoop. But lo and behold, life got in the way! There I sat, on the pot, suffering from ghost poop--the kind you feel come out, where you go through the motions (and emotions) of wiping, yet nothing is there when you turn around to flush! I was plagued with dingle-berry poop—the kind where you know you are done, but it hangs on and just won’t drop! No wonder I was having problems!! How could I get my poop in a scoop, if it wasn’t there?! So summer moved on, with continued excuses and suffering of irregularity and me not accomplishing much movement. (Yep, a definite play on words, there!)

I have wasted the entire summer, squatted on the toilet, acting constipated!! There I’ve sat, on the commode, ailing from a Lincoln Log jam, a sort of rectal congestion, plugged up, due to bad health choices. Oh sure, I had “successful” moments on the crapper, where I blew off some steam or released some hot air, but I still suffered from “The Strain.” The only thing I was flushing down the sewer pipe was all the good habits I had worked so hard to instill within myself.

Well, no more! I’m here to make a Constipation Proclamation!! I am going to poop and get off the pot! I am getting my poop in a scoop! I am taking my life back! No more wasted time, squatting and squeezing, thinking and stinking, obsessing over work and forgetting about myself!! I avow to re-establish the good habits that I know are good for me!

Maybe I’ll eat a few prunes, just to be sure and to help speed up the process!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JANNIEWANNIE 1/2/2012 11:23AM

    This is so funny! Reminds me of my "Crappy Day" last year that no one I know could top. My sister, the nurse, says it is a sure sign of old age when bowel habits are a major part of your conversations. Welcome to our sisterhood. Hope you there is no "Lincoln Log Jam" in your future. Thank you for brightening my day. Hugs from J

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GOANNA2 8/27/2009 7:18AM

    I have not been on your page for so long and I'm glad I visited again.
You are such a funny lady and I just love it because I get to laugh and forget my problems.
So amny things are true and yes, I too have a saggy bottom... emoticon

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DDUNIGAN 1/8/2009 7:41PM

  Ah, EddieMae. I haven't been around in quite a while. Had to see how you were doing-first one I checked up on. And you haven't disappointed! Love the blog! I had come to many of the same conclusions.
I eat much better now, and can tell the difference when I don't. Similar issues!

Finally got off the pot this fall. After doing nothing for a year, and actually adding a couple pounds, I've lost 12. Butt's still saggy low, though. LOL!
Got through the holidays (since Thanksgiving) with a 2 pound LOSS! GO ME!!

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GRACE2GRACE 12/22/2008 6:34PM

    Hilarious...do you write professionally? If you don't you should.

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RANGERAMPS 11/15/2008 10:00AM

    That was cute, funny, blog with a great analogy ;-).

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DDDOLL59 11/10/2008 7:06PM

    That was TOO funny, especially since I can relate. LOL! emoticon

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BLUES2ELMO 11/3/2008 8:10AM


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ZUMBA-ZOMBIE 10/27/2008 3:14PM

    That's a masterpiece you just squeezed out there!! haha. Great blog. Gave me a good chuckle!

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NANCYMORIN 10/13/2008 10:44AM

    Wow! What can I say but...I got the message loud and clear. Thanks for "um" sharing?! I laughed at SILAS pun whether she meant to or not..."regular blogs".

I hope that everything COMES OUT better for both of us in the future since we plan to get MOVING REGULARLY. It's a RELIEF in more ways than one to have someone BACK ME UP, I mean PUSH ME, I mean...well, you know what I mean.

Thanks for the laugh and the inspiration.

Comment edited on: 10/13/2008 10:44:43 AM

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SILAS32303 10/7/2008 2:21PM


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MOMMAASHLEYAL 10/6/2008 4:53PM

    TOO FUNNY! emoticon I laughed so hard I cried and had tears in my eyes! Well written, how true!!

Thanks for the humor! emoticon

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~LASYL~ 10/6/2008 3:22PM

    LMAO as usual. Timing is everthing, why did I miss this before..., oh I know, because I was meant to read it today. Well, you made me think for sure. I'm glad you are now back to being regular. No more stinking thinking! Also, I got a question for you. Does that make me and all the gang stool softners? Since we motivate you and cheer you on? Just a thought..., I had to go there because we think like that..., cuz. lol. Good one girl..., Let's get it done!!!!!!

Keep it flowing!!!!

Cuz Syl

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4CAKES 10/6/2008 2:03PM

    How is it some people are gifted with words and others are gifted with mumble... your so funny!

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APACHE85 10/5/2008 11:34AM

    This brings whole new meaning to "potty talk"! You are hilarious and I LOVE IT!! Looking forward to the latest "poop scoop"!

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RANAWAY 10/2/2008 12:03PM

    Great blog!!! Now stop pooping and get back to enjoying life!

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STARTSPARKING 10/2/2008 7:33AM

    I missed you, and I am so glad you're back. There is always so much wisdom behind your humor!

Congratulations on focusing on yourself again. I am here to cheer you on! emoticon emoticon

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*FRIZZIEMOM 10/2/2008 7:10AM

    Your so funny! You never cease to amaze me with your humor!! I miss ya girly!!

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NAN71486 10/2/2008 7:04AM

    Debbie! Are you talking about me or you? LOL

Love you!Nancy

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MJ1828 10/1/2008 5:50PM

    ha great blog, im loving it and plan to get all of this up and going right alongside you! good luck and keep me updated :)

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REDSOXLOVER 10/1/2008 3:28PM

    Boy have I missed you!!!!! I'm so glad you're back. Remember we have plenty of nurses on this team trained to do digital disimpactions if needed. emoticon

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KAREMEG 10/1/2008 2:53PM

    As usual, you have me laughing! This is a journey, not a destination. We must remember to be kind to ourselves. This is a learning process!

Looking forward to seeing you around SP more AND these side splitting blog entries!


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SAYRAH-M 10/1/2008 11:40AM

    And I have definitely missed my LAUGHTER FIX from your blogs!! Well come back!

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CYNTHIAS50 10/1/2008 7:44AM

    Dang it Deb, ya sure know how to put things eloquently huh! ROFL! I have been really, really constipated too.....so, I too am going to poop and get off the pot!
Thanks for inspiring me yet again :~)
Love ya!

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ANGLE69771 9/30/2008 9:28PM

    Great to have you, and your humor back on track.

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BLONDEGIRL10 9/30/2008 3:35PM

    Look out for # 1 or you will step in # 2! Great reminder Deb. Thank you.

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GRANDCRACKER 9/30/2008 11:23AM

    emoticoni laughed so hard.welcome back;love the picture.and i know whats it;s like to live in a camper. did it for a long time.

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LADYLIGHT 9/30/2008 10:00AM

    LOL Thanks needed that!

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LISASKEMP 9/30/2008 12:19AM

    Your blog has to be the best piece of literature I've read in quite awhile! So eloquent yet "moving"! emoticon

You've inspired me - I'm with you and I'm going to get off the pot! Thank you so much for sharing this bit of yourself with us - I may not be brave enough or write well enough to want to post something like this, but you are definitely speaking my language! emoticon

Now we just have to watch out for the sharts and poots!


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HUGS2013 9/30/2008 12:13AM

    Hey, I drink my coffee, eat my oat meal and that part of my life works like clock work!
The song I thought of was "Taking Care of Business"....everyday...everyway...

We are going to get with the program come tomorrow! I ain't wearing that monkey suit...are you? You better get to scooping and grouping! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JUDY4FITNESS 9/29/2008 10:56PM

    Have you tried the herbal tea SMOOTH MOVE? It works- honest! emoticon

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HEARTOFCHRIST 9/29/2008 8:46PM

    OMG you are the BEST! I know exactly what you are talking about! Then it all turns into constirrhea! The kind that has you so plugged up then when it opens your eyeballs turn to water and drop out through your butt!

Constipation proclamation!

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MELLY423 9/29/2008 2:08PM

    So true, Debbie, so true! I have been "straining" without results, too. Time for me to eat those prunes! So, here we loose again! Thanks, friend!

¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ (¸.•´¸¸.•¨¯`*

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WATERGIRL60 9/29/2008 1:44PM

    I'm so glad you finally got off the pot-don't know if you realized how much we've missed you! And although I know I've complained about how long you sat there reading, I'm glad to see everything worked out in the end.

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PAMI22 9/29/2008 1:36PM

    I am fairly new and this is the first blog I have read...thanks so much for the morning laugh love the way you put it and it all made so much since to me I am getting off the pot to so to speak and looking forward to a healthier, slimmer me........cant wait to read your next blog..... emoticon

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SHARON146 9/29/2008 12:07PM

  what a blessing you are,,,,,,,,,,, by the way the prunes in the fancy packaging are yummie .
be awesome
have fun
and no more stinkin thinkin
do over
sharon emoticon

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KYLIEMC8 9/29/2008 11:13AM

    So happy to see you Debbie..even if it is POOP TALK! You go get em girl!!! emoticon

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TEXASDY 9/29/2008 11:11AM

    Debbie -- you are so funny! And right on the money, too!

This summer was stressful for me in other ways -- son's brain surgery and hospital stay for 3 weeks and my husband's deployment to either Iraq or Afghanistan after his training.

I know what you mean about letting all of my healthy eating and exercise practices take a "vacation." But, when my girls started school at the end of August, I reclaimed my "ME TIME". I've been trying to consistently track my food and exercise and workout at the gym 3 -4 times a week. I actually met with my trainer and , oh my goodness, my weight was up from meeting my goal weight in June -- can you believe that ! :-) LOL So, I've changed up my workouts and am trying to get back on track with my eating. I'll weigh in again on Saturday -- I've taken two weeks off from the scale to see a difference -- I hope!

It's good to have you back, lady!


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BINEMELLES 9/29/2008 10:21AM

    ha ha, what a great analogy! glad you decided to get your poop in a scoop! hooray for you!

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UP4MORE 9/29/2008 10:19AM

    Ha! Oh I loved this Deb!!! Good for you and your poop! LOL!

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MAXFOCUS 9/29/2008 10:07AM

    What a great sense of humor you have! It is great to read that you are getting back to your good healthy habits.


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TWLITE 9/29/2008 9:53AM

    I hope you can find a little more regularity in your endeavours! Glad your back.

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MAINLADY 9/29/2008 8:24AM

    Welcome back, Debbie. Always a delight to read your blogs not to mention many good laughs. Hope to see you more often.


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HOLLYCHARRIER 9/29/2008 8:01AM

    Great blog and I sure hope things become more regular for you-- both in the blog entries and the pooping department. I kicked my fruits and veggies into hyper drive--so no problems in that area personally. I have actually discovered a love for hummus too--- which is healthy, low fat and a great dip for fresh veggies!

I had some health issues of late that have been bothering me and some of the meds are in the steroid family, not to mention emotional eating from Hurricane Gustav!!! So my ticker has climbed up instead of down but I got back on my wagon last week. I didn't count it as a failure-- more like a detour, but at least I am back on track now.

Welcome back!!! Can't wait to hear more from you!

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JUSTMINE 9/29/2008 6:58AM

sure have missed you around here...
hope to talk to you soon, big big hugs

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WALKMAMA 9/29/2008 5:53AM

    Good to hear from you again! Check out my page -- my ticker is moving left too, but for a good reason (20 weeks pregnant!). I am off/on with Spark tracking. At some point I want just want all these good habits to stick without the need to track everyday. I need more patience, knowing that one year Spark cannot totally reverse close to 20 years of bad habits.

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GOANNA2 9/29/2008 1:58AM

Debbie, it is so good to have you back. I am going through similar stuff and you have given me the motivation to get back on the waggon. You have such a way with words. Love your sense of life humour.
Anna emoticon

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-ANGIE- 9/29/2008 1:24AM

    Here I sit,
Broken Hearted....
Tried to Spit...
And only farted!

That poem is dedicated to you, my dear friend! You view the world through a crazy pair of glasses- and it's one of the reasons I just adore you! I can't believe how you tied all this "stuff" to your weight loss journey! You crazy gal! I knew you'd get back! It gets darn hard sometimes...well- it's never really "easy" -but I am so proud of you for hanging in. Sparktown will be a better place now that your lights are on and you're back in business!

Note to James- NEVER go in the potty before your wife...what IS he thinking? It's not physically possible for a woman to do the same level of damage as a man!!! emoticon

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METALBABE 9/28/2008 11:43PM

    Boy, have I missed you, Debbie! I see nothing has changed in the brilliant humor department. So glad you are back!!

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PSCARPA16 9/28/2008 11:09PM

    Great to see you back!! I have finally stopped yo-yoing lost 21.5 pounds and going strong. joined the Y and have been swimming, doing Zumba, yoga and pilates!!!

have missed you and your blogs and motivation!

get back on track.


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SHARBABY123 9/28/2008 10:37PM

    After reading that I feel a sense of urgency coming on! Glad to have you back, EddieMae. You should blog more "regularly". Good luck to you!

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Am I Bringing Up The Rear~Or Is It Sagging??

Saturday, April 12, 2008

I’ve reached the point where I want to target and tone some areas~mainly my butt, gut, and thighs. A friend mentioned the Butt Blaster Video, led by Coach Nicole. With the buttocks being the largest muscle in the body, I’m all for anything that will assist in its reduction! Supposedly, doing this 5 minute routine for 6 weeks will magically make 3 inches vanish from my gluteus maximus. Wow! How awesome if my gluteus maximus could look more like a gluteus minimus!!

My printer spews out the 2-page printable Butt-Blasting Workout and I study it. This doesn’t look like a horrific way to bequeath 5 minutes out of my day, especially if I will get the touted “end” results. I eagerly cue up the video and scrutinize it. Coach Nicole’s voice is soothing, yet encouraging and energetic, never letting on to any labored breathing or hurting. I giggle aloud, as Coach Nicole explains the lateral leg raises, as being similar to a dog peeing on a fire hydrant. “Piece of cake!” I think to myself. I confer with my online buddies who had also decided to start butt-blasting. They speak of grueling pain…but a good pain…Hmmm. Good pain? Isn’t that one of those oxymorons?? I chicken out the first day and pledge to check with my moronic comrades tomorrow.

The next day arrives. I have saved the video to “My Favorites.” The printout lies beside my computer. All is ready~for when I am ready. Many plausible hindrances crop up, so my 5 minute Butt-Blasting session is put on the back burner…
• Just drank water; better get that out, before trying the video.
• Feeling a little gaseous; better get that out, before trying the video.
• Feeling a little clogged; better get that out, before trying the video.
• Might strain something; better get my Granny Dancing done, before trying the video.
• Heater is running; better let it shut down, so I don’t get too hot, before trying the video.
• Breaking news regarding presidential campaign; better watch that, before trying the video.
• Cat looks so cute, sleeping on exercise mat; better let him nap longer, before trying the video.

Finally, the time seems convenient. I position my mat on the floor. I place the printout on the floor at the head of my mat. I place the computer at the edge of the tabletop, so I can view the video and exercise along with Coach Nicole. Since James is out of town, on a business trip, I start thinking about what could happen while I’m home alone. What if the butt-blasting has adverse effects? After a little deliberation, I leave a comment online for my friends. “I'm getting up my nerve to try this butt blasting thingie! I've got the video cued and the printout handy. Remember, I'm home alone, so if you don't hear from me for a little while, maybe send the paramedics to my house, as I'm most likely stuck on the floor and unable to get up!!!”

Alright, bases are all covered. I launch the video and assume the all-fours pose on the floor. I execute the straight-leg hip extension reps with ease, and silently chide my moronic companions for feeling any pain. Make it through the hold, then the pulses. Okay, the pulses hurt a little bit. Next, Coach Nicole and I roll into the bent-leg hip extensions. Once again, not overly rough on the ol’ body. Make it through the hold, and then do the pulses. Okay, the pulses are a wee bit of a killer. It’s now time for the lateral leg raises. We start off, and I chuckle again at Coach Nicole comparing the move to a dog peeing on a fire hydrant. She’s a hoot! Coach Nicole is still composed and perky, reminding me to suck in my gut and breathe in and out, as we go through the moves. I miraculously make it through the lateral leg raises (for the FIRST leg), wince, doing the hold, and barely survive the pulsing kicks (which she tells you to accelerate at the end). “And now quickly move to the other leg,” she coaches. I’m thinking that I endured the first leg, so the second should be similar~unpleasant, but achievable. Nope. I initiate the lateral leg raises. My buns are burning/throbbing. My arms are trembling/wobbling. I’m laughing/crying. I barely survive the punishing raises, make a feeble stab at the hold, and give what I can (which ain’t much at this point) to the pulsing kicks. I wasn’t able to finish. I curse my moronic friends for telling me about this miserable video. I collapse into the child’s pose stretch, under the so-called coach’s guidance. I make a labored attempt at the upward dog stretch. Then, I do my own stretch~fetal position, bawling feverishly, “I want my Mommy!!”

Once composed, I figure I better get back online and let my friends (who are surely concerned for my well-being) know that I am okay and that there’s no need to send out a rescue unit. Wouldn’t you know that they’ve managed to have a “cute” bantering of conversation during my brief absence. (Oh, yeah! Heed this warning, also! False advertising! The Butt-Blaster video is NOT 5 minutes! It’s actually 6 minutes AND 30 seconds!!)

Here are highlights of the conversation…

Me: “I'm getting up my nerve to try this butt blasting thingie! I've got the video cued and the printout handy. Remember, I'm home alone, so if you don't hear from me for a little while, maybe send the paramedics to my house, as I'm most likely stuck on the floor and unable to get up!!!”

Gorgeous, hunky MN paramedic..rushing to Deb's assistance...she's stuck-
He rushes in, sweat running down his muscled chest (think heart rate monitor guy from goodie choices!)...
Only to find Deb stuck on all fours, doing the "peeing on the fire hydrant" exercise! Is she wearing her two lil’ pony tails...sure, why not! Wouldn't we love to hear the stories back at the firehouse those boys would be telling!!! How would they get you to the ER, stuck like that?
Be careful, you OLD woman!”

Syl: “Angie I'm getting stuck by/passing imagining the hunky paramedic.”

Dana: “Maybe Debbie should put her laptop on the floor.”

Mary: “Just having technical difficulties... can't get past Deb on the floor with the muscled EMT.”

(…Can’t you just feel the love oozing from my “friends”?!!)

Next day, hubby has returned home. We get all caught up in each other’s lives, including me telling him about my butt-blasting endeavor. I tell him that I need to take my derrière measurements, so that I can gauge the progress over the next 6 weeks. Later, I am standing at the sink, when James comes up behind me. He has a carpenter’s tape measure and is measuring from the floor, UP to my cheek bottoms! How in tarnations do men think?! Did he really assume that I wanted a recorded assessment of before and after sagging and droopage??!! I make mental note to increase the weights for my upper body strengthening. Once I get brawny enough to open my own pickle jars, he’s outta here!!

Day 3 of butt-blasting…Coach Nicole is a mean, terrible person! She really needs to get a sense of humor! Butt-blasting isn’t getting any easier. I feel the pain. I’m still unable to execute all the moves from start to finish. Add insult to injury…My cat came over to me, as I was on the floor, working on the lateral leg raises. (Yeah, yeah, the one simulating the peeing dog, real funny, I know!). She lovingly nudged my chin. Although I was grimacing and groaning, she brought me a little peace and soothing comfort. My own little cheerleader! Split second later, she’s turned away from me, her tail lifted and she’s pointing her cute, little gluteus maximus right in my face! And great, she’s holding the pose!!

Mental Note: Hubby gets the cat when he moves out!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SEXYATSIXTY 1/2/2009 3:10PM

    That is such a cute post, really laughed, invisioned the hunk emt, went back and invisioned that again, and loved the part about "he's out a here as soon as I can open my own pickle jars" left me roaring!! Your stories are very descriptive and well written, hope you have another funny story or two up your sleeve, laughter is the other healthy thing we do here at Sparks! Hugs, Cathy emoticon

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EXPT626 6/5/2008 12:30AM

    You know, I read this awhile ago -- I found it, but I still don't have the courage to try it!

My butt hurts enough!!!


Comment edited on: 6/5/2008 12:29:20 AM

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HYPATIAX 5/26/2008 10:51AM

    I love your blog. Your writing style reminds me of the late great Erma Bombeck.

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KYRRDIS 5/25/2008 10:25AM

    Funniest post I've seen since I've been here!!!
You have now officially confirmed my suppositions about the Butt Blaster video. Poor Coach Nicole; I start cussing her about a couple of minutes into each Bootcamp video. I'm sure her ears burn continuously.

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GROSSARAMA 5/20/2008 11:39AM

    LMAO! Omigosh-
"its a good ache" right?!

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CAROLISCIOUS 5/18/2008 2:24PM

    Now I gotta' try this video. I have no other choice. Very funny...thanks!
emoticon(the closest thing I could find to a butt)

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JMARIES51 5/4/2008 12:17PM

You are sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo funny and I can only say that because I have sooooooooooooooo been there with the butt busting. Now if I can get the tummy busted. I will be almost perfect.

Thanks for your kind thoughts while I was away. I have added 9 pounds of comfort food onto my body, but I know I will be able to get these off ASAP. You are doing so awesome, girl. hugs, Joann

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CAROLYN0107 5/4/2008 7:41AM

    Very Funny. If I got down on all fours I would "not" be able to get up again. BAD KNEES!

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MCCURDY63 4/20/2008 2:10PM

    Funny, thanks for sharing. When I did this workout my Husband was sitting in a chair, watching. When I raised my leg to the side he kept going "Ppppsssss" each time. Which is faintly amusing at first, but not as funny as your Husband measuring your butt from the ground - that's an all time comedy classic! Bless him :)

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MAGSY56 4/20/2008 11:06AM

    Too funny, one day I hope to try out this butt blasting video torture meantime I have the mental picture of your husband measuring your butt...high-larious.

Very funny blog I even had to put down my double belgian chocolate chunk giant cookie (my reward for having a healthy dinner)to scroll down to your bottom....I mean the bottom.

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NAN71486 4/19/2008 1:18AM

    Debbie: Here it is after midnight and I'm trying not to laugh too loud and wake up the house! LOL I hope you are keeping a copy of all your little stories! They could be worth something more than laughter someday!

Love ya and thanks for the laughter!

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    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That made my day! You are the best!

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WOODLANDMYST 4/16/2008 10:45AM

  OMG - I'm crying from laughing! And thanks to Binemelles, I've started laughing all over again!

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DIXIEMISS00 4/16/2008 9:27AM

    You really do have a way with words ..... I laughed so hard I had to tinkle,
(12 cups of coffee this morning had nothing to do with it) which means hobbling along on crutches, with thoughts of your cat thinking what on earth is this lady trying to do. My workouts right now are just making sure I don't fall off these things and break something and be laid up for the summer in a cast.

You are a trip girl!

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GOANNA2 4/15/2008 11:15AM

    This made me laugh so much. Thank you as I had been down with the flu and couldn't think of exercising so i was imagining the whole scenario. They say laughter is the best medicine and I truly believe it now. LOL emoticon emoticon

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CARPEOMNIA 4/15/2008 7:36AM

    When ever i need a good chuckle...I have to come here....
I'm laughing WITH YOU...not at you....honestly!!!!

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ANGLE69771 4/15/2008 7:32AM

    OMG, This is way to funny. You sure have a way with words on paper. I can just see you. LOL. If this self torture video works, and you find your hinny bootylicious let us all know. That way we can all can decide if we want to have the EMT's finding us in the doggy pee pose. LOL,

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BINEMELLES 4/15/2008 4:56AM

    wonderful! hilarious! i cried all through the second half ... that was soooo funny! keep going girl, and never mind about improving your upper body strength - you will soon be able to open those pickle jars with your BUTT!

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PURPLE01 4/14/2008 11:17PM

    ROLLFOOO!!!! WHAT A HOOT YOU ARE!! This is the best and funniest explanation of "Butt Blasting" that I have ever heard. I too have a problem getting past the mental picture of you on the floor with the HUNKY EMT!! I'd kill to be there myself with him...

Also I got a real kick out of your husband measuring you from the floor up, instead of around your butt. Sometimes they just don't think do they! What are you anyhow, a piece of plywood they are going to cut???

I agree with the other gals, you really need to publish these, you are great and really really funny!

Thanks for the Blog and for the warning about Coach Nicole. I have yet to encounter her or her workouts.

emoticon emoticon

Love ya!


Comment edited on: 4/14/2008 11:20:00 PM

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JENNIFER124 4/14/2008 9:49PM

    perfectly written and described..take that Coach Nicole..LOL,,jen

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BLONDEGIRL10 4/14/2008 8:44PM

    Okay, What was I supposed to say... ummm... keep it up, you are doing great, the End result will be worth it blah, blah, blah... When I really wanna say - Ya BB!!! Add some kegels, too!!
Seriously, I was laughing so hard I nearly pee'd my pants! That's why I have to do Kegels because your blogs make me wanna pee myself! Thanks Deb! I LOVE your Blogs!!
Deb, You are doing FannyTastic! Keep it up girlie!
Oh and Hi-Five your husband for me! That is classic! Oh I gotta go, Again!!
Loves ya-Gab

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HEARTOFCHRIST 4/14/2008 8:36PM

    ROFLLMBO!!!!!! Oh you are the BEST! I can feel you pain, I can see the cat! I laughed until I cried! I tried to warn you! It's a great video but OH does it hurt! ROFL...I can so relate too. I thought the first few minutes "oh I can do this" then by the time you get to 5 minutes you want to throw the computer out the window and tell yourself "it's okay if I'm a little squishy in the butt, who cares, I'm older!" Thank you so much for making my day brighter. I love reading your blogs and cannot wait to buy your book! Hurry and write it! I have copies sold to at least five of my friends too! ROFL

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NAVYMOM133 4/14/2008 8:06PM

    Hey there - I dd the workout with my husband above me, saying "Her leg is more straight than yours right now.... ok, bend the knee more... " LOL, unreal. That's SOME WORKOUT!! I've been doing 2 miles a day on the treadmill consistently but this was a completely different workout. I think I'll join you and Coach Jen for the week and see how we do! Great blog, hon, just great!!!!

Comment edited on: 4/14/2008 8:04:49 PM

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RECREATING_SUZY 4/14/2008 7:35PM

    Deb, seriously funny. Good thing you didn't have PMS or your husband would be out of there BEFORE you could open jars.

Thanks for warning me off that butt buster video.

I have watched a couple of the videos thinking to try them out later...but it hasn't happened yet.

Suzy emoticon

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SAYRAH-M 4/14/2008 7:04PM

    After Gabs and Annette read this blog they had all the MMM's delete all the comments about your sagging butt. We think you should work on the Kegels and give your husband the old vise attack.
Honestly, Deb you have to publish. You are SOOO FUNNY. Plus you aren't writing these often enough. I need a good laugh weekly not every other month!
loves ya,

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NAVYMOM133 4/14/2008 6:38PM

    What a riot! And your husband measuring up from the floor, I think that is priceless!!!
I'll let you in on a horrible secret - I saved that same darn video to my favorites after 'watching' it yesterday and was planning to breeze through it tonight.
I'm afraid. I'm very afraid! emoticon

Comment edited on: 4/14/2008 6:37:25 PM

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MSRUBY66 4/14/2008 6:32PM

    sooo funny! Thanks for the giggle! Now I know I am not alone in my ways that I torture myself to get the bottom line to shrink and go up all at the same time!

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RANAWAY 4/14/2008 6:29PM

    Too too funny!!! I admire you for continuing to do this form of torture!

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SORGIN 4/14/2008 5:51PM

    This is fantastic! Thanks so much for giving me a good laugh for the day. I'm not sure I am ready for Coach Nicole and her butt-kicking; but it's nice to know there are real human beings in Sparkville. Way to go with trying the video and thanks so much for sharing this. Even in the online world, sometimes you don't quite know who your real friends are! :)

As for your husband and his unique way of measuring, we'll all pray for him - oh, and the cat too!

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~~LILA 4/14/2008 5:30PM


Debbie that is beyond hilarious! It is soooo descriptive, I could see you on the floor and I can "feel" for you. I HAD to read this to my 13 year old daughter, and as she also chuckled through your tale, at the end of it she said, "Gee mom, you have strange friends!" HA! Out of the mouths of Babes.

I've tried the butt blaster once, a long, long time ago, and chickened out after the first day. Keep us posted, I'm curious, does the "pain" ever get any less? LOL

Good luck in all you do and the choices you make,

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BECCACOATS 4/14/2008 5:04PM

    Oh I loved this story. You did sure a good job telling it I got mental pictures.. Oh no!!! erase emoticon... Thank you for saying what a lot of us are not willing to say. However I think your DH was on track, as he is looking for a lift emoticon
Again thank you for the share

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KAREMEG 4/14/2008 4:07PM

    You have quite the knack for the art of storytelling! I look forward to your blogs. This one was great! In fact, your blogs never disappoint. I just wish you posted more of them! LOL!

Keep up the good work! You continue to inspire us all!

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JUSTMINE 4/14/2008 3:57PM

    OMG Debbie,
you are too funny...I sat here and laughed till I had tears running down my cheeks...
But........ I do understand, I have became a fitness addict, and I have been in some of those situations. I work out with my 22 year old son, WHO...thinks just because I lost weight, and work out, that I should be able to work out like someone 21..NOT...I have told him...Eron, do you not understand I am getting old..." granny age"?
AND...only a " dear sweet supporting husband " would ever measure you like that...( with muffed laugh)...we know that kind of support.
big hugs
sheri emoticon

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LIZZYBETH2002 4/14/2008 1:41PM

    hahahahahaha!!!!!!! I love you SO much! nobody can tell a story quite like you!

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DEVANS716 4/14/2008 7:29AM

    this is just too funny!! now that you noticed I have the video marked as a favorite..........I guess I better TRY it now! emoticon

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NITAINMN 4/14/2008 12:01AM

    Hey Debbie:) LOL That was such a funny account of your work out with coach Nicole. You ought to invite her to read your blog!!! Pass some of those G-M' s over - I got none - I mean none at all - straight in the back!! Oh, the photo is sooo funny too!! Thanks for a good laugh:)

Comment edited on: 4/14/2008 12:00:24 AM

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SHARBABY123 4/13/2008 9:11PM

    OMG! You are so fabulous and funny! I'm glad I found out about your blog. I definitely want to read more! You always make me laugh on FFF's team.
Thank you!
Sharlene emoticon

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METALBABE 4/13/2008 9:01PM

    Debbie -
I was thrilled to see you had a new blog entry, at first for you (because I think it's such a great Spark tool), but now for all of us who are so entertained by them! Thanks for the giggle! Now get your butt back to the workout...
:) Kristin

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GOGETUMX2 4/13/2008 8:13PM

    Deb, I gotta pee.... been holding it.... read the blog.... laughing so hard I can hardly manage....

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HARLEYMOM59 4/13/2008 2:04PM

    deb. you are so funny! can't wait to hear what the measuring tape reads after your 6 week butt lift.


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MELLY423 4/13/2008 9:13AM

    Thanks, Debbie!

I needed a good laugh this morning! I am going to try that as soon as school is out...May 24! ;) Yeah, I know, I'm a wimp!

Melly Anne

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RELOUDEN 4/13/2008 8:12AM

    Oh my goodness, I am laughing so hard I'm about falling off my chair! Had to read it to hubby...now he's laughing too! Too funny! I don't know if I should try this or not...don't want to give the kitty any ideas. Keep up the good work, it will get better!

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JANEYTEE 4/12/2008 11:11PM

    Debbie, You have such a way with words! Too funny. I loved it! I would have loved to have been a fly on your wall that night!

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UP4MORE 4/12/2008 10:57PM

    LOL _ Lovely Deb -I wait for your blogs to roll around and you do not disappoint your readers! Cat

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BACKAGAININ2010 4/12/2008 10:11PM

    Deb, Laughed til I cried!! Hope there'll be a new blog after you try the Booty Workout with Ball.

Comment edited on: 4/12/2008 10:10:10 PM

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STARTSPARKING 4/12/2008 9:44PM

    One of my group exercise instructors used to do a butt-blasting workout similar to this one in one of her classes. It was one of her favorite because she swore by its effectiveness. You can actually hear audible moans and groans from class participants in every session. To up the ante after a few weeks, she actually had us put 3 to 5-pound dumbbells behind the knee of the raised leg to add resistance and challenge!

Suffice it to say I am glad that she no longer teaches weight training classes! I still love her step aerobics classes though.

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JANBRLD 4/12/2008 9:43PM

    Deb, have to tell you I feel much better after I read your blog. My side do hurt now from reading it and laughing. This week has been a very tough week and I really needed the laugh. Thank you

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-ANGIE- 4/12/2008 6:26PM

    OK...so am I one of your moronic comrades?
I loved this blog! You crack me up...in every way.
Glad to be one of your butt busting pals!
Tell James, as long as he's handy,
he can come over here after you kick him out :0)

PS- I posted, reread my post with photo next to it and thought...OK, maybe I do look at least like a dorky friend!!!

Comment edited on: 4/12/2008 6:25:54 PM

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COACH_NICOLE 4/12/2008 5:37PM

    Awesome! Haha This is great--I laughed so hard! I'm honored to be the subject of your blog and I think you're a great writer too. Maybe, in addition to the butt blaster you can also try my Booty Workout with the Ball...you know, when you get the nerve up for it. ;-)

Let me know how your progress goes!

Coach Nicole

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~LASYL~ 4/12/2008 5:08PM

    Lol, great one as always!!!! Now you need to blog on the ABC's which by the way YOU introduced! Thank you very much! Those knocked me over for the last few days. Off to butt-blasting I go...., hi ho,hi ho,..., ooh, ooh..., ouch ouch!
Ps. Honored to have been mentioned in one of your famous blogs!

one of your butt-blasting partners,

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Did the Chicken Cross the Road??

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Hubby and I work for an international construction company. We live the life of nomads, moving from project to project, working from the ground up, coordinating the process of building a building, handing the keys over, then moving on to the next assignment. James is the project superintendent, coordinating all the subcontractors on the jobsite. I am the project engineer, claiming the onsite construction trailer as my domain, coordinating all the paperwork and communication that it takes to get the job done. We were recently assigned to the Portland, Oregon Branch Office, with the intention to oversee a Super Target in Sacramento, California—which is due to start mid-March. This past week, we took on the venture of relocating from the Minneapolis area to the West Coast.

The road trip to Portland offered me some breath-taking sites. The drive across the Rockies was indescribable!! As James drove, I scanned the mountains in search of big horn sheep, mountain goats, antelope, black bears, bobcats, buffalo, deer, moose, and elk. I did see some butts high up one rocky crag, but I couldn’t discern whether they belonged to deer or big horn sheep. Crossing Idaho, I saw 2 different large animals bedded down amongst the trees. I’m not sure if they were elk or moose, but want to say that they were moose—just because saying, “Moose,” makes me giggle! Try it! Say, “Moose!” out loud! What a funny name—can’t help but conjure up a mental picture of Bullwinkle, huh?!! We were mesmerized with the multiple sightings of eagles—so beautiful and majestic!!

The drive through Washington was kind of boring and desolate, but as we crossed into Oregon and traveled along the Columbia River, we were awestruck again with the beauty of landscape. It was my turn at the wheel, we were on the interstate—no buildings in sight…Then, there it was! A lone chicken along the side of the road!! What the heck?!! I rubbernecked to double-check that my eyes hadn’t deceived me! James and I looked at each other and laughed aloud, realizing that we’d both seen the same thing! Our conversation centered on the chicken…Where did it come from? How did it get there? Where was it going? Had it already crossed the road, or was that its goal? Okay, so I hadn’t been able to positively identify any wild animals in their natural element along the road trip…BUT all was not lost!…I had been able to positively identify a domestic animal in its UN-natural element. How many people can claim that??!!

The moral of the story can be interpreted countless ways…

• Don’t place all your chickens in one basket, as they might feel overcrowded and leave.
• Set your chicken free—if it’s meant to be, he’ll come back.
• Which came first? The hitch-hiking chicken, or the egg?
• If Chicken Little is out on the road, assume the sky is falling.
• Even a chicken can play a game of Chicken.
• Even a chicken can be a daredevil.
• Don’t let heavy traffic ruffle your feathers.
• The early bird gets to see the country.
• Don’t count your chickens until you’ve checked the interstate for any runaways.
• A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

Which moral will you adopt today?

Here’s my take…

• Just because I may be a chicken (introverted tendencies), it doesn’t mean that I have to stay within that mindset!

• In the same way that I’ve shed some excess poundage, I can shed my inhibitions. With the right frame of mind, I can be an eagle!

• Just like that chicken left it's cozy nest, I can leave my safe environment and dare to soar to uncharted territories.

• I can free myself from my introverted ways and be the carefree, fun-loving, adventuresome woman that I so crave to be!

• I can set my inner child free and be the extrovert!

Today is the day I will start living again!!
I double-dog dare you to do the same!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LDCECIL 10/8/2008 9:52PM

    I love it, thanks for sharing it with us!

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BLONDEGIRL10 10/8/2008 2:40PM

    I can't believe I never saw this one! Thanks for bringing it back up. You know I loves your blogs!!
You know, I thought I was the only crazy one that set out to become an extrovert. Now, I now know I am not the only Crazy Chick!
I Loves ya Deb!

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JANEYTEE 5/22/2008 8:54AM

    I say we eat the chicken and be done with it. Lets see fried, baked, broiled, grilled or roasted???? So many choices.

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FOCUS128 5/3/2008 6:52AM

seeing life through the eyes of a chicken! Hum: this makes me wonder... ha ha! I think the image is so refreshing, I will shake some of my own chicken feathers myself!
Thanks for sharing this beautiful story with us!
Annie ;-)

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KYLIEMC8 4/5/2008 10:23AM

    You are the light that we all need! I love that story and now I want to come and follow you around the US!! I'm a gypsy at heart! Thanks! Hugs..Kylie :)

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NITAINMN 4/1/2008 4:28PM

    I agree you can surely write for a living with no fear of quitting your day job!!!
What a wonderful time to be in CA. Do post some new photos. Where we lived before, Tarrytown, used to have these magnificent eagles flying in the sky at certain time of the year!! Loved watching them! I love your take on the chicken besides the road. I am on in the dare:) Nita

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CELEST 3/29/2008 5:39PM

    You know what? If you ever get tired of construction work......there's always creative writing. If you could put all your stories into a book, I'd definitely be buying. Ps you're on with that dare.

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MIPPY265 2/28/2008 1:07AM

    I love your blog. Alot to think about...how did that chicken really get there??? Enjoy your trip and be safe. Keep us updated on your adventures!

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AMBERROGUE 2/12/2008 10:13AM

    To get to the other side is SUCH a simple answer... Thanks for expanding!

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MRSLAZZLOE 2/1/2008 11:27PM

    I have NEVER seen so many comments on anyones blog. You truly are a gifted writer Debbie! And what a great outlook you have. I envy your adventures. But I envy your spirit more! =) Thanks for sharing!

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~LASYL~ 1/30/2008 10:06PM

    How can I even imagine not going to your page often as I move along this journey . I love the way you think..., lol. Funny thing is my best friend lives in Oregon and owns a ranch, on the ranch lives a chicken she named after me, Sylvia.., I better check if Sylvie is missing!?! Thanks for sharing, You inspired me in funny kinda way, lol.

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-ANGIE- 1/30/2008 4:32PM

    This blog is exaclty why I love ya- you have the greatest way of looking at things! I might have said, "It's God's way of making sure I have enough chicken for the trip so I don't go for a Big Mac later on"...scary the way my mind works, isn't it! I am only kidding- I really do love the way you have such a positive view on life. That's why you mean so much to so many of us...many of us would just have seen a chicken. Thanks for sharing your vision!

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0GRANNYPANTIES 1/29/2008 10:38PM

    That was so much fun to read! If you would have saw it here, it would be a frozen chicken patty right now! Enjoy the sites!

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MISSLANA 1/29/2008 10:21AM

    You and only you could come up with all those morals. Girl, you really do have a way with words and using something as simple as a chicken on the side of the road to make people visualize and create their own goals in life.
Thanks, Deb, for keeping us all laughing but motivated at the same time. Can't wait for the next adventure on your blog! Be safe, be happy and keep on sparking!

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HARLEYMOM59 1/29/2008 7:41AM

    show the world the deb we know....cause you is a blast baby.

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GRANDCRACKER 1/29/2008 3:59AM


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SWEETNSILLY 1/28/2008 9:59PM

    A great blog, actually the first I ahve read and I believe nothing will ever compare. Glad you are enjoying your trip. As far as the chicken and the morals they are all great and your outlook as well. We all need to use this in our own lives as each day is a new day...and each egg produces a new adventurous chicken maybe? LOL I know you will do great with everything at the new job!


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KATIE233 1/28/2008 3:11PM

    ha debbie it sounds beutiful there, i would been there with my camera just a clicking off the land sites and animals. it,s my favorite hobby, get that camera going there. want to see some sites. enjoy yourself and be careful.

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WATERGIRL60 1/28/2008 2:11PM

    Thanks for "pecking" at my brain and opening it up to new ways to view life! Your adventures in day to day life keep me laughing-you are always a pick me up on a hard day!
Can't wait until the next entry!

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KAREMEG 1/28/2008 11:26AM

    Loved the blog as usual! I am always thrilled when you write a new one. Your (mis) adventures would make a great book or ongoing magazine/newspaper column!

Glad you made the trip safely! Next time I'm feeling down, I'll be sure to shout, "M-O-O-S-E!"

Have a great day!

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-STEPHANIE- 1/28/2008 9:40AM

    Hey there "chickie", I'll take the "Early Chicken..." I'm always up before the sun and I love to see the country!

Enjoyed the blog!

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UP4MORE 1/28/2008 8:56AM

    • A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion... This is mine! I will take your double dog dare! You can be who you want to be, be brave, be wonderful, be yourself... I know you can do it. Its ok to be a little afraid, new things are scary, but you certainly fit into the extrovert catogory in my mind - so now claim it for yourself and own it! You can do it, embrace yourself!

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EXPT626 1/28/2008 12:39AM

    I liked -- 'The early bird gets to see the country. "

But how about this?:

Chickens will do as they please, and cars and roads should just get used to the idea.
-- Roberta Henlaying

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BAAB_GIRL 1/28/2008 12:02AM

    I love you!! You are a riot and I believe you are MY lost sister!! I have a SparkFriend in Oregon. Cierra_007(Jody) who is one of my first SparkFriends and got me rolling shortly after I joined with a July 4th-Labor Day challenge. It would be great if you could meet. She doesn't log on to Spark too much, so if you decide to contact her, don't expect a reply anytime soon.

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NAN71486 1/27/2008 9:23PM

    Congratulations on your "inner extroverted woman" breaking free! I so happy for you that you are having this experience. Keep up your healthy living and have a wonderful time. Looking forward to hearing from you again. Keep a watch out for the chickens now! LOL


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JUDY4FITNESS 1/27/2008 7:47PM

    Well Debbie...my friend from Texas told me why the chicken crossed the road..............ready??????????? To prove to the armadillo that it could be done. Now with that in mind you could make a liar out of all those who say they have tried such and such and it didn't work! NOW GO STRUT YOUR STUFF!!!

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CAROLISCIOUS 1/27/2008 7:33PM

    Loved it...and I accept your dare!

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JMARIES51 1/27/2008 7:23PM

    Another wonderfully entertaining blog. Are you sure you aren't a freelance writer masquerading as a project engineer?

I am glad that you enjoyed your journey so far. Of course you only saw a bit of Eastern WA and it is kind of desolate over there. So don't judge your chickens before they are hatched. You have to see Western WA. This is God's country. :0

Hope you get to have the apartment. It sounds like something that you are looking forward to. hugs, Joann

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CWTAYLOR 1/27/2008 7:20PM

    You are hilarious! I could use you in my English class! We're getting ready to write essays in a couple of weeks! I envy you! :)

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RELOUDEN 1/27/2008 6:46PM

    Maybe the chicken was sent out as a welcoming party for the area.

Neat story. Enjoy your stay.

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XHASTEDMOMOF2 1/27/2008 5:37PM

    I love your blog!!! How thought provoking!!!

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NUTMEG25 1/27/2008 5:37PM

    Glad you like Oregon. I have lived many places and this is the best! Enjoy your time here. Hugs, Meg

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SAYRAH-M 1/27/2008 5:04PM

    I agree with Annette you need to publish your blogs. They are great. You are so funny and profound!!
So that brave chicken within was going to make the journey one way or the other. Brave that highway and make the journey...me too. I am focusing every day harder on the highway rather than just the goal.
I know how it can be to seem to be outgoing when you are a secret introvert. I can rise to the occasion, especially if the occasion is work. But left to my own it is hard for me to leave my nest. Maybe I am hatching eggs here myself.
Love to read your blogs, your posts, your emails, and your comments on my blog. You are VERY motivating. Thanks Deb

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STARTSPARKING 1/27/2008 4:42PM

    No, I will not be the chicken with a bucket list or ends up fried in a bucket. I'll be the chicken that crosses the road to new territories to become an eagle! Thank you so much for a wonderful, thought-provoking blog!

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LUVBONNIE 1/27/2008 4:26PM

    Poultry in Motion. WOW I like that one best! How exciting to travel like you do! We needed to drop my daughter at Dartmouth College in NH, we are in So Cal. It was such a stressful time not really a vacation, but Hanover is straight out of a Norman Rockwell picture. So that was wonderful. Let me know how long you are staying in Oregon, and enjoy the beauty of it there for me.

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CYNTHIAS50 1/27/2008 4:17PM

    Great blog Debbie! Sounds like that was an enjoyable trip :-) BTW I am very happy that you made it there safely!
You know, I believe this is gonna be the day that I too will start living again, and it's gonna be all about me, what I need to do for me, what I want to do for me, and I'm gonna make it happen!
Thanks for this push Deb!

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CARPEOMNIA 1/27/2008 4:12PM

    YOU'RE ON Chicken Little!!

I love your blog...wish you'd take up being an author...you've got skills girl!
Wait until Foghorn Leghorn Gabrielle reads this!!

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Is Your Man Potty-Trained?

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Knowing the importance of drinking lots of water, I’d planned in advance for the day. Upon waking, I’d started chugging down my water, so that hopefully by the time we boarded the plane, I’d have had ample time to let the water “run its course,” before we embarked on the two-hour flight. (Using airplane toilets is worse than creating idle chatter with the passenger next to you!) I was in the middle of second-guessing my bladder capacity, when I locked eyes with a guy walking down the aisle. Rats! He put his carry-on bag in the bin over our head and sat down in the seat next to me.

After buckling himself in, he looked our direction and introduced himself as, Rich. James, in the window seat, looked up from his magazine long enough to feign an interested, “Hello.” Drat! There was an exchange of words! Protocol now dictated that we had to chat at least a little bit during the flight—it was the holidays and the season to be cheery! I resolved to follow through with my duty, then would casually nod off and take a nap until we landed.

Rich questioned our flight—were we returning from Christmas travels? As I explained our yearly trip to Ohio for ringing in the New Year, he nodded enthusiastically. Turns out that he, too, was making the trip to hook up with some friends and family for the same occasion. He’d come from Boston, which explained his curious way of talking and the enunciation (or was it lack of?) of his words. I had to listen intently, to be able to understand his dialog and/or dialect. Unfortunately, Rich took my actions to mean that I was interested in further conversation. I continued to “hang” on his every word and mentally translated the words in my head…”Ca=Car, Ba=Bar, Do=Door…”

The plane took off, James dozed off, and I grew ticked off…How could my husband sleep, while this stranger next to me insisted upon talking?!! I silently called dibs on the window seat for the trip home!! Within that first hour of the trip, Rich and I spilled our life stories to each other, talking of family, friends and foes. I was actually a little amazed at the comfort level we seemed to share with each other. I glanced at my watch, forecasting that we’d be reaching our destination in about 30 minutes. It was then that I felt that all-too-familiar “pang” deep within the bladder region. “Oh no! Please, no! You can hold it until we land,” I silently consoled myself, while subtly squeezing my legs together.

It was then, that Rich uttered the most curious fact I’d ever heard…”I haven’t pottied since last Friday.” Oh My! We had shared a lot in the last hour or so, but why did he feel the reason to divulge this?? And what a way to state such! Only a toddler would say, “potty.” Had he noticed me squirming, and felt compelled to reveal such, to put me at ease? Was he bragging?? I tried to look impressed (actually, I was!) by raising my eyebrows and saying, “Oh really?! I don’t know many guys who can go that long!”

“Yeah, well, I don’t potty too much,” he returned. “How about you?” he quizzed quite seriously. “Do you potty very often?” It was all I could do to refrain from jabbing James out of his nap, as I nervously looked around to see if anyone had overheard the previous passage of words. Everything appeared to be normal, aside from the absurdity of the direction our conversation had taken. “Ah, well, I guess so,” I uncomfortably returned. “I really don’t think I do much more than the average person.”

I prayed that Rich would halt the discussion. I tried vainly to think of a new subject to deter anything more coming out of his mouth. But, to no avail, he continued. “I get hyper when I potty. I just can’t sit still!” “Oh, really?” I asked, trying hard to continue, yet seeing no way out. Another glance at the watch…Rich brought me back to Earth, informing me, “I can never potty sitting down. I always have to stand up and sort of sway.” He intently gazed into my befuddled baby blues, wondering what I’d say next. I was completely baffled by this time. I had thought that most guys did use the toilet standing up. But did they sway? Was there a different “style” in Boston? “I guess I don’t have much of a choice,” I returned. Seeing a perplexed expression on his face, I further clarified myself, “I always sit down.”

Looking more interested than ever, Rich asked, “What do you usually drink when you potty?” Did he mean DURING??? Was this guy daft?! “Uh, well, I don’t know. I guess it depends upon the situation and if I’m extremely thirsty.” By this time, my brows are knitted into what I swear will be a permanent expression of disbelief and wonder. “Are you gonna potty with your friends tonight, or wait until New Year’s Eve?” he inquired next…And it was then, that a sudden wave of embarrassment hit me! Potty=Party!! “Yes,” I replied in a barely audible mumble. “I think I will be ready for a cold beer when I get off this plane!”

How ironic that he should then seek pardon to leave our conversation: “You’ll have to excuse me for a moment, Debbie. I’m going to use the bathroom before we have to get ready to land."

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JANNIEWANNIE 1/2/2012 11:31AM

    You have sure a way with words. Hugs from J

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GOANNA2 4/18/2008 3:11AM

    OMG Deb you are so funny. Just came home after a harrowing day and this just really had me in stitches. Hope I lost a few grams. Keep up this writing it is wonderful and lifts one's spirits

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CELEST 3/29/2008 5:35PM

    Hysterical. I've always wondered how people end up spilling their "guts" to near, or total strangers. My moms a lot like that. She'll meet someone for the first time and before you know it, there goes the family dirt......blah blah blah. Me, I want to run a mile. I need a whole lotta time to know anyone before I disclose personal things, and at no given time do I discuss body functions. ha ha poor you.

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WOODLANDMYST 2/15/2008 10:51AM

  Too funny! Reminds me of visiting an aunt in Oklahoma when we were kids. She asked if anyone would like to go to the potty - and being from the Boston area - we were all disappointed that there was in fact no ice cream and cake!

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~LASYL~ 1/30/2008 10:19PM

    Laugh out loud, tears rolling down , stomach hurting FUNNY!!!! I think I love you!!(and we just met)!! Thanks, I so needed that!

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NAN71486 1/27/2008 9:40PM

    LOL! Debbie! That was just too funny! You can turn anything into a very entertaining story. You said to read the other blog, and now I'm still reading! LOL Be good!


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BETHIN_MN 1/25/2008 10:52AM

    Too funny!

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CAROLISCIOUS 1/24/2008 9:16PM

    Amazing story!

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JETTANALA 1/21/2008 12:01PM

    I read through your blogs the other day and now today someone directed me back to read you again! You have quite the fan base and your humor is like a friendly whack on the back!! You are doing something right!! Have a wonderful week!! ~ Kathy

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-STEPHANIE- 1/21/2008 9:40AM

    Thanks for the giggles! Isn't it funny how other people have accents but we never think WE do?

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MELLY423 1/20/2008 12:03PM

    rofl...did you get the window seat on the way home or is there another story from the return? ;)

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    OMG! Too funny!!!

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MAGICLANTERN 1/19/2008 8:39PM

    LOL !!! I should have taken the 'hint' you so obviously pointed out. LOL ! Thanks for the laughs ---you really do need to write a book of your adventures :)

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JUDY4FITNESS 1/19/2008 7:06PM

    This caused me a hugh belly-laugh! (burned a few calories on this --I think) Thank you for making my day!!

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FLUFF-N-STUFF 1/19/2008 4:16PM

    You are so great to read. Thank You!

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CYNTHIAS50 1/19/2008 9:22AM

    Only you Debbie, only you! This is too funny!

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STARTSPARKING 1/19/2008 7:06AM

    Oh, my goodness! You got my eyes bulging out and shaking my head until the very end! Oh, the story Rich will tell his grandchildren one day about his flight with the knitted eyebrow lady back in 2007...

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BAAB_GIRL 1/19/2008 3:08AM

    Gracious you got me going but good! Sheri

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PURPLE01 1/18/2008 10:08PM

    Thanks for the good laugh!!!!! I am originally from upstate N.Y. and even I have trouble understanding a native of Boston!

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QUILTEDCAT52 1/18/2008 5:04PM

    Too Funny!!! Thanks for the great laugh today! I can't believe your husband slept though that! Doesn't he know better than to leave you alone like that? You'd think by now he'd know that there was another story waiting to happen!
Can't wait to read the next one!

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~*LINDA*~ 1/18/2008 1:21PM

    Just making me wonder what Rich is telling his friends about the woman on the flight with the knitted eyebrows!!! LOL,

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WYLDHEARTED 1/18/2008 12:56PM

    LOLOL only you Deb, lord have mercy!

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FINDINGMYINDIA 1/18/2008 12:46PM

  LOL, I especially liked that he sways when he potties!! Great story!

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LVDLPHNS 1/18/2008 10:53AM

    That is a riot....thanks for sharing....
Sure he didnt say BAHTHROOM? sorry, coming from Maine, had to throw that one in there.

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CARPEOMNIA 1/18/2008 10:39AM

    God Deb...I'm sure glad you're back!! I missed your wacked out sense of humor....thank you for this little tale!

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KYLIEMC8 1/18/2008 10:31AM

    All I can say is WONDERFUL..JUST WONDERFUL!! Thanks for sharing your 'potty' story..teehee

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WATERGIRL60 1/17/2008 3:49PM

    I love it - Can't wait until the next, CA has quite a few! My husband is the I've never meet a stranger I couldn't visit with person. I just get dragged in for the ride! "MEN" You seem to draw in the a little off people-myself included! So keep us up to date!

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KAREMEG 1/17/2008 1:11PM

    Did you get to Ohio and "potty" like it was 2008? Hah-Hah! My jaws hurt from laughing! Hey, I think I burned some calories just by reading your post! Think that counts as exercise? LOL!

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LIZZYBETH2002 1/17/2008 12:20PM

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I cannot believe the situations you get yourself into!!!!

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AMBERROGUE 1/17/2008 11:54AM

    LMAO!!! *HUGS* Oh, that was great! I can imagine your embarrassment... All of my family members have a bit of hearing problems, each to different degrees, and though the accents aren't different, we get into conversations like this all the time! LOL!

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CRAZYOLDLADY43 1/17/2008 10:09AM

    Girl you are to funny, I think you draw them to you.

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BLONDEGIRL10 1/17/2008 9:40AM

!!! YOU are Too Funny Deb!!! You gotta publish your stories, YOU are a fantastic writer! Now, if you'll exuse me I have to go to the party because I almost peed myself from laughing so hard from your story!!! Love it! -Gabrielle

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HEATHHILL 1/17/2008 9:38AM

    That was HYSTERICAL!!! Thanks so much for the much needed laugh!

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MAINLADY 1/17/2008 9:15AM

    OMG,Debbie...you crack me up. This story is just too funny. Since I'm originally from Maine I can relate to the dialect that Bostonians have...ayah! Keep those stories coming. They are a day-maker for sure.


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UP4MORE 1/17/2008 9:07AM

    Loved this!! How cute and so true they do talk like that!

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BRIDGEMIK 1/17/2008 8:55AM

    Too funny! I really needed a laugh this morning. Thanks so much!

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DIXIEMISS00 1/17/2008 7:46AM

    Omg Debbie, that is just to funny. Boston does have their own dialect. I am from Maine and sometimes I can't even understand them. I hope with all your traveling you will continue to take care of yourself. Be safe and have fun thats what life is all about.

Give hubby the elbow for falling asleep and leaving you holding the politeness on the trip.

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WALKMAMA 1/17/2008 5:21AM

    Hilarious! Thanks for sharing this to give us all a great laugh.

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JMARIES51 1/17/2008 2:03AM

    You crack me up so much. I had to go potty after this post. :) Joann

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NUTMEG25 1/17/2008 12:56AM

    Very funny! Still chuckling ....Hope you have a safe trip out west.
FYI....since Dec. 31 I have lost 21 lbs and haven't starved. I am very excited about this since I usually loose very slowly.~~~~~~~~~~~Hugs, Meg

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MISSLANA 1/17/2008 12:49AM

    This is the funniest story I've heard since the mouse was in your trailer! I mean it, this is GREAT! You do have a knack for telling a story, and sister, this is hilarious! Only you could have this experience. I am still laughing out loud!!! Thanks for sharing this one. I needed the laugh!

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-ANGIE- 1/17/2008 12:37AM

    You crack me up! You are a magnet for these kind of people- I can tell! Thanks for a good laugh! All this potty talk...well..I gotta go!

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CHATS201 1/17/2008 12:01AM

  funny as heck...thanks for shairng....I will be laughing at this one for awhille...

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MYSTICRAINS 1/16/2008 11:54PM

    Wow...That certainly was..an interesting encounter *lol* Well at least you had an interesting story to tell your husband when he woke

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My Neighbor…Stalker or Saboteur?

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Living in a camper and traveling from one state to another, for construction assignments has been an interesting lifestyle. We’ve made a lot of great friends along the way, while living in various parks and campgrounds.

A few weeks back, James and I headed out for an extended weekend road trip. Upon our return, we discovered a dilapidated motor home parked in the lot at the north side of us. I scrutinized the set-up…What I found peculiar was the signage placed on the camper…“Caution! Area Under Camera Surveillance!” All the windows were covered so tightly that one could barely discern the glow of an interior light. Hmmmm...How odd. Biker Joe, living 2 houses down, adds to this mystery, saying that the guy moved in right after we’d left, and he had yet to come out in the daytime. Joe said, “I think you might have a vampire or werewolf living next to you!” Great!

For 4 days, I was the snoopy old lady, constantly peeping, in hopes of catching some glimpse of our new neighbor. On Day 3, I caught his door opening! To my dismay, a long rug hung over his doorway, so I only got to see a hand (was that hair on the knuckles?), as it pulled in a leash and bare feet (was that hair on the toes?), protruding under the hanging tapestry—then later, the appearance of his cat on the leash. Drat!! My imagination ran wild? Who was this guy?!! Maybe a drug dealer? A spy for the FBI or CIA? An agent from the IRS? A bubble person, allergic to sunlight? I was somewhat freaking out—I’m not normally the nosy person, but dang, who did this guy think he was, expecting me to respect his privacy???

Things all changed that afternoon, as James and I sat on our deck. Around the corner popped a guy we’d never seen before. With a friendly wave, he came over and introduced himself as our new neighbor, Mike. “Do you guys like chocolate cookies?” he asked, as he extended a bag of the goodies to James. (My hindsight now tells me that this was the first action my new neighbor used in trying to sabotage my diet…) As James nibbled on the cookies, Mike proceeded to give us a life story of being on social security for a back problem—which explained his never having to leave his house for a job. He divulged owning a 54” flat screen TV, and his fear of being burglarized—which explained the signage and the covered windows. He explained suffering from diarrhea for the last week and questioning where the nearest grocery store was, as he needed to get some toilet paper. Being the kind neighbor lady I am, I retrieved a couple spare rolls and handed them to him. As he headed back towards his house, he called out, “You might want to watch those cookies. I’m starting to think that’s why I’ve got the runs!”

A few days later, James came into the house, muttering, “Houston, we have a winner!” I gave him a curious look and he proceeded to tell me that Mike had caught him outside and told a story of his house being infested with white fleas. He’d apparently had to go to the emergency room the night before, as the biting was so bad! Terror-stricken, I croaked out, “How close did he get to you?” It didn’t matter how much my dear hubby reassured me that he didn’t get within flea-jumping distance to the guy. My body itched feverishly. I knew I didn’t have fleas, yet my scalp said otherwise. I had a hard time reading my spark mail, as thoughts of white fleas danced in (and on) my head. I earned a Spark Point for googling white fleas, and came up with nothing! (Perhaps fleas turn white, without the aid of sunlight??) Even after Mike bug bombed his house, I had flea frights. With the bomb going off, would the fleas flee over to my house? For almost a week, I had a hard time concentrating on my Spark comments and articles. (My hindsight now tells me that this was the second action my new neighbor used in trying to sabotage my diet.) And now that you have a bad case of the head itches, read on for the next episode…

It’s Halloween and Mike catches me coming back from a walk. “Hey! I’ve noticed that you go out walking a lot,” he comments. “Yup! Just trying to get in shape!” I shouted from a safe distance. An hour later, Mike is at the door with a cup in his hand. “You’ve got to try this. It’s sort of like a detoxifying anti-oxidant!” He proceeds to tell me it’s a secret recipe from his sister, consisting of butter—can’t be margarine; vinegar—must be cider, not white; rum—most any brand should work, but he prefers Bacardi; lemon juice—from a real lemon, not the imitation stuff; and minced garlic. Aside from holding in a gasp of disgust, I am mentally calculating the calories, and I’m also thinking, Garlic—how ironic—guess that rules out the werewolf theory. “James,” I holler, “Mike is here and has something he wants you to try!” (My hindsight now tells me that this was the third action my new neighbor used in trying to sabotage my diet.)

Biker Joe is laughing. He tells the story of throwing away an old Dish Network satellite dish, and Mike asking if he could have it. Turns out Mike’s TV has an internal setting for SelecTV Satellite—which I don’t have a rat’s butt clue about, but whatever. Mike is absolutely certain that Biker Joe’s dish will work with his big screen TV. Biker Joe proceeds to tell me that the dish won’t work, as it’s not compatible with Mike’s internal TV settings, but the real kicker is that this guy really believes that since his TV has the hook-ups, all he has to do is make the connections and he’ll have instant service. He doesn’t understand that regardless of the compatibility question, he would still need to subscribe to the service, in order for it to actually work. Numerous neighbors try to explain this, but Mike won’t hear of it. His TV is satellite ready, so all he needs to do is hook one to it and Voila! Mike spends the afternoon positioning the satellite on top of his house. Nightfall comes, and I’m off to bed. Sparks has taught me the importance of getting a good 8 hours of sleep. All of a sudden, I’m awakened by a pounding noise of hammer against pipe. What in tarnations???? Since he got no reception from the top of his house, he’s trying a new location. Mike is now at the rear of his house, driving a post into the ground, to mount his satellite! The noise continues for a couple hours, as Mike works with a flashlight in his mouth. Later the next day, I noticed the satellite in the dumpster. (My hindsight now tells me that this was the fourth action my new neighbor used in trying to sabotage my diet.)

Since we do live in a camper, I like to keep my blinds open, to fend off feelings of claustrophobia. I don’t see this as an issue, as we currently have no neighbor to our south side and Mike has his windows totally closed off, so there’s nobody to really see me. Yeah, right! Lately, during my sessions of Granny Dancing (which is my daily cardio activity—crank the tunes and shake it, baby!), I’ve noticed that Mike comes out of his house and lurks in the yard. Coincidence? I’m thinking not! All of a sudden, as “She’s a Brick House” is blaring and I’m being the groovy granny, boogying to the beat, I lock eyes with Mike and have to nonchalantly nod and pretend to straighten the pillows on the couch. Dang! Lost the beat, and now I’m a prisoner, confined to dancing in the kitchen or hallway, until he disappears from sight! (My hindsight now tells me that this was the fifth action my new neighbor used in trying to sabotage my diet.)

The campground maintenance crew just came over and graded out the empty lot to the south side of us, prepping it for newcomers. Wonder who will be moving in.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BECA387 2/1/2008 4:14PM

    OMG - you had me rolling on the floor! Thanks for the laughs!

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SHELL367 1/29/2008 8:08PM

    What a crack up. Neighbors!!! Aren't they great?!

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JUDY4FITNESS 1/19/2008 7:17PM

    You might want to watch those cookies. I’m starting to think that’s why I’ve got the runs!”

You are hilarious!!! Do these things really happen to you? Maybe I'm too closed mind to notice things like this in my life!

She's A Brick House!!!

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METALBABE 1/16/2008 11:48PM

    Seriously, have you ever thought of publishing your stories? You are brilliant!

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LUVBONNIE 1/12/2008 7:47PM

    LOVED it!!! Reminds me of Flannie Flagg. Will read all your blogs!!!!

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KATIE233 1/10/2008 12:31AM

    debbie my god what a neighbour,i really enjoy the story,who,s pig is that with boots on.lol lol. enjoy your neighbor .

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HEATHHILL 1/4/2008 8:56AM

    That was just hysterical!!! I think you have a crazy person living next to you, but since so far he seems harmless, maybe he's no crazier than the rest of us, just more open about it :)

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2GIRLSOFMINE 12/27/2007 10:37AM

    You are great story teller! Sounds like you are living in a sitcom!

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SMLNGS_MY_FVRT 12/27/2007 10:17AM

    That was AWESOME!!! (my boss just came into my office to see what I was laughing at) You made my day!

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JENNYALL4HIM 12/23/2007 1:36AM

    That was awesome! Thanks for the laugh!

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IANURSE73 12/8/2007 12:12PM

    I am burning calories laughing.........thanks for the laughs!!!!!

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JOYCEANN1955 12/7/2007 11:25AM

    I laughed till it hurt! White fleas? I do think he is a saboteur...all the signs point to that...lol

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NITAINMN 12/6/2007 12:29AM

    sorry for the second post! Never seen 30 comments on anyone's blog! You ARE poplular or rather your blogs are:) Thanks for a good laugh:) LOL

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NITAINMN 12/6/2007 12:27AM

    Hilarious story! What an adventure - just living in that park!! You are lucky to be traveling although, my wish for you would be in your honeymoon place, warm and sunny!

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LJOHN44 11/27/2007 9:23AM

    I had to stop by and see what caused GrannyP to spew her pineapple.... Ha ha ha! Your neighbor Mike sounds like my old neighbor Mike from NC! The garlic rules him out as a vampire but I'm inclined to go with the werewolf theory because of the fleas...Keep your silver bullets handy! I find the best way to deal with weird people is to out-weird them. It freaks them out and they tend to go away, it's kind of fun too! Great Story!

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NAN71486 11/26/2007 7:17PM

    I didn't know you before today; but I will be reading all your blogs from now on. I haven't read your page yet, but are you a writer? Nice to meet you!

Nancy from Louisiana

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AMBERROGUE 11/26/2007 4:01PM

    WOW, what a story! Mike does sound just a mite bit creepy. I hope he's not really creepy but just eccentric! Good luck! -Weeble

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CASHRAT 11/26/2007 10:52AM

    Your stories are way better than anything they have me read in my lit classes. Another A+!!!!!

As far as mike goes, I am honestly a little freaked out for you!!

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MAINLADY 11/25/2007 8:34AM

    Debbie...what a wonderful and entertaining story....still laughing. You MUST write a book of short stories. I have no doubt you would be published in a heart beat. It's so much fun to come to your site and read all about what's been happening.


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0GRANNYPANTIES 11/24/2007 3:54PM

    OMG. I spit pineapple on my computer screen! That is hysterical!!!!!! Good luck with the new neighbors. Are they there yet? Can't wait to hear!!

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AMIYESIAM 11/23/2007 10:36AM

    wonderful story. You live an interesting life!!!!!!!!!

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    Oh my goodness! I ran across your page randomly and I thoroughly enjoyed your story and the 5 saboatages....ha ha! You're a wonderful writer!

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LIZZYBETH2002 11/19/2007 2:43PM

    hahahaha I have missed your stories!

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SWIFT_OSPREY 11/19/2007 10:38AM

  I was trying to think up something clever to say to all of that, but all I can come up with is: "Wow!"

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BOOGIEWOOGIE 11/17/2007 10:00AM

    Oh Deb! This is freaky. . What's up with that......pounding away for two hours in the middle of the night and lurking around your front lawn. No respect for privacy huh? Don't let your emotions get the best of you sweety. Stay focused and keep dancin babe! . Maybe he'll move soon.

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DIXIEMISS00 11/16/2007 7:49AM

    I am so glad I live out in the country, we had some winners for neighborers
( man next door riding his riding mower naked down the dirt road) in the mid afternnoon. But there is enough space to fit four houses inbetween us and them. So no one can see in our windows unless they are right at it. I love country living!! Hoping you get rid of him soon.


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AMYIS200 11/16/2007 12:30AM

    Ummm...wow. that's all I can think of to say! thank God Mike isn't a permanant neighbor! I was the GM of a satellite store for seven years, and I used to have to deal with yoo hoo's like him all the time. No matter what you told them, they were ALWAYS right...until they finally gave up and hired us to come out to do the job. And the fact that I was a woman, always instantly disquaified me from knowing my @$$ from a whole in the ground, as far as they were concerned! I actually had a call one time from a woman yelling at me because her system wasn't working. I said, "Okay, let's do some troubleshooting over the phone before I send someone out. What channel is your tv on?" She frantically responded, "I don't know...the screen is black!!" I told her to TURN ON HER TV, and sure enough...everything was fixed! Scary....

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EXPT626 11/16/2007 12:23AM

    You might want to dig out that old satellite dish and keep it handy.

Might be useful as a weapon. A sort of upgrade to the iron frying pan.

A 'fraying' pan, if you will.

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MAGICLANTERN 11/15/2007 10:31PM

    LOL ! Oh wow you really are a great writer, ever thought of getting a book out, I'd read it for sure !

We live in a modular home park, one of those modern ones where you have to keep your gardens pretty, etc...It's quite a quiet place but, just like camping, the neighbors are 'right there'. Yup, I know what you mean about exercising --except I close my curtains, even the den area off the kitchen is open. If I want to exercise with open curtains then I have to go to one of the bedrooms, but I don't think soooo. Give me a wide open space to boogie, that's how it works best :) One thing I do wish, I wish I could walk around the house nude sometimes, but then again, I may end up causing a few heart problems for some of the neighbors lol !

Anyhooo, love your wonderful tales of daily life, you really have a knack for bringing them to life. Can't wait to read what else Mike has in store for you ;)

Btw: did your husband have any reaction to those cookies ?

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GEOGRAPHER 11/15/2007 7:59PM

    Hmmmmm, maybe you can put up one way mirrors, you know the kind store security uses to catch shoplifters up. Then you can granny dance and keep an eye on the neighbors.

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JUSTMINE 11/15/2007 6:35PM

    Really laughing, Debbie,
I agree with Linda, I wonder what he is thinking about ya all..and that blasted satillite dish..lol
did you ever see the movie with robin williams ( RV)?....you really need to watch it..lol

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~*LINDA*~ 11/15/2007 1:05PM

    DEBBIE!, i just read crazy Mikes blog!!! you want to hear what he`s saying about you !!!!

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BETHIN_MN 11/15/2007 11:08AM

    Too funny! Are you going to wait it out, or will you be searching for a new site sometime soon? How far apart are your RV's? Too creepy!

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-STEPHANIE- 11/15/2007 10:13AM

    Hey Debbie, loved your story- I was lookin' around YouTube and I think Mike has posted a clip of your Granny Dance... YEP, that's you... there you are straightening up the pillows! It would be much better if he could've taped the music too, it just looks like you're scratchin' fleas, flailing your arms and just plain going nuts! YOU GO GIRL!

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CARPEOMNIA 11/15/2007 10:04AM

    Glad it's so cold here that fleas would freeze...I've been caught in the act of bebopping to music (Bill's band used to play Brick House...I love it) and had to pretend I was doing something else....OOOps..
You're hilarious...when's your first book coming out??? "Crazy Ed's Contemplations about Life"

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BAAB_GIRL 11/15/2007 9:18AM

    You are hilarious *scratches ear and head starts to itch, now ear again* damn it!


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-ANGIE- 11/15/2007 1:09AM


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BLONDEGIRL10 11/15/2007 1:00AM

    Awesome EddieMae, just awesome!!!

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JMARIES51 11/14/2007 11:44PM

    You really need to write a book. I have never heard such funny stories.. and a little scarey too.

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UP4MORE 11/14/2007 8:24PM

    hehehe!! This was a wonderful read thank you!

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STARTSPARKING 11/14/2007 7:18PM

    Gotta love those neighbors! Don't you let that Mike sabotage your good food choices and regular exercises! Maybe he's jealous because he can't stand others getting healthier! If he keeps interfering with your Granny Dancing, you need to switch to turbo kickboxing or some other martial arts instead. If you see him at your window, give him a stern look in the eye. Then you make the best Bruce Lee imitation you can muster, give a good kick in his direction, and scream "Keeya!" LOL

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HARLEYMOM59 11/14/2007 6:48PM

    love the pictures! where do you get these things? and i think some of those fleas got into your brain. (crazy ed) maybe if it wasn't for the darn MIKE you would have lost another human brain by now. the enemy is everywhere.
watch out for 'em ed.


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LINDSEYJ 11/14/2007 6:32PM

    I'm laughing so hard I'm crying!! Makes me wonder how many times I've sabotaged my own diet..?

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