Tuesday, November 20, 2012
for decades, i've wanted that "norman rockwell" holiday....lots of family, great food, happy people, memory-making, laughter, sharing across the generations. i don't have that with my family, or my hubby's family, and it's not happening with the next generation, either, as they are too far away. the longing for what "could be" is a huge joy-stealer. so i'm just going to embrace my not-normal-ness, and start celebrating in ways that reflect who i am.
i'm excited about making new traditions that will bring love, laughter, and good memories! we'll see what we come up with.
wishing you all a holiday that brings you joy, however you choose to celebrate.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
i just listened to a spark people radio episode...the host talked about "releasing" weight. i kinda like that. i don't like the term "losing" weight, because i haven't LOST anything....i've changed how i deal with food and exercise, and those behaviors have enabled me to DROP 105 lbs. i didn't misplace anything, and i don't want to find it. release is still is a bit passive for me, because this journey has been very active and extremely intentional...it's a day-by-day, sometimes minute-by-minute, choice-by-choice path. i'm still looking for the perfect word....release comes close, but it's just not the "one."
what word do you use to describe the changes in your life?
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
TORTISE110 posted a blog yesterday: http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_j
here's the quote: "When we force ourselves to connect against our heart's desires, we create false, resentful relationships; when we disconnect from the people who deplete us, we set them free to find their tribes while we find ours."
i just love that! thanks tortise
Monday, November 12, 2012
i needed to do some shopping for winter clothes. i've been having difficulty keeping my pants up, but i just blamed it on my "funnel" shape. i found out i needed a smaller size of jeans. i am beyond shocked--i don't think i've been in a size 10 since 1982 or 1983. i am shocked for a few reasons....first i never thought i'd fit into that size again. second because when i was a size 26, i thought a 14 would be grand, and lastly because even seeing myself in a size 10, i still am very unhappy with the reflection in the mirror. it's all further proof that this battle will likely rage in my head...probably for the rest of my life. but i will continue to learn and grow, get healthier, and find new ways to think about, and talk to, myself.
my weight hasn't really changed since june...i've been bouncing up and down in the 167-174 range, which puts me hanging out on the cusp of the overweight/obese dividing line. that number, and designation make me feel really fat. i know there are a few factors i have to keep in mind...i have always been structurally dense, i am very large-busted, and i am now pretty muscular. since my weight didn't change, i was surprised to learn my size had. as a teen/young adult, i was anorexic. all of my adult life, i've been overweight-obese. as i've been dropping weight, i have teetered on the edge of anorexia.
i've still got a ways to go! a number on a clothing tag or a scale isn't going to make anything magically different. i will always have to be careful about what i think, what i eat, and what i do.
Thursday, November 08, 2012
i just re-read this article. it pretty much sums up the changes i've made in the last 22 months. moderation. progress, not perfection. changing how i think about myself, food and exercise. realizing doing the same thing and expecting different results is insanity--i'm done with the crazy merry-go-round. realizing this is a moment-by-moment, baby steps kind of journey, slowly and consistently learning, and building a new life. when i fall down, i get back up, instead of berating myself and wallowing in the mud. i just move forward.
there are no quick fixes that worked for me, but little changes have added up to 105 lbs gone FOREVER.
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