EBPOOKIE   89,197
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Completed the 2012 Rogue Run Half Marathon - Walk 4 hrs 20 mins Pace: 19:55 :)

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

The half started @ 8:10 am and was to finish at 1:05 PM. I had to have it done by 1pm in order to get my medal and complete it. I asked my good friend Brian to do this with me because I knew he would motivate and keep me going. Boy did he - I felt like I had a personal trainer on my back constantly telling me the pace time - we are behind, on or ahead of pace is what I would hear. I was feeling strong at mile marker 8 I took a pedestrian bridge pretty fast and it was hilly. I hit the 10.5 mile marker and that is when I hit the wall, I ran out of water and my left shin started to cramp up then at around mile marker 11 my right calve cramped up Ė at that point I was ready to cry I hear my best friend yell ďWALK IT OFF Ė KEEP MOVING; WE DONíT HAVE TIME FOR THIS MOVE IT!! YOU WONT FINISH IF YOU DONíT WALKĒ I kept moving and walking after attempting to rub it down which didnít help. I hit the 11.5 mile marker aid station, got two cups of water, 2cups of Gatorade and drank them plus they poured water over me and gave me a to go bottle. When I hit mile marker 12 I asked my friend Brian am I going to finish this on time. He turns around and says YES we have an hour but that doesnít mean you can slow down FINISH STRONG KEEP MOVING!! I did I fought through major cramps to see the finish line at the ľ mark yet it still feel sooo far really sucks. I made it through the finish line and it was the greatest feeling of accomplishment in my life. I got my medal Ė dogtag and gave my buddy a hug and said thank you. Love ya but hate ya! Lol. I thought we were last because we had passed up a team mom and daughter and the daughter was having a hard time come to find out afterwards she rolled her ankle on mile one. I didnít think they were going to make it on time. Then we heard that they had 4 more walkers coming in I just got up from my stands and cheered her on. I knew how important it was to hear you did it we high fived and hugged!! It was a great experience something I will do again this time I want to better my pace. Considering my training got cut short because of my gallbladder surgery right in the middle was my proudest moment. As we drove back to camp, I realized as I could see the trail from the freeway I just walked this. I felt strong!! I continue to feel that way! After years of being told no or that you can't and believing it - believing you couldn't. Then have this and you see i could it is an amazing feeling inside me to carry forth on. Tell me I can't now and i know i will say - let me show how i did and will!

I promised everyone i would post some pictures here they are:

this is me at about a 1/4 mile left to go!

My good friend and motivator - at times I really wanted to hurt him but at the same time he challenged me to do my best time and finished it!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AAAACK 9/29/2012 2:47AM

    Awesome! Awe inspiring! You did it, and should be very proud!

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REXTINE1 9/28/2012 4:43PM

    Your blog brings tears to the eyes. That's a inspiring story. Good show.

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1HAPPYSPIRIT 9/26/2012 11:46PM

    emoticon on a job well done!

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BLESSEDBEING 9/26/2012 11:43PM

    You are totally *AMAZING*! That was a huge accomplishment, Emmy! Now you have proof positive that you really can do anything you put your mind to doing! emoticon and GO ... and GO!

Blessed Be, Amanda emoticon

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-WRKNG2ABTTRME- 9/26/2012 10:10PM

    emoticon emoticon

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PATTYS74 9/26/2012 10:07PM

    Emmy you did it ...you rock....what an awesome fight to the finish. I am sooooo proud of you...Great accomplishment....congrats....wooho

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NBARNES 9/26/2012 8:44PM

    What a great accomplishment - and how fortunate to have a friend to urge you on and make you do what he knew you could do!

The training really paid off and I'm glad you posted photos so we can bask in your glory emoticon

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SUE1512 9/26/2012 8:13PM

    emoticon emoticon Look at you! Wow, Emmy, that is really awesome! And so good of you to cheer on the other person. Think about where you were a year ago and where you are today... emoticon

Keep it going - as Brian says - you CAN do it!

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Feeling Stuck! Gas up & Go!

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

I'm feeling so very stuck right now, really not knowing which way I'll travel. I get anxious and overwhelmed with all the roadblocks and detour signs being handed out. Why can't the directions on this map be smooth and easy?

Life is a journey and has a habit of putting pot holes on your road and sometimes just downright breaks you down to where you need a major service haul. That is where i am right now! I'm in the garage patiently waiting for myself to get repaired.

Just when I thought I was there; a big pot hole appeared a few weeks ago and i went crashing into it. I was flooded by memories and flashbacks - a setback but while at times I have felt numb I know those small adjustments that I am making in the garage will help turn on the headlights. I know i have had some major repairs in the past year and this one had more damage but I am determined to look for the solutions need to get back on the road.

For you see every road has bumps, detours and major potholes in life but each time I've hit one of them I continue to learn and get back out on the road. Each time I learn a little more about myself. I look inside and answer the questions within myself and generate a great eternal force from my power within to gas up and move on the road again! I am just about there but not quite just there I need a push maybe even just a little jumpstart to get it going.

While in the garage I'm told to stay off the scale and be gentle and kind to myself. To follow my heart for it will heal. This weekend is important to me; I walk my first half marathon while I am scared I am also very excited. I know it will take alot of of spark to finish it but I know I will because I have alot of power inside. I hope to find that power deep within and turn the highbeams on so that I won't be missed while on the road and make it within the time alotted to complete the half. I don't want to stay in the garage so therefore I must get that push out.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

REXTINE1 9/20/2012 10:14PM

    The answers are all around you - you just need to be sure that you are inspired enough to use them. My biggest help is to write down what I eat when I eat it, and the associated calories - which means I know the weight or volume, and the realistic calories associated with that. I write it in the pocket notebook as I go along, and the notebook is wherever I am, so I can sometimes look something up later. Then I enter the food in Spark People. I know how many calories I should be eating, and so I know when I'm getting close to a day's ration before it's too late.

I'm sure you will get back on track again.

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AAAACK 9/20/2012 12:29PM

    You'll get back to a more comfy spot soon. It's all a cycle. Hang in there for the downturn, and visualize that upturn. It's just around the corner (but which corner?). Good luck finding your corner.
emoticon emoticon (may your "car" find its way out of the garage again soon)

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KOFFEENUT 9/19/2012 4:30PM

    I know what you mean about potholes, roadblocks, and detours. I figure we're all on a healthy lifestyle journey. We all hit those bumps in the road (heck, I've wandered off the road ENTIRELY before!), but the IMPORTANT thing is that we pick ourselves back up and continue in the right direction.

It is AWESOME that you're walking a half marathon!

Comment edited on: 9/19/2012 4:30:52 PM

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FLUTTERBY4JC 9/19/2012 4:29PM

YOU are an inspiration to so many! You have taught me so much this last year and I owe so much of my success to you! You are an amazingly awesome person and as I have said before, I am honored to be your friend in this journey!

This too shall pass and you will be better because of it!

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Friday, September 07, 2012

Well two weeks ago I had to reset my binge free streak, but Iím back on it. I have to look at what I accomplished this past year 394 days of being binge free an awesome streak. What took me down well about 3 weeks ago while shopping I had a major flashback with something as simple of being in line at Wal-Mart the customer in front of me husbands came back in line rubbed up behind me, he stung of alcohol and cologne the same I had smelled before triggered a flashback I had to leave Ė my husband tells me I was white as ghost and well I waited for him in the car. This flashback then started a series of nightmares which is what lead me to my binge. When I was a child I would be physically, mentally and sexually abused. I would be locked up in the basement crawlspace for days no food Ė darkness. I woke up on the floor and eating. So day one began 15 days ago. I am back to heavier therapy since we are really covering more of what triggered and the actual times and events. I am journaling everything in greater detail which is helping me see how my eating disorder really took place. I am doing my best right now to stay focused on me. I at times feel selfish but I figure I need to take care of myself.

I have several different emotions I have been experiencing the past few days, anger, sadness, hurt, guilt and shame. I am allowing it to be. I continue to write and am learning how to meditate. It was something I was given as homework. I was to find a quiet spaceÖ I donít do quiet but I can do light music and space. ;) Iím trying to imagine myself at various ages where I need to comfort my young self and giving her a voice and compassion. Things she didnít have. So that is pretty much it. I am trying to make me # 1 write now to stay on this current streak. I know I can do it heck I got to 394 days right so I will push again. I am hanging on to those beads daily.

I will never give in to negative thoughts I will remind myself daily that i am worthy of all good things!!

So for those of you following my journey and assisting along the way with encouragement I say thank you!!

emoticon emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    Emmy -- You are a precious person. Don't beat yourself up. I am proud of you that are back starting a new streak - and I know this one will be longer than the last! Sending hugs and cheering you on. Glad you have lost your quit!

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REXTINE1 9/8/2012 5:37PM

    You have been down a deeper hole than most of us can imaging, but the important thing is that you're back on track, and haven't given up. The most important thing is to just start over again and forget the failures - remember the successes. Good luck.

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WATREKKIE 9/8/2012 3:23PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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AAAACK 9/8/2012 12:01PM

    You've come so far with your psychological journey that you have hit a point where you're able to deal with things you couldn't deal with before. While it completely sucks to have to deal with it, I'm proud of you that you are there. You'll make it. You're one of the strongest people ever. And the binge free streak is an impressive number, no doubt (shoot, I can't even make it past day 5 lately), but it's not the whole story, is it? Rather, that binge free streak represents how many days you've worked on your psychological pain, healing your soul. You will keep healing your soul, and just have another binge free streak when the time is right. You are what's important, not a number. I wish you peace in learning to deal with the pain that you're working through now.

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BLESSEDBEING 9/8/2012 12:00PM

    You are so strong, Emmy! I am so proud of how much you have accomplished already! I believe those memories are surfacing now because you are strong enough to meet them and deal with them and grow beyond them and past their ability to hold you back.

I'm a strong proponent of Progress, Not Perfection. You may be on a new streak now, and that's all part of the process of healing. Learning that lesson that you are beautiful, capable and lovable, and worthy of all good things, is more important than any number.

You are doing great, and I am cheering you on! emoticon
Blessed Be, Amanda emoticon

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NBARNES 9/7/2012 7:37PM

    Emmy, I'm so sorry to hear about the traumatic situation - and I'm glad you're not seeing this as a real set-back, but a point from which to move forward. You're doing a great job seeing what you're doing right and you're a great model for the rest of us.

One of the hardest things for me (and I'm sure many others) to learn and really accept, is that set-backs happen. It's simply a fact of life. And we can either beat ourselves up over them and give up - or just accept, learn and move forward.

Good for you for moving forward and proving that you're stronger than the bad memories. It's about winning the war not every single battle.

emoticon emoticon

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BL Loser Final Week Summer Challenge

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Taking inventory as to where i am and how i did with my goals.

I did reach my ulitmate goal of being binge free for a year and still continue my streak!

I didn't get under 270 but i will next challenge i'm pretty close.

I am learning how to deal with water retaintion swings which can knock me down mentally. Working with my body which is imperative!!!

The most important thing i believe i continue to work on is my therapy - i have to remember that i sought out help to help me with my Binge eating and while i'm working on that - working out hard issues from my youth that lead to it-i continue to fight and stay binge free, that may seem like a walk in the park for those who don't understand the cycle of emotional binge eating but it is a struggle i face everyday!! Portion control has been one of the hardest things for me to work on the past 8 mos having my gallbladder out helped because i have had to eat less and chosey on making sure nothing is fried low fat & cleaner eating not as easy as it sound.

So over all i have beads in my purse at all times that remind me how far i have come in one year. I am down 18 pounds since the beginning of this year which last year i maintained all year but i worked on my binge eating disorder so that was a score.

Okay overall i'm pleased with my accomplishments so far this year and challenge.

Fall challenge i will get under 270!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EBPOOKIE 8/22/2012 6:12PM

    @ Deb - thank you and heck you can do it - i'll support you that is rough to do but think of how much better you will feel. HUGS and know i'll support you every step of the way!! Deb you have been awesome this challenge and i know you will do great as co lead i really see that in you!!!

@ Aaaack -awe thank you--blushing...

@ Trish i am just as honored to walk this journey with you as well!! You get me you understand, you have comforted and u have read and listened. Thank you more than i can tell you!! I can't wait to see what more you do this fall challenge!

@Carrie-You have been an inspiration to me as well and i know you too will have a good fall!!

@Rex thank you for the encouragement and support you continue to provide during my journey.

All of you i can't begin to say thank you enough!!

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DEBSGETTINFIT 8/22/2012 5:28PM

    Emmy it is no easy feat that you stayed binge free for a year. That is just so emoticon. Yes it is so sad that things from our childhood can cause bad health and emotions later in life. The main thing is that you ARE working it out. So so proud of you.

When I finally throw my ciggs aways 9/9- every time I want one I am going to think of you not binge eating and what it must have took daily to not do this. Have so enjoyed this challenge with you and look forward to the next one. emoticon

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AAAACK 8/21/2012 11:35PM

    The amount of emo work you've done this year has been phenomenal. It is something to be really proud of. And you've been so open about your journey and I'm certain you've helped many people. You ARE amazing and will reach all your goals. You're just that kind of person!

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FLUTTERBY4JC 8/21/2012 7:53PM

    You are doing an amazing job and I know you will continue to do awesome! I am very honored to be able to walk this journey with you and getting the opportunity to see you grow by leaps and bounds! I am one of your biggest cheerleaders!!!!!

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SEWINGMAMACDS 8/21/2012 4:21PM

    Emmy - emoticon at staying binge free for a year+!! I know you will get to/ and exceed your goal in the next challenge! Cheering for you! emoticon

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REXTINE1 8/21/2012 4:11PM

    If you're close now, and control your eating you should make it, but fall is coming fast. Good luck.


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Day 377 Binge Free

Monday, August 06, 2012

I made it a full year and continue to do it.

On July 24, 2012 i actually hit a year, it was one of my proudest day although i think each day has been that was just icing to know i could do it, that i can find other ways of dealing with my emotions without binging. I made a necklace which hold 365 beads see below:

I have changed so much in this past year, I now love to exercise at leasst 5 days a week whether i walk, dance or do something i need to do and love it. When things feel low i find other ways to deal. I talk write or walk. I tell myself i am strong i am a survivor I am beautiful I am brave I am intelligent I am determined! I will continue everyday!

My eating has changed more veggies, fruits and lean meats - heart healthy! Fast food - there is ways to eat healthy there if you want to .. jack in the crack aka box has chicken tenders that are grilled a side salad fruit and water; McD grilled chicken sandwich, apple slices and diet pop or water; you can find ways. Subway is an awesome place for breakfast lunch and dinner Jared knew best!!! You just have to find a way to make things work, the one place i can tell you has no diet items is KFC - no salads just rotisarie chicken and it is just too tempting so not worth going there. I cook a lot more at home and find i can balance things out more. I can have 1 egg, 1 turkey sausage made from scratch and 1 cup oatmeal hits the spot. lunches soups, salads and half sandiwches.

My biggest obsticle has been portion controls that stems from the abuse (food withheld by my dad) I have a tendancy of packing more then i need but it gives me security i end up living things in my lunch pail but it's knowing they are there. I have learned to do bigger salads or veggies soups mentally know it fills me then half a sandwich vs. full sandwiches. smaller containers or snack packs measuring has been key. Deprivation was my other nemisis so i always finds ways to make sure i don't feel that and so far so good, nothing is forbidden.

Well my next challenge besides making it to year two is my half marathon, my gallbladder issues put me down a few weeks of training i am up to six miles and have about 7 weeks left of training to get up to 13 miles will and must do it!! Okay this week will be about walking six miles at least 3 times this week then next week i will bump up to 8miles at relay for life. then continue with six miles next week during the week then do 10 before the end of the month. By second week in Sept. i will have to do 12 and then i should be ready. I will continue to train with my six miles 3 times a week my food dr. who does triatholons told me to just walk daily and do increased walks minimum 3 times a week so i know i can do this it's been working since my week after surgery which i started 5 days after surgery walked 1 mile then went to 1.5 for a few days then was up to 2-3 within two weeks. i have been doing this weekly bumping it up i should be good but worried.

My goal is just to keep focused and determined to do this!!

PS besides my beads as my reward i am in a size 2x and 3x on some workout clothes i brought a two shirts and one pair of bike shorts. New sneaks next week!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

REXTINE1 8/13/2012 6:32PM

    Congratulations on a full year without a binge. I don't think I have ever done that, but I have lost 100 pounds in a year more than once. Staying the course (I have been within five pounds of goal for six year now) is a new experience - and I hope you make it to goal. The real trick is to never quit, and you seem to have that down pat.

Good show!

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LADYBUG_KOOL 8/9/2012 11:39PM

    What a great looking necklace. What a wonderful idea. I love what you wrote about your journey. You have done a wonderful accomplishment with your walking also. Keep it up Emmy. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LADYBUG_KOOL 8/9/2012 11:37PM

    What a great looking necklace. What a wonderful idea. I love what you wrote about your journey. You have done a wonderful accomplishment with your walking also. Keep it up Emmy. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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EVERSTEPH 8/9/2012 10:21PM

    That is an incredible accomplishment. Love the necklace!

A half marathon is completely achievable. YOU ARE CAPABLE!!!!!

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JITZUROE 8/8/2012 5:56PM

    I LOVE that necklace!!!
I am so proud of you..... What an amazing journey this has been for you, and what a strong example you have been to so many others!


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BLESSEDBEING 8/7/2012 11:30PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
I am so happy for you and proud of all the growth--and the shrinking! emoticon--you have manifested in your life this last year! I think it's totally cool that you bought some new clothes, that you are training for a half marathon, and that you made that wonderful necklace for yourself!

Just keep treating yourself like the glorious being that you are! emoticon emoticon emoticon
Blessed Be, Amanda emoticon

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FLUTTERBY4JC 8/7/2012 12:52PM

    You are an amazing, loving, inspirational, beautiful, strong person!!!!! I love being a part of your journey! You have accomplished so much this last year and teaching others (myself included) along the way! Keep going towards your goals! You can do anything you set your mind to!
Love you!

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NBARNES 8/6/2012 3:27PM

    The beads are a phenomenal idea! I just might have to do something like that myself. I so love that you think long term and embrace the idea that this isn't a diet, it's a way of life. I'm working on embracing that myself.

Good luck with the walking, such a good goal. Keep up the good work.

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AAAACK 8/6/2012 2:05AM

    You are truly able to do anything. You are amazing! I love the idea of the necklace. What a neat way to celebrate such a great achievement. And I know you'll get to do your half marathon - you just will. You're one of those kind of people! You'll decide you're going to do it, and then you will no matter what it takes. I admire that about you!

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