Tuesday, March 06, 2012
Since July 1, 2011 I started my binge eating disorder therapy, I have learned so much about myself while in therapy and have been given tools to help me. In January I decided that after concentrating on my binge free days to try and add the weight loss piece of it. I have to admit I was scared, I knew it would and could add stress to myself and destroy all of the hard work of being binge free because of my need to obsess over the scale. January was great I lost 8.4 # I was on cloud nine then the following week I gained 5.6 pounds just like that in water-TOM had begun while I knew I had done nothing wrong with my diet or exercise that I really had been rocking my program it still crushed my world. That day I was just one move from losing my streak of 197 days binge free I was looming 200 but my old feelings of wanting to soothe myself with food was there, I had keys in hand and ready to drive to go get my Pepsi at the local mini mart. Just as I was getting ready to log off my computer for lunch one of my weight loss buddies instant messaged me and asked me “how’s your day going” I put my keys away and sat down and started typing how I felt at that moment. Never got that Pepsi diverted breaking my streak and today I am at 225 days. What did that remind me, that I needed to journal my thoughts or reach out to talk out my feelings.
The week after that was even more stressful because my 82 yr old mom (who splits her time between me and my older sister) was taken to the hospital. She was diagnosed with Pneumonia and heart irregularities emotions ran high the thought of losing her was there, add the fact that she was in TX while I’m in OR. She is fine and will be home in Oregon on 3/24/12. My great friends stepped in and made sure each morning to email or check in with me but I reached out to them letting them know I would need the support. They were there more than words can describe they are like family. I started to realize that I had set up a wonderful support system. When I went back to therapy and told her about my almost mishap she said “get rid of the scale, why don’t you find success in other way, throw away the scale” I gasped like I can’t do that not my scale. She indicated that the kids that are in the rehab centers with the food disorders they work on measuring success without the scale. They get weighed in and get told “on target or let’s review what you are doing so that you can be successful” I wasn’t sure when I left her office. So the next day was weigh in again and I realized how stressed I was feeling. I called my husband and told him to remove the scale hide it – he was shocked but gladly removed it. So then I let my best weight-loss bud that I needed her to hold onto my weight record book and come in with me to hold me accountable I wasn’t going to look at the number on the scale on weigh in days at my TOPS meetings. So far so good, can I say I have no anxiety, I am keeping track of my food, exercising, watching my portions and just going with the flow I’ve done well 2 weeks in a row. I am told “You’re on target”.
I started measuring success beyond the scale and this is what I found. I measured myself and realized I had lost many inches-necks, waist, arms and thighs, I now exercise 4-6 days a week and have more stamina, I eat healthy, and I drink 10-14 cups of water. I also have been binge free for over seven months at this point. I have learned healthy habits of how to write my feelings
vs. biting them. Plus I have done a lot of hard work on putting my past in check vs. stuffing it in a closet like it didn’t exist when it did. I have learned self love! No longer do I feel broken but feel empowered.
I continue on this journey, pushing myself and if the weight comes off slow I am accepting it but not obsessing over it. I am just practicing a healthy lifestyle. The best part is I got a box of clothes that are 2X when I started my journey at 318.5 # I was a 4X now I can say with all those inches gone I am wearing a 2X which is cool because I have a whole new wardrobe!
So remember always that there are many ways to measure success without the scale.