Monday, January 02, 2012
Can I say I am floored my goal was to get through the holidays without a binge and to continue my streak.
If you would have said this could be done 8 mos ago after starting day one so many times i would have laughed because i really didn't care!! I have been on my weight loss journey for some time i do well for a while then i sabbotoge myself. I would say i'm not worthy. I didn't like myself as much as i should then something clicked in 2010 i started caring and the pounds started coming off then i hit a major plateau in March and then I started going back to my old ways and not caring, it was too hard too hard to keep pushing through and my binge eating was still there and had been at bay for a while but it popped up last year during the holidays i was on an eating frenzie then got my self back in gear then i started up in March of 2011 i realized i really had an issue when i would go a few days then start up again and all this eating would happen in private in my car! Drive throughs my best friend because i would not take the time to prep my breakfast or lunches i would have 2000 calories done by the time i got home so i'd gain & lose the same 5 # then in May i started researching my issues with Binge eating and what my choices were in order for me to get help. I found out my insurance had unlimited mental health and then i found a clinic that specialized in Binge Eating Disorder, i contacted them via email and we exchanged alot of info and found that my insurance would cover 80% since they were out of network. so my pocket expense was a little more then i wanted but i felt i was worth it.
I did it on July 1, 2011 I had my first session. I knew going in it was going to be hard i was going to have to open my closet door and open it wide in order to heal. I really dove in. I sit here writing this and look at all that i have accomplished, i have tears but good tears because this is big for me and amazing for me to be here and feel as good as i do. It is a feeling of freedom, i feel like i'm soaring through the sky. At times when things weigh me down i no longer want to run and hide. I continue to face them, each time i do i add feathers to my wings to fly faster and higher. The past will be a part of me it is what makes me strong now!! I am using it as my stepping stones and the fuel i need to succeed in my journey. I know I am strong, intelligent, brave, kind, tenacious, loving and tenacious survivor. I know my self worth and it pushes me to do more.
My goal is simple to make it to 180 days, to continue working on my wounds that my open and need mending them. Never giving up for that is not an option.
Exercising no matter what every day 15-30 mins minimum, go to my work out class 4 times a week! That will be the boost to get back to losing. you maintained your weight for the year but you gained for more in the past 160 days then you could have lost. Now it is time to put this into losing slowly.. i want to make it to 366 days on July 1, 2012 (leap year). they are small and big goals but very feasable!
To all my sparkie friends - thank you for the encouragement you continue to believe in me which helps me to do the same. Some days are harder then others but when i'm here i'm with family.