EBPOOKIE   90,519
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EBPOOKIE's Recent Blog Entries

160 days Completed of Binge Free Living

Monday, January 02, 2012

Can I say I am floored my goal was to get through the holidays without a binge and to continue my streak.

If you would have said this could be done 8 mos ago after starting day one so many times i would have laughed because i really didn't care!! I have been on my weight loss journey for some time i do well for a while then i sabbotoge myself. I would say i'm not worthy. I didn't like myself as much as i should then something clicked in 2010 i started caring and the pounds started coming off then i hit a major plateau in March and then I started going back to my old ways and not caring, it was too hard too hard to keep pushing through and my binge eating was still there and had been at bay for a while but it popped up last year during the holidays i was on an eating frenzie then got my self back in gear then i started up in March of 2011 i realized i really had an issue when i would go a few days then start up again and all this eating would happen in private in my car! Drive throughs my best friend because i would not take the time to prep my breakfast or lunches i would have 2000 calories done by the time i got home so i'd gain & lose the same 5 # then in May i started researching my issues with Binge eating and what my choices were in order for me to get help. I found out my insurance had unlimited mental health and then i found a clinic that specialized in Binge Eating Disorder, i contacted them via email and we exchanged alot of info and found that my insurance would cover 80% since they were out of network. so my pocket expense was a little more then i wanted but i felt i was worth it.

I did it on July 1, 2011 I had my first session. I knew going in it was going to be hard i was going to have to open my closet door and open it wide in order to heal. I really dove in. I sit here writing this and look at all that i have accomplished, i have tears but good tears because this is big for me and amazing for me to be here and feel as good as i do. It is a feeling of freedom, i feel like i'm soaring through the sky. At times when things weigh me down i no longer want to run and hide. I continue to face them, each time i do i add feathers to my wings to fly faster and higher. The past will be a part of me it is what makes me strong now!! I am using it as my stepping stones and the fuel i need to succeed in my journey. I know I am strong, intelligent, brave, kind, tenacious, loving and tenacious survivor. I know my self worth and it pushes me to do more.

My goal is simple to make it to 180 days, to continue working on my wounds that my open and need mending them. Never giving up for that is not an option.

Exercising no matter what every day 15-30 mins minimum, go to my work out class 4 times a week! That will be the boost to get back to losing. you maintained your weight for the year but you gained for more in the past 160 days then you could have lost. Now it is time to put this into losing slowly.. i want to make it to 366 days on July 1, 2012 (leap year). they are small and big goals but very feasable!

To all my sparkie friends - thank you for the encouragement you continue to believe in me which helps me to do the same. Some days are harder then others but when i'm here i'm with family.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BOOKWORM27S 1/16/2012 12:34AM

    emoticon emoticon

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STEPHHAYES227 1/3/2012 1:13PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
So So happy for you!!! It is a great goal, but so hard to maintain and you did it and keep doing it!!!!!

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EBPOOKIE 1/3/2012 12:51PM

    Thank you everyone who has visited my blog, this continues to be a wonderful hard journey but nothing is easy in life!! You have to work hard! I am glad that I can inspire, itís still scares me to think I can make a difference but I am glad because if someone else can learn and succeed from what I am doing then itís all worth me sharing. Again thank you!!! 2012 is great indeed!

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SEWINGMAMACDS 1/3/2012 11:48AM

    Emmy - I am so proud of you and your success! Continue staying focused and so glad you have lost your quit!!
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WORLDSERIES11 1/2/2012 4:57PM

    Congratulations! So proud of you and all you've accomplished!

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2WHEELEDSHARON 1/2/2012 1:28PM

    WOW! Awesome! I'm so very impressed with all you've been through and done for yourself. You're right, you deserve all your dreams, so keep up the fight. I don't have to tell you to not give up!


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DEBIBLUE72 1/2/2012 9:17AM

    you are such an inspiration. the longest i have gone binge free was 12 days. and today i am starting over again at day 1. your blog was what i was needing to read. thank you so much for sharing your story.

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1DRWOMAN 1/2/2012 5:01AM

    Wow...thank you for sharing your story and success!!!! So happy for your huge milestone!!! Hope you reward yourself with something that makes your soul sing! You deserve it! Have an amazing 2012!!! Big hugs and hi-Fives!!!

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Friends come and go!

Friday, November 25, 2011

Have you ever had a friend that has taken more then given, you have always been there and listen to but when it is your turn that person is never there. They make promises to you and then fail not once or twice but several times, you want to see the good in people, so easily you are lureed with apologies and promises but then leave you nothing but heartache. Very similar to the battered wife syndrom... ARGH! Well I believe this person has already checked out and so will I, it is very disappointing because i've seen this person go through many transformations good and bad and vice versa it saddens me that one can give up so easily and not want to give a friendship a go the way it is suppose to be not one sided. I know that it is important for my mental health not to fall into the traps of broken promises, i'm sad and angry at the same time. I still even through my frustrations are there have reached out and tried but I know now my anger and frustration is popping up so i think it would be best to move on. My heart still aches :(

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SNAPDRAGON1231 12/14/2011 9:52AM

  Sorry to hear that. There is a big difference between being there for someone who is trying to get better and through a situation, and someone who just loves the drama and has no intention of changing. Those people will always drag us down before we can lift them up. Now you have room for more constructive friendships!!!!

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DEBIBLUE72 12/13/2011 10:22AM

    i have lost a couple of friendships that i thought i would have for as long as i was alive. just couldn't give up. but then i realized it was like a death. the friendship had died. so i had to mourn it. at times i am still sad. so i remember the good, smile or laugh. but then i move on.

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EBPOOKIE 12/10/2011 1:29PM

    I've come to terms with this, i'm doing much better. I understand that this particular person has so much going on around them that they only has time for that; at this time in that person life. I'm just continuing to move on as that is what is best for my heart and for the state of being i'm at. I am confident in myself and have a good support team to draw on that i know is there so i have to go to them when i need support. While it is hard because of piece of me is there i can't let it stay and keep from moving forward! Thank you Aaack!

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AAAACK 12/10/2011 1:23PM

    It took me a long time to realize that some people just never learned how to be a good friend. Some people are very selfish or even just self absorbed. It doesn't lessen the pain, though, when you've let someone in, touch your heart, and share your mind-space, to then have them rip themselves away. It does hurt, and sucks. But know that there ARE people who appreciate you and love you, and so all the more reason to treasure them. You don't need to grieve long for someone who can't be bothered to stick around. Celebrate the ones who stick with you! I hope you are feeling better now!
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REXTINE1 12/1/2011 4:45PM

    I have dealt with several people who were users - who worked and cost me to death, but never provided anything in return except more requests. I would call them acquaintances, not friends, however. Dealing with them always becomes irritating, and eventually the relationship ends.

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EBPOOKIE 11/27/2011 12:37PM

    Thanks Bren, it has gotten easier now!!


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JITZUROE 11/27/2011 10:00AM

    Aww, so sorry doll! YES, I have had that happen, or, allowed that happen, or whatever, still hurts! And I found myself still over-extending myself to that person too often, as if I wanted approval from them. So sad.
For me, that friend would email or call and I was ALWAYS available before I got sick, and then once I did, she would almost pressure me to be at that same capacity, but I got sick!!! She just didn't 'want' to get how it limited me, and she took it as my letting her down. It made me sad sad sad inside, but I had to realize that SHE was in fact emotionally taking advantage of me, and perhaps I should walk away before I allowed myself to be hurt again. It was hard, but had to be done.
Sending you hugs!
Bren

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EBPOOKIE 11/26/2011 7:43PM

    Thanks I know it's getting easier.

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LIFEWALK 11/26/2011 5:01PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

(the emotions are normal... it's the coping that's hard... deep breaths & choosing to release the person & problem, as many times as it takes... i'm so sorry, disappointments like this is hard... hang in Em :)

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November Meal Planned completed as is 100 days binge free :)

Thursday, November 03, 2011

emoticonNovember Meal Plan completed emoticon

I have a bunch of Taste of Home Cook Books: Healthy Cooking, Comfort Food Diet, Ultimate Ground Beef/Turkey and Slow Cooking/Cassoroles I did a full month calendars and abbreviated the book and page number for the recipes I'm feeling really good. I have success when i plan ahead plus my house hubby helps out when i meal plan. On Sundays I batch cook and he reheats. I have recipes like open face meatball sandwiches, Plum Chicken wraps using boston bibb lettuce and tacos using romaine lettuce as the tacos i will also use one regular corn tortilla and one made out of the lettuce. Taco salads, sloppy joes, Shrimp pitas, just alot of different things no boredom here this month. I just batched cooked two meals for tomorrow and Friday. Tomorrow spaghetti and meat sauce with salad and then for Friday Carribean Chicken and Broccoli (has pineapple chunks, bell peppers and onions) over brown rice 1/2 cup and cabbage salad with sesame lite dressing. then i'll make a Pulled pork chili over night friday for Saturday's dinner (i love my crockpot) I just love to cook because i am doing the things i have to do plus i eat less processed stuff.

I have made it through 100 days of binge free living and am still going strong!! I need to get back to exercise this week was a little off because we didn't have class on Saturday and Monday pm cuz of Halloween and today i had to pick up my husband at the VA he got a cortisone shot in his back. So i sued the extra time to cook :) So tomorrow back to the grind and this month is Ball workout and those are hard trying to keep your balance while ou workout is hard.

OKay time for bed! I've rattled enough!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRULYVISIBLE 12/29/2011 12:16PM

  Congratulations on being 100 plus days of binge free! I am a recovering binge eater myself. Great idea about using one taco with a tortilla and the other made with lettuce. I am going to try that the next time I get a craving for tacos.

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CATHYJR73 11/9/2011 10:09PM

    emoticon emoticon

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SEWINGMAMACDS 11/3/2011 4:20PM

    That is so great at planning a month's plans!

emoticon at completeing 100 days!

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REXTINE1 11/3/2011 2:13PM

    Congratulations on the full 100 days. I have never been able to plan very far ahead, I just sort of eat and plan things that I know will be fine for me. You are very disciplined. Good show.

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CRUISEPUPPY 11/3/2011 6:47AM

    Pookie - Congratulations on being 100 Day Binge Free!!! I'm so proud of you! And your meal plans sound WONDERFUL! Planning ahead is something I would really love to get in the habit of because flying by the seat of my pants often leads to calorie disaster! Do you plan out your calories a day in advance, or for the whole month when you are planning your month of meals? I'd love some hints on how you are doing it? Keep up the GOOD work!

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Frosty :) working on day 96 :)

Saturday, October 29, 2011



My Kick N2 Fitness Class had a Halloween Party this morning I dressed up as FROSTY total cost 12.00. :)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EBPOOKIE 10/29/2011 11:18PM

    Thanks I had fun putting it together woohoo!!! the hardest find was the nose i needed something to look like a carrot, i ended up with pinocchio nose and painted orange worked! :) THanks everyone!!

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H-DOG-8 10/29/2011 7:51PM

    I see what you mean now! That's a great idea! But since I'm a little bit lazy when it comes to running errands, I might go with what I've got at home...hiking gear! Maybe be a hiker and if I get creative, I'll be a hiker who survived a bear attack! Thanks for the frosty idea though. If I had enough white at home to make it happen, I definitely would.

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HAPPYLOSER46 10/29/2011 7:10PM

    Love it!!! The hat tops it off! Pun intended! Very cute!

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REXTINE1 10/29/2011 7:05PM

    Great costume.

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90 days binge free

Monday, October 24, 2011

Okay i made it and i must say this was the hardest last few days. I have had a mix of emotions because here in our local area we had a child abuse case that took me back to my childhood. I have done a few things i've journaled and decided that it is my time to give back to find ways to do things for Child Abuse Prevention. So my TOPS group has a Christmas Baazar going on and we are selling vendor tables one of which i got to sell my mom's crochet baby blankets and sweaters and i decided i would make small kids shirts and use my embroidary machines to personalize them any money i make off those embroidard onsies and t-shirts will go to child abuse prevention assocation there is location here in portland, with Christmas around the corner there is plenty to do, giving to local foster kids organization and what ever i'll give of my time as well. I'm proud of reaching 90 days now i will work towards 120 and then making it through the holidays. I am feeling good inside, i still get emotions that sometimes overwhelm me but i know eating won't make me feel the way i do right now when i make these accomplishments.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALEXIA_ST_CLOUD 10/27/2011 4:36PM

    Such a great streak! YEEAH!

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AAAACK 10/27/2011 1:25PM

    As usual, you have inspired me! In reading this I thought, "but you're now a powerful adult, no longer that vulnerable child you once were." And immediately I realized that I, too, am that adult and not that child. I have been having binge troubles lately and mentally allowing myself to act like that little kid who hid from all the hairy-life-stuff. I'm not her anymore, I'm an adult, and thanks to your inspiration, I intend to think like one and be responsible for my own (eating) actions.

I love that you're giving back - that alone is such a position of strength! And it keeps ya busy, right?!

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RD03875 10/25/2011 4:28AM

    Congratulations on 90 days. Keep it up

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REXTINE1 10/24/2011 7:00PM

    You are setting the standard. I don't think I have ever gone 90 days without falling off the wagon somehow. You give determination a new definition.

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EBPOOKIE 10/24/2011 11:30AM

    Thank you Carrie but you too have been my inspiration you have just kept pushing as through your plateau and you not giving up attitude (lose your quit mentality) has really helped. I am determined not to quit what i have started it is not an option!! SO thank you many times over for supporting my journey as well as being my inspiration!

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SEWINGMAMACDS 10/24/2011 10:06AM

    I love the ideas of giving back. I know you will make it to 120 days and be successful through the holidays. You are an inspiration!!

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