Tuesday, August 23, 2011
What is the difference about me well I found out several things about me and Iím loving me! Sounds conceded maybe but this is what I can tell you for many years I tormented myself over things that happened in my preteen-teen years and I thought I was this horrible person but what I found out when I faced the past instead of burying it in the closet like I always do when confronted with problems. I hate confrontation, hated things that were hard, hated anything that required more effort, call it lazy or what but I had this negative feeling about things that made me feel uneasy or that I was afraid of.
So what now, well I found out what a brave and intelligent kid I was when I had to do homework for my BED therapy. I found out so much more about myself and I actually liked it, so I sound like a broken record but Iím loving how I feel because it shows for the past 4 weeks I have maintained or had a loss. Now when emotions happened I deal with them head on even if they feel uncomfortable.
When I feel alone I do the things that help me instead of turning to food. I love to scrapbook, hike, camp, walk, volunteer work, cook Ė yes cook, sing- music has always been what I turned to it makes me happy, exercise used to be a chore but I found what I like and you know what Iím doing it. I never in my life thought I could walk 9 miles during the relay for life I got a lanyard for 2.00 and the beads where free every lap you did you got a bead I ended up doing 9 miles, my goal was 6 miles.
I showed myself that when I confront my fears I see I can do it and even if I canít finish or get it done that minute I can go back to it. This weekend I hiked 9.5 miles in total, mind you that was 3 days worth of hiking but I did it. Once again I challenged and completed.
I wonít go back to therapy until next Friday because of vacation scheduling and conflicts but my goal was to get through those 3 weeks without a binge so by the time I go back Iíll be close to six weeks.
When I started my BED therapy I knew it was something that I needed to do I jumped in head on because I had already put things in place this was the final piece to really help my journey. I go to TOPS and have a great support system there my friends at TOPS and I get together and practice eating out, we have our set time each week for just get through the weekend time, dinners out are planned we get out quarterly now and do mini retreats at the beach or mountain or the annual TOPS trips. I use Sparksís tools and have support groups here that relate to my BINGE disorder and then I have an awesome support at home.
So this shows me that all along I was creating an environment for success and while I struggled I never gave up on myself. My counselor tells me I committed myself into it and that is why I was ready for the bed therapy and it is succeeding. I know that I will have hard times but it is how I react to them and practice makes perfect.
I love myself to make those choices to care about how I treat myself. My last homework was to write the compassionate letter to self and it had major breakthroughs for me now that kid has written back and I have to tell you she is my cheerleader my little self is really routing for me each day I get through without binging. She reminds me I am worth all of the good in me she reminds me how brave, loving, intelligent and beautiful I am and I believe her. That is the key is I believe in me and love me. So my journey moves on and each time I get through things I know it will be easier for once I am really taking care of myself. I know I made the right choices for myself and am proud! I canít wait to see how much more will come! Nothing is impossible because I make it all possible!!
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
I am willing to fight for me and never give up!
What about you? What postive word describes you and why! Hoping my friends will share it with me!!
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
The positive cycle of forgiveness-Healthy reflection
OK, be honest. Do you hold grudges? Do you allow old drama to determine your behavior? Is there someone you just can't seem to forgive? Grudges and a non-forgiving attitude do nothing but harm both parties. You might feel like you're "winning" by not letting someone off the hook, but you're only increasing your own worry and stress. Bitterness can lead to hate, which can sour a life. Today, write a letter explaining your point of view to the person you feel resentful towards. Clear the air; forgiving him. Even if you don't send it, it is an excellent way to relieve tension. Forgiving someone does not absolve them of the wrong that you experienced. It can simply free you to live a life that isn't anchored to the hurt and resentment of past events
Wow when I read this article-Healthy reflection of the day it really hit home and everything I have been doing for myself in my binge eating therapy. Forgiveness, it is something I had to do in order to feel better about me. I held resentment against my younger self thinking of all the should have could have would have, when in reality I was a child and actually did everything right when I actually had to sit down and right the letter to self. I actually ended up apologizing for how I felt toward myself, it feels so much better knowing what I know now about myself. So I do recommend doing this exercise even if it with yourself much more so then with someone else because no matter what it does come back you donít treat yourself right if you binge or emotionally eat when something sets you off, you are doing your body much harm so what does that tell you that you are not worth but indeed you are. Look deep inside and really see how you are not just on the outside but inside each one of us is full of something good and positive, we tend to hold ourselves prisoners when we actually hold the key to get out. I myself like my freedom and the feeling I have, yes there are still days I fall but I donít stay down I keep getting up because I have to love myself each day to keep doing.
Sunday, August 07, 2011
Those of you have been following my blog know my homework a few weeks ago for my Binge Eating Disorder (BED) Treatment was to write a commpassionate letter to self well it turned out to be about 6 pages long and covered self from 12.5 to 17. What i found out about this wonderful young self was that she was brave very brave, intelligent, kind, beautiful and loving. She really did alot to help her siblings more then she ever gave her self credit and that blaming herself for what more she could have done in reality at age 12.5-17 was wrong. I apologize to self and let her know that none of the things that had happened was my fault that those choices where made by the very person that was suppose to love and respect her and he failed. So this week what i found myself doing was actually taking care of self. Eating better and going to exercise, pulling support from my friends, being more engaged with my weight loss programs and sparking. While i wrote that letter a flood of emotions came over me and what i can tell you is now when I look in the mirror i see the following a very intelligent, brilliant, beautiful, loving, kind & BRAVE VERY BRAVE me.
I feel so relieved and free. I really felt a burden removed from myself one that i had carried for far to long. The tears I shed where of happiness not sadness or pain.
My new homework this week is what would my compassionate 12 year old self tell me now.
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