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BED Therapy is working 4.5 weeks binge free :)~

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

What is the difference about me well I found out several things about me and Iím loving me! Sounds conceded maybe but this is what I can tell you for many years I tormented myself over things that happened in my preteen-teen years and I thought I was this horrible person but what I found out when I faced the past instead of burying it in the closet like I always do when confronted with problems. I hate confrontation, hated things that were hard, hated anything that required more effort, call it lazy or what but I had this negative feeling about things that made me feel uneasy or that I was afraid of.

So what now, well I found out what a brave and intelligent kid I was when I had to do homework for my BED therapy. I found out so much more about myself and I actually liked it, so I sound like a broken record but Iím loving how I feel because it shows for the past 4 weeks I have maintained or had a loss. Now when emotions happened I deal with them head on even if they feel uncomfortable.

When I feel alone I do the things that help me instead of turning to food. I love to scrapbook, hike, camp, walk, volunteer work, cook Ė yes cook, sing- music has always been what I turned to it makes me happy, exercise used to be a chore but I found what I like and you know what Iím doing it. I never in my life thought I could walk 9 miles during the relay for life I got a lanyard for 2.00 and the beads where free every lap you did you got a bead I ended up doing 9 miles, my goal was 6 miles.

I showed myself that when I confront my fears I see I can do it and even if I canít finish or get it done that minute I can go back to it. This weekend I hiked 9.5 miles in total, mind you that was 3 days worth of hiking but I did it. Once again I challenged and completed.

I wonít go back to therapy until next Friday because of vacation scheduling and conflicts but my goal was to get through those 3 weeks without a binge so by the time I go back Iíll be close to six weeks.

When I started my BED therapy I knew it was something that I needed to do I jumped in head on because I had already put things in place this was the final piece to really help my journey. I go to TOPS and have a great support system there my friends at TOPS and I get together and practice eating out, we have our set time each week for just get through the weekend time, dinners out are planned we get out quarterly now and do mini retreats at the beach or mountain or the annual TOPS trips. I use Sparksís tools and have support groups here that relate to my BINGE disorder and then I have an awesome support at home.

So this shows me that all along I was creating an environment for success and while I struggled I never gave up on myself. My counselor tells me I committed myself into it and that is why I was ready for the bed therapy and it is succeeding. I know that I will have hard times but it is how I react to them and practice makes perfect.

I love myself to make those choices to care about how I treat myself. My last homework was to write the compassionate letter to self and it had major breakthroughs for me now that kid has written back and I have to tell you she is my cheerleader my little self is really routing for me each day I get through without binging. She reminds me I am worth all of the good in me she reminds me how brave, loving, intelligent and beautiful I am and I believe her. That is the key is I believe in me and love me. So my journey moves on and each time I get through things I know it will be easier for once I am really taking care of myself. I know I made the right choices for myself and am proud! I canít wait to see how much more will come! Nothing is impossible because I make it all possible!! emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OOLALA53 9/6/2011 1:53AM

    It is downright lovely to hear of your newfound appreciation for yourself. Thanks for sharing it with us!

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REXTINE1 8/25/2011 8:00PM

    Keep it up. You're talking like a winner, and you can't help winning.

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DIFROMWYOMING 8/24/2011 9:54AM

    This is wonderful, Emmy, and I'm so happy for you. I know how it feels to embrace that inner child and let the rest of the negatives float away, it's very freeing. Good for you!

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FLUTTERBY4JC 8/24/2011 12:34AM

    You are an amazing person! I love that I am getting to see the transformation you are going through! I am truly blessed to have you in my life! Keep up the great work!

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EBPOOKIE 8/23/2011 11:51PM

    Thank you for the support and comments i feel truly blessed to have great spark friends!

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TAZZIT1 8/23/2011 11:47PM

    You are wonderful and a true winner.

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.DUSTY. 8/23/2011 10:19PM

    emoticonI'm so happy you are doing so well! emoticon

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    emoticon emoticon Keep it up!

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One postive word that describes you!

Tuesday, August 16, 2011


I am willing to fight for me and never give up!

What about you? What postive word describes you and why! Hoping my friends will share it with me!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EAGLES_WINGS 8/22/2011 7:38AM

    Resilient, coming back through the storms to make it to the other side and win!

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FLUTTERBY4JC 8/17/2011 2:13PM

    Committed.....I may fall sometimes but I get back up. Something might not be working for me but I get creative on how to make things better. I am committed to being healthy no matter what life throws my way!
Thank you for always making me think and for helping me on this journey! You are a wonderful friend!

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EBPOOKIE 8/17/2011 12:13PM

    Thank you all for sharing your one words and why!! Feels good to read and know that you are these and i see them in you all. I am so blessed to have such great sparkers to continue my journey with!!

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PATTYS74 8/17/2011 11:04AM

    limitless - I have decided that I have no boundaries...This is awesome Emmy. Thanks for sharing.

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REXTINE1 8/16/2011 8:16PM

    Stubborn. My father lived 10 years after the doctors said he wouldn't last a week. They said that again about 4 years later.

I'm still going, and plan to keep on going.

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THEEXERCISER 8/16/2011 3:05PM

    I am determined!

Great blog!

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EBPOOKIE 8/16/2011 2:33PM

    wow Ronnie and Basil you are rocking it you are doing what needs to be down to make yourselves number 1 keep up the great works and thank you for sharing your one word with me and why!!! You are strong and daring YOU BOTH CAN DO EVERYTHING emoticon

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RONNIE0404 8/16/2011 2:26PM

    I am: DARING! I never took risks and never stepped out of my comfort zone. These past few months, I've done things I NEVER though I'd have the nerve to do. YAY!!!!!!

emoticon emoticon

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BASIL989 8/16/2011 2:02PM

    I am: STRONG! A word I never thought I'd use to describe myself! I can push myself, I have will power, I DO have muscles! I'm stronger than I ever thought I could be!

Keep up the tencaity Pookie!! We can do it!

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Challenged myself-I was amazed!

Monday, August 15, 2011

This weekend I participated in the Relay For life walk for cancer. Cancer runs strong in our family on my mom side of the family. My mom is a survivor of breast cancer, I have two aunts one that has also survived breast cancer and my other has a form of leukaemia. My uncles - mom's brothers all have died of the following cancer- lung, prostate, throat and stomach and my grandpa died of the stomach cancer as well. So in this house we all get screened, my mom has been a 25 year survivor she is 81.5 years old and I am amazed had her courage. So I walked for them. If you have never participated i encourage to visit one or participate. Cancer never sleeps, therefore this relay is for 24 hours, someone must be on the track at all times. My goal was to raise a minimum of 100-I raised 200. My goal for the walk was to do 6 miles and much to my surprise i did 9 miles. I also did a Zumba class for 20 mins.

I am sore but i accomplished something i never thought i could do 9 miles wow!!!! I am so proud of myself. Next year it will be 10-13 miles I am lighter and more fit so that is why i was able to do this.

I am strong I am powerful I am intelligent I am beautiful, look out world I'm here to stay and persevere!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SEWINGMAMACDS 8/16/2011 1:38PM

    Emmy --so great that you did this walk and went farther than you planned!

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EBPOOKIE 8/16/2011 9:16AM

    Hey Karen, I walked those throughout the day it wasn't a contstant i would do 3-4 laps and then sit out. I have flat feet and if someone would have told me a year ago that i could do more then 3-4 miles i would have laughed at them so really i set 6 as my goal and when i did more i was elated. It was something to see the survivors do their laps some had walkers, wheelchairs or just putted through i figured if they can do one lap i can do it as well. I still got my exercise class in last night and felt great!!! Thanks for stopping by and cheering me on. You know you can sign up and not have to walk but participate in the festivites get a team together and you can man a booth and sell items like baked goods or crafts what ever you make and sell the proceeds can go to that.. or do it on your own and just donate it. You will give birthdays to people who thought they wouldn't get another day. Cancer never sleeps!
That is why the event is 24 hours. You are a beautiful lady and are worth your efforts keep going and again thank you for your encouraging words.

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EAGLES_WINGS 8/16/2011 5:47AM

    I am so happy you were able to do this. I can't walk more than 10 or 15 min slow maybe longer with a shopping cart and some distraction for a few minutes. I am getting better. I need to challenge myself, too.

Though, I am grateful. My Aunt Ella, Uncle Eric, and Aunt Aileen all died from cancer and my Dad has leukemia. It is daunting. I have lost two good friends to cancer as well. One close friend is a breast cancer survivor. I almost forgot, my grandmother on my Dad's side died of uterine cancer. A lot more than I care to think. She died before I was born as did all my grandparents except one great grandfather whom I never met who died when I was three. He did not live in the States.

I appreciate you going out and making a difference. I think I might make a decision to donate to the American Cancer Society. I have not been a contributor since I have been under the weather and low on finances for a lot of years. But, maybe it is time.

Thanks for drawing awareness to this worthy cause and for your courage in walking the walk, not just talking the talk! Good for you!

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Healthy Reflection - Cycle of Forgiveness

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

The positive cycle of forgiveness-Healthy reflection

OK, be honest. Do you hold grudges? Do you allow old drama to determine your behavior? Is there someone you just can't seem to forgive? Grudges and a non-forgiving attitude do nothing but harm both parties. You might feel like you're "winning" by not letting someone off the hook, but you're only increasing your own worry and stress. Bitterness can lead to hate, which can sour a life. Today, write a letter explaining your point of view to the person you feel resentful towards. Clear the air; forgiving him. Even if you don't send it, it is an excellent way to relieve tension. Forgiving someone does not absolve them of the wrong that you experienced. It can simply free you to live a life that isn't anchored to the hurt and resentment of past events

Wow when I read this article-Healthy reflection of the day it really hit home and everything I have been doing for myself in my binge eating therapy. Forgiveness, it is something I had to do in order to feel better about me. I held resentment against my younger self thinking of all the should have could have would have, when in reality I was a child and actually did everything right when I actually had to sit down and right the letter to self. I actually ended up apologizing for how I felt toward myself, it feels so much better knowing what I know now about myself. So I do recommend doing this exercise even if it with yourself much more so then with someone else because no matter what it does come back you donít treat yourself right if you binge or emotionally eat when something sets you off, you are doing your body much harm so what does that tell you that you are not worth but indeed you are. Look deep inside and really see how you are not just on the outside but inside each one of us is full of something good and positive, we tend to hold ourselves prisoners when we actually hold the key to get out. I myself like my freedom and the feeling I have, yes there are still days I fall but I donít stay down I keep getting up because I have to love myself each day to keep doing.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EAGLES_WINGS 8/13/2011 9:03PM

    I really enjoyed what you wrote. I have been busy with my family the last few days and did not get to read your blog right away. Thank you for your freeing message. Way to go on your great journey! Take good care of yourself. Many thanks and much love, Karen
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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REXTINE1 8/11/2011 2:28PM

    "Never give up," was a lesson I learned in the boxing ring in high school. You're never beat until you give up.

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Letter to childself was really helpful to BED treatment

Sunday, August 07, 2011

Those of you have been following my blog know my homework a few weeks ago for my Binge Eating Disorder (BED) Treatment was to write a commpassionate letter to self well it turned out to be about 6 pages long and covered self from 12.5 to 17. What i found out about this wonderful young self was that she was brave very brave, intelligent, kind, beautiful and loving. She really did alot to help her siblings more then she ever gave her self credit and that blaming herself for what more she could have done in reality at age 12.5-17 was wrong. I apologize to self and let her know that none of the things that had happened was my fault that those choices where made by the very person that was suppose to love and respect her and he failed. So this week what i found myself doing was actually taking care of self. Eating better and going to exercise, pulling support from my friends, being more engaged with my weight loss programs and sparking. While i wrote that letter a flood of emotions came over me and what i can tell you is now when I look in the mirror i see the following a very intelligent, brilliant, beautiful, loving, kind & BRAVE VERY BRAVE me.

I feel so relieved and free. I really felt a burden removed from myself one that i had carried for far to long. The tears I shed where of happiness not sadness or pain.

My new homework this week is what would my compassionate 12 year old self tell me now.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

REXTINE1 8/8/2011 5:46PM

    Good show! I hope you give yourself good advice.

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EBPOOKIE 8/8/2011 10:23AM

    Thank you Karen, be kind to yourself as well. You can do this when you have a chance!

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EAGLES_WINGS 8/8/2011 7:45AM

    I am so glad you had a cathartic release. You did good work for sure. Your results seem awesome! I wish I could do the same thing. It was very brave of you to just write the letter. Good for you! emoticonYou are emoticonWhat a great job! emoticonIt is amazing what you can do when you set your mind to it. Facing old demons can be really hard though! But, it really makes a difference when you can finally let go! emoticon

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
Take good care of yourself now!

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EBPOOKIE 8/7/2011 11:54PM

    Thank you Trish! I am blessed to have you as a great friend too!

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FLUTTERBY4JC 8/7/2011 11:51PM

    You are an amazing person and I am so proud of you that you are dealing with this head on! You are definetly a brave and intelligent person! I feel blessed to call you my friend! Keep up the good work!

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EBPOOKIE 8/7/2011 6:10PM

    I will actually because it felt very liberating after i completed it. i have not had a binge in a while and been really rocking my program i know that i just want to do this i don't care how slow it comes off as long as i can eat and lose and continue to take care of me the way i took care of everyone else, it is indeed my turn.! Thank you for your kind words and visit.

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AAAACK 8/7/2011 5:59PM

    Tears in my eyes of joy for you! You have done an amazing chunk of work here, and I admire you so much for this. I know you can finally admire yourself for this, too. You just plain rock! I know you'll do a great job with your next writing assignment, probably even look forward to it now?!

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