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Healthy Reflection - Cycle of Forgiveness

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

The positive cycle of forgiveness-Healthy reflection

OK, be honest. Do you hold grudges? Do you allow old drama to determine your behavior? Is there someone you just can't seem to forgive? Grudges and a non-forgiving attitude do nothing but harm both parties. You might feel like you're "winning" by not letting someone off the hook, but you're only increasing your own worry and stress. Bitterness can lead to hate, which can sour a life. Today, write a letter explaining your point of view to the person you feel resentful towards. Clear the air; forgiving him. Even if you don't send it, it is an excellent way to relieve tension. Forgiving someone does not absolve them of the wrong that you experienced. It can simply free you to live a life that isn't anchored to the hurt and resentment of past events


Wow when I read this article-Healthy reflection of the day it really hit home and everything I have been doing for myself in my binge eating therapy. Forgiveness, it is something I had to do in order to feel better about me. I held resentment against my younger self thinking of all the should have could have would have, when in reality I was a child and actually did everything right when I actually had to sit down and right the letter to self. I actually ended up apologizing for how I felt toward myself, it feels so much better knowing what I know now about myself. So I do recommend doing this exercise even if it with yourself much more so then with someone else because no matter what it does come back you donít treat yourself right if you binge or emotionally eat when something sets you off, you are doing your body much harm so what does that tell you that you are not worth but indeed you are. Look deep inside and really see how you are not just on the outside but inside each one of us is full of something good and positive, we tend to hold ourselves prisoners when we actually hold the key to get out. I myself like my freedom and the feeling I have, yes there are still days I fall but I donít stay down I keep getting up because I have to love myself each day to keep doing.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EAGLES_WINGS 8/13/2011 9:03PM

    I really enjoyed what you wrote. I have been busy with my family the last few days and did not get to read your blog right away. Thank you for your freeing message. Way to go on your great journey! Take good care of yourself. Many thanks and much love, Karen
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REXTINE1 8/11/2011 2:28PM

    "Never give up," was a lesson I learned in the boxing ring in high school. You're never beat until you give up.

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Letter to childself was really helpful to BED treatment

Sunday, August 07, 2011

Those of you have been following my blog know my homework a few weeks ago for my Binge Eating Disorder (BED) Treatment was to write a commpassionate letter to self well it turned out to be about 6 pages long and covered self from 12.5 to 17. What i found out about this wonderful young self was that she was brave very brave, intelligent, kind, beautiful and loving. She really did alot to help her siblings more then she ever gave her self credit and that blaming herself for what more she could have done in reality at age 12.5-17 was wrong. I apologize to self and let her know that none of the things that had happened was my fault that those choices where made by the very person that was suppose to love and respect her and he failed. So this week what i found myself doing was actually taking care of self. Eating better and going to exercise, pulling support from my friends, being more engaged with my weight loss programs and sparking. While i wrote that letter a flood of emotions came over me and what i can tell you is now when I look in the mirror i see the following a very intelligent, brilliant, beautiful, loving, kind & BRAVE VERY BRAVE me.

I feel so relieved and free. I really felt a burden removed from myself one that i had carried for far to long. The tears I shed where of happiness not sadness or pain.

My new homework this week is what would my compassionate 12 year old self tell me now.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

REXTINE1 8/8/2011 5:46PM

    Good show! I hope you give yourself good advice.

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EBPOOKIE 8/8/2011 10:23AM

    Thank you Karen, be kind to yourself as well. You can do this when you have a chance!

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EAGLES_WINGS 8/8/2011 7:45AM

    I am so glad you had a cathartic release. You did good work for sure. Your results seem awesome! I wish I could do the same thing. It was very brave of you to just write the letter. Good for you! emoticonYou are emoticonWhat a great job! emoticonIt is amazing what you can do when you set your mind to it. Facing old demons can be really hard though! But, it really makes a difference when you can finally let go! emoticon

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Take good care of yourself now!
emoticonHugs!

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EBPOOKIE 8/7/2011 11:54PM

    Thank you Trish! I am blessed to have you as a great friend too!

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FLUTTERBY4JC 8/7/2011 11:51PM

    You are an amazing person and I am so proud of you that you are dealing with this head on! You are definetly a brave and intelligent person! I feel blessed to call you my friend! Keep up the good work!
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EBPOOKIE 8/7/2011 6:10PM

    I will actually because it felt very liberating after i completed it. i have not had a binge in a while and been really rocking my program i know that i just want to do this i don't care how slow it comes off as long as i can eat and lose and continue to take care of me the way i took care of everyone else, it is indeed my turn.! Thank you for your kind words and visit.

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AAAACK 8/7/2011 5:59PM

    Tears in my eyes of joy for you! You have done an amazing chunk of work here, and I admire you so much for this. I know you can finally admire yourself for this, too. You just plain rock! I know you'll do a great job with your next writing assignment, probably even look forward to it now?!
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ARGH!! What a tug of war I feel!

Monday, August 01, 2011

Wow, having a really hard time writing a letter of compassion to myself Iím actually dreading it which sounds stupid, why would I feel bad about telling myself it was okay and not my fault of what happened could it be that I still have a hard time feeling as if though I could have done this instead of not. I guess what has really gotten me was the day I actually sat down to write this a week ago my mom asked what are you doing so I told her what I was doing her comment was ďWell if you would have told me you wouldnít have had to go through all that nightmare; I would have stopped it all and he would have been in jail soonerĒ Really mom, I said to her, really when you have someone holding a knife to you or showing you a gun on what he will do if you tell or telling you he will hurt your siblings that live there reallyĒ I was so upset, it just made me think more of the could have should have would haves which is what this whole process is trying to undo. Yet somehow I still feel responsible and now I have some anger toward her comment. As it was brought up to me by a good friend, she just feels like she was inadequate and not noticing the signs that she should have known so I guess we both suffer from the should have could haves. Yet here I am still scared of writing this letter to myself. Or am I scared of admitting I had no control. I guess I need to ponder it. This letter sounds easier then it is or maybe Iím making it more complicated than it really is! ARGH!!!

All i know is that i'm not being good to myself binging has been there most of last week and i just feel drained.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

REXTINE1 8/7/2011 4:02PM

    It is hard to be a little kid, and hard to decide to feel any particular way. When you're older you get to look back on a lit of things that you which you had a chance to change or avoid, but the past never changes. I hope you do recover, if not soon, at least eventually.

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EAGLES_WINGS 8/7/2011 8:29AM

    It is tough having that kind of stuff in your childhood. I am glad you allowed yourself to write the letter. I think I should try the same thing. I have been through PTSD counseling but I never wrote a letter like that. I think it would be a good thing to do. Keep fighting the good fight! Hang in there! With love, Karen emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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EBPOOKIE 8/2/2011 7:04PM

    Thank you everyone for your encouragement and inspirational post. I'm doing good i actually started it last night and found it to be a release if that makes any sense. It also showed me why i do some of the things i do with food. Made a lot more sense thankyou for supporting me.

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SEWINGMAMACDS 8/2/2011 6:40PM

    Emmy - praying for you as deal with the pain of the past. emoticon

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RD03875 8/2/2011 11:38AM

    Good Luck!

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ITSAWRAP_DIMI 8/2/2011 8:53AM

    You are having very valid feelings and I am glad that you have a therapist to help you through this. Your mom's intention is good but she just does not understand. I am rooting for you girl!!!! There will be many blessed by your healing. xoxo

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EBPOOKIE 8/1/2011 7:01PM

    Thanks!

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AAAACK 8/1/2011 6:59PM

    I've been a victim, too. I've learned a lot since then. I'll share a little of what I took forward and leave out what I left behind.

You can't change yesterday. You are a human being with passions, fears, and reactions. You can't do something twice to see if it turns out better one way or other. You deserve to be your own best friend, care for yourself as if you were worth a lot of anything you value highly.

Writing that letter - try it one way first, then do it the way assigned. First write it to someone ELSE who has gone through the same thing you did. Make her up, picture her in a movie, whatever, but write to her what you'd say if she were sitting on your sofa. Then put the letter away and try to realize that you have as much, or more, value than that girl on your sofa--that imaginary girl. You are REAL. And then write your letter to yourself realizing how much value you have and how much you deserve to hear the things that you were willing to tell the imaginary girl.

You are powerful, you will get more powerful each day that you distance yourself from the person/people in your life who have abused you. But you were always valuable, and always will be.

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EBPOOKIE 8/1/2011 2:08PM

    THank you just so that you know i am working throught this with my therapist that i chose to go through because of my binge eating, she specializes in this kind of stuff. So i have gotten the help this is part of it and i just have to get through this hump.

Comment edited on: 8/1/2011 2:11:48 PM

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LADYBUGOH 8/1/2011 2:03PM

    I don't know where you live or if you have already been given this advise but locally we have free help for victims of violent crime and domestic abuse. There is a national Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233. Not that I have my PhD. but sounds like some PTSD going on. 1st of all a person makes a choice to act and that act is solely the responsibility of the person not ever the victim. A bad person did bad things to me and threatened to kill my mom if I didn't do what he wanted so I played along. I have regretted it ever since. Ok well not as much as I did at first. I am starting to forgive myself and most importantly ditching the blame and guilt. Get help from supportive understanding people who have been there. Maybe you don't have to write the letter now. Maybe you can write some thing neutral about yourself and work your way up to a 2 page essay on how great you are! Yay you! There is a great difference between being the witness to some thing bad and actually being the bad thing. Best wishes to you! emoticon

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Homework for BED therapy

Friday, July 22, 2011

Write and be compassionate to my younger self. Hmmm not sure how that will go but willing to do try doing. I have to have it done by the 6th appt. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SEWINGMAMACDS 7/24/2011 3:14PM

    emoticon

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EBPOOKIE 7/23/2011 7:19PM

    THANK YOU ROBYN!! i'm gonna do it just scary :) emoticon

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ROBYN168 7/23/2011 6:53PM

    That is a toughie for sure! I know you can do it!

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EBPOOKIE 7/23/2011 6:51PM

    Thanks Rex!! Hey Rex you are looking good!! THanks for all of your support i realy appreciate it!!

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REXTINE1 7/23/2011 5:09PM

    Good luck.

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Binge free even when you get handed lemons

Thursday, July 21, 2011

So on Tuesday on my way home from my TOPS weight loss support group my husband calls me and letís me know the job he just started is switching him to part time status because they are slow. So my mind is like you have been there 4 weeks and already for real. So my head is spinning thinking of expenses and how we will deal. As soon as I got home I wrote it out and we will be okay as a matter of fact we can handle it we just have to adjust. I didnít turn to food Woohoo!!

I started thinking of things we do that are wasteful and how we can trim our food budget. I will still buy my items as they go on sale aka meatóinstead of packing ground meat in one pound packages Iím doing half # I think it will be less wasteful use what we need a lot of the times we donít need a full pound. Also, I love beans so that will be something I can do for proteins, my mom makes some really good chili and I love it because itís not sodium filled and I freeze and use it for campouts and bbq.

I am really looking at things that we can buy and I can make my own mini portions packages. I can get things in the bulk bins at my local grocery things like rice, cereal, flour, sugar, snack peanuts trail mix and beans etc. I know that will help in savings.

Then I will continue to get my fruit and veggies from local farm stands it gives me a chance to try new veggies too. Anyone who says you canít lose weight on budget is wrong. I have made a list of some great recipes that are reasonable and healthy. Portions, Portions, and Portions!! This past week I have eaten whatever I want and have not felt deprived. I have had buffalo burgers and chips and a salad. I made a huge salad with my own raspberry vinaigrette, added chicken and raspberries to it. Iíve made sandwiches with chicken, guac and cabbage on 9 grain. In the past Iíve made soups with simple base items like onion, garlic, chopped ham, chorizo (Mexican sausage), bologna, raviolis, pastas, rice, beans frozen hash browns and frozen veggies. These makes 6-8 servings of different types of soups each depends what combo I use but if you look at the ingredients they are reasonably priced and make great lunches with half a sandwich or just a roll and salad. When I batch cook and plan my meals it helps with my eating. I usually freeze the soups and just grab and go lunches.

So while I just pretty much told you what I wrote out it felt good because I didnít binge eat I actually found solutions to what I thought was a huge problem. I can take the $ budgeted for groceries and still make it work and maybe even find ways to save $. A major accomplishment!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EAGLES_WINGS 8/7/2011 8:25AM

    Those were great ideas. I am still stuck in emotional eating. Way to go! You are doing great!

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ROBYN168 7/23/2011 6:55PM

    Emmy - I'm a few days late on this one....Sparking time has been limited....

I'm sorry about the change of status for hubby...hopefully things will pick up again soon.

Yeah for your for planning and writing - you are making great strides.....especially when lemons are finding you!!! Way to go!

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SEWINGMAMACDS 7/22/2011 10:31AM

    Proud of you!

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KPACE7 7/21/2011 10:26PM

    Good job on not binging!

I like to make soups in the crock pot and freeze portions. Keeps me on track with portion sizes. Many times I have stood at the grocery store, not wanting to pay the higher prices for fresh produce. I finally decided that it would cost me more healthwise not to.........Keep to the plan!

Karen

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REXTINE1 7/21/2011 8:33PM

    You just showed us a perfect example of making lemons into lemonaide. Good show!

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JESSICA2140 7/21/2011 2:51PM

    if you are looking to save money on your grocery bill, couponing is a really fun way to do it! I just started doing it seriously in June, and in the last 6 weeks, I've spent about $500 LESS on groceries than I would have otherwise...and have already assembled a pretty impressive collection of nonperishable staples to last for about another 6 months! (Like, 6 months worth of Pantene, paper towels, laundry soap, bath soap, razors, toothpaste, etc.) And we are eating "the good stuff", name brands, for almost free prices. I learned how to "correctly" coupon using the website thekrazycouponlady.com. You should check it out...will help you to save some $$, and it's really fun to get the "good deals" every week!

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EBPOOKIE 7/21/2011 1:27PM

    AAAACK-I am really proud and thank you!!! I feel so good inside! I'm just trying to put the things into play that i'm learning in my counseling-therapy
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AAAACK 7/21/2011 1:15PM

    I LOVE that you went home and wrote a budget instead of bingeing! I know that would have been a trigger for me too, and I'm inspired by and excited for you that you just did the sensible thing!

Feel proud of yourself!

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