EBPOOKIE   91,687
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EBPOOKIE's Recent Blog Entries

Slow progress!

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

I feel like i've made better choices lately now i just need to get back into my regular routines again. One thing at a time!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RD03875 7/12/2011 4:43PM

    i know just how you feel!

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EBPOOKIE 7/12/2011 9:07AM

    Stef thank you! I know it's been a learning process since i started therapy for my Binge Eating Disorder so i'm really working at it. Journaling and tracking is what has helped. I know it will all come together and i just have to make me the priority and get passed my walls i've dropped 40# so i know I can do it i just have to push through this and it will start going down againl Again thank you for the great comment and i really appreciate it!

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ECHAVEZ2 7/12/2011 12:27AM

    Sometimes taking one day at a time, one step at a time, or one strategy at a time is best. We are all different. Remember...you can't change what you don't acknowledge therefore you will make progress because you acknowledge what it is you need to do! Rock it Girl!!!

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Planning!

Saturday, July 09, 2011

Okay so here i go, i just spend 2 hours completing a questionairre about my family history, family health, my health, my daily routine is being tracked hour by hour on what i do daily and then had to answer deep rooted family questions. Also, had to answer truthfully about my binge eating etc. if yesterday was draining this was harder becuase while they were about 7 questions they are like essay questions asking about my relationships with my father, mother, siblings etc, if there was abuse,etc the types of parents i had, divorces,etc. I've been to my childhood a few times within the past 24 hours. I have to tell ya it numbs you but then again my walls of food where how i hid from the fear, anxiety etc. I am ready to keep digging i do know i use food and the reason how it started. The key is that i have to reverse the reasons i do it because i am in safe place now and i am worth the work i'm doing for myself, i don't have to sabbotoge myself in order to protect myself so baby steps here we go.

I am planning my meals this week and will attempt to do more to stick with it. i've done it before i can do it again. I AM WORTH I AM A FIRECRACKER READY TO BURST! POP!

HERE GOES IGNITE IT!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EBPOOKIE 7/10/2011 7:15PM

    Thank you ladies!!

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SEWINGMAMACDS 7/10/2011 11:40AM

    emoticon

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ROBYN168 7/10/2011 8:42AM

    Emmy - "Let your colors burst!" You can do it. Sometimes seeing something in writing is even more encouraging and helpful than just talking or thinking! You will also have something to go back to and review when you feel you need to regroup!

You are right -you are worth it!

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Draining Therapy Session

Friday, July 08, 2011

Wow, today was draining, i had to go where i haven't been in along time i left my BED therapy drained and knowing more about what trigger those binges. The things i went through when i was a kid, the hiding, the hurt, the secrets kept from my mom about what was going on. Needless to say i found out how two of my trigger take me to food for comfort and why. Now to break that habit and know that I am worth succeeding and not sabbotoging myself anymore. emoticon emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ROBYN168 7/11/2011 5:56PM

    Emmy - I am so happy for you - and the fact that your finding the hidden reasons....keep up the work! It's going to do you wonders!

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SUE1512 7/9/2011 12:48AM

    YES! You are worth it! The knowing will certainly help the planning ahead! Way to go on working through it!

emoticon

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CATHYJR73 7/8/2011 11:06PM

    emoticonEven though it is tough to get through you know it will be so worth it in the long run. emoticon

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.DUSTY. 7/8/2011 9:49PM

    emoticonI'm so happy for you that you are getting help and are working so hard!

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JONICACALDWELL 7/8/2011 9:10PM

    emoticon emoticon

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Sparking my lifestyle because i am worth it!

Wednesday, July 06, 2011

Feeling a spark come over me the past few days which i'm just going with i haven't binged since last week and feeling more confidence. i had an awesome day one of my best eating days in awhile i feel good!!! No depreviation at all!!!

Funny the feelings that i have had in the past few weeks have been up and then down at times. Today when i logged into facebook the sparksong was Firework by Katy Perry. Wow has anyone really listed to the words, left me thinking and i have to tell you it moved me.

There is a part in the song which says:

"You don't have to feel like a waste of space
Your're original, cannot be replaced
if you only knew what the future holds
After a hurrican comes a rainbow
Maybe you're the reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you the perfect road"

Like a lightning bold your heart will blow and when it's time you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine
just own the light like the 4th of july

Cuz baby ur a firework come on show what you're worth

Amazing i heard this song like a dozen times and this time I listened and heard it.

I loved it, really made me think of what is inside me. I mean i know but really analyze more of it. Funny how a song can really hit you deep this is really going into my postive songs i listen to.

I am very musical, and things come to me that way and it's how i have couped with lonliness when i was home along and it made me feel like someone when i would sign in glee club when in school and choir in high school. I had forgotten how important it was to me. I was doing church choir b4 I am thinking i may go back, it fullfills me spiritally. It is something private inside that moves me. My husband and family know how much i like it today this song sparked that flame again. I realize that it is what i feel good with, i love to dance, it expresses fun, joy, happiness as does music to me. So, it is something i'll roll with!

Thank you sparks for posting this song on facebook it really popped like the fireworks i saw last night. Much gratitude!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EBPOOKIE 7/7/2011 5:40PM

    THank you Borg!!! I appreciate that!! I try to be ;)

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BORGQUEEN 7/7/2011 3:54PM

    That is a great song, really inspiring. You are a firework, Emmy! emoticon

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EBPOOKIE 7/6/2011 2:39PM

    Ant1021 it is an awesome song it makes me want to live move sing dance the things that make me who i am i love that part of me the musical side of it. I forget that music is a big prt of whom i am.

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ANT1021 7/6/2011 2:16PM

    Thanks for the post...I love that song, but never really paid attention to it. I think I need to turn it on when I start feeling like I can't win this battle emoticon

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ROBYN168 7/6/2011 9:44AM

    I never liked that song until I listened to the words.....now I love it....

Glad you are finding your Spark Emmy!

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SRHALLIN 7/6/2011 12:52AM

    That is one of my daughter's favorite songs.

I'm similarly inspired by music. I heard a song on the voice called "Stitch by Stitch" by Javier Colon which truly reached me: (excerpt)
----------------------
---
Blue and black, heart torn out,
You uncover what's beneath my skin
There and back, there's no doubt, your touch is my medicine

I'll be okay, 'cause you heal me...

And I'll give you all my pieces broken
In your hands, there's nothing that you can't fix
My heart is frayed, my scars are open
So put me back together now, stitch by stitch
Put me back together now, stitch by stitch.

What you say, without words, resuscitates what was numb inside
So repair me, every thread of me, 'cause you're bringing me back to life

I'll be okay, 'cause you heal me...
-------------------------
I heard this song, and I thought it is sung as if to another Human Being. But, to me, it was a reflection in the mirror. I'm the only one who can heal me. I have all of the pieces. I just need to settle in and start putting myself back together ... stitch by stitch.

Just thought I would share it, as your blog really reminded me of the power of music to sway the human spirit and rouse us to greater states of being and awareness.

Thank you so much for sharing.

Comment edited on: 7/6/2011 12:53:20 AM

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Painted Hills Trip

Tuesday, July 05, 2011

I had a blast this weekend at our painted hills trip :)





My hubby and soulmate :)


painted hills



another picture

My appointment went well on Friday it was our first session and it was good, getting to know the therapist was good. My first weeks homework was just to journal when i had the urge to eat emotionally/binge. so far so good. It's been okay i've maintained and can't wait to get back to my exercise class on Wednesday. Hoping to really step it up this week and i'm working on losing the all or nothing mentality this my lifestyle some days it will work and others will be harder then others the key is to recoup after one bad meal not turn it into several bad meals. I can do this!



  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUSUSUZZZIE 7/5/2011 9:42PM

    I saw your blog in my friend feed and "Painted Hills" jumped out at me. We went this spring and loved it. What a beautiful place and all around. Thanks for your blog and pictures to remind me of a great trip with my DH.

All the best to you on your journey!
emoticon

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REXTINE1 7/5/2011 6:44PM

    I always find that being really busy helps, because then you don't have time to eat. Whenever I have a real problem to work on, I lose a few pounds by accident.

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DGPIAFFE16 7/5/2011 3:07PM

    It looks gorgeous!

Glad you had a good first appointment as well!

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ROBYN168 7/5/2011 1:11PM

    Emmy - the journal is a great idea......if you can get to that before the food - it might help curb in the urge....Crossing my fingers for you. I'm glad you found your appointment worthwhile.

The Painted Hills are GORGEOUS!!!! We don't have anything like that this way....just forest...

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