EBPOOKIE   90,858
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EBPOOKIE's Recent Blog Entries

Draining Therapy Session

Friday, July 08, 2011

Wow, today was draining, i had to go where i haven't been in along time i left my BED therapy drained and knowing more about what trigger those binges. The things i went through when i was a kid, the hiding, the hurt, the secrets kept from my mom about what was going on. Needless to say i found out how two of my trigger take me to food for comfort and why. Now to break that habit and know that I am worth succeeding and not sabbotoging myself anymore. emoticon emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ROBYN168 7/11/2011 5:56PM

    Emmy - I am so happy for you - and the fact that your finding the hidden reasons....keep up the work! It's going to do you wonders!

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SUE1512 7/9/2011 12:48AM

    YES! You are worth it! The knowing will certainly help the planning ahead! Way to go on working through it!

emoticon

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CATHYJR73 7/8/2011 11:06PM

    emoticonEven though it is tough to get through you know it will be so worth it in the long run. emoticon

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.DUSTY. 7/8/2011 9:49PM

    emoticonI'm so happy for you that you are getting help and are working so hard!

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JONICACALDWELL 7/8/2011 9:10PM

    emoticon emoticon

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Sparking my lifestyle because i am worth it!

Wednesday, July 06, 2011

Feeling a spark come over me the past few days which i'm just going with i haven't binged since last week and feeling more confidence. i had an awesome day one of my best eating days in awhile i feel good!!! No depreviation at all!!!

Funny the feelings that i have had in the past few weeks have been up and then down at times. Today when i logged into facebook the sparksong was Firework by Katy Perry. Wow has anyone really listed to the words, left me thinking and i have to tell you it moved me.

There is a part in the song which says:

"You don't have to feel like a waste of space
Your're original, cannot be replaced
if you only knew what the future holds
After a hurrican comes a rainbow
Maybe you're the reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you the perfect road"

Like a lightning bold your heart will blow and when it's time you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine
just own the light like the 4th of july

Cuz baby ur a firework come on show what you're worth

Amazing i heard this song like a dozen times and this time I listened and heard it.

I loved it, really made me think of what is inside me. I mean i know but really analyze more of it. Funny how a song can really hit you deep this is really going into my postive songs i listen to.

I am very musical, and things come to me that way and it's how i have couped with lonliness when i was home along and it made me feel like someone when i would sign in glee club when in school and choir in high school. I had forgotten how important it was to me. I was doing church choir b4 I am thinking i may go back, it fullfills me spiritally. It is something private inside that moves me. My husband and family know how much i like it today this song sparked that flame again. I realize that it is what i feel good with, i love to dance, it expresses fun, joy, happiness as does music to me. So, it is something i'll roll with!

Thank you sparks for posting this song on facebook it really popped like the fireworks i saw last night. Much gratitude!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EBPOOKIE 7/7/2011 5:40PM

    THank you Borg!!! I appreciate that!! I try to be ;)

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BORGQUEEN 7/7/2011 3:54PM

    That is a great song, really inspiring. You are a firework, Emmy! emoticon

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EBPOOKIE 7/6/2011 2:39PM

    Ant1021 it is an awesome song it makes me want to live move sing dance the things that make me who i am i love that part of me the musical side of it. I forget that music is a big prt of whom i am.

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ANT1021 7/6/2011 2:16PM

    Thanks for the post...I love that song, but never really paid attention to it. I think I need to turn it on when I start feeling like I can't win this battle emoticon

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ROBYN168 7/6/2011 9:44AM

    I never liked that song until I listened to the words.....now I love it....

Glad you are finding your Spark Emmy!

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SRHALLIN 7/6/2011 12:52AM

    That is one of my daughter's favorite songs.

I'm similarly inspired by music. I heard a song on the voice called "Stitch by Stitch" by Javier Colon which truly reached me: (excerpt)
----------------------
---
Blue and black, heart torn out,
You uncover what's beneath my skin
There and back, there's no doubt, your touch is my medicine

I'll be okay, 'cause you heal me...

And I'll give you all my pieces broken
In your hands, there's nothing that you can't fix
My heart is frayed, my scars are open
So put me back together now, stitch by stitch
Put me back together now, stitch by stitch.

What you say, without words, resuscitates what was numb inside
So repair me, every thread of me, 'cause you're bringing me back to life

I'll be okay, 'cause you heal me...
-------------------------
I heard this song, and I thought it is sung as if to another Human Being. But, to me, it was a reflection in the mirror. I'm the only one who can heal me. I have all of the pieces. I just need to settle in and start putting myself back together ... stitch by stitch.

Just thought I would share it, as your blog really reminded me of the power of music to sway the human spirit and rouse us to greater states of being and awareness.

Thank you so much for sharing.

Comment edited on: 7/6/2011 12:53:20 AM

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Painted Hills Trip

Tuesday, July 05, 2011

I had a blast this weekend at our painted hills trip :)





My hubby and soulmate :)


painted hills



another picture

My appointment went well on Friday it was our first session and it was good, getting to know the therapist was good. My first weeks homework was just to journal when i had the urge to eat emotionally/binge. so far so good. It's been okay i've maintained and can't wait to get back to my exercise class on Wednesday. Hoping to really step it up this week and i'm working on losing the all or nothing mentality this my lifestyle some days it will work and others will be harder then others the key is to recoup after one bad meal not turn it into several bad meals. I can do this!



  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUSUSUZZZIE 7/5/2011 9:42PM

    I saw your blog in my friend feed and "Painted Hills" jumped out at me. We went this spring and loved it. What a beautiful place and all around. Thanks for your blog and pictures to remind me of a great trip with my DH.

All the best to you on your journey!
emoticon

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REXTINE1 7/5/2011 6:44PM

    I always find that being really busy helps, because then you don't have time to eat. Whenever I have a real problem to work on, I lose a few pounds by accident.

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DGPIAFFE16 7/5/2011 3:07PM

    It looks gorgeous!

Glad you had a good first appointment as well!

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ROBYN168 7/5/2011 1:11PM

    Emmy - the journal is a great idea......if you can get to that before the food - it might help curb in the urge....Crossing my fingers for you. I'm glad you found your appointment worthwhile.

The Painted Hills are GORGEOUS!!!! We don't have anything like that this way....just forest...

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Back on Track!

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

I had a great day!!!Feels good i can do this. I have to look at my break as a learning expernience and not look at it negativly i'm not going to binge free always but if i can go longer without binging then i can measure success with it. My cool is to stay in my calorie range rightnow and continue to do it. woohoo!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BUFFYSMOM2 6/30/2011 1:46PM

    emoticon emoticon

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SEWINGMAMACDS 6/30/2011 10:14AM

    emoticon emoticon

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REXTINE1 6/30/2011 10:13AM

    Keep on keeping on - that's the story forever. You can do it.

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Starting over streak broken!

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Well my streak was broken, i had a donut meltdown last night i ate 4 of them... I wasn't emotional they were just there and called my name and i answered. Eating one would not have been so bad but 4 not sure what happened there beside a sabbatoge moment to myself so here goes a new start. I also broke my little toe on sunday so i had to turn to the pool for cardio yesterday.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SEWINGMAMACDS 6/28/2011 5:05PM

    Great at not losing your quit. You''ve gotten right back and the next streak will last longer -- emoticon

Hope your toe feels better soon!

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REXTINE1 6/28/2011 3:49PM

    It's been a while, but I used to go to the grocery and get four donuts on some Sunday mornings - two for me and two for the BW. After so long, you forget how good chips and donuts are, and when you crack you do tend to over-do it. The only way I can control it is to just not eat the first one. If there are two for me I eat two, if there are a dozen I'll need more coffee.

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EBPOOKIE 6/28/2011 3:33PM

    Thanks Everybody, this really helps!!! I'll face the music at my TOPS scale I know i'm up right now but i'll take care of that!!!! I'm driving the car out of this pot hole right now!!! WOOHOO!! Thanks for that extra shove!!! Today is managable!!

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ROBYN168 6/28/2011 3:03PM

    Emmy your program sounds like it is well managed.....that is fantastic!!!!!!

I know that you are sad because your streak was broken, but if today is a good BED day....then you have grown and learned....

I'll fess up too...stopped at the Dunkin Donuts for Breakfast for the family on Saturday....and instead of getting the healthy egg white flat bread, I ordered 3 glazed donuts for ME....and I ate them all for breakfast......sometimes....it just has to be done....the hard part is letting that one moment be just that....ONE MOMENT.

Year for you for grabbing the handles and getting back into the swing.

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EBPOOKIE 6/28/2011 2:59PM

    No it was irritating because i already paid for my cardio class so i went to the community pool and paid $5.00 to get my exercise in so all in all i have to remember i was worth that $5.00. :) But i can't wait to meet with my BED counselor. I found out i get to meet with a dietician, doc and counselor as part of my therapy on steady basis. :)

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NEWESTKT 6/28/2011 2:40PM

    oh i really feel ya on this one!!! Did the same thing this weekend. just felt like i couldnt stop for some reason. so lucky ya have a pool to do cardio in! How nice that must be! Keep up the good work though. It was only one day and we can start out streaks over again. One day a time right! hope you have much success!

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EBPOOKIE 6/28/2011 2:04PM

    Thanks Ammie, I need to watch that sugar, i haven't been eating as much of it and when my system gets more carbs then needed it's like fix i crave more and i honestly am starting to believe sugar can be addicting but i know i can't completely give it up so i need to figure out how to work it without abusing it. Hoping to learn this in my treatment i get to see a doc, dietician and counselor so hoping i can figure things out in the end!

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GONNABEHALFOFME 6/28/2011 1:58PM

    Well, you're picking yourself back up again so you are back on the road again.

So sorry about your toe! I hate it when injury throws a kink into momentum!



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