EBPOOKIE   91,117
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Birthday gift to myself!

Thursday, May 28, 2009

It was my birthday weekend and we went camping. I had a wonderful time and I hiked about 8 miles. I still ate what i wanted but i hiked my butt off. I went on a 4 mile hike which we accented approximately 2500 feet. We had 8 steep switch backs and 1/2 way there Byron asked me if I wanted to continue because it was kicking my butt and i have to tell you all this I'm gonna finish what i started and nothing is gonna get in my way attitude hit me. I did it but a friggin grandfather tree kept us from the final view point. I was extremely proud at how far i got. I felt I made a major accomplishment and fought my own demons and didn't quit. It really felt good to go that far and i wanted to go further I was ready for more. I will go back later this summer and do it again we were told that they should have the trail cleaned up next month.

I found a walking stick which Byron is personalizing for me and writing my hikes and miles on the stick. :) I hope to make it a century mile stick by the end of the summer. :) I know I can!!! I'm excited I lost 4.5 pounds. I am excited. It proved I can do this if i eat less and anything i want just less of it and exercise I will lose weight and i don't have to give anything up. I got up to 310# and now am taking it off. I am going to continue to push myself like I did this weekend. If I do that nothing can hold me back nothing but myself and I really like what I felt. I have been struggling but doing more then ever to fight for it.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARCI4TONY 5/29/2009 4:39PM

    Doesnt it feel good to FEEL GOOD?? Your post made me smile!!!

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RAINMUSIC 5/29/2009 3:01AM

    I'm so envious! I want to go hiking, but hubby's back is keeping him laid up.

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    emoticonGOOD FOR YOU! emoticon

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Getting it done

Sunday, May 10, 2009

I set some mini goals for myself a few weeks ago. I still struggle mostly on the weekends and when we go out to eat but I will face those challenges along my journey one challenge at a time.

I made a commitment to myself to drink at least 6-8 cups of water i do that now.

i have a journal that i write my daily meals on and my feelings in. Especially when i get emotional saved me a few times from eating emotionally.

Exercise 3 days a week i have done that and met my goal i have been hiking trails with Byron it has become a daily deal and I am proud some days i tread the burn it takes to get up this steep hill on the trail but when i get up and i'm breathless but look down at my accomplishment i feel good inside an instand hi. I am going to participate in the fall in a 5k walk maybe even the 10k just depends of how i'm doing along the way.

I had my aha moment when I went two weeks ago to inquriy at a seminar for weight loss surgery, first of all you still have to wrap your mind around the changes, exercising, it was what the dr. said, the weight loss surgeries will jump start you and get you moving in the right direction but ultimately you have to mentally prepare yourself to exercise and change your lifestyle and habits. I wanted to do the lapband because it was the least evasive out of the 3 options but i found out my insurance doens't even offer it. I was devasted but at that moment it woke me up and i know i can lose weight it takes hard work i have to get off the couch and exercise and cut my calories. I have to do this for myself. I remember watching the biggest loser this season and the finishing what i've started clings to my head. I want this and will do it. I am aware these changes take time, yes they get boring but I have to remind myself I AM WORTH the effort and time it takes to make me well.

So here I am never quitting always trying!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CUATROMOMMY 5/11/2009 9:02PM

    Good job on the goals.

Maybe with exercise you can try new things. I find I have to mix it up here & there before I burn out.

I'm proud of you for realizing that regardless of whether you did lap band or not you still have to work very hard at your goals. Sometimes it seems like these alternatives are an easy way out when in fact they are just as hard.

Hang in there.

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GRIZZLYBEAR3 5/11/2009 1:31AM

    Caveman Grizz say "Good Job!!"" Keep up the good work and keep on climbning. Grrrrr

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Emotional Eater am I

Friday, April 24, 2009

What a journey this isÖ this morning I found myself thinking about what went down last night. I had a horrible emotional eating night yesterday. I got frustrated and angry at a situation which at this time I have no control over and I let it get to me like no other. I am feeling fat, ugly, sad and just tired of the whole weight loss thingÖ anyway I find myself going to the local quickie mart and picked up beef sticks and soda pop and of course a bag of chips. I drink up my 20 oz Crush Grape Soda ate my beef stick and half of the Grab size bag of Chips. I feel worst now because of course I know I just screwed myself over but who cares I know go for a few slices of ham and finally talk myself out of doing anymore damage. So I am facing up to the fact that I have no self control when I am emotional. I binge eat, that will not let me lose weight no matter how hard I try. It is a rollercoaster ride I canít get off of. I seem to be there more then ever the past few months actually since November. It is like I quit working on myself for some reason. I canít pinpoint what happened for me to start on my downward time of self hate. So I decided today to research what I can do to get a grasp on my situation and in my searching I found this article and it hit home. Link: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Shuman1
.html Lots of cool other articles related to weight loss.
I understood everything it said and that is me in a nutshell, so now what. I start no obsessing over food. There is no bad food or good food it is the portions I eat more isnít always good. Biggie Size is not an option on a plate. I am going back to just sticking with eating better not removing things I likeóto make my brain feel deprived.
In my need to find out why I am so obsessed with losing weight, I realized why I eat emotionally; it has always been my safety net. Whenever I was lonely food was there for me, when I was scared, angry or frustrated I turned to food. My communications skills on emotions was not to talk about my feelings for the longest time I was told that When I was growing up my dad was obsolete as far as being there for me (parents divorced) my mom worked two jobs sometimes 3 so I was home alone a lot. I hate being alone, if I look back to October my mom left to go stay with my sis during the winter months and Byron was working swing shift so I was home alone. I just figured out what trigger this latest fall but now what she is back and Iím still there. Now I have the financial stresses and I feel like there is no control over it. We are getting by and it feels as though at times we have a noose wrapped around our necks. ARGH!!
So, I am going to focus on me not on food. I am going to do my best to eat the things I like but in moderation, cut back slowly on my huge portions until they are in check. More is not always better! I continue to drink my water and then work in doing fun stuff like walking and going and swimming at the gym in the pool, that I know I must do but I will start slow, I canít jump into 7 days a week when I have only walked once this week. Duh forming good habits are harder then returning to the old which means Iím doing nothing to care for myself, so little by little I will add to me. Happiness is something one achieves for themselves because no one can make you feel happy you have to find that on your own. As Eleanor Roosevelt said ďNo one can make you feel inferior without your consentĒ Oh how true this is. This applies to yourself as well, if you negative self talk and make your self feel inferior then you allowed it if you can do it and walk away and not feel the need them you have succeeded. So it is up to me to get over this hump and think in a new heart. No longer will I use food to make myself feel good I will use food to fuel my body as needed. Baby steps!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EBPOOKIE 4/26/2009 6:00PM

    Thank you Lisa your post really meant a lot to me. I have had a hard time the past few months of loving myself and not being negative, I've never have experienced this and i guess that is why it's it's been so hard on me. I'm trying and doing what i can to get there. Thank you for being there and Cyndi thank you for posting on my blog as well.

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CUATROMOMMY 4/24/2009 8:47PM

    Em-I know you can do this. I have nothing but faith and hope for you.

It's so hard to relax about food when you feel like you can't relax in general. So, just take it in a manner which may be easier...perhaps one hour at a time. If you don't stay on plan one hour, then get back on the next.

Remember, we have to learn to crawl before we can walk.

Also...give more attention to your positive accomplishments. First of all, doing the research you did is an accomplishment. Blogging is another. You are still here (on SP)...that's another.

This will perhaps be the hardest thing for me to tell you. Change the way you feel about yourself. Believe in yourself. I'm sure you feel good about others & believe in them even when they are doing things you don't agree with. Give yourself that same love. You are worth every good feeling and every shred of faith & hope that you offer to anyone else.

You have pulled me out of some dark days & I am very grateful for you. Your being here is so impoartant & I'm sure I'm not the only one that feels that way. So, sit up straight & hold your head up high.


Believe...Do whatever it takes to believe your goals.

Trust...trust that you will give yourself the chances you need to accomplish your goals. You are growing...allow yourself the room to make mistakes and learn from them.

Love...love yourself and all the wonderful things around you.

Attract...start attracting your goals to yourself. Focus on the positive. Focus on that light at the end of the tunnel. Don't let anyone or anything take your focus away from the light. It is there and you can reach it if you slow down and concentrate and drown out all the negative energy.

Love ya Em!


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WOODLANDMYST 4/24/2009 3:57PM

  As someone who spent decades stuffing her feelings down with food, I can relate! But we only hurt ourselves, don't we... I've had a relapse myself, but I won't let it stop me. I WILL lose this weight! I know I can do it - and I know you can too. You've got the right attitude - it's all about baby steps and dusting yourself off when you fall. Thanks for the link - I needed that! Blessings, Cyndy

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Did It!!!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

I have started drinking six cups of water regularly, some days I get up to ten cups. I am proud of myself I will continue this mini goal next will be my portion controls and eating late. I will start this today. I have learned about my trigger foods!!! Pop is one of them as is hot dogs I love them and I have to come to a happy medium with them.

I managed to lose 1 pound so far this week i'm excited, will keep at it. one meal at a time.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRIZZLYBEAR3 4/22/2009 7:32PM

    good work emmy

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Can't means Won't

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

After weeks of feeling like crap, feeling sorry for myself and wondering if I can really do this I got an email about how people find excuses on losing weight and they canít do this or that. It made me think again of myself. Last week we had TOPS couple came in who made their goal and lost over 250 pounds together and they looked great. They shared their stories and it made me remember watching a movie called Table of 5 in this movie there is a scene where the little boy tells his dad he canít read and they are trying to but he gets frustrated and yells ďI CANíTĒ his dadís response was ďCANíT MEANS WONíTĒ
So every time I say I canít go to the gym because of this or that it means I wonít, it means I am using as an excuse to fail, not to succeed so I am my worst enemy. My next thought is how I would treat someone else who wants to lose this weight well I would be encouraging and not condescending. I have been there. I know that no Nutrisystems, Jenny Craig, weightwatchers or any other weight loss pill or group will not get the weight off if I donít change my attitude to I CAN! I have to have more confidence in me to do. I have to respect myself and love myself to say I CAN!! So here we go again trying to get over the hump of not losing and using food as my crutch. I am tired of food dictating my life. I have noticed that when I am mad instead of saying it I eat it, instead of doing something when I am bored Ė you know like taking a walk and exercising I eat. I eat for all the wrong reason, eating is a form of living, you eat to live not live to eat. Food is what sustains us but it can also kill us when abused, never thought of it that way. I need to push myself harder!!! In order succeed I need to shop, plan and plan. Planning is success and one day at a time is less overwhelming, if I lose weekly no matter how much even if it is ounces I have had success. So I start with one change this week and that will be water for the next week that is my main focus. Drinking water!!! I hate water and at 305 pounds that means that I must drink half of my weigh in ounces in water which equates to 19 cups. YIKES!!!!
I have been drinking at least 32 oz of pop a day some days more. Therefore I need to replace 20 oz of that with water. That is my goal. My blood sugars are out of control again and I have done this to myself in 4 weeks. So here I go again but I am willing to make the sacrifices and stick with it. I am committing to myself to blog, to keep up with my team and share my daily struggles and successes. Today, no matter what I am going to my tops meeting I know there maybe a gain but if I donít hold myself accountable and get that needed support I wonít make it. I want to do this and have to do this for my health. I found myself turning to bariatric surgery-lap band consideration. I have done this before on my own, and will make this attempt to save myself. I know if others can I can. I watched a 60 some odd year old do it she lost 217# the problem is she stop attending our TOPS meeting and has started to gain, she is embarrassed to come back after receiving so many awards internationally and regionally. My last conversation with her last week was you canít fool a con; you are going back to old habits and fibbing about it. I really want to be honest with myself and succeed. I am tired of starting something and not finishing. I remember watching something on the biggest loser when one of the contestants said the same thing and how proud she was for once I would like to finish. I can do other things and I know if I start losing I will have more energy to do more. So baby steps. Water challenge will be first; 19 cups well that is my ultimate goal if I actually drank 8 cups of water yesterday and so far this morning I have had 32 oz and it is 9:30. I will drink my water and stay positive! One goal at a time, I KNOW I CAN!!! CANíT is not in my vocabulary because it means I WONíT but I WILL!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RAINMUSIC 4/27/2009 2:18PM

    If you really hate tanking down that water, remember that many delicious foods contain lots of water and can substitute for some of that. Fresh fruits and veggies, yogurt, soup, and cooked cereal all count. So does green tea, my favorite non-calorie beverage. I especially like it iced, and iced tea season will be here as soon as the sun comes out. Add a few sprigs of mint or lemon balm and set it out in the sun to brew. Yum.

Which reminds me, I have got to get out to my garden today while it isn't raining.

And yes, give up the pop! Wow, that stuff is bad for you. Take your pop money and put it into a jar for that snazzy new workout suit that you Absolutely Can't Wait to Wear the the Gym!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 4/27/2009 2:19:14 PM

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WITHSPIRIT 4/15/2009 10:14PM

    I am thinking of you Emmy and I know you can do this! Can't does mean won't - you are right. I may not be a pink anymore but you can't get rid of me so easy. Love, Lisa

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